Against Me (Cedar Tree Book 3)

by Freya Barker

  Haltingly at first, but then spilling out the sequence of events to Emma is like a purging of a different kind. She just looks at me, her mouth falling a bit wider as my story comes tumbling out.

  "My," she croaks out after she swallows deeply, "Even in a care facility you manage to lead an exciting life," causing me to snicker this time.

  "Not something I was looking for, I promise."

  "I figure that. So what happens now? Gus just called from the road this afternoon saying you'd be staying here, which is wonderful by the way. It's exactly what I was talking to Caleb about the other day, anyway."

  I must have had confusion written all over my face, because she mutters 'oh shit,' under her breath.

  "Guess he didn't have much of a chance to talk with you yet, huh? Fuck me. Mouth is running away on me again."

  "Yeah. Not sure what you're talking about, but it sounds just like Caleb not to clue me in. He didn't on the discussions about where I was going to be going or staying."

  Working up a good head of steam, I don't hold back.

  "He's moving me around like a pesky piece of furniture that doesn't really fit but he can't get rid of. I'm sick of it. He makes these obligatory visits to Larchwood to see if I'm still breathing and then he's off to save the world again, and I don't even understand why he's taken on the responsibility. I hate feeling like someone's responsibility. Most of the time I don't know what the man is thinking, except the one time when I think it is obvious; when he does something so outside of his self-controlled norm, so glaringly provocative that I act on it, he fucking walks away! Arghh!"

  My hands grip my short locks and I pull, wanting to feel the sting in my scalp, I'm so frustrated. All I hear beside me is a soft chuckle.

  "Don't laugh, it's not funny. He seriously makes me lose control. I'm not this person; this crazy, emotional mess! I don't even know myself like this," I tell her, exasperated.

  "You have feelings for him," Emma smiles at me.

  Wait. What?

  "You kidding me? I've known Caleb for years, he's a friend―at least I thought he was," I mumble. "Besides, I don't see him like that, I–" But as soon as the words leave my mouth, I recognize the lie in them and shut my mouth with a snap. Something is happening to me and I don't know if I like it. I can't deny my body's instant response to him, the need to touch him, taste him, and the surge of feelings that evoked in me, but it also makes me feel unusually vulnerable, and that I do not like at all.

  Emma is quietly observing as I process the little bit of insight I've just gleaned, and I finally turn to her, not quite ready to drop all my defenses.

  "Whatever messed up thing I might be feeling, Emma, it's probably a result of my scrambled brain. I hardly recognize myself these days, and what I do see, I can barely stand. I can pretty much guarantee that whatever misplaced emotions I might have, Caleb has zero feelings for me."

  "That man feels for you. I don't care what excuses you pull out of your hat. If you gave yourself a minute to think clearly, you'd see that no one would be so attentive and protective of someone they saw as a responsibility. Smarten up."

  The sharp retort hit its mark as I’m once again put in my place. I take a minute to consider Emma's words before I answer carefully.

  "Not so sure you're right about Caleb, though. He tore out of here pretty fast when I... when he... oh, never mind."

  "Oh pray tell. I just know this is too good to ignore," Emma begs, a lighter tone to her voice.

  "Let's just say for a minute it got intimate and I guess he immediately regretted it because he was gone so fast, I didn't even see him leave"

  "You didn't see me leave because your head was still down. I know, because I looked over my shoulder."

  My heart skips up in my throat when hear the familiar smooth voice coming from the doorway. I look up to see Caleb standing there. How in hell did he get in here? I didn't hear a thing.

  "And for the record, there are many things I regret, but that 'intimate moment', as you so eloquently put it, is not one of them."

  As Caleb's hazel eyes drill into mine, the intensity turning them almost dark brown, I can sense Emma sliding off the bed.

  "Well now," she announces, "I have a feeling my presence is no longer needed here." And jauntily maneuvers her walker through the doorway where she stops to give Caleb a pat on his chest. "About fucking time, buddy," she says, before leaving through the front door.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The sight of her dark head bending forward, long lashes feathered on her cheekbones and her wet, pink tongue sliding out to taste my cock is like a 150,000 volt electric jolt to my system that instantly sets all my body hair on end. The urge to grab her head and force myself deep into the hot recesses of her mouth is making me shake. Have her suck me hard and make me spill myself down her throat. With my last thread of control, before I molest her where she sits, I force myself to step back, tuck my painfully hard erection in my jeans and walk out the door. One look over my shoulder before leaving the bedroom gives me a glimpse of a confused, rejected, and embarrassed Katie. Fuck. I've come to care for this woman so much, which is why I’m determined to get a grip before I trust myself near her again, so without another word, I head over to the main house.

  "I'm screwed." Is what I tell Gus when I barge into his office.

  He’s sitting with his back to the door, working on one of the various computers on his desk. Without turning around, he deadpans, "Yeah? What else is new?"

  "Serious here, man. I'm on eggshells, constantly fucking up. Can't say the right thing if my life depended on it." My fingers are furiously tapping the edge of the desk with barely contained energy.

  "Stop that."

  "What?"

  Gus swivels his chair around and grabs my wrist, "That," he says firmly, shooting me a 'don't-fuck-with-me' look, so I tuck my hands in my pockets.

  "Now, I know what the problem is and I suspect you know what the problem is too. Don't need me to tell you that that woman in there has you in knots. I've known it since I walked in on you holding her bleeding head together in your lap. Wasn't hard to tell you were holding your life in your hands." He pauses, giving me a minute to recognize the truth of his words and relive the horrific memory of those moments. "But my friend, how long are you gonna sit idle? If not for this shit happening at Larchwood, you'd be satisfied to wait for years for her to show a sign of life so you could make a move. Your stoic patience is one of your strengths, Caleb, but in this case, it may well be the one thing that hangs you. Moving Katie here and under your nose may not be ideal, but fuck it. You need to pull your finger out and get with the program."

  He's right. Of course he's right, but moving forward also means taking a risk. Truth? I'm scared. I've waited for Katie for years, learned to be satisfied with even a peripheral presence in her life, but if I push for more, I run the chance of ending up with nada. Zilch.

  "Two days, Caleb. Take two days with Katie to talk or do whatever the fuck is needed to settle you down. We'll spend some time tomorrow going over this case and the weird fluke that has ended Katie up to her neck into an already complex investigation that just got a hell of a lot more complicated. After that, you head back to Shiprock and see what can be salvaged from your assignment there."

  "Sounds good."

  I have nothing more to say. In fact, I've said very little at all, but I heard every word Gus said. Trust his judgement above my own at this moment, which is why I came here.

  "We good?" he wants to know; ready to dive back into whatever it was he was working on.

  "We're good."

  "Excellent. Now send that mouthy redhead back over this way, will ya? I think I have some grovelling of my own to do," he says with a smirk.

  I rap my knuckles on the doorpost in confirmation on my way out.

  The sound of voices gets louder as I make my way through the now dark guesthouse to the bedroom. Leaning against the doorway into the room, I can just catch the last few sentences exchanged bet
ween the women sitting on the big bed. It's obvious from the tearstained faces that some emotional stuff has gone down and I feel guilt eating at my insides, but then I hear Katie say that me walking out earlier meant I must have regretted what happened between us. I have to set her straight. She can't be further from the truth and it's time she knows it.

  The moment her eyes meet mine, everything disappears. I barely notice Emma leaving. In a few steps I reach the bed, lean in and pick Katie up.

  "Whoa!" she calls out, scrambling to hold onto my neck. "What are you doing?"

  "You in my bed means I can't think, and I'm having a hard enough time thinking around you. We need to set some things straight." I tell her, trying not to get lost in the feel of her soft body against mine, her subtle scent teasing me, and her restless fingers playing against the short bristles on my neck. My dick, however, is a goner, and there’s no way to hide it when I sit down on the couch with Katie in my lap.

  "Stop squirming, you're making it worse."

  When she throws me an irritated look, I'm glad to see the fire back in her eyes. There she is.

  "Okay, enough of the manhandling, Caleb," Katie bats at my hands as I shift her around so she faces me. The old tank top and shorts she wears as PJ’s aren't doing much to cover her and I can't help the tortured groan that slips from me. Fucking hell, this is gonna be torture with her nipples poking through the threadbare material, and right in my face.

  "What the hell is this? I honestly don't know whether I'm coming or going with you."

  "Shh, don't get upset," I try to settle her before the tears I hear wobbling in her voice start flowing. "I just needed a minute."

  Cupping her face between my hands, I tilt her head so I can look her in the eye. "I have wanted and waited to do this for so long, I need to make sure I don't miss a thing."

  Her eyes are big and a little uncertain, and her lips are perfectly parted when I brush my nose along hers, breathing in the soft pants of her breath. A light brush of my mouth over hers, barely skimming, and then I taste the length of her full bottom lip with my tongue before sucking its plumpness into my mouth. Fucking heaven. Her taste is heaven and I need more. Katie's finger, rubbing against my scalp is all the encouragement I need and I finally let go of my hunger for her and take her mouth. Jesus. Delicious, wet heat meets me when my tongue plunges between her lips. Someone groans, and in the now furious tangle of lips and tongues, I can't tell anymore. I want inside her. In one twist and without my mouth ever leaving hers, I have her below me on the couch, grinding my painfully throbbing cock between her legs. It isn't until she wrenches her lips from mine and murmurs, "Caleb," that I realize I’m fucking humping her like some deranged rutting animal. I shoot back upright and move to sit on the coffee table, my head in my hands.

  "Fuck!"

  Why? Why does she make me lose all control when control has always come so easy?

  "Are you gonna walk out of here again?" The amused tone of Katie's voice tells me she may be a little more attuned to the struggle I'm waging than she was before. "Because, that would seriously mess with my self-esteem. You know; getting rejected based on my abilities for giving head and kissing?"

  I throw my head back and laugh. "Oh sweetheart, you couldn't be further from the truth if you tried."

  She shifts to where she’s sitting in front of me on the couch with a twinkle in her eye, and I have a feeling we may actually have crossed a barrier. I reach out and frame her face.

  "You know I couldn't let you worship me without me worshipping you first, right? I’m having a hell of a time hanging onto my control around you, Katie. More so now than ever before, and it’s so foreign to me. I don't know where you’re coming from, not really. I'm usually very good at reading people, but as you've noticed, I haven't done a very good job reading you lately."

  I'm pretty sure she's hearing me when her face softly rubs against the palm of my hand and the slightest of smiles hints at the corner of her mouth.

  I think I've finally discovered what it means to get your socks knocked off. Hell, that kiss about stripped all my clothes right off my body. I don't think I've ever felt that kind of hunger before and I'm liking it.

  This time when Caleb pulls away from me, I can sense his struggle for control, so I try to break the tension which seems to work, because he throws back his head and let’s go of that phenomenal laugh of his. Not something he does often, but when he does, it's a beautiful thing. His words go a long way to confirming what Emma had carefully suggested; that Caleb might be seeing me as more than an added responsibility. I’m thinking that panty-incinerating kiss made that glaringly obvious, and I'm kicking myself now for not seeing it clearer before. So wrapped up in my self-pity at times that it rubbed off on my view of everything and everyone else. That's gotta stop, and to be honest, finally acknowledging the feelings he gave me as something more than just 'brotherly’ is refreshingly liberating.

  We spend some time talking, with him sitting safely on the coffee table lightly touching me, and me still on the couch. He tells me a bit about the job that took him to Shiprock and gives me some family insight, then I finally tell him about my attempts at searching for my biological parents.

  "Wish you'd have told me. I'd have been happy to help out, you know."

  "I know. I've just never been great at sharing," I confess with what I know is a sheepish grin on my face.

  "Right. Just know you can―no judgement," he says with such a serious face, it makes me chuckle.

  "Pretty sure that was never my concern, Caleb. More my own messy hang-ups, but I'm working on it."

  "Good enough."

  The sweet kiss he gives me is spoiled by a gigantic yawn I've been fighting to suppress for a while.

  "Tired?"

  "Mmm. It's late and this has been a day of so many emotional twists and turns, I'm surprised my head’s still attached to my body," I say as I stretch my arms over my head. A pained groan from Caleb has me look his way. "What?"

  "You keep doing shit like that and it'll be impossible for me not to want to strip you naked and lose myself in you, but today is not the day, and I really want to sleep with you in my arms tonight."

  With an almost angry scowl he stands up, adjusts himself and lifts me up in his arms, heading for the bedroom.

  After a quick wash and rinse in the bathroom, and warmly tucked under the covers, I feel Caleb slide into the bed behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and tucking his face in my neck.

  "Best feeling, Yázhí," he mumbles, giving me tingles all over.

  "What are you calling me? Yázhí?" I whisper.

  "Little one, you've always been my little one. Now go to sleep."

  "Night."

  I pull up one of his big hands, kiss his palm and hold it pressed against my heart as I quickly drift off to sleep.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I never had a chance last night to take in all the renovations that have taken place here over the last months, but now with the warm sun brightening up the morning, I let my eyes wander over the substantial changes made to what was once Emma's little one bedroom bungalow. You can't really tell from the front, it still looks like the same quaint porch-fronted, one-level house, but it was opened up and widened in the back with a larger kitchen and dining area, boasting large sliding glass doors that showcase the great view of the mountains. Off to one side it extends into a large office space with a separate entrance for GFI, a separate office for Gus, and a sizeable conference room. Then there’s the guesthouse, set back from the main house, completely self-sufficient and bordering on luxurious, at least the shower is.

  "I'm gonna want a shower like that," I tell Caleb as we take the interlock pathway to the back entrance of the main house.

  "That so?" he chuckles.

  "God, yes. It has showerheads frigging everywhere. Even down low, aiming up and reaching all those spots that never get any attention ‘cause they're hard to get to? That felt so good." I stretch my arms up, letting the sun warm m
y body when I feel him bending over me from behind, his mouth by my ear.

  "Word of caution, little one. I was being a gentleman this morning, giving you some space and letting you have a shower alone, but now I'm done with that. We're about twenty steps away from meeting up with the boss and I have a hard-on the size of the Washington Monument. Already know my control is worth shit around you, but unless you want me to turn you straight back around to fix that, with Gus already watching through the windows, I suggest you stop teasing me."

  My eyes snap up and sure enough, Gus is visible behind the glass doors of the kitchen, a mug of coffee in hand.

  "But I wasn't..." I try before Caleb's deep growl from behind me cuts me off. Better not.

  It'd been pretty clear this morning that he was trying to keep some distance. I was disappointed to find the bed empty when I woke up. He walked in a few minutes later with coffee and suggested I have a shower so we could have some breakfast and a powwow at the house. The only reminder of the events of the night before was a gentle kiss on my lips.

  "Morning. Better sit yourselves down, 'cause Emma's cooked for an orphanage," Gus says as he holds the door open for us.

  "Shut your mouth, Gus, or you're not gonna get any." Emma pipes up from the kitchen, "And when I say 'any', I mean any!"

  The faux-shocked expression on Gus' face inadvertently makes me chuckle, "Show me the way to the food, but I'm warning you, if I get any fatter, I'll need a sumo wrestler to wheel me around."