by Freya Barker
The dead silence should've been an indicator that my joke doesn't go over too well.
"I need a word, Katie," is my only warning before my chair gets pulled around and pushed back outside. Okay then. Next thing I know, Caleb is in my face with his eyebrows scrunched up.
"Please don't do that."
"What did I do?" I know, I just don't want to admit it.
"Tell me honestly," he asks, "is who you are so wrapped up in what you look like that you think it’s all anyone sees? ‘Cause I'm not buying it."
I shake my head because it's not. It really isn't, but insecurities pop up and spill out all over the place, unattractive as they may be.
"Aside from the fact that 'fat' is not an adjective that should ever be used in a description of you, it's a load of crap. You want it straight? You have gained weight, rounded out and softened up. You have flesh my fingers want to sink in and my body wants to rest on, but I'd have taken you any way – thin, firm, soft – ‘cause the only place you can find ugly is on the inside."
I nod. Shit, what else am I supposed to do? It's beautiful, what he says. I don't want to take anything away from that.
"Let's go eat."
I'm eager to show Katie the place I've bought. It's not looking like much yet, but the location is beautiful and the building is large and full of potential. The contractor is starting with reinforcing the structure next week, and then we'll slowly start building from the outside in. The drawings have been approved, I just need some of the details worked out. I would love to do as much as possible myself, I did grow up the son of a contractor and know my way around a building site, but it all depends on this current case, and Gus is eager to have me back to Shiprock the day after tomorrow. I want to make sure I have Katie involved in my plans for the house first; want to give her something to believe in, even if she's not quite ready to believe in me yet.
We just left Gus and Emma's after a mind-boggling breakfast spread over which we discussed plans for the immediate future, including Katie's move to Cedar Tree and all that entails. Katie's residual irritation at having been excluded from the initial planning quickly dissipates when she hears the lengths to which we have gone to prepare for her arrival. When I explain we had wanted to give her options instead of uprooting her without discussion, as I was forced to do, she seems to finally embrace the thought of Cedar Tree as a more permanent solution. Especially when Emma eagerly informs her that the therapist who has made great headway with Faith, Seb's disabled sister, is available to come and work with Katie, and Gus lets her know he really needs some help running GFI from here. That leaves my plans for the future still under wraps, but those are not something you discuss over breakfast and in company, which is why we are taking a drive right now.
"Where are we? I don't think I've been this way before," Katie inquires, her eyes scanning the quiet surroundings on this side road about two miles out of town.
"You'll see in a minute."
Beyond the next turn in the road, on the left side is the obscured driveway onto the property. Lined with trees, you only get a glimpse of what lies ahead; standing alone, with trees flanking the right side, is a huge, old beautiful barn. The wood is still in excellent condition and it was built on a solid concrete foundation. The inside is a structure of massive beams and posts that have all been incorporated into my plans. I feel a small pang of pride of ownership every time I drive up here, not quite believing I am this close to realizing a dream I've had since childhood.
"Oh my God! This is gorgeous! What is this place?" Katie has rolled down her window and is hanging out, taking in the building and the surrounding fields and woods.
An unconscious weight slides off my shoulders and is replaced with an intense feeling of relief at Katie's reaction, and a smile steals over my face.
"Caleb? Where are we?"
"It's mine. Come on, I want to show you." Without waiting for an answer, I get out and walk over to the passenger side to help Katie out of the truck.
The driveway is packed dirt and it isn't easy to maneuver her chair across the potholes.
"The first thing that’ll get done is a proper paved drive so you can get around."
Katie's surprised eyes land on mine, but she doesn't say anything. Once inside the huge barn doors, she gets a first look at the vast expanse of space.
"This is amazing, Caleb. Absolutely amazing. This is going to be so beautiful. You're making it into a home, right? It fits you perfectly. I'm so excited for you." She turns to me with a giant smile on her face.
I want to tell her I'm making it into a home for us, but I decide to show her instead. Walking over to the large drawing table off to the side, I start unrolling the plans that are stacked on there.
"I'm keeping the big barn doors, but they’ll be left and fixed open. In the frame, I'll have large windows installed, floor to ceiling. Same on the back. You can see there are barn doors directly opposite and those go out into the fields. There I want glass as well, but sliding so it can open up to a deck. Everything has to stay one level, except where the hayloft is up above. It’ll be the sleeping quarters with a large master and bathroom in the back, and two smaller bedrooms with a bathroom in the front. I'm also keeping a separate room on the main level, which can be converted into an office or a den. Those will be the only rooms with doors, aside from a powder room. The front door will be right beside the barn doors in the front and a mudroom with laundry will be right off the side with a laundry shoot from the upstairs hallway. Beside the mudroom are the stairs and a small elevator. Beyond that, the entire back right side of the house is a large eat- in kitchen, most of which will face out the side and back with large windows. All the space between the front and back barn doors will remain open space for living areas."
I've been leaning over the blueprints, pointing everything out as I've explained them, feeling Katie beside me following along. Turning to her now to gauge her reaction, I see surprise and confusion warring on her face. I run my fingers over the slight frown in her forehead along her cheeks and lightly over her lips, before cupping her chin in my hand.
"What's that look for?"
She swallows deeply, "You're installing an elevator?"
"Yes, I'm installing an elevator. A small one-person one. With friends who have limited mobility, I'm learning to never take anything for granted, so since I'm building up from scratch anyway, I figure I might as well be prepared for everything."
"Right, makes sense, I guess." Katie turns her face away.
"But mostly it's because I want to make sure a certain someone can get around independently and effortlessly in this house, regardless of what the future holds for her," I add, knowing it was mean to keep her hanging, but needing that little sign of dejection to know she wanted this.
I step around her just in time to see her wipe a tear before it has a chance to roll down her cheek.
"You okay?"
"Fast. I feel like Alice down the rabbit hole a little, with all that is happening. Overwhelmed, but in a good way, I think." She puts her hand on her chest to emphasize and chuckles. "My heart is almost beating out of my chest."
"Gus gave me two days to settle things between you and me. Not a lot of time when I've been on the sidelines for four years, little one. Two days to ease you into considering I might envision you in my future. Two days to see if there is any hope for you to see me as part of yours. It's not enough, but it's all I have and what I need to get my head back in the game, so I'm laying it all on the table. No more hiding in the shadows, I'm going balls to the wall on this and fuck knows, I don't want to put that kind of pressure on you, but I figure with the blows you've been dealt, you're probably better off knowing where I stand than dealing with another set of uncertainties."
"Wow. I'm scared, and excited, and very freaked out right now because I don't know what to say. But I really, really wish I could fucking stand so I could get a hug. I really need one."
I have her up and out of her chair and clinging ont
o me like a monkey in two seconds flat. Her arms around my neck, mine around her back and under her butt, holding her off the ground and tightly against me.
"If I could get these frickin' legs to move, I'd wrap those around you too," she mumbles in my neck, making me chuckle.
"Tease," I whisper back, lowering her body slightly so she can feel the instant and very hard effect she has on me, pressing against her stomach. A low groaning comes from my neck area.
"Mmmm, who's the tease now," she purrs in my ear.
I'm already scanning for a place where I can get us horizontal and fast, when a loud crash comes from just outside.
Dropping Katie down in her chair, we both approach the barn door from opposite sides. I have to bite my lip not to motion Katie back to safety, but the truth is, she’s as much a trained operative as I am. I have a small handgun from my ankle holster at the ready, and Katie somehow found a discarded broomstick she has across her lap. She holds up just inside the closed door, brandishing the stick in a way that would take out the knees of anyone coming through that door. With her eyes on me, she simply nods for me to make a move and I slip through scanning the surroundings immediately for movement, which I see, but I don't shoot.
In front of me stands the mangiest, biggest dog I've ever seen. The thing is ugly, but seems to be harmless and clumsy since he knocked over an old wheelbarrow that’d been resting against the side of the barn. Not scared either, it just stands there and looks at me.
The light crunching of wheels on the ground alerts the dog to Katie's approach and his eyes zoom in on her approach.
"It's a puppy!" Katie squeals behind me, startling the dog into taking a step back.
"That rangy dog can hardly be called a puppy, sweets. I'm thinking mutt is a more appropriate description."
"Don't be mean. He's a puppy, aren't you boy? Such a good boy." She patting her knees and damn if the dog's tail isn't slowly starting to sway from side to side.
"Where'd you come from? Is there a tag on him, Caleb?"
I just finished tucking my gun back in my ankle holster and look up to see if there’s anything dangling around his neck.
"Can't see anything, and I'm not too sure he'll be happy if I walk up to check closely. Probably just a stray or a reservation dog."
"Reservation?"
"We're not too far from the Ute reservation here. In fact, most of what you can see out the back doors is reservation land."
The dog seems to have forgotten all about me and is tentatively inching his way over to Katie, tail furiously wagging.
"Careful. He's a big boy and we don't really know him."
Katie rolls her eyes at me and continues to coo at the pooch.
With the earlier heated scene a vague memory by virtue of our unscheduled visitor, I figure I might as well close up so we can head back to town.
Doesn't take long for me to tidy up the plans and shut the back doors. When I come out, the sight before me stops me in my tracks. A big smile on her face and her head bent down is Katie, softly talking to the big mutt whose head is resting in her lap, obviously enjoying the ear scratching he’s receiving. I'll be damned.
CHAPTER TEN
"So your neighbor never mentioned anything about his family? No indication of his life before he came to Larchwood?" Gus is asking for the third time.
"Like I said before, I knew he had family because it was mentioned to me, but he never elaborated about his life before, and he just seemed like a sad old man. Confused most of the time, except that last day when he came into my room. He was scared and it was the first time I’d seen anyone come to visit him."
We've been at this for a couple of hours now in the conference room at the GFI office. Gus had called Caleb in earlier to 'go over things' and seemed a bit taken aback when I showed up in tow. Before I could justify being there, Caleb calmly stated that since I was already involved, possibly had information to add, and given I’m a fully qualified investigator working for GFI, he failed to see why I shouldn't be present. The men locked eyes for a moment in what seemed to be a silent power struggle, but Gus broke it by giving Caleb a nod and turning to me with an apologetic grin. Men.
So for a couple of hours, I've been immersed in all things cartel; learning about the downed airplane and the possible connection with the Klesh, a known gang based out of Shiprock, and apparently headed by none other than Caleb's brother. One of the men killed in the crash in Shiprock was the younger brother of this guy, Ernesto―the creep who was hanging around Larchwood. Jesus, sometimes the world is too small. The picture Gus showed me confirms it though. Although grainy, there's no doubt in my mind it's the same guy, and that leads to this current line of questions.
"Why have their father, if Juan really is their father, in a home in Grand Junction? Why not closer to home?" I want to know.
"Few reasons I could think of; one being that the likelihood of anyone knowing who he is in Colorado is far less than back home in Mexico. Another possibility is that having their father set up in Grand Junction gave them an excuse to travel into the country on a regular basis. Providing him with the best possible care would've been a valid point to having him placed in the States as opposed to back home. Could be a combination of the two, I don't know, but I do know that they wouldn't want someone privy to the ins and outs of cartel business to start slipping up on information due to a mind that is failing."
I’m stunned when I look at Gus.
"What do you mean 'someone privy to the ins and outs of cartel business’? Juan? That sweet little old man? You're shitting me. He wouldn't hurt a fly. For fuck's sake, he was flirting with me every day. I even talked about my daily progress on finding my biological parents with him."
"That 'sweet little old man' is the one who built the cartel up almost from the ground, and on the bodies of hundreds, Katie."
An involuntary shiver runs down my back. Holy shit. Never looking at seniors the same way again, I can tell you that.
"Okay," Caleb interjects, "so we know who all the players are on the cartel side, and it's up to me to figure out if and how it ties in with the Klesh and Shiprock. We also need to make sure you stay safe, Katie. The killing of the nurse worries me. Was she a witness to something?"
"She was actually the one that warned me to stay away from Ernesto; told me he was a creep and she didn't trust him. Apparently, she had tried looking at Juan's files before but was caught by Larchwood's director and threatened. She was pretty scared that night. When I heard she was dead, I thought of him right away."
I can feel the reassuring squeeze of Caleb's hand on my leg. It helps. Thinking about Sue pulls me down. Finding out Juan was a brutal cartel boss gone soft in the head almost completely crushed my faith in humanity, and in my judgement.
"Saturday you're heading back down, Caleb?" At Caleb's nod, Gus continues, "Okay, I'll see if I can get Neil to come down here by then. The place above the diner is available. I'll have a talk with Arlene; make sure I can put him up there. I think we may need a bit more manpower. I’m not liking the feel of this case, it has too many inroads into our lives. I also suggest you hit the shooting range, Katie. Don't know how your accuracy is since the injury, but better you find out before rather than after you need it."
"I'd love to go." I probably sound a bit more enthusiastic than I should, but it's been too long since I've held my gun and I look forward to it. I look sideways at Caleb who has a little smirk on his lips.
"First thing in the morning," he promises.
"Alright, we've milked about as much out of this as we can for now, let's grab Emma and hit the diner for some grub." Gus pushes back from the long conference table and goes in search of his better half.
"It's growing on me."
Beth, a long time waitress at the diner, just showed us to the table when Arlene, the owner and Emma's best friend, comes walking up from the kitchen. She waves her hand at my hair.
"The short hair; strikes me as more of a pixie than a dyke look now."
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br /> "Jesus, Arlene!" Emma slams her menu on the table. "You have the sensitivity of a warthog!"
"Whatever, Ems. Don't know why you're getting your knickers in a twist. At least I'm not terrorizing you today," she fires back, rubbing her hand through Emma's fiery curls. "Besides, Katie knows I'm yanking her chain, right girl?" The last was directed at me.
"You bet, Arlene," I chuckle. Those two are a constant source of entertainment with their bickering. Caleb and Gus hide smiles, pretending to study their menus.
"For the special, Seb has a huge pot of roasted red pepper soup and some fresh baked pesto bread. Can I start you off with some drinks?"
We all put our order in.
"I'll give you a minute to decide and be back with your drinks," she says as she heads toward the kitchen. Halfway there, she turns and calls out, "Hey Ems; hakuna matata!" Chuckling to herself, she disappears through the doorway.
Dinner is a lively event with frequent visits from the various locals who know either Gus, Emma or Caleb, and in some cases all. Seb, Arlene's man and the diner's cook, stops by for a chat as well. Caleb often slips his hand under the table to rub or squeeze my leg, or looks to see if I'm doing ok. I'm soaking it all up. When I was here before, I didn't take the time to get to know these people and I'm realizing I missed out. No one looks at me funny, and I figure it’s because they all probably know my story. Not much stays hidden in a place like Cedar Tree. But it feels comfortable, not restrictive or cloying like it imagined it would.
I'm finally allowing myself to think of a future that might not look the way I planned it, but one that could be full of promise and possibility nonetheless, when a large burly man walks up to the table.
"Evenin' folks. Good to see you, Caleb. Just the man I wanted to talk to. Is this your woman?"
Emma snorts across from me and from the corner of my eye, I can see Caleb closing his eyes as if in pain, but I'm focused on the big ape that just called me Caleb's 'woman’. I open my mouth to give him a piece of my mind, when Caleb grabs a hold of my knee, hard, and intervenes.