Against Me (Cedar Tree Book 3)

by Freya Barker

Emma is helping me put away the groceries we just picked up at the tiny local grocery store. It doesn't have a big selection, for that you have to head into Cortez, but it’s good for topping up the basic needs. Exactly what Emma decided was needed when she found me moping around a couple of hours after Caleb took off. We actually made quite a pair; between my wheels and her walker, we struggled to get ourselves in and out of her truck, but managed. With some support and a good handhold, I do okay moving myself around, and Emma had a bit of a struggle with the chair after that, but seeing as she doesn't know the meaning of giving up, managed to wrangle the chair in the back. Of course, guileless and without reservation as Emma is, she managed to get me to talk about these past few days with Caleb. For someone who isn't used to girl-talk, I was sure as hell learning fast, and the last person I'd have expected opening up to was Emma.

  I just finished telling her about our trip to the shooting range, which I'm sure Gus won't be happy about since Emma now wants to go shoot at 'stuff' too.

  "I can apparently pick it up in Cortez on Monday at this medical supply store. I have the number, I just have to call in the morning to set a time 'cause they want to give me some driving instructions. No foot pedals, so I need to know where everything is."

  Emma is almost jumping with excitement, her curls bouncing.

  "The man got you a freakin' car!"

  Making me laugh, "I know. He wants me to have my independence and 'Grab my Freedom'." I use my fingers to make air-quotes for emphasis.

  "I know! Makes me happy he gets to do this for you." At the confused look on my face she adds, "that man's been sitting on his hands for far too long where you're concerned."

  Before I get a chance to react, the front door opens.

  "Honey, I'm home!"

  With a big smile on his face, Neil James comes striding into the kitchen, sweeping first Emma off her feet in a big hug before lifting me clear out of my seat.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  It's been exactly a week since Caleb left, and despite some pretty intense phone calls I miss him. Not that I've been bored. Hell no. Over the weekend, Neil filled me in on some of the information he has found on my adoptive mother. Apparently she hasn't had her license renewed in the past fifteen years, but was picked up in Denver eight years ago for soliciting. Eewww. I shudder to think how desperate you'd have to be to stand on a street corner when you qualify as a senior in some states. Oh, and double yuck to the type of clientele she might have drawn in. I don't have very good memories of her but I wouldn't wish that life on anyone. Anyway, Neil says he can't find a trace after that but he has a buddy with the Denver PD who will put some feelers out on the street, for whatever good that might do.

  We also spent some time with Gus going over a few current trace cases, and he had Neil set up shop in the conference room. I think Neil must've emptied out the Grand Junction office, because every surface in that room is now covered with one computer or another, large screen, police-scanner or other electronic device. How he managed to pack all that shit up in his truck on such short notice is a mystery. Gus seems to be set on the idea of me doing some work again, because he had Neil hand over some of the computer tracking to me. I'm surprised I'm actually enjoying it.

  As of Monday morning Clint came and got the key for the barn and Gus has been off on a job but left us with keys to the separate entrance for the office, so we don't have to bug Emma all the time, and I got my call in to check on the car. A navy blue Toyota Rav4 and a sweet little ride. Caleb did well and I told him so that night when he called. He chuckled when I mentioned I approved of the car.

  "Such a girl." To which I promptly issued a, "Shut up," making him only laugh harder.

  It took me a while to get the hang of driving 'hands only', but the guy at the rental place had me do loops around the parking lot and then had me drive around Cortez before he felt secure enough to send me on my way. I had Emma in the back seat squealing the whole time. Crazy chick.

  Tuesday was my first real day of physio and I was pumped to be able to drive myself, even though Neil was complaining from the passenger side the whole time. Caleb and Gus apparently have told him in no uncertain terms that he is to keep an eye on me at all times, a task he takes to heart, a little too seriously at times if you ask me. He was like a kid in a candy store when I had to ask him to drive the Rav back home because I was too sore, though. He had a blast speeding down country roads with his hands. A big kid.

  I've had sessions every day since, and let me tell you, Kendra seemed nice, but now I almost hate her. Not really, but she's a tough taskmaster and will only entertain absolutes. No talk about adjusting to not walking again, only talk of when I do.

  Yesterday Naomi came and checked in while I was walking between parallel bars, being held up by a harness.

  "Hey! Good to see you up and about," she grins at me.

  "Hilarious," I huff out at her, beet red and sweating from the exertion.

  Not insulted at all, she takes a seat and spends the next twenty minutes watching me being put through my paces by the ruthless Kendra, who finally lowers me back into my chair when my knees won't stay straight anymore. She wheels me over to where Naomi is sitting and pulls up a chair herself.

  "So," Naomi starts, "how does it feel with the first week's sessions done?"

  "Fucking sore," is my response, making Kendra cackle.

  "Good." She nods her head, apparently quite happy to have made me miserable.

  Naomi chuckles. "You're gonna hurt like hell, and I'd be happy to give you something for the pain, but you seemed adamant you didn't want anything. Just to be clear, pain will be a huge part of what you need to do to get back on your feet, so if it is a deterrent or gets to be too much, tell me. Although you strike me as a tough broad." She inclines her head, waiting for my reaction.

  "Not taking drugs, I told you that. I don't like how they make me feel loopy, but fuck if I don't wish I had a big ol' hot tub I could sink into."

  Suddenly Naomi jumps up and claps her hands, "Oh wait! I know - we should go to Ouray; do the hot springs this weekend. Let me call the girls." And with that she is out the door talking on her phone.

  That was yesterday and here I am, overnight bag packed and waiting for 'the girls' to pick me up. The girls being Arlene, Emma and obviously Naomi, who set this whole thing up. Apparently it doesn't take much to persuade the other two into a night away at the hot springs. I've never been, but I am looking forward to it. Crud - Caleb is right, I am turning into a real girl. A year ago the prospect of a night away with a bunch of chicks would have sent me running in the opposite direction and now I find myself actually excited about it.

  The two-and-a-half hour drive is gorgeous, especially once we get past Durango. Naomi is driving her fancy Denali, big enough to carry all four of us, wheels and bags. I'm riding shotgun and the Bobbsey Twins are in the backseat. Poor Neil, determined to stick to us like glue, is following behind in his truck. Arlene apparently had been the hardest sell and if it hadn't been for Seb virtually shoving her out the door, she would've waved the diner in our faces as an excuse. By the laughs coming from the back seat though, she wasn't regretting it one bit. Naomi and I have a chance to chat a little and I'm surprised to find out she is a single mom with a teenage son. I didn't even think she was my age, but it turns out she has a couple of years on me. The boy had been given her some trouble and wasn't liking the rules she tried to enforce, so when he turned sixteen, he decided to move in with his dad in Phoenix. Not happy with that decision, given that the ex was apparently a dick of massive proportions, there wasn't much Naomi was able to do about it without risking completely alienating her son. So she let him have that choice, preparing herself for what she believes will be inevitable fall out. Cripes. Kids sound like work.

  "So Doc? Which one of us gets to room with the mini hunk?" Arlene pipes up from the back seat.

  "Arlene. You dirty thing!" Emma admonishes. "You already have a gorgeous, tatted up hunk at home, who by the way, i
s younger than your ratty old ass."

  "You're welcome to kiss that ass, Ems. And don't worry, I never leave Seb unhappy."

  Rolling her eyes in mock disgust, Emma's only response is, "bite me."

  "It never fails," Naomi giggles.

  I've talked to Katie three times and each time just the sound of her voice has me harder than a fucking rock. Stuck in this shit room at the same Travelodge in Farmington as before, with only my hand as companion, but since having had a taste of her, for the first time in almost four years, my hand is not enough to ease the burn.

  I've been back to my parents' house only once to find my mother alone and out of it as usual. The place was still in pretty decent shape and they hadn't made much of a dent in the groceries Mal bought them. No sign of him or my dad though. I've stopped in at some old hangouts in hopes of picking up on some of the local buzz and managed to put out some careful feelers. Also made contact with both the reservation authorities and the police department in Farmington, but so far very little has materialized. Malachi seems to have gone underground. I wonder if it has anything to do with the deaths in Albuquerque and the resulting increased heat from authorities.

  I crumple my take out bag with the remnants of another lonely dinner when my phone rings. I don't recognize the number.

  "Hello?"

  "Señor Whitetail. You are a nosy man and as you know, curiosity killed the cat. We seem to be in search of the same man, but for quite different reasons. Should you find him first, tell him it would be in everyone's best interest for him to own up to his debts. I have very little patience for interference and less for traitors. Best you use extreme care." The heavily Spanish accented voice sounded pleasant enough, but the threat was undeniable and the hair on my arms stands on end immediately.

  "Who is this?"

  "That is of far less importance than the message of caution I suggest you consider. Perhaps a small incentive to convince you of my utmost sincerity is required."

  Dead air indicates I have been hung up on. And warned off in no uncertain terms. Immediately clicking on my laptop, I check the software Neil has installed to automatically trace all incoming calls, but it only confirms what I already suspected; not nearly long enough for a result. Next I dial Katie's number, needing to assure myself she is ok. No fucking answer. I try Neil's number with the same result and leave him a message to call immediately. He should have his phone at hand at all fucking times. Furiously pounding at the numbers now, Gus is next on the list, and I feel slight relief when I hear his voice come on.

  "Caleb, what's up?"

  "Girls ok?"

  "As far as I know. Why, what happened?"

  "Just got a call. Likely cartel, a Mexican voice, poised but telling me an incentive would be given for me to not stick my nose into business it didn't belong in. Katie's not answering and Neil's not answering. Can you get a visual?"

  "Negative, I'm on the road. The girls are at an overnight stay at the hot springs in Ouray. Emma told me about it last night when I called in. Neil was going with them. Calling her cell, I'll get back to you."

  Fuck. I had skipped calling last night in favor of checking out some backwater hangouts I might find my brother at. For the second time in as many weeks I feel uncontrollable fear course through my body at the thought of any harm coming to Katie, and time crawls by as I wait for Gus to get back to me. What seemed like hours, but was likely only minutes, the phone rings.

  "Not fucking answering. I'm gonna tan her hide when I get my hands on her. Sit tight, I'm getting Dana on the phone with the hotel they're staying at. Don't fucking panic yet."

  Don't fucking panic. Right. I'm already half way done packing my shit and it doesn't take me long to throw the rest in my bags. Not waiting for a call back, I hoist my stuff on my shoulders, keep my phone at the ready and make for my truck. Like fuck I'm waiting around. I toss my bags in the back, hop behind the wheel and am about to turn the key when my phone rings.

  "Yeah?"

  I can hear a lot of commotion in the background and then Neil's tentative voice saying my name, "Caleb?"

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  "Oh my God, this is frickin' bliss," Emma exclaims as she sinks down in the hot springs pool beside me. The outside air is pretty chilly but once you hit that water you heat up quickly.

  "Isn't it?" Naomi moans her contentment from my other side. "If I could set up practice here I would. Every night after work I'd hop in here. I bet ya I'd sleep like a baby all the time." She wiggles her toes above the waterline.

  "I still say we should've put that wine in water bottles. Nothing wrong with having a little social drink in the hot tub. Stupid rules."

  We all chuckle at Arlene's grumblings. Her bottle of wine and plastic glasses were confiscated at the gate to the pool and her attempts at sweet-talking the guard were to no avail. Although sweet-talking and Arlene in one sentence should be enough of an indicator of failure. She perks up noticeably when Emma reveals she has brought some of her special chocolates.

  "You did not." I smile widely at Emma, having heard the story of their over-indulgence in Emma's medicinal pot-laced truffles from Caleb.

  "What? What am I missing?" Naomi wants to know.

  With Neil sitting at the edge of the pool, shaking his head at our antics and giggles, Arlene and Emma take turns filling Naomi in on that particular story, but it isn't long before they turn their attention to me.

  "Soooo..." Arlene drags out teasingly. "What's up with you and Caleb?"

  I knew it was coming, it was inevitable, but I don't know if I'm ready for this inquisition, so I try to brush it off.

  "Just testing the waters."

  "The waters huh?" Arlene turns to throw Emma, who is stifling a snicker, a significant look. "And how are those waters feeling?"

  Unable to hold back, Emma laughs, "Arlene, leave her alone. It's none of our business." Then she turns to me with a mischievous grin, "not that we're not dying to know."

  "Right. What she said; dying here," Arlene adds.

  I shake my head knowing full well they won't let it go. "Fine. He seems to be hoping I'll settle in Cedar Tree."

  I laugh at the three faces turned toward me, full of anticipation.

  "Yes, that's not news. And?" Arlene waves her hand urging me to say more, "Geeze it's like pulling fucking teeth, here -Come on Pixie, spit it out already."

  "I like it, and I'm willing to see how I do in Cedar Tree." I smile knowing I'm driving them nuts by being evasive.

  "No one cares about Cedar Tree - we want to know how you feel about Caleb." This from Naomi, who's been quietly observing so far. Traitor.

  "I’m still getting used to it... to us. Thinking of him differently, or maybe not so differently, but allowing myself to for once. Caleb is different. I'm used to him being so stoic, but he seems almost rattled to the point of distraction at times. It's new, all of it is. I'm still adjusting to the wheelchair thing."

  "Don't get too comfy in that chair, you won't be there long enough," Naomi interrupts firmly.

  "And adjusting to a whole different set of rules to live by. I'm just taking it all in and I guess Caleb is part of that."

  "Rules? What rules?" Emma grabs my hand, "if there is anything I can teach you then let it be this; there are no rules. There is no can or cannot do, there is only a future with opportunities that can change by the day, and you need to grab hold of them before they're gone."

  I soak up her words and hear the truth of what she says, but it's not easy to let go of a once rather regimented life and open yourself up like that.

  "And please don't hurt Caleb. He may be an experiment to you, but you have been a lot more to him for a long time."

  I turn to Arlene. "He is not an experiment," I bite out, "never was. I care for him. A lot. It's just new..."

  "I get that, girl. Just needed to hear you say it." Arlene gives me a quick hug before flopping back in the water.

  I allow myself to float on my back staring up at the night sky, ama
zed at the changes in me. Everything feels so vibrant, so crisp. For the first time in my life I feel like I fit in my skin and it surprises me. My situation is nothing I'd ever have expected or envisioned and yet here I am, completely content. A small pang of guilt hits me when I think of the mess and the question marks I've left behind in Grand Junction, but with it comes the realization that not everything is in my control. And for once I can let that be ok. Yes I want to know what happened to Juan, and I will do my best to help GFI and the GJPD find out as much as they can. And for sure I want resolution to Sue's murder, which I am convinced is connected, but I recognize I don't hold all the necessary pieces to make that happen, nor do I control the timeline. I'm learning just to be, and isn't that just the most amazing thing ever?

  A tug on my foot almost has me going under.

  "Falling asleep there, Pixie?" Of course it's Arlene. "We're just about to grill Naomi here about her interesting chemistry with our buddy the recently appointed Sheriff Joe Morris."

  "Buzz off Arlene," Naomi balks, "nothing happening there."

  "Oh I know nothing's happening now, but something did at some point. Sparks like those don't fly all by themselves. Come on, girl, you've been holding out on us long enough. You know every bit of dirt there is to know about us. Time to spill."

  "Ugh, you're relentless, woman. Fine, but I warn you; it isn't as interesting as you might think it is." Naomi concedes. "I met Joe three years ago when I just started my rotation in the ER in Cortez. He came in with someone in custody who had gotten hurt driving drunk and needed stitches. I was relatively new in town and had come off a nasty drawn out divorce, he asked me out and I said yes. It was a big leap of faith for me, because I hadn't been with anyone but David. We'd been together since we were fifteen, so the prospect of even a date terrified me, but having just moved myself and my kid to a new place, I figured it would fit in with the whole 'new beginnings' thing. It was pretty much a disaster."

  "I can't imagine," Emma sighs, "Joe is such a sweetie."