by Abby Gale
He shakes his head. “No, we can’t. But the ice-cream shop can come here,” he says and pulls his arms away from my waist to hurry to the back of the house.
When he comes back, there are small cups on his hands.
He hands one to me. “It’s melted a little, but it still tastes fine. I promise.”
“Is this ice-cream?” I whisper.
His eyes widen in shock. “Have you never eaten ice-cream?”
I shake my head. “Mom doesn’t let me eat anything but what’s necessity to live. For breakfast we eat oatmeal, for dinner, we eat soup or rice.”
He looks like he wants to say something, but he decides against it as he motions to the cup in my hand. “Taste it.”
I take a small amount of ice-cream from the cup and put the spoon in my mouth. The taste explodes like a bomb on my tongue. It’s cold, sweet, and creamier than milk.
He’s looking at me with a curious and a little bit nervous gaze, before finally asking, “What do you think? Do you like it?”
I put another spoon of ice-cream before nodding. “Yes! It’s delicious. So smooth, refreshing, and yummy.”
He grins before pushing his cup to me. “Eat this, too. Yours is strawberry and vanilla. Mine is cookies and cream and chocolate.”
Shaking my head, I push away his hand. “No. I can’t eat yours.”
“Nikki, please. I can go there and eat again, but when will I bring you again? Please, I’ll be happy if you eat both.”
Bowing my head, I nod. I really liked ice-cream, and I want to eat more.
We sit under my window, leaning against the wall and I eat my ice-cream as he watches me like he likes what he sees.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
I look down at the ice-cream cup to hide my blush.
“Be my girlfriend,” he blurts out.
I lift my head so fast, I’m lucky my neck didn’t break in two. “What?”
“I like you, Nikki. Be my girlfriend.”
I smile, my heart tries to fly out of my chest, but my smile drops. “But there must be pretty girls in your school, the girls who will go to the ice-cream shop with you.”
He shakes his head. “There’s no prettier girl than you, and I don’t want to go anywhere, I’m happy staying in this garden with you.”
“I don’t know why you like me,” I murmur more to myself than him.
“We’ll get married one day,” he says.
My breath hitches in my throat, I laugh at him to hide the shock.
“Don’t laugh, I’m serious. I even saw it in my dream.”
Looking at him, I finally smile and nod. “I want to be your girlfriend.”
I smile through the tears and the lump in my throat. We were so young, but I can still feel what I felt that day. Years that have passed didn’t change my emotions about him, only made them stronger, harder, sharper. I’m so shaken by the intensity I feel after reading a memory that happened decades ago.
Putting my diary back in the drawer, I grab the envelope he gave me. Again. I want to ignore it and devour every little detail at the same time.
Finally, with a sigh, I rip open the envelope; my hands are shaking with anxiety.
Dear Nikki,
It’s kind of comical that the day you get your freedom is the day I lost mine. But that’s not important.
You’re free now. That’s all that matters.
I knew something was wrong when you didn’t show up to meet me. I knew you would make it whenever you had a chance. I’ve waited for you for months, Nikki, but you didn’t show up, not even once.
I was almost obsessed with seeing you. There was a bad feeling inside me. I tried to get inside a few times, but they didn’t let me. I wanted to see the Priest, but they didn’t let me. It was awkward, Nikki.
One night, I was determined to stay until the sunrise. I must have fallen asleep as I waited for you at some point, but I was woken up by a gunshot. Then, everything was chaos. You were covered in blood. The Father was dead. I tried to come to the hospital with you, I tried to reach you, but someone held me back.
I begged the Sheriff to let me see you, but he didn’t let me. He said they were still investigating things. I sneaked into the hospital once, you were asleep. I kissed you then. I don’t know why I did it. I think I hoped you would wake up, but you didn’t, and I got caught.
I couldn’t visit you again in the hospital.
When I could see you again, you were already behind bars, and they weren’t the only thing that stood between us.
Yours,
Nick.
Chapter 12
Past
Age 11
Fifteen minutes later.
Under your window.
I miss you.
N
I smile when I see his message just under the frame of my window.
“Veronica!”
I quickly put his note back in its place when I hear my mom’s voice.
“Veronica! Clean the kitchen, I’m going to pray.”
I roll my eyes like she does anything else but praying.
I stop in front of her, my head bowed just like she always tells me to do. “Yes, mother.”
When she gets inside, instead of going to the kitchen, I sneak out of my window as usual. Nick’s already been waiting for me like he does all the time. My heart warms with the sight of his smiling face. Nick’s become a great friend to me, my only friend in my lonely life since we first met. I sneak out every chance to meet him, and he tries to teach me a few things if we can stay outside long enough. My mom says I’m homeschooled, but all she teaches me is the Bible and the things Nick tells me excites me so much more than God’s words.
Nick gives me a one-armed hug as soon as my feet hit the ground, catching me off-guard. He’s my best friend, and I like him, he makes me all giggly and happy, but I still am a little bit uncomfortable with his proximity. When he hugs me or kisses me on the cheek, my face turns pink. My heart beats so hard I’m afraid he’ll hear it.
Clearing my throat, I take a step back.
“I have something for you,” he says and walks somewhere behind me.
When I turn to watch him, there are flowers in his hand.
“So beautiful. Thank you.” I beam at him, and my smile fades as I sit on the ground.
“Nikki? What’s wrong?”
I shake my head, not knowing how to explain my thoughts. I remember how his friends made fun of him once because he was talking to me, playing with me. I remember watching him walking from school with his friends, laughing and having fun.
I don’t understand why he spends time with me, a freak’s freak daughter.
He must pity me.
“Why are you with me?” I blurt out.
“Because I miss you,” he answers without hesitation. I feel my cheeks heat up, but I suppress my smile.
“But why? You have friends, you go to school. You don’t need me,” I protest.
“I don’t have to need you to spend time with you, Nikki. You’re my friend, and I like you,” he says.
I don’t answer. I don’t know how to answer.
He reaches for my chin and lifts my head up to meet his eyes.
“I like you a lot, Veronica,” he says in a voice that warms me inside and out. And I want to kiss him.
No, I want him to kiss me.
I want him to kiss me like the boy kissed the girl a week ago as I was looking outside of my window.
On the lips.
Like he hears my thoughts, he leans closer to me. His lips touch mine slowly. His lips are warm and soft on mine. It’s a strange feeling as we just press our mouths together. It gives me tingles all over my body. He kisses me like he kisses my cheek, but it heats up my skin. I shiver like I’m cold, but I’m not. I feel warm, so warm.
When he finally leans back, I open my eyes. I don’t even remember when I closed them. He’s smiling. His cheeks are pink, and I’m su
re mine are too.
Then I hear a movement inside the house. I panic.
“Nick, you need to go. I don’t want my mother to see us.”
He stands up immediately. “Okay, let me help you up into your room,” he says and puts his hands around my waist, but before he lifts me up, he kisses me one more time quickly. “You’re the first girl I’ve kissed, Nikki,” he whispers.
I giggle. “You’re the first boy I’ve kissed, Nick.”
When I enter the room, I quickly wave at him, and hurry toward the kitchen, pretending like I’ve been cleaning the place… with a big smile on my face.
Chapter 13
Present
I couldn’t sleep.
All night his words ran through my mind, and I just watched the ceiling as I try to make sense of his words but failed miserably.
What did he mean by saying that he lost his freedom?
Why did he give me this letter?
Why did he show up in the first place?
There’s no answer to these questions.
Frustrated, I get out of the bed. The sun is slowly rising over the horizon. After enjoying the color, it casts the world with, I head for the shower. As the warm water pours over me I push the thoughts away.
Nick hasn’t been in my life for years, twenty years in fact, and I won’t let him confuse me or take me back to the time I want to leave behind.
Who the hell is he anyway?
Who the fuck does he think he is by showing up out of the blue?
When I’m out of the shower all thoughts about him and his letter are left behind me. He wasn’t there when I needed him the most, and now, just when I don’t need him at all, I won’t accept him in my life.
Putting on my clothes and getting my purse, I leave my home. I walk on the street, pulling my coat tighter around me since it’s still chilly with the morning air. The fresh coffee scent permeates my senses from my favorite coffee shop. I don’t resist the temptation and treat myself with a large cup of coffee and a donut.
After observing the early risers who jog around the street while I have my breakfast, I start to walk to the club. Unlocking the doors of the club, I head to my office. I keep track of the stock in here, it’s easy to work and makes me feel like I’m doing something fruitful instead of sitting on my ass all day.
Daily stock check and necessary phone talks to our supplier's busy me all morning, but when they’re done my mind slips back to Nick and his letter. Questions start to swirl inside my mind, and I shake them off again. I don’t know what his purpose was to give me that letter or showing up in my life, but I trust if he has a purpose he’ll probably let me know it whether I want to know or not.
I get on the stage. It’s the only distraction and strength I need since my thoughts refuse to leave him.
When the music starts to beat, I let it penetrate my soul. I lose time and place, forget questions and answers. By the time I stop, I’m high again… for another day, like a daily fix for a drug addict. I’m ready to dance with my demons again.
“I used to wonder why you wanted to dance after we become manager of this new club,” I hear Harley say and turn to face her.
“So, you don’t wonder now?”
“No. I understand now. Dancing is your salvation,” she murmurs.
She’s right, but I don’t admit it to her. “Isn’t that a little bit too deep for morning chat?”
She laughs. “You’re right. Last night I fucked a philosophy student, I think he forgot something in me. I hope it’s not a baby.”
I fake a laugh and sigh in relief when Salem comes in. She’ll chat enough for three of us.
***
At night, after my show finished, Harley comes into my room, looking kind of nervous.
“What’s wrong?”
“Someone’s in my office, and he wants you to join him, in the VIP room,” she says slowly and continues to panic when I frown, “I know you don’t give lap dances, but he’s kind of persistent.”
I grit my teeth. “In your office you said?”
She nods, and I stroll to her room. I think I knew who to expect when I open Harley’s office door. And here he is, Nick from my past. He’s sitting on the chair like a black knight.
Now, I’m just as dark.
His words echo in my ear. Terrifying and thrilling all at once. The dangerous and mysterious vibe he has around him, tainting the memories I have of him. The man in front of me is opposite of the Nick I’ve known. He’s a puzzle I fail to solve, but there’s hunger I understand. Lust and passion only maturity can give you.
“So, you want me to dance for you?” I say, crossing my arms over my breasts.
He leans back in the chair he’s sitting in and smirks at me. “Yes. I do.”
Harley worries her bottom lip as she looks at me. I know she’s nervous that I’ll shout at a customer. It’s not something she hasn’t seen before. I don’t do VIP shows. I do them whenever I want to, on my terms, with the customer I choose. I’m not good at taking orders or accepting requests just for the sake of money. Harley expects a scene right now; I can feel her tense next to me. She has no idea I have a past with said customer.
Looking at Nick with narrowed eyes, I’m considering my options. He’s probably thinking I’m the same weak girl he’s left at the table in the visiting room. But I’m not. That girl has grown up and gotten tougher. It doesn’t sound bad to introduce him to Mistress Sage, the woman every man wants but is scared of. It may be a good way to get answers to my questions. The decision has been made.
“Good, follow me,” I tell him and hear Harley gasps, but I don’t wait for her questions. I know she has dozens of them.
I walk in the hallway with confident steps and feel his eyes bore a hole in my back. My body is alive with animalistic instincts as I enter the room. I motion him to sit in the chair in the middle of the room and smile when he does.
“Don’t move,” I tell him and head for the cabinets in the farthest corner of the room, grabbing the ropes.
He glares at me when he sees the ropes in my hand but doesn’t say a word.
“Put your hands behind the chair,” I order.
“What the fuck are you doing, Nikki?” he asks, but his voice is calm.
“It’s Sage,” I grit out and tie the rope around his wrists as tight as I can. His hands turn to fists, but he doesn’t say a word to protest.
When I’m done with his hands, I kneel in front of him to tie his legs too. He spreads his legs to align them with the legs of the chair and smirks.
“I like where you are,” he says huskily.
I look up at him. His words are as mischiefs as I remember, but now it doesn’t have the innocence that was once there.
“But I don’t like that you’re here.”
He frowns. A mocking hurt expression is on his face. “Too bad, I thought you would’ve missed me.”
“Why are you here?” I whisper.
“Because I found you here,” comes his reply. His words come out with such venom I’m not sure if it’s meant to be flirty or threatening.
I rise to my feet. After turning on the voice system, I chose the song: Devil Devil by Milck. I sway my hips slowly with the rhythm, my hands in the air, and my back to him. When I turn to face him, his eyes are on fire, roaming over my body with raw hunger. His arms are straining against the ropes, the t-shirt he’s wearing is stretching over his torso, accentuating every muscle there. In black, head to toe, he looks wicked, strong, but he’s vulnerable in front of me, totally at my mercy.
And fuck if it doesn’t turn me on.
I slowly peel off my dress, standing in front of him in only my bra and panties. I straddle his legs and move my palm up and down his chest, smiling at him as he pulls his ropes.
“Untie me,” he grits out.
“No. Tell me why you’re here,” I whisper, slowly grinding on his growing erection.
“I’ve already told you,” he says, groaning as he tries to lift his hips.
>
I turn on his lap, pressing my ass against his crotch and leaning on his chest. He bends his head and nuzzles my neck, licking the length of my throat before biting my earlobe.
“You didn’t want to see me all those years. Why now?” I whisper. I shouldn’t ask him that, shouldn’t let him know losing him hurt me, but I can’t help myself.
“I dreamed of you every fucking day since the first day I saw you in your garden. At first, my dreams were innocent, then they weren’t. I’ve been dreaming about finding you and coming for you.”
I don’t know if he’s threatening or worshiping me with his words, but before I can decide, he continues, “Twenty fucking years have passed and I’m still dreaming of you every day.” He nibbles my neck as he fights with the ropes. “Fucking untie me, Nikki!”
He’s shaking with frustration. His need is so strong it’s almost scary, but I’m not scared. I’m truly turned on. My thong is sticking to my wet folds, and I’m sure I’m leaving a mark on his dark jeans, but neither of us cares.
I turn again on his lap and straddle his strong thighs, pulling his head by his hair. He grunts but lifts his hips to create the delicious friction between us.
“I told you everything, and you left me,” I moan, rolling my hips on his hard-on.
“I didn’t leave you. I fucking paid the price for you. And now, I’ve come to collect what I’ve earned.” His words are like a riddle. His eyes get the sinister look again.
I wait for him to explain, expecting him to give me an answer, or a fucking apology, but he gives me nothing except word games.
Glaring at him I stand up and walk behind him to untie his hands. After loosening the knot, I grab my dress and open the door to go out. Before slamming the door behind me, I look at him over my shoulder and say, “I don’t understand why you’re here. I don’t know what you’re planning on, but you know what? I don’t give a fuck about your games. I’m done with the past, and you belong there… in my past.”
Chapter 14
Past