by Rhonda Shaw
Maybe there really wasn’t anything wrong and he was just paranoid, more sensitive to idiosyncrasies since he felt like he had something to prove. Not only did he feel he needed to be dominating on the field in order to justify his large contract, but he had to do everything he could to get his team back to the playoffs. As the Ace, Jerry felt the responsibility landed squarely on his shoulders. Any failure to make it into the playoffs and win the pennant would be unacceptable, and it would be on him. They had gotten too far last year not to win it all this year.
Maybe he assumed too much accountability for the team—there was a limit to what he could do by himself—but it was his job to get them there, no matter how he did it. Not feeling one hundred percent wasn’t going to cut it.
Jerry sighed and tilted his head, catching a glimpse of the phone on the nightstand out of the corner of his eye. He turned toward it before frowning and wondering why the thought to call Karen had even crossed his mind. Sure, the night he’d spent with her had been incredible—so unbelievable that he found himself fantasizing about it days later—but that didn’t explain why that made him want to call her while he was away. Definitely not “friends with bennies” protocol.
If he did give her a buzz, she would probably laugh at him and call him whipped before hanging up the phone. What Jerry needed was a distraction. He was bored sitting in the hotel room with nothing to do and was just looking to find something to fill his time.
Just as Jerry sat up to look for someone to bug, the door opened and his road roomie, Chase, walked in.
“Hey, beautiful. Where have you been?” he asked as Chase strode past and threw his wallet and a plastic bag on the desk by the window.
“I was out trying to find a wedding gift for Maddie.”
“What’d you find?”
“Nothing.” Chase sat down on his bed with a sigh and rubbed his spiky brown hair in frustration. “I don’t know what to fucking get her. I just got a stuffed animal for Bree.”
“Get her jewelry. Chicks dig that.”
“I’ve thought about it, but I guess I just wanted something more personal.”
“An engraved dildo?”
Chase stretched out, clasping his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. “You’re an ass.”
“So I’m constantly told,” he muttered under his breath.
“Oh, yeah? By who?”
“Karen calls me that all the time.”
At her mention, Chase leaned over onto his elbow and eyed his friend. “What’s going on with her, man?” When Jerry looked at him with a blank expression, he pressed further. “Come on. I won’t say anything to Maddie because I know if I do she’ll be planning your wedding for you.”
“My wedding, huh?” Jerry said with a crooked grin. “Yeah, not ready for that.”
“So there is something going on? You guys looked cozy at the engagement party.”
He sighed before swinging his legs over the side of the bed, sitting opposite from Chase. “This does not get repeated.”
“My lips are sealed.”
Jerry looked down and took a deep breath. “I think she’s hot.”
“Okay,” Chase said with a frown, clearly expecting more than that. “And?”
“And, nothing. That’s it.”
Chase shook his head. “She’s right. You are an ass.” His cell phone rang, cutting off any further questioning.
“Hey, baby. How are you?”
Jerry lay back down and closed his eyes, letting Chase’s conversation with Maddie fade into the background. He didn’t want to hear all the lovey-dovey stuff anyway, but when Chase mentioned Karen, his eyes flew open and his attention rocketed back to their discussion.
“Is she going to come over to watch the game with you tomorrow?” he heard Chase ask.
A moment passed where Jerry could hear Maddie talking, but he couldn’t make out her words.
“She’s going on a date?” Chase asked.
A date? She was going on a date? Already? He’d barely gotten on a plane and out of town before she’d something set up with some other guy. Jerry knew it shouldn’t bother him, they weren’t exclusive or anything, but he felt some resentment at the suddenness of it. Well, if she was going to play it that way, then he could too. There was no reason why he couldn’t find a nice young lady in each city to spend some time with while he was on the road. He ignored the voice that said he really didn’t want to, that he was content, and focused on the fact that apparently Karen wasn’t satisfied. He didn’t know why the idea bothered him, but it did.
He could hear Chase wrapping up the conversation, so he worked to remove any sign of irritation from his face. When Chase hung up with a rush of “I love yous” that made Jerry want to gag, he turned his head and grinned at his roomie.
“You guys are so disgusting,” he said.
Chase stood up and flipped him off. “You’re just jealous.”
Jerry laughed and rolled his eyes, but when the bathroom door shut behind Chase, his smile fell.
Was he jealous? Naw, he wasn’t jealous. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to feel tied down and stuck. He liked being free to do what he wanted and go where he pleased, when he pleased. He didn’t need to “report” in to anyone but himself.
He sat back up and eyed the phone. Why do I keeping wanting to call her then? he asked himself.
When the one answer that kept popping into his head was the one he refused to consider or even contemplate, he swore and told himself he was wrong. He wasn’t interested in her in that way; he wasn’t ready to be interested in anyone in that way. He didn’t want anything serious; he just wanted to have more hot, sweaty, amazing sex with her and that was it. His whole body was in agreement with that. He just had to convince his brain, and then everything would be all set.
* * *
Jerry stood on the small dirt mound in the middle of the stadium and stared down the hitter standing ready at home plate. The Seattle Sea Dogs were up by one run and they currently had two ducks on the pond—a runner at first base and another at third—in the bottom of the fourth inning.
He’d started out strong, consistently getting groundouts and hitting the strike zone hard, but as with his previous games, after three solid innings, something had gone wrong and everything was off. It was as if he was suddenly trying too hard to steer his pitches or blow them by the batter rather than just taking a breath and throwing as he should. He only had one out and had to get another two without them scoring any more runs.
The sun felt too hot, his uniform too stifling and the crowd too loud, but Jerry tried to ignore it all. He wiped some sweat from his brow and held the ball behind his back as he watched Matt go through the signs behind the plate, trying not to think about how much he’d rather be out of the sun and in the dugout with some cold water.
Jerry shook off the changeup and slider, looking for the fastball. He knew he could throw it right by this guy, but for some reason, he and Matt were not on the same page. After he’d shaken off everything, Matt finally asked for time from the home plate umpire as he trotted out to the mound.
“What’s up, Smutty?”
“I want the heater,” Jerry said from behind his glove.
“If you give this guy a fastball right down the middle, he’s gonna hit it. We need to give him something off.”
“I can blow it by him.”
Matt sighed, before giving Jerry a fist bump. “Fine, but bring it in real hot, Smutty.”
When Matt was back in position behind the plate, his catcher’s mitt outstretched, Jerry wound up and gave it all he had. The batter swung hard, but missed. Jerry glanced at the large electronic scoreboard out in left field and saw he’d only hit ninety-eight miles per hour with the last pitch.
That was it? he thought with disbelief. It felt like it
should have clocked over a hundred with the way his arm throbbed.
Matt went through the signs again, and just as before, Jerry called off the slider and the changeup before Matt finally threw down the sign for the fastball. He wound up, determined to make it invisible to the hitter, to top a hundred miles per hour, but the batter was waiting for it, expecting it and, with a loud crack, sent the ball soaring high into the outfield. Jerry watched as it sailed into the right field seats before closing his eyes. The crowd went wild, somehow growing even louder, like there were a million fans all yelling at once, ecstatic with the home team taking a four-run lead.
“Fuck,” he muttered as he kicked the dirt with his cleats. Agitated, Jerry walked off the mound and onto the infield grass, resisting the urge to yank off his cap and tug his hair.
He glanced toward the dugout and saw the coaches moving about. He had to stay in the game and he had to get the remaining outs, that was all there was to it. He’d gotten them into this mess and he’d be the one to clean it up. Jerry glanced at the bullpen and spotted a couple of his teammates tossing balls and warming up. There was no way they were going to pull him in the fourth inning. He knew he could make it to the eighth, at least, before turning the ninth over to the Closer. It’s what the Ace did.
Jerry climbed back onto the mound and set himself on the rubber, ready to toss out the next pitch, when Buck came out of his crouch and trotted up to the hill. Their head coach strolled toward them from the dugout and signaled to the bullpen, calling for the right-hander. Seeing this, Jerry hung his head as he took a deep breath, trying to quell his anger.
“I’m good, Skip,” Jerry said when Coach Brooklyn stepped up with his hand outstretched.
“Naw, come on,” their Skipper said as he waited patiently for the ball. “We’re gonna let Monroe close things out.”
“I’m telling ya, I’m good.”
“This isn’t a discussion, Smutty. Let’s go.”
“Un-fucking-believable,” he grumbled as he handed the ball over and made the long walk to the dugout.
As he descended the steps, his teammates stepped forward to slap his back, but Jerry wasn’t in the mood for any of it. He grabbed a towel off the bench, tossing it around his neck, and headed straight down the tunnel to the locker room without a backward glance, needing to be alone.
He slumped down in front of his cubby and went through a mental checklist, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
He felt fine. His arm didn’t hurt, it wasn’t tired and there was no pain in his elbow or his shoulder. There was also no sign of any blisters on his fingers that might be causing his throws to be off or less effective. His grips were what they should be and he was standing in the same spot on the rubber as he had been for years. What the hell was going on? Why was he slowly starting to unravel with each game?
Jerry closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he unbuttoned his red jersey and pulled it out of his pants. What he needed was to stop thinking about it. All he was going to succeed in doing was freezing himself if he continued to overanalyze everything. Maybe once he stopped fixating on it so much, his mind would clear and he would get back to normal. He needed a distraction, something to take his attention off baseball, off his problems, and eyed his cell phone sitting on the shelf in his locker.
No, he thought, she’s not it. She’s on a date, remember?
Before he did something he would regret, he grabbed his towel and headed for the showers.
* * *
“Well, that was a crappy game,” Karen said as she helped Maddie pick up the remains of their snacks from the family room table.
“I know,” Maddie replied as she walked into the kitchen. “Sorry you had to miss out on your date for that.”
Karen waved her off. “No biggie. I probably didn’t miss much.”
In fact, she hadn’t even wanted to go out on the date after spending the night with Jerry. She couldn’t get him out of her mind even days later; she felt as if she was still glowing, walking around with a permanent smile on her face. The cute bartender that she’d met the day before Maddie’s engagement party had promised her a night she would never forget, but he now seemed dull and predictable. He never would have measured up to Jerry...not to mention it felt a little wrong to go out with someone else.
Even though she and Jerry had never said they were exclusive, for some reason Karen wasn’t even interested in meeting anyone else. She kept telling herself that she wasn’t in a committed relationship and she was free to see whom she wanted, but she just couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm about it. It wasn’t because she had feelings for Jerry, because she definitely didn’t. It was only because of the amazing sex they’d had. So she’d canceled her date with the bartender without a second thought, telling him—and Maddie—that she’d had a last minute meeting with a client.
“I wonder what’s up with Jerry,” Maddie wondered aloud.
Karen forced her expression and voice to remain disinterested. “What do you mean?”
“Well, there’s obviously something going on. He’s not pitching like he used to. You can see that. I mean, who can’t? Everyone’s asking about it, speculating on it. Before this season, I don’t think I can ever remember him not going a full eight innings.”
“It probably just wasn’t his night. He can’t be perfect all of the time.”
Maddie stopped and turned with her hand on her hip. “This is Jerry we’re talking about, remember? Of course he has to be perfect.”
“Why do you say that?” Karen asked as she stood next to her at the counter. “I think he’s realistic in what he can accomplish.”
“What I mean is, while you’d never know by how he’s always joking around and being goofy, Jerry puts a lot of pressure on himself and he takes all this very seriously. In his mind, he has to be perfect every five days when it’s his turn in the pitching rotation. Hell, if he doesn’t have a shutout every time, he thinks that’s not good enough. Especially now with this contract.”
“What about his contract?”
Maddie gave her a look of disbelief. “Where have you been? He signed like the biggest contract ever offered to a pitcher in Detroit. Didn’t you hear that?”
“No, I meant what does that have to do with it?”
“Well, at the time, Chase was worried that all of the attention from it was going to impact Jerry’s game, put too much stress on him. Maybe that’s what we’re seeing. He hasn’t been himself in his last few starts, that’s for sure.”
“Huh...maybe...” Karen mumbled.
“What?” Maddie asked, eyeing her sharply. “Do you know of another reason why his game is off?”
Karen stepped back from the force of her gaze. “No! Why are you looking at me like that? Why would I know anything? I’m just his real estate agent, for freak’s sake, not his shrink.”
Maddie narrowed her eyes before turning back to the sink. “Humph.”
“What does that mean?”
She whipped around and pointed a wet finger at her. “I’m not sure I believe you, Karen Bently. You two were definitely acting pretty friendly at the engagement party. I can’t believe you would lie to me. Me,” she said as she poked her chest with her finger, “of all people.”
Karen refused to feel guilty. “How am I lying? I don’t know what’s going on in his head.” That was true, at least.
“You’re not telling me something and you know it.” Before Karen could say anything, Maddie waved her off. “Don’t bother denying it anymore. You’ll tell me in your own time, I guess.”
The phone on the wall in the kitchen rang and saved Karen from having to continue her fabrications. Maddie reached for it and beamed as she answered it, knowing who it was from the caller ID.
“Hi, honey. How are you?”
When Maddie sat down at the table
to settle in as she talked to Chase, Karen grabbed her purse and kissed her cheek before heading out the front door. She climbed in her car and let out a breath.
She would not feel bad for wanting to keep what was going on between her and Jerry quiet, especially since it was only sex. Nothing else. Others didn’t need to know about their business and she knew if she did say anything, Maddie would start trying to set up double dates and wanting to have a double wedding or whatever else that could be doubled. They were two consenting adults and what happened between them was just that—between them. There was nothing else to discuss.
Stepping into her house, Karen walked into the kitchen and placed her purse on the table. She grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and turned as she took a sip, eyeing the front pocket of her handbag. Unable to stop herself, she pulled out her cell phone and checked the display for any missed calls. Seeing none, she quickly bit back the disappointment and shook her head.
“Why would you think he would call you?” she muttered. “You’re not his girlfriend, idiot.”
Walking into the living room with her bottle of water in one hand and her phone in the other, she sat on the couch and closed her eyes. She was beginning to expect things out of Jerry that was beyond what they had agreed to—beyond what she even wanted. Why would she think he would call her from the road? She didn’t even want that. She wanted things simple and carefree, and that’s what she was going to get—no promises, no responsibility and no commitment. They’d had sex—incredible sex—and that was all she needed. She could use him until she was done with him and then toss him out and move on to the next model. It was how she’d lived her life so far, and there was no reason to change it now when it worked. No one got hurt and everybody came out a winner.
Then why did she feel a slight ache in her chest that told her she missed him? Why did she find her thoughts continuously returning to him, wondering what he was doing and whether he was thinking about her?
Karen glanced back down at the cell phone in her hand and tossed it into the corner of the couch with a huff. She was starting to get clingy in her old age and that just pissed her off. She didn’t do the insecure, dependence thing—not anymore. She had to put a stop to things before they became even more muddled, and she would—the next time she saw him. She’d had her taste of Jerry, and although it was the best she’d ever had, it was time to move on, and that was what she was going to do.