She had to force the words, thick, from her throat. “I do want this, Seb. Lift me. Put me on you. You in me.”
His hands were on her hips in an instant, lifting her, and then he set her gently down, his shaft sliding into her tightness. He dropped her painstakingly slow, letting her body open completely to him before lowering her further.
Fully filled, her body meeting his, Brianna exhaled a quivering breath, her nails digging into his back. “Again.”
He nodded, silent, lifting her just as slowly, and repeating.
“Again. Faster. And do not stop.”
This time his nod was not silent. A tortured groan rumbled from his chest. But Sebastian continued on, bringing her up and down, his muscles straining, his breath heavy.
He grimaced, battling against his own body as he looked up at her, desperate. “Tell me not to come, Bree. Tell me you are close.”
Her right hand curled into the back of his hair. “I want you to, Seb. Do it now. I want to feel you deep inside me. Feel you fill me. Feel you shudder. Now.”
“Dammit, Bree.”
“Do it, Seb.” She pushed downward, fighting his hands on her hips that held her high. “Do it.”
Growling, he let her slide down on him, his body violently quaking with the last stroke. He buried his face into her chest, his mouth on her skin. Brianna could feel him expand wide within her, the waves ripping through his body and emptying into hers.
Still pulsating deep inside her, he tore his head backward, looking up at her. “Hell, Bree. I am not about to accept that. You did not join me.” His hands ran up from her hips, his fingers going to her breasts. “Give me permission, Bree.”
“Permission for what?”
“To do to you what I want. What you need me to do. Give me the control. If only for a few minutes. I will stop if you demand it.” He grabbed the back of her head, pushing her mouth down to his, his voice a low rumble. “But you will not demand to stop, Bree. I will make sure of it. Just give up control, Bree. Let it go. Let me have it.”
Her eyes went wide, watching his face, staring into the brown eyes that she knew, quite honestly, had only comforted her.
She could do this. She had to. For the very need he had awakened, but she had not allowed to be satisfied. She had to. Her soul needed this.
“You have my permission.”
“I will only do this if you swear you will not hold back, Bree.”
She nodded.
“Swear it.”
“I do.”
He attacked her lips, his mouth demanding, taking control of her, nipping her skin as his tongue consumed. Her mouth battered, sated, he yanked away, grabbing her around her lower back and flipping them. She landed on the cool pebbles, the smooth stones clinking underneath her backside.
He moved his legs between hers, sending her thighs apart. For a second, his body left her as he went upright on his knees. He looked down, his eyes travelling over her body, and Brianna could see quite clearly that he wanted to attack every line of her skin.
His left hand went down, slipping beneath her right knee and bending it upward. He bent, his eyes not leaving hers, and set his mouth on her calf. Leisurely—agonizingly so—he moved upward along her leg, each touch of his mouth only a hair away from the last touch of his mouth. Past her knee, he continued the assault, teasing the curve of her inner thigh.
By the time he reached the top of her thigh, Brianna could barely breathe. And then he advanced.
Spreading her legs wide, he set his mouth to her core, his tongue sliding into the folds. Brianna buckled instantly at the touch, a breathless scream ripping from her mouth.
Circling, his tongue explored her, sending her body to pitch hard against him, her fingers going into his hair, grasping for stability. He sucked. He teased with his teeth. He thrust her body into writhing with the onslaught of his tongue delving deep into her.
And just when Brianna’s scream turned into pleading, demanding for release, he pulled up.
His lips left her for only a second until they landed on her belly, and he travelled up her body to take control of her left nipple.
Within seconds, his face was above her, hovering as unsatisfied frustration boiled in her.
Then realization hit Brianna. Her eyes went huge. “Again? You are…”
“Hell yes, I am ready, Bree. And you are too this time.”
He smiled as he plunged into her, no hesitation, and brought her back to the edge within three strokes.
Brianna screamed, nails ripping across his back. “Seb.”
He did not slow. “I am doing this to you, Bree. You will come for me.”
His words, a hard thrust, and Brianna crashed, her body vibrating, exploding in all directions. He continued through her tremors, pulling more out of her with each stroke. At the second she could take no more, he slammed into her, exploding and filling her again.
He dropped onto her and rolled, gripping her and pulling her with him, his body still connected with hers.
The movement made little sense in Brianna’s haze. Nothing made sense in her haze. The only thing in her head was wave after wave of release pounding through her brain.
Only one thought managed to make its way clear into her mind. This, what Sebastian had just done to her, was something she had never felt before.
And it scared her to the bottom of her soul.
{ Chapter 9 }
Sebastian watched the long strand of hair, brown with a streak of blond in it, untwirl from his forefinger and drop onto his chest above Brianna’s head.
This, he could do all day. Brianna sprawled on top of him. Her head resting on the divot along his chest. The stream gurgling by. Summer sun warming his skin.
He picked up the strand again, threading it through his fingers.
Brianna shifted on top of him, their skin, sticky hot between them, pulling. No matter. He had his wife in his arms. A wife that surprised him at every turn.
He had always sensed the depth in her, the passion being suffocated. But once she had committed, she had no reservations about how their bodies should meet, how Sebastian could touch her.
His hips moved under her, pebbles clinking as he readjusted. He didn’t think he could be ready again so soon, but he was quickly thinking himself to that point.
Distraction. He needed a distraction, lest his new wife think this was all her life was to become.
“What is in your mind right now, my wife?”
Her face toward the stream, her voice came out soft, lazy. “I was wondering why I always seem to end up naked or near-naked with you by a stream.”
Sebastian chuckled.
“Yes. And how unfair it was the last time when it was so innocent, but the repercussions were so enormous.”
“And this time?”
He could feel her smile against his skin. “So much more deserving of a forced marriage, as I had better be married to any man that is going to do what you just did to me.”
She shifted her head, her chin resting on his chest as her crystal blue eyes found his face.
“And if anyone caught us now, it would be awkward—a few red faces—but nothing more, no repercussions. It is freeing. I had not thought on how much freedom being married would actually afford me.”
“You thought you were to be captured?”
“Yes. And I am captured. I am no longer my own property.” She shrugged. “But I am not in a cage. This—at least today, has not been the worst day ever.”
“That is a compliment, I presume?” He freed a strand of hair that had matted onto her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. “And I doubt I could ever keep you in a cage, Bree. You have far too much will for that.”
His finger traced her cheekbone as he hid a sigh. She still resisted him. For all her body had given over to him, she still resisted their marriage—him. It had been too much to ask for, that this would change anything in her mind.
Patience. One moment at a time, he reminded himself.
; He forced a grin onto his face. “Plus, Bree, you out in the world—free, riding a horse, pleasuring your husband in broad daylight by a stream—is far more enjoyable to my tastes then having you at Notlund.”
“You find the castle suffocating? But your rooms there are exquisite—not to mention, hidden well away from the mix of the other rooms and activity.”
“True, Rowe did do a commendable job with my suite, but I still find most things inside suffocating.”
She tapped his chest in front of her nose with her forefinger. “You do appear to be in your element outside, riding a horse—oh—the horses.”
She pushed herself upright, untangling her body from his as her head swiveled up and down the bank of the stream.
Sebastian sat up. “There.”
He pointed downstream a stretch. Moonlight was standing under the shade of a large willow tree, and he could see the tail of his horse just past the branches. “They have not wandered too far.”
“As long as we do not have to walk back to the castle, I am happy.” Brianna spun to sit on her behind, stretching out her legs to dip her toes into the water. “It appears as though it will be beastly hot again today. This is the oddest weather.”
Sebastian could not resist joining her, moving forward to the water to sink his own feet and legs into the stream. He leaned forward, sliding his hand along the inside of Brianna’s left knee, bent up to the sky, and pressed it to his own leg. So smooth. He missed having the blanket of her on his body already.
Just as he was about to let his hand slip down her inner thigh, he spotted the end of a white scar wrapping around her left calf.
He scooted forward, lifting her leg so he could see the back of her calf.
How had he missed this earlier? Five separate scars, long and white with time, cut across her calf.
“Hell, Brianna…”
His mind raced. He could think of no instrument, no piece of machinery that could have possibly accidently cut her in such a manner. Not for how evenly they were spaced down her leg.
He glanced up to her face, only to see all color drain from her cheeks.
“How?” Sebastian’s fingers ran up from her ankle, pausing at each line bumping from her skin. “Tell me about these.”
“No.” She jerked her leg away. “No. Do not ask me about them, Seb.”
Tucking her leg under her, she glared at him, mouth tight.
Sebastian could not stop himself. “Then tell me about Gregory.”
Stung as though he had just thrown fire on her, she jumped to her feet, rushing away from him as she yanked up her shift from the pile of clothes on the rocks. She jabbed her head and arms into the cloth. “What do you know? What did my sister tell you?”
“Nothing.” Sebastian followed her. “Just that you loved a man named Gregory. You were to marry him, but he disappeared.”
Brianna froze at his words, her hands gripping the shift she had half down her body. It only took a second before her body began to shake, instant anger pouring from her. “That is something. She had no right. No right at all.”
“Lily did not tell me in order to hurt you.”
“She still had no right to speak his name.” Ignoring her stays, she picked up her silk shirt and shoved her arms into the sleeves.
“Why?” Sebastian grabbed his breeches and slipped them on as he moved to stand in front of her. “What about him makes you this mad?”
“I am not mad.” Her hands trembling, she attempted to button her shirt. She failed.
“No?” Sebastian grabbed both of her quaking hands, pulling them from the fabric. “Then what about him makes you this scared, Brianna?”
Her eyes snapped up and she stared at him, her mouth pulled tight, fury pouring from her. The shaking left her hands and travelled up her arms to her shoulders. The trembling invaded her body, and the longer she stared at Sebastian, the more she shook.
Holding her hands captive, he stepped closer to her, slowly, gently. “What did he do to you, Bree?”
Her head swung back and forth, her mouth tight.
He dropped her hands and bent over, his fingers slipping under her shift to lift it and expose her left calf.
“Did he do this to you? Did he ruin you like this?”
She stared down at him, tears springing to her eyes, her head shaking. “No. Do not.”
“You loved him, Brianna. You were going to marry him.”
Her hands balled into fists. “Lily should not have told you that.”
Sebastian dropped the skirt of her shift, standing straight. “But she did, Bree. Is this why you have fought me at every turn? Refused to acknowledge the very willing man that is in front of you? Refused to acknowledge that I want you? And not just your body. This has never been about your body. It is about you, Brianna. All of you.”
She spun, trying to escape him.
He snatched her wrist, shaking it. “You would rather live with your heart tethered to a lost love than look at the man in front of you?”
Brianna jerked her arm, trying to free herself while refusing to look at him.
Sebastian rounded her, grabbing both of her shoulders. She kept her head turned, avoiding his eyes.
Sebastian leaned in, his hard words in her ear. “Or is it that he did this to you and you have never admitted it to yourself?”
Her eyes whipped to him, on fire. “Admitted it to myself?”
She scoffed a forced laugh, her eyes to the sky. Shaking her head, her look dropped to him, pinning him with ferocity.
“I live with this every single damn day, Seb, every single damn second. So do not venture to think you know what is in my mind. Do not think you know what happened. I damn well know exactly what he did. What he did to me. What he did to my father.”
“And you still love him.”
Her fists came up, shoving hard enough at his chest that she broke his hold. Several desperate steps backward and she stumbled, turning from him. “Dammit, Seb, shut the hell up. You do not know what you speak of.”
Palms up, he stepped cautiously toward her. “So tell me, Brianna. Tell me that you do not still love him.”
“I hate him.” She spun back to Sebastian, barreling past his hands to hit his chest, shoving him away. “I hate him with every breath I take. With every step. With every thought. I hate him. Is that what you need to hear, Seb? You need to make me speak of him? Think of him?”
In an instant, the exploding fire in her vanished and she crumpled to her knees.
Her arms wrapping her own body, she huddled into herself, gasping for breath.
Crushed. She was utterly crushed. On her knees, her entire being broken.
He had wanted to know—but not like this. Not with the pain he saw coursing through her body. He bent, his hand spreading wide on her back. “Brianna—”
She jerked around, smacking his arm away from her body. “Just leave. Leave me the hell alone, Seb.”
“Brianna, I am—”
“Leave me alone, Seb.” Her eyes came up to him, her words vicious. “I hate that you are daring to ask me these questions. I hate that I had to marry you. I hate what you are making me do.”
“Bree, what am I making you do?”
His hands came forward, but she slapped him away before he even touched her.
“Just leave me the hell alone, Seb.” She looked up at him, her head shaking, her voice a mere whisper. “Do not make me hate you as well. I will. I will hate you. If you do not leave me, Seb, I will hate you.”
Sebastian looked down at his wife. Huddled, shaking, wanting—yearning—to hate him.
He couldn’t afford to give her a reason to do so.
With one nod, he stepped away from her.
Picking up his shirt and boots, he walked downstream to collect his horse.
And he vanished.
~~~
Brianna didn’t want to have to sink to the level of asking the duke about her husband’s whereabouts, but she was desperate.
Desperat
e to unleash her anger at him, but Sebastian was not at Notlund. And her annoyance was starting to unjustly bleed out at the people around her.
Sebastian had been gone for a full fortnight—two very long weeks—and not a single soul had questioned his disappearance. No one—except Brianna.
It was quite possible that everyone around her knew where Sebastian was, and wouldn’t that be a cruel joke? Everyone but his wife knowing where he was, what he was doing.
Brianna knew she had been overly harsh with him at the stream. She had known it almost immediately. But he had pushed—dug too deep into memories that she could not let see the light of day. Not if she was to remain strong. Remain sane.
She had been so close to breaking in front of Sebastian, and she couldn’t let that happen.
Ruined. His word for what happened to her. And that was exactly what she was—ruined—not whole. She had been hiding that fact for years.
She wasn’t about to let Sebastian see how broken she truly was. No. She would refuse it to her last breath.
But now he was gone. He had left her, just like that. Used her body and then disappeared. And Brianna wasn’t about to let another man do that to her.
A deep breath to swallow her pride, and Brianna stepped into the open doorway of the duke’s study, her knuckles rapping on the wood frame.
Sans a jacket, the sleeves of his white linen shirt rolled up to his elbows, the duke looked up from the papers on the desk in front of him. A genuine smile crossed his face.
“Brianna, come in.”
“I am not interrupting your work?”
“You are more important than a few pieces of paper. Come, sit.” He motioned to the leather chair across from the desk. “You have a more serious look about you than usual. Was there something amiss about Lord Newdale and his family’s departure? Lily did not commit to him—answer his proposal, did she?”
“No, nothing of the sort.” Brianna sat. “They have departed and Lily has done as I asked and promised him an answer at the end of summer.”
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