‘Yes,’ Max said consideringly and after a moment sat down on the edge of the bed. ‘Would you leave us, Miss Lucas? I think it might be better if I talk to Mr Lackland quietly for a while. Perhaps you could wait for me in Sister’s office? I’ll try not to keep you too long.’
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Brin, you can be quite - honest with Dr Lackland, you know. He - we all treat all of our patients in total confidence.’ Listen to what I’m saying, Brin, her silent voice was crying in her mind, listen to what I’m saying, and trust him. I can’t help you if you don’t help me and anyone I bring to see you. Listen to me -
‘Thank you Charlie,’ he said, but he was still looking at Max and after a moment she pulled the curtain aside, ready to leave them.
‘I’m sure I can persuade our patient of our shared concern for him, Miss Lucas,’ Max said, and his voice was very level. ‘You really don’t have to give me a reference, you know!’ and she caught her breath at the rebuke, again feeling like a raw new student, who had made a stupid answer to a simple question.
‘Of course,’ she said stiffly and this time she did go, letting the curtain drop behind her, but not before looking swiftly at Brin once more. But he wasn’t looking at her at all. All his attention was fixed on Max and she felt bleak and lonely as she finally went away up the ward, leaving the two men together. She wanted Brin to feel better, to come to terms with his injury in such a way that he would never again do anything as dreadful as he had the other night with those sleeping-pills, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted any other doctor but herself to be the one to make him whole again. And that was a dreadful way for a doctor to be.
5
‘Coffee?’ Johanna said hopefully as at last the meeting broke up. ‘Lee? You do agree that we need some sustenance of some sort to get us over that? Will you join me? We might manage to get something over at the Savoy.’
‘Oh,’ Lee said uncertainly and bit her lip. ‘I’m not sure - I thought perhaps I’d see if I could find Harry, and then - well, it’s almost lunchtime and - ’
Johanna shook her head at her, smiling gently. ‘Don’t, my dear. I used to do things like that. It never made any difference. Made it worse, actually.’
Lee lifted her chin with a slightly defiant little gesture. ‘I don’t know what you mean, Jo - ’
‘Oh, darling, of course you do. This is me, Johanna, remember? Jonty’s wife. If I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes, who does? I stood in them so long myself, after all - ’
Lee couldn’t look at her, keeping her head bent over her hands as she fiddled in her bag. She knew that Johanna was right, of course; it never helped to go after Harry, to seem to show an awareness of what he was doing. Oh, he’d be friendly enough if she tracked him down, charming even, but he’d tell her he couldn’t have lunch, so sorry, much too busy, and would go off to sit and share his meal in the common room with whoever was young and female on the medical staff, while she went home alone to eat a meagre sandwich in the nursery with Stella, knowing he was snubbing her, and knowing too that he knew he need do nothing to comfort her. Because wouldn’t she go on being sweet and good, refusing to make any sort of fuss, refusing to let him know how hurt she was by his silly philandering ways?
That was the trouble between them of course. Both knew the other so well that they could judge to a nicety what reaction would follow which action, and neither could bring themselves to talk about what had happened to them. There had been a time, once, when their closeness had warmed them both, but that had all seemed to dissolve into emptiness once Stella had been born. His interest in the children had dwindled as hers had grown and now they were like strangers, remote yet appallingly familiar, sharing a bed, sharing lovemaking too from time to time, but never sharing their real feelings or their real needs. It was a lonely way to be.
Now she lifted her eyes and caught Johanna’s limpid sympathetic gaze and felt her lips tighten. Johanna looked dreadful, of course, old before her time and quite devastated; everyone knew that and said as much to each other in hushed tones, sympathizing in her widowed state and her obvious grief, but sometimes Lee couldn’t help but wonder if, in a sense, Johanna didn’t glory in her situation. Jonty dead was all her own, unlike Jonty alive, for then she had to share him with any number of women. And how she had hated that, and how she had fussed and wept and fussed again, so that everyone in the family knew of it. But now, she fussed no more, going about in her black clothes looking dreadful and yet somehow contented in her sadness; and Lee took in a sharp little breath through her nose and castigated herself for being so uncharitable. Of course Johanna mourned her Jonty wholeheartedly and of course she wished to have him back, even if he had been so cruel to her and so busy about other women’s skirts. To think otherwise was to be very unkind indeed.
‘All right,’ she said impulsively, ‘I’ll come with you. Then we can talk about what this Benefit is to be and make plans. I could try to phone Letty from the Savoy, come to think of it, and perhaps go and see her this afternoon. Nanny is taking Stella to a friend for tea and then meeting Sally after school, and Michael’s playing rugger till six, and I can be home well before that, so there’s no reason why I shouldn’t -’
‘Lovely!’ Johanna said. ‘And I’m not meeting Claudia till after she finishes at the showroom, which probably won’t be till after four. We have a cocktail party to go to at her future mother-in-law’s hotel. She’s in town for the weekend. Frightful woman, never stops talking about her war work with the evacuees - as though we didn’t all do as much as we could - but there it is - Claudia wants me to go. So go I shall, but let’s see if we can get some lunch at the Savoy. What do you say? It would be such a treat - ’
‘If we can get a table,’ Lee said. ‘It’s getting impossible to get anything these days - I swear it’s worse now than it was when the War was on - but by all means, let’s try. How is Claudia? Is it a good match? Is she happy?’
‘It’s a lovely match,’ Johanna said warmly, as they made their way down the stairs. ‘He’s a dear chap, and very eligible, from an old family. His place is in Norfolk and his father’s made a very good thing of farming the estate all through the years, so Edward’s come home to something worth while, not like some poor ex-officers. They’ve got a few thousand acres up there and Claudia says his father’s been quite clever with money, so it’s nice to know she’s all right. With Jolly so set on medicine and no intention at all, as far as I can tell, of ever trying to make any fortunes, it’s good to know I needn’t worry about darling Claudia.’
‘Oh, Johanna, my dear, you do sound so very old-fashioned! As if anyone these days worried about people marrying money! I was just wondering if Claudia was really happy - not whether she was doing well for herself. Though I suppose it’s something she’s getting married at all, as far as I can tell. Have you heard Barbara Burns going on about her two girls? Both in the WAAFS and had the most racketty time imaginable and certainly not intending to settle down now the fun’s over, and Beattie Cowper is saying the same thing about her girl. And yet here’s you sounding just like my darling Mamma used to about me, always going on about marrying well and how much money was there and -’
‘She was right to worry,’ Johanna said a little sharply as they came out into the rain of Endell Street and began to busy themselves with umbrellas. ‘Getting a girl nicely settled is important. Wait till your two are of an age, and you’ll see! You’ll worry just as much as anyone else. Mothers always do.’
‘I dare say you’re right.’ They began to walk, picking their way over the puddles. ‘It’s just that the War seems to have changed so many things - all the things that used to seem right everyone questions now and nothing seems sure any more and black’s white and white’s red and -’
‘It’s only surface change,’ Johanna said sapiently. ‘Just as it was after the last War, when everyone went wild on Armistice Night and then the girls were a bit rebellious for a few months, and wanted to go on working and so fort
h, but it all went back to normal soon enough. Don’t you remember?’
‘Not really,’ Lee said, as they stopped on the kerb of Long Acre, waiting till the traffic gave them space to cross to James Street so that they could push their way through Covent Garden to the Strand. Neither of them had even considered the possibility of finding a taxi, rare as gold dust these busy days, and they stood and stared across at the gaps in the buildings across the street, glad of the respite as they waited for the chance to move on. ‘Not really. It seems like a different world, the past. I don’t think I was ever there, not really. It’s like I dreamed it.’ She stopped, staring blank-eyed across the street, and then laughed. ‘It looks the way Sally looks when she smiles.’
‘Mmm?’ Johanna peered at her under the edge of her umbrella. ‘What was that?’
‘The street, with those gaps. Like Sally’s teeth, all blank. Odd really. I can’t remember how that used to be either. It’s as though it was always like this, all battered and ugly -’
‘It won’t stay that way for long,’ Johanna said and pulled on Lee’s arm as a space appeared in the traffic. ‘Jolly never stops talking about what this Government’s going to do, rebuilding and nationalizing and heaven knows what else. To listen to him it’s going to be heaven on earth in no time, and everyone healthy and beautiful and no one needing doctors at all, except to advise them on staying well. He’s quite embarrassing sometimes, he’s such a supporter of that dreary little Attlee man.’ She laughed then as they reached the other side and plunged into the narrow streets that led them towards Covent Garden. ‘He says that people like us will be swept aside once it all happens. No more Boards of Governors, he says, no more lady bountifuls running things. Nellie’s will belong to the patients and we won’t get a look in. Dear Jolly,’ she ended fondly. ‘So silly sometimes! Not far now, thank the Lord. My feet are killing me. Heavens, what a stench of onions!’
‘Apples too,’ Lee said as they rounded the corner and came at last into the marketplace, where a few late porters were still sweeping up and the last fruit and vegetables were being loaded onto the vans. ‘Oh, Johanna, do you remember how it used to be here? Pineapples and bananas and oranges and -’
‘And roses and lilies and all sorts of exotic flowers from France and -’
‘- And you could get all the fish and meat you wanted and butter and cheeses too, and all sorts of goodies and -’
‘And you’re going to make yourself so hungry you’ll burst into tears when you see what the Savoy has to offer you for your five bob’s-worth!’ Johanna said and laughed again. ‘The sooner they put an end to all that nonsense the better. I used to think rationing would end when the War did. Foolish me!’
‘Foolish you indeed,’ Lee said and tucked her hand into her cousin’s arm as they hurried down Southampton Street towards the dryness and comfort of the Savoy, which even in these difficult times managed to produce a semblance of luxury for its beleaguered guests. Even a spartan post-war lunch seemed worth eating when you ate it in the Savoy Grill, and both women felt their spirits rise as they hurried there.
Katy had been sitting in the lobby for half an hour when she saw them arrive. She had been nursing her sherry for as long as she could, not wanting to have another before lunch if she could help it. Even in these days of shortages of food and drink you had to be careful of your shape; she’d noticed a most distressing tendency to thicken around the jawline and the middle these past few months, which was appalling for a girl of only thirty-two, and she had no intention of letting anything of that sort creep up on her unawares, even if it did mean having to be boring and dreary over how many drinks you had. And she took another sip from her almost empty glass and set it down again on the table beside her with a small sigh. Surely someone she knew who was fun would come pushing in through the doors soon? It was too absurd to be known all over the world as a leading film star and yet to be at so loose an end that all you could think of doing was sitting at the Savoy hoping someone agreeable would wander in. Too absurd -
And then she saw Lee and Johanna and sat very still, thinking fast. To acknowledge them or not? To attach herself to them for lunch or not? Which was worse? To be alone or to be one of a party of three women? God, how dreary that would be. But the decision was taken from her, as Lee glanced across in her direction and after a moment smiled in recognition.
It was a thin smile and less than spontaneous but a smile all the same, and Katy lifted one languorous hand in acknowledgement and watched as Lee said something to Johanna and the two women made their way across the crowded lobby towards her.
‘My dear Lee, how good to see you, and how unexpected! I had no idea you ever frittered away your time in such gaudy spots as this!’
At once Lee felt she had been consigned to the ranks of the boring and the dull and the little spurt of anger that rose in her to add to that she had felt when she had first seen Katy sitting there, resplendent in green barathea and fox furs, made her want to turn on her heel and go. But that would have amused Katy hugely, as she well knew. So she offered instead a thin-lipped smile and said, ‘I come here occasionally, when there’s nothing more important to do’, knowing it was a cheap little gibe that would have no effect against Katy’s experience-toughened hide. After her years on the stage and in films, it would take more than Lee’s rather feeble remarks to hurt that lady. And knowing that fact made Lee loathe her even more than she did, if that were possible.
‘Oh, my dear, important!’ Katy said and laughed, a tinkling practised sound that made people near by look round at her with interest. ‘I promised myself years ago that I would pay no attention whatsoever to anything important, in my whole life, but concentrate only on what was delicious and amusing. And the Savoy is in that category. Or used to be.’
She made a little face then. ‘It’s threatening to become as tedious here as everywhere else, mind you. The people one sees in the place these days! Orderly-room sergeants and ATS lance-corporals, I swear, and dressed in the most ghastly clothes. You’d think people would have some decent items left from before the War, wouldn’t you? One doesn’t have to be a complete drab, if one tries.’ And she glanced briefly at Johanna’s heavy black dress and coat in a way that made it clear that her opinion of it was very low indeed.
‘I had quite a lot of rather nice things from Schiaparelli, and some lovely Mary Bee clothes, but they were all lost when we were bombed,’ Lee said, and couldn’t resist the note of triumph in her voice. It was the first time that talking about the night her pretty house in St John’s Wood had disappeared, in a crump of high-explosive bombs that had left little more than a rubble-filled crater where London Pride and Rose Bay Willow-herb now grew, had given her any pleasure, and she revelled in it. ‘So difficult, getting clothes right, isn’t it? You look delightful as always of course. American, is it? A lovely costume.’
‘Yes, I brought it over from California when I came last year.’ Katy had the grace to look discomfited. ‘Are you lunching? Perhaps we could -’
‘I’m not sure,’ Johanna said firmly. ‘My daughter said she’d try to join us - if she can get away. So we’ll have a drink and wait for her. Don’t let us hold you up, though. Do go and have your lunch - I’d hate us to be the cause of your missing whatever they’ve managed to provide today -’ And she smiled in a vague sort of way and nodded at Katy, and taking Lee’s elbow in a tight grip led her away to the other side of the lobby.
Katy watched them go and made no attempt to join them. Miserable bitches! she thought, so sniffy and so boring. No wonder Harry had been so willing to have that fling the year before the War, just before she went to California; and her lips curved as she thought about that. Had Lee ever found out? Was that why she had been so sharp? They’d met once or twice since she’d come over last year to make that film for Letty, at dreary family affairs, but she hadn’t been so edgy then. Perhaps if Harry had been there she would have shown a spark of spite then? But he never had, and now Katy let her eyes glaze as she t
hought about Harry.
It would serve Madam Lee right if she went to find him again after all this time; they’d been very close, the two of them, after all, and it could be fun. She had thought that perhaps he had been avoiding her, and had been amused by that, but not unduly perturbed. With a film to make and all sorts of new people to meet, she had had no need to rekindle old flames like Harry. But now the shooting was over, and the film out in the cinemas and the fun had stopped. So maybe she would, after all -
The thought of the film galvanized her into movement, and she got to her feet, pulling her fox furs around her shoulders and tucking her bag under one arm. That bloody film. Letty had promised her the moon and the stars to make the lousy thing, leading lady, top billing, special privileges, massive publicity, the lot, and look what had happened. The film had had rave notices, and was doing excellent business - which was nice, considering she had a percentage of the box office receipts included in her contract - but she personally had been raked by the critics and that was far from nice. Supercilious bastards, she thought now as she made her way across the lobby towards the entrance to the Grill Room. Supercilious English bastards. No American critic would have dared to be so waspish about her performance. None of them would have dreamed of hauling her over the coals in that hateful fashion. But here they had, and she still stung as she thought of all they had said.
If only she hadn’t signed that goddamned two-year contract! If only she could have gone straight back to Hollywood to set up a better deal the minute this fiasco was over, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But as it was, here she was, stuck in bloody London where the rain never stopped and there wasn’t a decent thing to eat or drink, let alone any people she could be bothered with, and another year to get through. She was making money all right; there was no shortage of that, with Letty in charge of the operation, but there was more to life than money, for God’s sake. Like having the chance to spend it, and she marched into the Grill Room to eat her solitary lunch in a raging temper. But beneath her bad temper there lingered another thought. Harry Lackland. She really must winkle him out of wherever he was hiding and see what games there were to be played with him. He used to be quite good fun -
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