‘We were all devastated that so many trees had been burnt.’ Poppy was remembering now. ‘But then Gypsy took us down and showed us the very first shoot of green sprouting from the trunk of a blackened gum tree.’
‘And we all stood among the forest we thought would never be the same again.’ Sara reached for another tissue from the box at the centre of the kitchen table.
‘That’s right,’ Cait said. ‘It wasn’t as dire as it appeared. The trees weren’t dead at all. We found happiness among the sadness. Well, same goes for right now. We need to celebrate with Sara and be happy for her despite everything else.’
The room fell silent again until Amber spoke.
‘Is anyone else sick of Caitlin always being right?’ A few seconds of stunned silence followed until Amber winked and all four fell about in fits of laughter and tears and taking turns to hug Sara.
‘Congratulations! We’re so happy for you.’
‘About time if you ask me!’
‘So I guess Will’s not a boofhead after all?’
*
‘I wasn’t sure about telling you now,’ Sara said once the hugs stopped. ‘I only told you all this so you’d understand why I don’t wait for anything anymore. Will says life’s too short. You never know what’s around the corner. And that, Amber, is why I’m going with you to see your … our mother. I don’t care what you say, any of you. Okay?’
‘Okay,’ Amber said. ‘We’re all going then. I need my friends with me.’
‘Just hang on.’ Time to take charge. Doctor Caitlin Wynter stepped up, concerned about the woman now under her medical care. Cheryl Bailey had endured a lot and she was strong, but she also had a long way to go. People like Cheryl were recovering, never recovered. Cait felt they’d all benefit from some time to reflect and rein in their own emotions first. ‘You can’t front up to Cheryl’s like this. Sleep on it first.’
‘Caitlin, you might have been head prefect once,’ Amber snapped. ‘Not anymore. This doesn’t concern you.’
‘Like hell it doesn’t. I have your mother’s health at heart. And do not tell me what is or is not of concern to me. I didn’t have to tell you any of this. I didn’t have to destroy my family and break my mother’s heart. I could’ve destroyed those files instead. Do you have any idea what this is going to mean to my family? Our entire lives, our business, our futures are built around my father’s reputation.’
‘Let’s all calm down,’ Sara pleaded.
Sparks were flying around the room, igniting small fires in each of them. It was Poppy’s turn to be angry.
‘I’ll calm down when I know what the hell my father was doing having an affair with Cheryl Bailey. How long were they sneaking around? I wasn’t even two years old. Is it any wonder he had no time for me—his daughter?’
‘Just stop, all of you.’ The sound of held-back hysterics forced Amber’s voice up a notch. ‘Cheryl Bailey, the name you are so cavalier with, happens to be my mother.’
‘Since when have you worried about that, Amber?’ Poppy scoffed.
‘Since I came back and found out my father was an abusive bastard.’
No one dared steal a glance. They each sat in silence.
Cait slapped both palms on the table. ‘Well, we can’t sit here like this all night. And we can’t all lob in at Amber’s mother’s. It’s dark outside. The morning will be here soon enough and we will have had time to think and cool off. Agreed?’
‘Agreed.’ Sara nodded.
‘I suppose,’ Poppy grumbled.
‘Obviously we all have some catching up to do. Can we agree on a one-step-at-a-time approach? Amber?’
‘Do I have a choice?’ Amber pushed back and stood, walking to the refrigerator. ‘Only if I can have another drink.’
‘Me too,’ said Poppy.
‘Me three. I did bring champagne,’ Sara said coyly. ‘Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I knew. I thought we might be making a toast while we were all together.’
‘Well, don’t just stand there, Sara,’ Poppy said. ‘Anyone got glasses?’
Champagne helped, followed by red wine and a pasta-bake; Alex had made Cait throw the dish together, one of his many attempts to keep her occupied that morning.
Was it only this morning? Seems like a lifetime ago, Cait thought.
46
Their overindulgence mixed with a sleepless night meant a late start for all except Sara, whose diabetes wouldn’t let her stay in bed too long without food and a morning walk. Cait joined her for the exercise and by the time they’d returned Poppy and Amber were dressed, ready and biting at the bit.
Especially Amber. ‘Come on you two. We’re taking my car, but someone else will have to drive. I can’t possibly concentrate.’
‘Me either,’ Sara said.
‘Give me the keys.’ Poppy wiggled her fingers. ‘Come on, hand them over. It’s still early but I have a plan. We’ll be stopping somewhere on the way. There’s something we all need to do first.’
‘What could be more important, Poppy? I thought you wanted answers too.’
‘I do.’
*
Poppy had collected four wish flowers as they’d walked the well-trodden path, handing one each to Cait, Sara and Amber as they stood arm in arm on the bank of the river near the old Calingarry Creek Bridge.
‘Do you think we will ever really know what happened that day?’ she asked.
‘She fell,’ Sara said adamantly. ‘That’s what happened.’
‘But what if—’
‘I said she fell. There are no buts.’
‘How can you be so sure, Sara?’
‘Until yesterday I wouldn’t have had an answer. Now I do. I think I also understand the pull …’ She grabbed at her chest, that place where the heart beats. ‘The pull in here.’
‘I know what you’re saying,’ Caitlin chipped in. She was a twin too, and although she wasn’t close to her brother, there was a connection that was difficult to explain. ‘Apart from sharing the same birthday, my brother and I are nothing alike—physically, emotionally, nothing. Our lives, our views, our aspirations couldn’t be any more different. There’s no way I’d pick him as a friend, except for this sense of completeness I get. It’s like … all that stuff that makes us different doesn’t exist when we’re together. We belong. Two halves of a whole.’
‘Belong!’ Poppy huffed and broke free from the group, as if distancing herself would help keep her emotions in check. ‘Willow only wanted to belong. I brushed her aside, too full of my own needs to even notice her.’
‘You weren’t alone, Poppy. We were all guilty of ignoring her that day. Think about it.’ Caitlin sat down where she stood, stretched her legs out in front and leaned back on both hands. The other three followed. ‘Think about what happened that morning.’
*
Twenty years on, the friends sat together in commemorative silence, finding strength in the very bond Willow had so desperately wanted to share.
‘Make a wish, everyone,’ Poppy said, puffing on the little gossamer balls she’d picked on her walk to the bridge.
All four closed their eyes, puffed and sent the featherweight specks floating away on the breeze.
‘You know, I’m not sure why she kept it, but I think I saw the old banner at Gypsy’s place. I was digging around in the shed looking for tools at the time,’ Amber said.
‘You were looking for …? Never mind.’ Poppy shook her head.
Caitlin smiled. Amber had left herself wide open for a smart alec comment, but Poppy had let it go. Maybe they were all grown up after all.
‘You guys need to go now and see Cheryl. Ready?’ Cait asked.
Sara nodded.
Amber said, ‘Six months ago I would’ve said no. Now I think this is going to be just fine. Besides,’ she grabbed Sara’s hand and squeezed, ‘we have each other.’
47
Poppy, convinced to let the others go alone, headed back with Caitlin on foot. When not lost in thei
r own thoughts they debated the what-ifs and how-comes of Willow’s accident. Back at the house the pair scoured the shed Amber had mentioned and together dragged the heavy, six-metre roll of dusty vinyl out into the open, kicking it with their shoes until it lay stretched across the dirt.
‘Wow!’ Poppy said. ‘I never knew what happened to this thing. Not sure I even got to read all the messages. Figured the police had taken it away as part of their investigation, never to be seen again.’
Cait laughed, a strange response in light of the circumstances, but a nostalgic tour of the banner’s messages was amusing. There was the usual—See ya, Piss off, Bugger off, Get lost—and numerous foreign language versions all written in black pen—Adios, Sayonara, Arrivederci. There was even a Ciao meow, ya pussies—unsigned, of course.
‘Look at this one written upside down. The only one in a red marker. I gave the girls black markers,’ Poppy said.
Cait squatted on her haunches and read the half-finished message—Remember me—her mind flashing back to the moment she’d picked up the red marker up on the bridge and put it in her pocket, moments before they’d looked over the guard rail and seen their friend, down below.
‘Willow,’ she whispered the name. ‘Willow wrote that. Remember, I found that marker.’
‘I think it’s called removing evidence from an investigation site.’ Poppy shot a look at Cait and sank to the ground. She chafed her hands over her arms and in a faraway voice said, ‘Did you ever think that … that Willow might have—?’
‘Did I think she went to the bridge to kill herself that day?’ Cait’s head was shaking before she’d finished speaking, even though the thought had remained a small, steady blip in her own mind. ‘Maybe once. But no, I didn’t. I don’t. It was an accident.’
‘An accident that should never have happened. All she’d wanted to do was to belong, to sign this fucking banner and I …’ Poppy’s voice trailed off.
‘You can’t blame yourself, Pops. We can’t ever know what happened.’
‘We know she was signing the banner. She must’ve slipped.’
‘Look at me.’ Cait crouched down and folded Poppy into her, peeling away the black strands glued by tears to her friend’s face. ‘It was so long ago. Accidents happen. Ask Will Travelli. He’ll tell you what’s important is moving on—and with everything else right now, Poppy, we need to focus on the future. This mess my father’s created is going to take some time to figure out and most likely raise a whole lot more questions. Without him here to answer them, we can only hope Amber and Sara’s meeting with Cheryl Bailey does. I say we get rid of this banner once and for all.’
‘But the other girls … They need to know—’
‘Do they? Do they need this on top of everything else, Poppy? Will letting them see this serve any purpose?’
At first Poppy looked at her like she had two heads, her expression asking: Where’s that Conservative Caitlin who always did what was expected? Even Cait questioned her own suggestion, telling herself she wasn’t her father, but destroying the stupid banner to protect her friends from further hurt was not the same as playing God with people’s lives.
‘Come on, Poppy. Help me make a fire. We’ll get rid of it.’
*
With winter solstice not far away, night fell over the country early. It was just on dusk when Amber and Sara returned to the house—dark circles around bloodshot eyes, and smiles; Cait hadn’t expected smiles.
The four women now sat in pairs on either side of the kitchen table.
‘Okay.’ Amber pushed the wine Cait had poured to one side. ‘I’m going to say what Cheryl told us, and if I’m going to do it without breaking down it has to be fast. So please don’t interrupt me until I’m done.’
They all nodded.
‘So, here’s what we know.’ Amber turned to face Poppy. ‘Cait’s discovery is all true. And Poppy, your dad didn’t know about the twins at first,’ she said. ‘And Mr Fraser never knew where their child had come from. Liz and Barry were just so grateful to finally have a baby. Mum kept the secret.
‘Once over the shock of us lobbing on her doorstep today, I believe she was actually glad to tell someone after all these years. She’d kept the secret for everyone else’s sake. At the time she’d thought it best. Now, of course, I know Mum drank to keep herself sufficiently numbed, not only from her marriage, but from her memories. Giving the twins up broke her heart. I won’t bore you with details about my bastard father and how he treated her, except to say that when he worked out the babies couldn’t be his, he threatened to take me away unless she terminated the pregnancy. But Poppy, you need to know …’ Amber stretched both arms across the table, clasping her friend’s hands. ‘She loved your dad. She really, really loved him. She told me she’d always loved him. They’d even dated, but she was young. Then along came Jack and she made a mistake, falling pregnant with me. Jack’s family forced them to marry, but she and Johnno had remained special friends. They understood each other.
‘Their friendship resulted in Sara and Willow being conceived one night not long after he came back from his tour of duty in Vietnam. Your dad was lost and confused. So was Cheryl. It was only once, and they both knew nothing could change, but they’d needed something and they’d found it in each other.
‘Poppy, Cheryl told me to tell you that your dad loved your mum very much, and his family was everything.’ Amber rose from her chair slowly, walked over to Caitlin and rested her hands on her friend’s shoulders briefly before continuing her stroll around the table. ‘Cait, your dad was amazing. Cheryl went to him for an abortion, but she was fragile, both physically and emotionally. He instead arranged for her to “leave town”.’ Amber fashioned inverted commas with her fingers. ‘That’s what everyone thought. Only she didn’t go anywhere. She stayed with Gypsy, here in this house. This is where she had the twins, with the help of your dad, Cait. Knowing she couldn’t keep them, she chose the names Cedar and Willow because she knew trees were adaptive and strong. She hoped it might help them deal with the life ahead of them.
‘Dr Wynter had asked Gypsy to care for the babies until he could find homes. Mum said leaving them was the hardest thing she’d ever done. But she walked away and went back home to her abusive husband because …’ Amber’s voice gave out. She cleared it, swallowed a gulp of wine, continued, a solitary tear making its way slowly down her cheek, ‘… because she loved me that much.’
Cait made a move to console her, but Amber thrust a hand in her direction. ‘Please. I’m fine. Let me finish.’
Amber’s shoulders shook, her sigh rattling with tears yet to be cried. ‘Gypsy struggled to manage both babies, especially with Willow being so sick, so Dr Wynter arranged for the Frasers to have the child they always wanted.’
‘That’s me,’ Sara said meekly, her mouth quivering into a tormented smile. ‘The story Dad used to tell everyone … the one about Mum going to a special hospital in Sydney … There was no hospital. She stayed here.’
‘So …’ Amber breathed the word. ‘There you have it. I’m sorry to blurt it out like that but …’ She circled back around to her chair and collapsed, her head dropping to the table.
Sara moved her chair closer and wrapped one arm over Amber, and soon Poppy and Caitlin were standing beside them, huddled in a tearful scrum.
Caitlin was the first to break away, followed by Poppy, then Sara, who announced, ‘Amber and I are going back to see Cheryl tomorrow and she asked if you’d both come too.’
‘I’d like that,’ Poppy said.
‘Me too.’ Cait smeared her cheeks with the heel of her hand and walked to the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of sparkling apple juice. ‘Okay, ladies, this is all I have. You’ll just have to imagine it is champagne because we’re toasting.’
‘Toasting? To what?’ Poppy asked.
‘As of tomorrow, we’re thinking only about the future. The only thing we’re guilty of in the past is forgetting. We’re home now, some of us for good.’
She smiled at Sara. ‘Let’s celebrate our bond and our futures.’ She unscrewed the lid and the bottle’s contents fizzed with the release of pressure. Cait felt much the same as she filled glasses.
Cait raised hers. ‘To the four of us!’
‘The four of us,’ the others chanted.
‘And to Sara and Will’s future together!’
‘To Sara and Will!’
48
Caitlin waved goodbye to the three women. No longer strangers.
So much more than friends.
An hour later, emotionally and physically drained, she hadn’t budged from the same spot on the steps of the Dandelion House. The sun was warm, energising and soothing all at once. Karma had jumped from Alex’s ute during the punt journey and was now bounding ahead, tongue and tail waving about as she neared Caitlin, jumping over her with excitement.
‘Five big days, hey, Karma. Did you behave?’ Her dog panted by her side, ears pricking up as the ute neared. ‘You’ve got the hots for that Blue, don’t-cha girl? Off you go.’
Karma charged the approaching car, running in excited circles as Blue Boy barked from the tailgate, tail wagging.
‘G’day.’ Alex opened the door and both dogs bounded off, barking and mouthing each other playfully.
‘Hey there, Alex.’
‘So …’ He flopped next to Caitlin. ‘All over?’
‘On the contrary. Just beginning.’
‘How are you feeling?’
‘After the most harrowing week of my life?’ she groaned. ‘Like falling in a heap and hibernating for the winter.’
‘No time for that. I have a surprise. Come with me.’
‘No way.’ Cait snatched her hand back from Alex’s grasp. ‘I don’t have the energy to move and I absolutely have no more room for secrets. Tell me first.’
‘You’re such a spoil-sport.’ Alex pouted. ‘But all right. I want to release K1.’
Cait tipped her head curiously. ‘And K1 is …?’
‘Stands for Koala 1, as in your very first koala. WIRES tells you to avoid naming animals in care. Stops you getting all, you know, sentimental when they cark it.’
House for All Seasons Page 44