“After dinner.”
“So no cheesecake, then?”
“I’m sure we can work the cheesecake in somehow,” I said, laughing. He reached around, gripped me by my ass, and lifted me up.
He set me on the counter, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
“The dinner’s going to get cold if we don’t start eating.”
“I’m thinking about something else I’d rather eat,” he said and bit down on my lower lip.
When he licked away the sting, I leaned my head back so he could move his lips down and suck on my throat.
I loved when he caressed my neck.
I hadn’t always liked it because I remembered the last time someone had touched my neck—with their hands. And not in a good way. Coby had tried to choke me before my mother came in, yelling about something or other.
I still didn’t know if she’d wanted him to stop, or if something elsewhere had needed his or my attention.
He’d only choked me that once.
Before that, I hadn’t had a problem with anyone touching my neck.
But now when Beckham did it? It wasn’t the same. I didn’t feel that fear. It felt…perfect.
I really shouldn’t think that word.
Things couldn’t be perfect.
When they felt that way, that’s when things got scary.
“Let’s eat dinner first,” I whispered, pushing him away slightly. If he took me now, I was afraid I would be lost forever.
And we needed some distance.
I couldn’t fall for him. Couldn’t let him know about my past.
Even though I desperately wanted to know about his. There had to be boundaries.
No matter what, we needed those lines that we didn’t cross.
“Okay. You’re so mean to me.”
I shoved at his chest as he helped me down from the counter.
“I’m sorry, you big baby.”
“Let’s eat quickly. I need to get inside you, woman.”
“I’m going to take my time then, cupcake.”
He raised a brow, and I chuckled, pulling down the plates so he could finish our meal.
We ate in the kitchen, both of us sitting at the counter as we laughed and talked about our days.
It was nice. Normal. But I couldn’t let it become routine. Just in case things got too comfortable. If they did, I feared we’d both end up hurting. But if we kept things as they were, nothing permanent, and ordinary enough that it didn’t feel weird, I figured that was an excellent middle ground.
Not that I knew if we were actually on the right side of the line we’d drawn.
“So we going for the cheesecake now? Or are we going to watch that movie we talked about? Or are you thinking about being my dessert?”
I shook my head, taking his plate and bringing it to the sink.
“How about we do dinner and cheesecake?”
He frowned, leaning forward to kiss me on my forehead.
“Anything you want, babe. You feeling okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Just a little tired, I think.”
He looked at me then, reaching around to knead my butt. I loved when he did that. He was always so gentle, but constantly touching me.
I hadn’t known he’d be like this. Oh, I’d had a feeling that Beckham would be possessive, but I hadn’t known he would be so sweet. There was a huge difference between the way he was with me and how Coby had been.
I really needed to stop comparing them. There was no comparison. “Do you want me to head home?” he asked, frowning as he studied my face. I shook my head.
“No, let’s watch the movie. I’m not caught up on all the Avengers yet.”
“Then I feel like I’ve failed you.”
“You know, I think that’s exactly what Dillon said when I mentioned it at the bar.”
“Well, Dillon’s the one who made sure I watched them in the correct order, not chronological, but how they were released theatrically as intended by the original filmmakers.”
“Please don’t get on another Avengers rant,” I said, shaking my head even as I laughed.
“Hey, it’s been like three, maybe four days since I went on a rant about the Avengers.”
“More like three or four minutes.”
He smiled. “Okay, honey, whatever you say.”
I raised a brow. “Really?”
“Hey, I called you honey. It’s better than cupcake.”
“No, it’s really not. Just call me Meadow.”
“I like calling you everything.”
He looked at me then, and I swallowed hard. Then I took a few steps back, feeling afraid.
So damned scared.
He had to stop looking at me like that. Needed to stop treating me like I was so precious. Because it felt too good. It felt like forever, and that was something I couldn’t give him. Or myself.
He was so good, so sweet. But he didn’t have my past. Didn’t have the connections I did. What happened when Coby got out of jail, or someone from his club figured out exactly where I was? What would happen to Beckham then? Being with me wasn’t good for him. I had to make it easy for him to walk away. I had to make it simple. For him? For me? I didn’t know. But I at least had to try.
“Come on, let’s watch that movie, and then we’ll have dessert. Even if it’s only our own.” I winked as I said it, and he groaned, then gave my ass a squeeze before slapping it.
“I’ll help you with dishes, pretty lady.”
“Pretty lady makes you sound like a cowboy.”
“Hey, you’re the one who rode me last.”
I winced at his horrible joke, and then kissed him again before doing the dishes.
This was normal. Everything was fine.
But it couldn’t mean anything more than it already did. If it did start to mean more, I’d hurt him in the end. And myself. And I’d already broken once. I was afraid that if I had to walk away, or when Beckham did, I would end up shattered. In a far different way, yet still the same as before. I didn’t want to be that Meadow anymore. I didn’t think I could be.
But one look at Beckham, and I was afraid he’d see that old me.
Even if it truly broke me in the end.
Chapter 7
Beckham
I looked over at Meadow dancing in the corner of the bar with the girls and couldn’t hold back my smile. She seemed so damn happy.
And the hell of it was, I was happy, too.
That’s why I hadn’t told her that I knew about her past.
Why I didn’t tell her anything about mine.
I was the worst kind of coward.
But I didn’t know how to reveal those things without ruining what we had. Even if I knew that what we had couldn’t be fully realized until I did.
Jesus, I was a horrible person.
“Why the long face?” Dillon asked as he sidled up to me behind the bar. He started helping me clean the dirty glasses, and I shrugged.
“No reason.”
“Yeah. Not buying that. If you want to talk, just let me know.”
“You’re a good kid.”
Dillon glanced over at me, his hands covered in suds. “Thanks. But I’m not really a kid anymore.”
“Well, since we’re your elders, you’re always going to be a kid to us.”
“That’s what Cameron says. Maybe when I’m actually allowed to drink behind the bar, I won’t be a kid anymore.”
“Well, first, you don’t drink behind the bar.”
“You know what I mean. Actually be legal to drink rather than just standing here, helping you clean glasses.”
“Hate to break it to you, kid,” I said with a wink, “but your family and I are probably always going to call you that. Even when we’re all in our fifties.”
“So that means you’re going to be here until then?” Dillon asked, his voice suddenly serious.
I looked at him, trying to figure out what I should say. I didn’t have an answer. Did I want to be? Yeah, mayb
e. And that was the first time I’d really let myself think that. I hadn’t allowed myself to think anything like that before. I wanted to stay. I liked what I had here. I enjoyed this feeling. I loved being happy. But everything could change in an instant. It had already changed more than once in my life. And I knew I couldn’t let myself get too settled. Forget where I came from. But I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I shrugged and looked over at Dillon.
“That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”
“Maybe.” Dillon smiled as he said it, and I had a feeling he was trying to lighten the mood since things felt kind of heavy right then.
He was a good kid, a good man. And I had a feeling as he grew up, he would grow into an even better one.
I liked him. Cared about all the Connolly brothers. And even though I worked for them, they made me feel like I was a part of their family.
Not a bad deal.
“Okay, you’re off, right?” Ben asked as he came up and nodded at one of the customers before pulling a draft. “Go hang out with your girl. They’re all dancing in the corner, and I think the Connollys over there want you to play pool.”
“They just want me to kick their asses,” I said, winking.
“Don’t let Brendon hear you say that. He and Harmony still hold the record. I mean, it was only one tourney, but it’s still the record.”
“For now.”
“Yes, for now,” Aiden said as he came out with two plates of food in his hands. He set them down on the bar, nodded at Big Ben, and gestured for us to follow him.
“You know the only reason that Brendon and Harmony won that pool tournament is because Sienna and I weren’t there,” Aiden said, shaking his head.
I gave Dillon a look. He smirked, and then we both just shook our heads, holding back laughter. Oh, we knew why the two of them hadn’t been at that final pool tournament round. Aiden and Sienna had been doing something of their own. Not that we’d mention that. Especially when everybody could hear us, and Sienna could probably kick my ass.
Okay, there was no probably about it. She would kick my ass. And Meadow wouldn’t like that.
Meadow.
I looked over at her, and she smiled, the warmth in her eyes pulling me in.
Damn. I was falling for her. I knew I shouldn’t. It wasn’t safe. But I was pretty sure I had already fallen. I’d probably started at the wedding. Maybe even before that.
I shouldn’t have danced with her. Shouldn’t have done so much.
“Okay, come on over,” Cameron said from the corner. “Pool table’s ours for the next hour. Let’s play.” He twirled his finger in the air, and Violet rolled her eyes before going and kissing her man on the mouth.
He grinned down at her and gripped her ass, and I shielded Dillon’s eyes, even as the kid laughed.
“Hey. There are sweet, innocent eyes over here. Don’t scar him.”
“Innocent?” Dillon asked, and I glared down at him.
“Excuse me, my baby brother is a perfect, lily-white virgin,” Brendon shouted, and the tips of Dillon’s ears turned red.
Either the kid was embarrassed about his brothers yelling, or Dillon actually was a virgin. Considering that I had seen him with more than one girl over the time I’d known him, I had a feeling Dillon was no virgin. However, having your brothers discuss your sex life—or lack thereof—really loudly in the bar that you visited almost daily probably wasn’t the best thing in the world.
“Please, stop,” Dillon grumbled.
“Oh, be nice,” Harmony said, wrapping her arms around Dillon. “It’s kind of nice that he stays sweet and innocent. I mean, it’s tough to find that these days. Just know that you’re special to us. We love you.” She kissed him on the brow, and I saw the laughter in her eyes even as everyone else actually broke out in fits of giggles and cheers.
Dillon narrowed his eyes at her, but he didn’t say anything. Nobody could ever be mean to Harmony.
She was sneaky like that. I liked it.
Meadow slid to my side, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “They sure do love teasing him,” Meadow said, and I shrugged, even as I pulled her closer.
“Yeah, but he gives as much as he gets. It’s kind of nice having a family that makes fun of each other and yet will always be there for one another.”
“I know. Sometimes, I’m a little jealous. They’re just so good for each other. You know?” I nodded but didn’t look down at her. I knew her old man. And that guy would never be there for her. For anyone. He only cared about his club and himself. And not in that order.
I knew he didn’t give a damn about his little girl. Hadn’t before, and sure as hell didn’t now. At least for more than what she could do for him.
And, honestly, I wasn’t even sure he cared about his old lady.
But that had to stay in the past. We needed to think about the present. And maybe the future.
As Meadow went quiet and introspective beside me, I knew she was thinking about her family as well.
We really weren’t very good at this. I needed to tell her. It wasn’t fair of me to keep these secrets.
I might lose her in the end by opening up, but lying to her wasn’t the answer.
I would tell her tomorrow. Telling her tonight while we were with friends would ruin the evening. Maybe that was the coward’s way out, but I figured that telling her tomorrow would work. It had to. I only hoped I didn’t ruin everything by doing it. I hoped I didn’t lose it all when I opened up. But this wasn’t about me. I needed to remember that. I had made my choices, my own decisions.
And I wasn’t going to turn away from that. Not now. Not when I was starting to feel what I did for her. It wasn’t fair. Not to either of us. But mostly, not to her.
“Okay, now that we have completely embarrassed the kid—good job, family—it’s time to get going,” Aiden said as he looked over at his woman. “Watch while Sienna and I kick all of your asses.”
“That’s my man,” she said before taking a sip of her beer.
“The competition gets a little weird with all of you guys together,” I said.
“That is true.” Violet looked over at Dillon.
“I thought you were bringing one of your roommates to play.”
Dillon shook his head. “No, and I can’t stay either. Homework.”
“Well, I’m glad you were here for a bit. And I’m happy you’re putting your studies first.” She leaned down and kissed the top of Dillon’s head since he had taken one of the seats near the pool table.
She had started becoming almost motherly to him lately, and I had a feeling Dillon liked it, even if there wasn’t a huge age gap between any of them.
“Okay, then, I guess it’s just four teams. Two pool tables, four teams, let’s see who wins.”
Sienna clapped her hands, and our mini pool tournament started.
An hour later, my gut hurt from laughing, my pride stung from the fact that we were in fourth place, and all I could do was look at Meadow, who grinned.
“I’m not always bad at pool,” Meadow said. “Actually, I’m usually pretty good.”
“It probably doesn’t help that you guys are pinching each other’s asses while you’re playing,” Aiden said dryly.
“It’s true,” Sienna said. “We try not to distract each other with sex when we’re playing.”
“Really?” I said, deadpan. “Aren’t you the two that practically humped back there in the storage room?”
Sienna blushed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Beckham. I am utterly sweet and innocent.”
Everyone laughed so hard, I was pretty sure that Sienna was going to hit us all with her pool cue. But she didn’t.
Meadow had just set up her shot when a voice from behind us made me freeze. My balls shrank, my back turned to stone, and I swallowed hard. I hoped to hell it wasn’t who I thought it was. But I knew it was. I knew exactly who the fuck it was.
“Hey, what do we have here?”
No one else seemed
to notice the tension in the air. They didn’t know who was now in their midst. And why should they? They didn’t know who I was at my core, and they sure as hell didn’t know where Meadow had come from. They did not know these people. I’d hoped to hell they never would. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case.
I turned. There was no use hiding. There was no way I could run. They’d find me. They always did.
Cliff’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and that’s when I knew they weren’t here for me. No, they had simply come in, and they’d found me.
“Just a friendly pool game. We’re almost done if you want the tables,” I said, my voice casual. The Connollys must have figured out that there was something wrong because they all stood a little straighter and angled their bodies so they stood in front of their women. I knew that they didn’t know exactly what was going on. Then again, I didn’t really know.
“Beckham,” Cliff growled out. “I knew you were around here. At least, somewhere in the city. Had to be. You wouldn’t go too far since you’re a lazy fuck. Always were. It’s my luck that I was the one to find you.”
“We don’t want any trouble here. We’re just playing pool. I’m only the bartender.”
Meadow stiffened beside me. I hated this. Fuck. I couldn’t take her to the side and explain things to her now, tell her why I had kept my past a secret. It was over. She would likely hate me forever. I had to get these guys out of here before they recognized who was standing beside me. If I weren’t careful, they would figure it out. And I didn’t know what would happen if they did. It wasn’t safe for Meadow. I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did. I shouldn’t have even become her friend. But I had. And now, she wasn’t safe.
“Sure,” Cliff said, “but maybe we should go out back and talk. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you, Beck. I see you’re just as ugly as ever with that fucking beard of yours. Couldn’t even grow it. Had to be a patchy-assed-face like usual.”
“Hey, this is our bar. If you’re going to start something, you should leave. We don’t take kindly to violence here,” Cameron said, his voice low but still a growl.
Cliff looked over at him and snorted. “Okay, pretty boy. Whatever you say. We don’t want no trouble either. Just surprised to see Beck is all. And acting all casual, like he isn’t the scum of the earth. A fucking traitor.”
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