“This is really good, where did you get this from?” I ask.
“The deli on the corner, they have the best sandwiches. How are you feeling? Simon told me you looked alright, but he thought you were hiding how you really felt.”
With my spoon halfway to my mouth, I stop.
“Was he spying on me?” Asher’s face instantly looks guilty. “Just kidding. No, I feel alright, nothing like the last two times, just tired.” Lucy jumps up on the couch between us and with a cute little cock of her head she barks. She wants her dinner too. “OK girl, you want to eat too?”
“I’ll get it,” Asher says and starts to get up, and then asks, “Where’s her food?”
“I can get it, it’s a little complicated. She’s spoiled and eats half dry and half wet food,” I tell him.
I put my hand on his arm to stop him from getting up any further. Both our eyes go to my hand, I quickly pull it away like someone just slapped it with a ruler.
“Really, I can get it; just tell me where everything is. You rest. I don’t mind.”
Telling him where everything is, and how to do it, probably took longer than it would have to get up and do it myself, but he insisted. Who am I to argue, right? Returning to sit next to me on the couch, he picks up his soup and eyes me eating my sandwich and the empty soup container.
“I see you were hungry, good thing I came over.”
“Probably, I might have been reduced to eating dog food,” I say with a silly grin on my face, so he knows I’m kidding. “Do you want to watch a movie? I have a bunch of DVD’s on the shelf, go ahead and pick one.”
He gets up and walks over to the shelf of DVD’s. He stands there for a few minutes eyeing my collection, selects one, and then puts it in the DVD player. He then comes back and cleans up the wrappers from dinner. He takes his seat next to me and my knees brush up against his thigh. I turn my body back the right way and snuggle with my blanket. No sooner than the opening credits roll and I’m fast asleep.
I don’t know how long I sleep, but when I wake up the TV is off, and my head is laying in Asher’s lap. His arm is draped over my shoulders and Lucy is curled up in the crook of my body. Asher’s head looks much like it did last time. His head is back with his mouth slightly open. Call me selfish, but this time I don’t want to wake him up. He’s warm and comfortable, so I close my eyes and go back to sleep.
Asher
Willow falls asleep when the movie first starts. I don’t want to wake her. I know she needs to rest. At first her head falls on my shoulder, but she doesn’t look very comfortable. I slowly ease her down into my lap and then the dog curls up against her stomach with a loud sigh. I adjust her blanket and watch the movie. When the movie is over, I have the dilemma of waking her up or just letting her sleep. It feels nice to have her on my lap, so I turn off the TV with the remote, slouch back into the seat and close my eyes. I don’t intend on falling asleep, but she’s warm in my lap, and it’s just so comfortable.
When I wake up, it’s still dark in the room. I know it’s late, and I can’t stay all night. I ease out from underneath her, neither she nor the dog move. I kiss her on the forehead and smile down at her. A memory of Olivia in the same position when she had the flu one year plays in my mind. Will it always be like this? Does this mean I’m not ready to move on yet? Quietly I turn the doorknob, lock the bottom lock from the inside, and then shut the door as quiet as I can. In my car I send her a text:
1:28 AM You were sleeping so peacefully, didn’t want to wake you. Thank you for dinner and a movie. A
On the drive home, I’m feeling conflicted. I’m still mourning the death of my wife, and I’m starting to have feelings for Willow. How can I keep feeling both of these at the same time? I feel guilty like I’m cheating on Olivia. In my mind, I know she’s gone, but my heart is just not letting go. Tomorrow, well today is Saturday, maybe a heart to heart with Amelia might help. She’s always been my rock. Getting out of my car and into my house, I text Amelia. I know she’s sleeping, but she’ll get it first thing in the morning before she makes other plans.
1:40 AM Hey sis, was wondering if you had some time to spend with your big brother? Need to talk. A
I set my cell on the nightstand and empty out my pockets, and my cell vibrates.
1:42 AM What are you doing up at this hour? Everything ok? A
1:42 AM I could ask you the same question. A
1:43 AM Just doing some work, was about to call it a night. A
1:44 AM Brunch? A
1:45 AM Sure, Antonio’s at 11. A
1:45 AM OK, see you there. A
Climbing into bed, my thoughts are torn between feeling guilty about Olivia, and the possibilities of starting something new with Willow. As I fall asleep, the familiar voice of Olivia takes over my dream.
But this one is different.
This isn’t a memory; it’s like she’s here. She’s sitting on the beach with a sweet smile on her face and a bouquet of yellow roses sitting next to her. Yellow was her favorite color. I only ever gave her yellow roses. We’d gone to the beach several times, but I’ve never been to this place. She stands and walks over to me, takes my hand and looks lovingly into my eyes.
“Ash, my love. You’re ready. It’s time for you to move on.”
“Olivia, I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper.
I wrap her in my arms and close my eyes. I can’t believe she’s here talking to me. I feel hot tears falling down my cheeks. She gently pulls away, brings both hands to my face and wipes away my tears with her thumbs.
“Ash. Don’t cry. You’re such a good man. You’ve grieved my death far too long. Please, stop feeling like you’re betraying me. What we had was irreplaceable. You were the love of my life. You will never forget our memories, but it’s time for you to make new ones. It’s time for you to move on. Take a chance, Ash.”
“That was you telling me to take a chance. I don’t know if I’m ready yet to move on. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”
She steps closer, brushes her cheek to mine and whispers in my ear, “Ash, you are ready, you don’t need my permission, and you will never be cheating on me. I want you to move on, to share with another woman the kind-hearted man that I know you are. I love you, and I always will.”
She kisses me on the cheek and I close my eyes. When I open them, she’s gone; it’s just the warm sun on my face rising in the horizon. I close my eyes again, wishing she would come back when I open them again. When I open my eyes again, I’m in my bed. The sun from the window is warm on my face, and an equally warm, calming feeling in my chest.
At brunch sitting with Amelia, I share my last few weeks. Not going into too much detail, I wouldn’t want to tell Willow’s story if she didn’t want me to. I tell her how I feel guilty, somehow it feels like I’m cheating on Olivia.
“Asher, look at me. You’re not cheating on Olivia. She’d want you to be happy. It’s been over three years, honey. We are all concerned about you. I don’t have any doubt in my mind Olivia would approve of you dating again.”
“Yes, so I’ve been told.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing. Is there anything at the office, I need to be aware of?”
“Oh, no you don’t. Tell me more about this woman. How did you meet?”
“Well, that’s a strange story. Actually, she just about ran me over on the sidewalk, then she threw up on my shoes.”
“Eww, that’s gross. Hope she’s feeling better. So, why not ask her out on a date?”
“You know what, I think I will. In fact, I’m going to text her right now and see if maybe she’ll go out to dinner with me tonight.”
“There’s my Asher I know and love. I’m so proud of you.”
11:27 AM I know it’s last minute, but how about dinner tonight? I happen to know you still don’t have any real food in the house. A
11:30 AM It’s strange that you know what’s in my fridge, but sure where should I meet you? W
11
:33 AM Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll pick you up at 6, no arguing. A
11:35 AM Yeesh, OK bossy. Nothing fancy right? Still not feeling 100%. W
11:36 AM No, nothing fancy. If you’re not feeling well, I can bring dinner to you. A
11:37 AM No, that’s OK, I haven’t been out in a while, it actually sounds nice. W
11:38 AM OK, then it’s a date. I’m at brunch with my sister. I’ll pick you up at 6. A
11:38 AM OK, see you tonight. W
“Well, it looks like someone has a date tonight from the look on your face,” she says.
“Sure do, I can’t believe I’m actually back in the dating world.”
“You know, Mom and Dad are out of town this weekend. I was thinking we could all still get together at a restaurant. If your date goes well tonight, why don’t you bring her tomorrow? It’s neutral ground, no parents involved, it’ll be fun. I’ll talk to the others; tell them to be cool about it.”
Thinking it over, I know we’ve only seen each other a few times, but I feel a connection to her.
“I’ll see how tonight goes. I don’t want to scare her off introducing her to all of you loons.”
“Hey now, be nice. I have to go. Thanks for brunch, it’s nice to see you looking happy. And don’t worry about tonight. You’ll do just fine, just be yourself.”
Chapter 7
Willow
A date tonight. Am I crazy? I don’t even know what to wear, but a date with the handsome Asher, I couldn’t have wished for a better person to go out on a date with. I’m actually feeling better than I did this morning, but I’m so nervous I have butterflies in my stomach. I pick out a casual knee length dress and a scarf around my neck, paired with knee-high boots. I spend a little extra time on my makeup and hair. I have to say I’m incredibly lucky my hair hasn’t changed that much. My hair has thinned out just a little, but overall the combination of drugs and smaller amounts of chemo have left me with a full head of hair. Feeding Lucy her dinner, I glance at the clock, just fifteen minutes, and he should be here.
With that, a knock at my door sends the butterflies into a frenzy in my stomach. Checking my reflection in the mirror one last time, I open the door to another beautiful arrangement of flowers.
“These are stunning, thank you. At this rate, I think I‘ll have more flowers than the florist,” I say, taking them.
“You’re welcome. Were you ready to go? I made reservations at this little bistro across town; we don’t want to be late.”
“Sure, let me grab my coat.”
“Allow me,” he says, taking my coat.
He holds it out for me, and then I turn around and slip my arms in. He pulls the coat up and smooths it out at the shoulders. He rests his hands on my shoulders for a few seconds, then he gently pulls my hair out from under my coat, and places it back down, sending a shiver down my spine.
“Thank you,” I say, turning back around to face him.
He’s wearing a casual button-up shirt, with khaki pants, and a chocolate brown leather jacket. He looks amazing.
“You look amazing.”
I scrunch up my nose and close my eyes when I realize I said that out loud.
“Thank you, but I should be saying that about you. You look beautiful. You look like you’re feeling better.”
As we walk out the door, I see his car sitting in the street, it’s black, sleek, and expensive looking. I wonder what kind of car it is.
“Yes, I feel really good, thank you.”
As we make it to the car, he opens the passenger door for me, and I slip into the luxurious leather seats. It has that new car smell. He walks around to the driver’s seat and slips in himself. He starts the car and we make our way across town. Neither one of us has said another word.
“So, how did brunch with your sister go?” I ask, finally thinking of something to say.
“It was good, thanks for asking. I haven’t been able to spend much time with my family lately. I’ve been working a lot of hours recently.”
He pulls into the parking lot of the bistro, opens his door, and quickly comes around to the passenger side to open mine. Extending his hand to help me out of the car, he then shuts my door, without letting go of my hand. This is nice, I think to myself, as we walk hand in hand into the restaurant. He helps me take off my coat and drapes it over his arm.
“If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I just need to visit the restroom before we sit down,” I say.
“Are you feeling alright? We don’t have to do this if it’s too much for you. We can get takeout and go back to your place.”
“No, no, nothing like that. Go ahead and take a seat, I’ll just be a minute.”
Walking away to the restroom, I hear him telling the hostess his name for the reservations, but I wish I would’ve stayed a little longer to catch his last name.
Checking myself in the mirror, I make sure my scarf is covering everything it needs to. I take a deep breath and head back out. I’m met by the hostess who takes me to our table. Asher stands as I approach and moves around to my chair to pull it out, always the gentlemen. Taking his seat, we look at the menus, and I decide on Fettuccine Alfredo with grilled chicken. Asher orders the steak with roasted fingerling potatoes.
After placing our orders, the conversation is nothing like it was in the car. We’ve been talking through the whole meal, and I couldn’t have wished for a more perfect evening. Asher insists I order dessert and I’m pleasantly stuffed.
“My family usually gets together at my parents’ house for Sunday dinners. This week they’re out of town on vacation. My brothers and sisters are meeting for dinner at a restaurant. If you feel up to it, would you have dinner with me tomorrow night?”
“You’re asking me out on a second date?” I ask surprised.
I really need to get my filter in check and stop blurting out everything I’m thinking.
“Yes, it’s just my two brothers and two sisters, it’s completely casual.”
Feeling embarrassed and giddy as a school girl, I accept the date. With that, he pays the bill, and we head back to his car. Always the gentlemen, he opens the door and helps me in. The return drive seems like it takes half the time as it did to get to the restaurant, and it’s still rather early.
I wonder if I should invite him in. Will he think that I’m being presumptuous? I really like this guy, but I’m in no way ready for an intimate relationship.
Most days I feel ugly with this port in my chest. It’s hard for me to even look at myself, much less think of a man looking at me. He shuts off the car and heads around to open my door. I step out, and he walks me to my door.
“Thank you for a lovely evening, to be honest, that’s the best date I’ve ever had. It’s still early, did you want to come in and watch another movie?”
At least by asking him to come in, it alleviates the standing at the door thing, wondering if he is going to kiss me good night or not.
“Sure, I’d love to, as long as you’re up to it.”
“I am. Stop worrying so much about me, I’m fine. I know you’ve seen me a few times where I wasn’t at my best, but really it’s not been that bad. You take it as it comes, right?” Unlocking the door, we step inside to an excited Lucy. “Hey girl, do you want to watch a movie with us?”
“I believe it’s your turn to pick the movie,” he says, taking off his jacket.
He lays it over the arm of the lazy boy, then takes a seat on the couch.
“Can I pick whatever I want? You won’t complain, will you? I’m pretty limited to chick flicks,” I tell him honestly.
“No, not at all, do your worst,” he challenges.
“Well, I don’t know about worst, but how about one of my favorites.”
I finger through the movies; trying to find the one I’m looking for. I grin knowing he’s going to hate it. I love that he’s willing to watch a girlie movie just to spend more time with me. Popping in the DVD, I take my seat next to him. With a grin on my face, the opening credits
to The Princess Bride start playing. He gives me a sideways glance with a smirk on his face.
“What, you said I could pick anything. Is it too sappy for you?”
“Nope. Not at all. You forget I grew up with two sisters,” he reminds me.
Then at the same time, we say, “No more rhymes I mean it! Anybody want a peanut?” We both break out into huge giggles, well alright, I giggled. He had more of a deep chuckle that sent the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. It’s such a nice sound. “Well, at least it has a wrestler in it right, who didn’t love Andre the Giant?”
“That’s true, my brothers and I watched our fair share of wrestling. We got into enough trouble with my mom wrestling in the house ourselves.”
As we’re watching the movie he turns and smiles, picks up my hand, and holds it the rest of the movie. It’s just so easy to spend time with him. When the movie is over, he stands, grabs his jacket, and says, “Well, I should be going. I don’t want to tire you out. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. Can I pick you up at the same time? Six?”
“Sure, that sounds nice,” I say.
As we walk to the door, he again picks up my hand. Opening the door, he says, “Thank you again for a wonderful evening, I had a great time.” He gives my hand a squeeze, leans in, and places a gentle kiss on my cheek. He squeezes my hand again, “Good night Willow. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He lets go of my hand and walks to his car. Turning, he gives me a little wave and a smile. I watch him drive down the street until I can’t see him anymore. I close the door with a smile on my lips.
Asher
The drive home from Willow’s is filled with my smile. I actually had a really nice time, and I can’t wait to introduce her to my brothers and sisters. Maybe Amelia’s right, and Olivia too for that matter. Maybe it’s time to open my heart back up to the possibility of romance.
At home in bed, I start to feel guilty. I know Olivia was the love of my life, and the possibilities of finding something remotely close just doesn’t seem possible. Drifting off to sleep, the lapping of waves and the sound of seagulls fills my dream.
Running Into Love - The Complete Box Set Page 4