I stood up from behind the judge’s bench, shirtless, and covered in Ava’s blood. I looked around at the mass confusion and casualties from his senseless act.
I didn’t think there could be anything worse than getting the news thousands of miles away that your wife passed away, never mind the fact that I got shot and lost my career. But today, Ava died in my own God damned arms. I always thought that if I had been with Scarlett that day, I could have saved her. Ava was in my arms and I couldn’t save her.
Chapter 13
Ava
The only thought running around in my head is that I didn’t say ‘I love you, too,' back to Jax when he said it to me this morning, that’s all I can think. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t I say it back? I have an overwhelming urge to shout it out at the tops of my lungs from every rooftop in Seattle.
I hear people talking around me. I can make out all the voices, too. All of my family is here. Jax is sitting next to me, holding my hand. I could never mistake that big meaty hand in mine for anyone else’s. Everyone is whispering, but the combined whispers of everyone in my family are like a swarm of mosquitoes buzzing around my head.
Chloe and Kyle are talking to my mother and Jax. They’re explaining that I was clinically dead for over two minutes. Oh, my God, I was dead? That’s kind of scary and cool all at the same time. Did I see the light? Did I pass over into a parallel universe? Did someone push the return button and send me back, like that television show? Is that show back on yet? I like that show. Then the events of the day start to swirl around in my head. As soon as the verdict was read, I turned around to look at the family. I see the victim’s father and his gun as he aimed it toward the defendant and pulled the trigger. Then he just started to fire at random. I tried to duck behind the judge’s desk, but I wasn’t fast enough. It was like everything was in slow motion. I see Jax barreling down the aisle like an angry bull toward a red cape. I swear to God, I saw smoke coming out of his nostrils. Then it gets a little hazy. I remember Jax calling my name. Or, was that my dad calling my name?
The case, the verdict, I lost the case. All my dreams and aspirations are down the drain. Jax’s face, I remember Jax’s face. He was crying. Do big men like him really cry? Oh, my God, they do, because each tear that rolled down his face ripped a gaping hole in my heart. He was holding my hand and he was crying. Then it was peaceful, so peaceful.
“Chloe, get over here, Ava’s crying. I know they just gave her pain meds; can they give her more? It’s not enough if she’s crying while unconscious,” Jax says, standing.
I know he stood because I heard the chair scrape across the floor and crash into the wall. He’s definitely a bull in a china shop. His warm hands come to either side of my face and he wipes the tears rolling down my temples.
Chloe comes to the other side and takes my hand. “Ava, are you awake, honey? Can you hear me? Open your eyes,” she says.
“Open your eyes, sunshine,” Jax says in a sweet, calm voice.
I open my eyes and see about twenty eyeballs staring back at me. I search through the sea of eyes and land on Jax’s. “I love you, too,” I choke out in a hoarse whisper. I had to get it out. I had to tell him before it was too late again. Never wait to tell someone how you feel, life can change in an instant. You never know if you’ll ever see them again to get that chance. I blew it with my dad. I’ll never let that happen again.
Tears stream down his cheeks as his face comes to mine.
He kisses me on the lips, nuzzles the side of my face and repeats over and over again, “I love you, I love you.”
“Let’s give them a few minutes alone,” Willow says.
The room is cleared and the door shut. Jax sits on the edge of the bed and takes both of my hands in his. I’m connected to all kinds of wires and tubes; I’m not sure exactly why or what’s going on, or what’s wrong with me. But just having Jax’s hands in mine makes it all disappear.
“Will you marry me?” he asks, filling my vision. “I know I said that I would give you time, I lied, and it will be the only time I’ll ever lie to you. I just can’t give you another second. I can’t live another day without you by my side.”
With a lump in my throat and pressure in my chest, all I can do is nod my head yes. Jax’s massive body comes down on mine with the lightest of touch, and he gently squeezes my shoulders. Who knew a bull could be so gentle. I’d endure all the pain in the world just to have his arms wrap all the way around me, though.
The door opens and the large mass of people that is my family walks back in the room. They each shove and push their way to the head of my bed. They’re all like little kids on Christmas morning pushing their way to the Christmas tree saying, me first, no me first.
Willow pushes Jax out of the way and says, “That’s enough alone time, big fella,’ get out of my way.”
A million different questions are fired my way, I wish I could answer them all. I’m still a little fuzzy on all the details. I see Jax standing against the wall with a huge, happy grin on his face.
It starts to get really loud in the room; a nurse walks in and shouts, “Alright, everyone out! Ava needs her rest. The doctor is next door and he’s coming in here next to talk to Ava. Go on everybody, out. You can come back for visiting hours tomorrow morning.”
“We’ll be back before visiting hours. I’ll try and sneak you in some Swedish Fish,” Amelia says, giving the nurse a dirty look.
She kisses me on the forehead, takes Kyle’s hand and they both leave the room.
“Get some rest kid, you look like hell,” Asher says.
Willow smacks him in the arm. Well, it was more like a punch, and then she pulls him out of the room, giving him a lecture on the way. Asher turns around just before he’s out of the room and gives me a wink and a smile.
“Chloe and I will stop by in the morning,” Max says.
He squeezes my hand and they both leave the room.
Aiden and my mother walk to my bedside; Aiden has my mom wrapped in his arms. My mom wipes away a tear, offers a small smile, leans down, and kisses me on the cheek, then they both leave together.
I raise my hand and wave my fingers goodbye to the rest of the people as they file out of the room. My fingers are about the only part of my body that doesn’t hurt. Jax stays by my side as the doctor walks in. I don’t think I really could have, but I would have tackled him if he tried to leave.
“Ava, it’s nice to see you back with us. I’m Dr. Lopez. I’m going to go over your injuries with you, then we’ll talk about a few things. I won’t go into boring detail that you won’t understand, but I’ll give it to you straight. You were shot in your mid-section. The gunshot itself was minor, but the bullet fragmented and did significant damage to your spleen, liver, intestines, and uterus. We did emergency surgery and were able to repair almost everything. I’m sorry to say that there was irreversible damage to your uterus, and we were unable to save it. We’re administering some pretty heavy duty antibiotics to combat any possible infection. You have a few fractured ribs from CPR, you can thank this big guy right here for saving your life,” he says, pointing to Jax. The pained look on Jax’s face is something I never ever in my entire life want to see again. “The good news is you’ll recover nicely. We’ll keep you in the hospital for a week or so, but you shouldn’t have any medical problems once you’re fully recovered.”
The doctor kept talking, but I didn’t hear anything after he said my uterus couldn’t be saved. That means I’ll never have any children. Sadness, guilt, anger, grief, and a million other different emotions all start talking at the same time in my head. I never knew just how much I really wanted children until this very second when the doctor basically said that I’d never have any biological children of my own. Having babies was never on my radar and now they never will.
The doctor asks if I have any questions, and I do. I have about a million and one, but I shake my head no. He pats my leg then exits the room. Quinn walks in immediately after he leaves.<
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“I’m sorry, I tried to keep them quiet, but Hope and Sky really want to see Ava. Is it alright if I bring them in now? The nurse said they can stay for five minutes.”
Jax looks at me for an answer and the pain and the sadness written all over his face feels a million times worse than any thought in my brain, or the pain in my body. Does he still want to marry me? Is this the first time he’s heard any of what the doctor just said? Did he already know that I can never carry his child? If he does still want to marry me, every time he looks at me will he just see disappointment?
He holds his finger up to Quinn, but never breaks eye contact with me and says, “Give me just one minute, then you can bring the girls in.”
Quinn nods, and closes the door.
He lowers his finger, sits on the bed and takes my hand.
“I can see your thoughts running around in there like a New York Stock Exchange ticker tape. You listen to me, and you listen to me good, Ava Wellington, soon to be, Ava Landry. I don’t ever want to see those thoughts cross your eyes again. I don’t ever want to hear them out loud, either. You’re alive and that’s all that matters, do you get me?”
I nod my head because the second his hand was in mine, all those thoughts disappeared anyway. I am alive, I’m here. I’m getting married. The door opens again, Quinn walks in holding one of the girls’ hands in each of hers. They look scared and they all slowly walk toward the bed. Jax stands and moves to the side to let his girls get in closer. Hope places a yellow daisy by my leg, then buries her face in her Aunt’s thigh. Sky lunges on my arm and holds on for dear life.
“I told the girls to be gentle, to only touch Ava’s arms,” Quinn whispers to Jax.
A few weeks ago, I was paralyzed with fear over being in these two beautiful, precious, little girls’ lives. Now, I want nothing more than to be their stepmother. Not because I was just told that I’ll never have children of my own either, but because the love bursting in my heart tells me this is my family, Jax and these girls. I never wanted an insta-family, but these girls and Jax aren’t an insta-family. They’re my life, they’re my world, they’re my sanity, they’re who I breathe for, they’re my everything. Willow was right when she said there’s nothing you can do to stop true love, it’s unavoidable. You can fight it all you want, but love will always prevail. I think Jax knew this from the start.
“Daddy said when you come home that we need to be extra careful; you know, not to hug you too hard. He also said that when you’re feeling up to it that we’re all going to bake cookies,” Hope says.
I look to Jax and he smiles big. I guess I’m moving in with Jax and the girls. He’s so bossy, even when he isn’t even trying.
“I can’t wait to bake cookies with you,” I tell both Sky and Hope.
“Aunty Quinn said she’ll help us make you an apron. What’s your favorite color?” Sky asks.
Jax and I both answer at the same time, “Yellow.”
Jax takes the girls out into the hallway; Quinn sits on the side of the bed and takes my hand. Her eyes fill with tears as she looks at me.
“You gave us all quite a scare. Your family…my brother…I’ve never seen anything like it before. They had to practically restrain Jax while you were in surgery. He stood outside the operating room doors with his head down and his fists into balls the entire time. No one could get him to sit down in the family waiting room. When the doctor finally came out and said that you were going to be alright, he broke into a million pieces. Not from grief but with relief. He never left his spot; he never left you for a minute. Until…” she says.
“Until what? He was here when I woke up. Quinn, what did he do?” I ask.
“He and your brother’s left for about thirty minutes. Once you were in recovery and they knew that it’d be a few hours until you came out of anesthesia, he made us promise to never leave your side. The men had some…business to attend to,” she replies vaguely.
“Quinn, what did they do?” I ask concerned.
“Something that had to be done…”
“Alright, Quinn the girls need to get home and into bed,” Jax says, coming back into the room.
Quinn smiles, then squeezes my hand.
Quinn takes Sky and Hope home, but Jax never leaves my side. I’m not sure what Jax and my brother’s did, but I’m fine not knowing what it was. Between the nurses and my family constantly coming in for visits, I hardly got any sleep for the first three days. Jax finally had to stand in the doorway on the fourth day to lay down the law. It was quite comical to see my brooding brothers, Amelia, and my sneaky sisters-in-law try to get around Jax. I ended up staying in the hospital just over two weeks. As much as they tried to prevent an infection, I got one anyway. It was pretty serious, but in the end, I’ll let nothing stop me from going home to my man and my girls, and to start planning my wedding. Oh, my God, I have to plan a wedding. Most girls play dolls and dress up, and plan out their fairytale wedding by the time they’re ten. I didn’t. I played lawyer and buried my nose in my father’s books. I don’t know how to plan a wedding.
I get to go home tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier. Jax is sitting in the chair by my bed with his laptop planning out menus for the restaurant. He’s been doing a lot from my room to help Parker and Mason run the restaurant, without actually running the restaurant in person. He refuses to leave my side, which I love.
Jax is currently giving me a hard time about not having space for my ginormous shoe collection in his closet. He says I’ll have to at least get rid of half of them. This may be a deal breaker. He smiles at me; I know just how much he enjoys my shoe collection, almost as much as I do. Then there’s a knock at the door.
We both look; Jax immediately stands, and by his posture and the two giant steps he takes toward the door, indicate to me it’s not a welcome visitor.
Mr. Foley is standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers. This is the first time I’ve seen him or any of the partners since I got shot. Reagan has been in every day, and the staff has sent flowers and cards, but nothing from any of the partners. I wonder if they thought I’d sue or something?
It’s funny that I haven’t even thought about the partners or becoming a partner in two weeks. It used to dominate my thoughts, now I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. My priorities have changed, and to be honest, I’m a little angry with myself that I let it get as far as it did.
Jax stands tall, puffs out his chest, puts his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. He looks like a frozen, evil, mid-century statue. Mr. Foley ducks around him and places the flowers on the little rolling cart over my bed.
“Everyone at Smithe, Parker and Foley would like to wish you a speedy recovery. We would also like to offer you the position of partner whenever you’re ready to come back,” he says, looking nervously at Jax.
I swear to God, if Jax growls out loud, I’ll bust my almost healed stitches.
“Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful. I’ll consider the offer and get back to you,” I tell him.
He looks shocked and doesn’t understand my disinterest. Like I said, my priorities have changed. Life has changed. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what I want.
Jax
No one is more excited to take Ava home than I am. I’m more relieved than anything to have her in my home, in our home. With the help of her brothers while Ava was still in the hospital, we moved all of her things into my house. Adrian built her a special closet as a surprise in one of the spare bedrooms as her very own personal closet; it even has a floor to ceiling shoe rack that’s big enough for all of Ava’s shoes. Ava and I agreed that she’ll still keep her condo, and after a few more weeks of Quinn keeping a watchful eye on Ava, Quinn will move in with Savvy. Savvy is still really busy with nursing school and working at the bar. She came a few times to see Ava, but never stayed more than a few minutes. She seems excited to have Quinn move in with her.
Ava is getting stronger and stronger every day. We’ve started to plan Hope’s b
irthday party. It’s going to be small, at least as small as anything a Wellington does. Family dinner is at our house tomorrow. Ava is so thrilled to have her family over for Sunday dinner for the very first time at our house. I’ve cooked for the Wellingtons before at my restaurant, but never in my home. I’ve got something extra special planned for them, my famous barbecue ribs, homemade coleslaw, and corn on the cob for dinner, with a cheesecake for dessert. I know how much this family loves their cheesecake. I think I’ll serve my famous white chocolate caramel macadamia nut cheesecake.
But today is all about lazing around the house. Ava is resting comfortably on the couch. The girls are snuggled up to her side. I’m popping some popcorn, then we’ll spend the rest of our evening vegging out in front of the television.
After about an hour of the movie, both Ava and the girls fall asleep on the couch. I turn off the movie, then carry each of the girls to their beds and tuck them in. I bend down to pick up Ava, her eyes open, and she smiles that sunshine megawatt smile at me. I pick her up and carry her up the stairs.
“I’ve been thinking,” she says sleepily. “I don’t want a big wedding and I don’t want to wait either.”
“That, I like to hear. The sooner we get married, the better,” I tell her.
I’m glad we’re both on the same page.
“How about next week,” she says.
I stop on the third step and think about it for a second. There’s nothing that I’d like more than to make her my wife, especially next week. But I’d also like to make love to my wife on our wedding night. She still needs a few more weeks to heal.
“How about four weeks?” I say, walking up the last of the steps.
“Two weeks,” she counters.
“Three and you have a deal,” I say, kicking the bedroom door open with my foot.
“Deal! You’re a tough negotiator, now kiss me,” she demands.
I kick the door closed with my foot, then lay her on our bed and give her exactly what she wants. The doc never said anything about not kissing. And there’s nothing wrong with this woman’s lips.
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