by Pearl Wolf
“This is the rose garden. My mother’s favorite. And on the left is the annual garden, much prized by my father,” she said as if taking a stranger on tour.
He stopped and turned her to him. “And you, my love? What do you prize most?”
Without skipping a beat, she tilted her head and said, “Loyalty. Loyalty above all. That, too, may be found in a garden. If one nurtures the plants properly, from seed to maturity, they reward us with their scent and their beauty.” She smiled, but the look on her face told him another tale.
“I can learn, you know. If only you will agree to be my instructor, my love.”
“I have given you everything that is within my power to give, Sebastian. My love. My loyalty. My virginity. Yet you’ve failed me time and again. The one gift I prize most, sir, is loyalty. How many more lessons shall you need? And how long must it take before you learn what to you must seem such an alien trait?”
Sebastian brushed her brow with his fingertip. “A lifetime? Say you forgive me, my dearest heart, and I will spend the rest of my life…”
She flicked his hand away as if it were a bothersome insect and walked on. “Such a familiar tune, but off key, let me assure you. You’re in danger of becoming a dead bore, you know.”
“Tell me how to make it right for you, Olivia. I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know how.”
She wheeled around to face him, but kept him at arm’s length. The look on her face was strained. “Shall I draw you a map? Would that help you find your way? I think not. I have a strong suspicion that it just isn’t in you to return love with loyalty.” Her voice rose higher. “I killed to save your life, you wretch!”
“Don’t you think I know that? You killed to save me without giving a thought to your own safety. Go ahead and tongue-lash away, my love. I deserve it.”
“What good would that do? You are too set in your ways to change.”
“Don’t give up on me, I beg of you. By all means draw me a map if you think it would help me to find the way to your heart again. How can I persuade you to change your mind? I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I love you. I cannot think of anything but how much I want to take you in my arms.”
“Taking me in your arms is just lust, Sebastian. Not love.” She turned and walked away.
But he followed her every step and let go a shaky laugh. “Lust? Guilty as charged. I won’t deny that I lust after you, but any country lass can satisfy a man’s lust. It happens that I haven’t fallen in love with a country lass. It’s love of you that’s driving me to Bedlam. I never dreamed love could be so full of pain. Can we not start over, my darling?”
They had reached the latticed arbor where two seats faced one another. Olivia sat on one seat and indicated the opposite one with a nod of her head. Sebastian flipped the tails of his coat and took it, stretching one knee out and resting his elbow on the other. He looked directly into Olivia’s eyes and said, “Well? Do we remain betrothed or do we not?”
“I wish it were so, but I fear not. I cannot abide the thought of a lifetime of misery and disappointment.”
“Is your love so lost to me, my dearest heart, that you cannot even speak my name? Is it so painful on your lips?”
“Sebastian.”
The sound gladdened him. “My fate is in your hands, my darling. I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but can you forgive me?”
She fell silent for a time. At last, she said softly, “I, too, have spent many sleepless nights. I, too, cannot eat. I, too, am tortured by this dilemma.”
Sebastian rose and pulled her to her feet. “It appears we’re both finding the road to love full of uncharted danger. Perhaps that’s as it is meant to be.” He held her gently to him, but did not try to kiss her. “Can you see your way clear to loving me even a little? That would be enough for a start.”
She buried her head in his coat and whispered, “It hurts, Sebastian. I can’t bear the pain. It hurts too much.”
“Oh my poor dear darling. Life hurts. Don’t you know that? Perhaps we have to learn that lesson together. Shall we give it another try?”
Before she could answer, a child’s high-pitched voice interrupted. Jane put her hands on her wide hips and grinned at them. “There you are, you two lovebirds! You’re late. The whole family is waiting for you in the drawing room.”
“You’ve found us out, my pretty damsel,” said Sebastian. “You are by far, the most beautiful imp in all of England. You do know that, don’t you?”
The child blushed, but she was pleased all the same. “You’re teasing me again, sir. I have crooked teeth and I’m too fat to be beautiful.”
“Not at all. Your teeth have character and you have a pleasing shape. If Rubens were alive, he’d beg you to be his model.”
“Who’s he?”
“A famous artist who loved to paint beautiful women like you.”
“How silly you are, brother-in-law.” She giggled nevertheless. “Everyone says I’m too fat because I eat so many scones.”
He glared at her with mock severity. “Who tells such lies about you, my love? Show the lying dastard to me and I shall smite him with my sword in a single thrust.” He scooped her up in his arms and nuzzled her neck, tickling her into more giggles.
When he put her down, he added, “Can you give your sister and me just a few more moments? Go back and inform the family we’ll be along presently.”
“Take your time, Sebastian. I’ll just tell them I haven’t been able to find you.”
“You’re the best friend a man could have, Jane dearest. If I hadn’t already offered for your sister, I’d wait for you to grow old enough to receive my attentions.”
The child’s red cheeks grew redder. She grinned at him, waved, and skipped off.
Olivia looked at him in astonishment. “Sebastian! How did you ever tame that unruly brat?”
“None of you seem to understand that a little flattery goes a long way with Jane. I meant what I said. She’s pretty in spite of all that baby fat. She’ll surprise you all one day.” He hesitated.
“What is it?”
“Your parents expressed a wish to arrange our betrothal ball.”
“I’m not ready, Sebastian. Can we ask them to postpone the decision for a week? I’ll agree to a date then, for I’ll know where the home office has assigned me.”
Sebastian’s heart thudded, for he already knew where she had been assigned.
Chapter Twenty-Four
London—Monday, The Seventh of October
When the Fairchild carriage drew up to the home office, Olivia tapped her foot as she waited for the footman to let down the steps. She made every effort to control her impatience, yet it wasn’t easy for her. Once inside the building, she reported to the waiting room on the second floor as instructed.
There she found the Reed twins and Carter. The electricity of tension rippled through them all as they waited to hear where they had been assigned.
“Where are Riggs and Perkins?” Olivia asked.
“Perkins has yet to arrive and Riggs is in the home secretary’s office receiving his assignment,” answered Carter.
An out-of-breath Perkins arrived. “Well, friends. Are we all on tenterhooks?”
“Undoubtedly,” answered Olivia. “Have you been running, dear boy? How are you, Perkins?”
“You may all wish me happiness. I am betrothed to my dear Amelia.”
“What’s she want with a rascal like you?” teased Billy Reed.
“Ten to one she’ll cry off when she learns you’ve been assigned to some wilderness like America,” tweaked Bobby Reed. “Place your bets, please.”
“I wish you every happiness, Perkins,” Olivia said warmly, holding out her hand to grasp his.
“As well I, Perkins, you lucky dog. I saw the lovely Amelia at graduation. As pretty a woman as I ever laid eyes on.” Carter pumped his hand up and down.
“Leave off, Carter. Let us have our turn at that scoundrel,” protested Bobby.
“Y
ou’re a sly one, Perkins. You never told us you had a sweet-heart,” teased Billy.
The door to the home secretary’s office opened to reveal Riggs, a grin stretched wide as the English Channel on his face. The other trainees surrounded him at once.
“I’m for Belgium,” he whispered. “Top secret. Belgium! Imagine! I’m assigned to the new ambassador there.” He sat down, clearly overcome by his good fortune.
“Robert Reed and William Reed,” a clerk announced upon entering the room. “Follow me, please.”
“I know they don’t want to be separated,” said Olivia. “I hope they get their wish.”
The twins returned in less than ten minutes. “France,” said Billy.
“Both of us,” echoed his brother Bobby.
In short order, Perkins learned he was assigned to Scotland, and Carter to Spain. Whoops of joy and shouts of congratulations filled the room.
Olivia was the last to enter Viscount Sidmouth’s office.
“We’ll wait here to learn where you’ve been assigned, Fairchild,” said Riggs.
“Right and tight. All for one and one for all, I say,” echoed Perkins.
“I wish you the best of luck, Fairchild,” said Carter.
The twins merely kissed her, one on each cheek. But before he backed away, Billy whispered in her ear. “Odds be damned, me beauty. In me heart you’ll always be my odds-on favorite.”
She thought being last might not bode well for her, but she turned the knob and entered with a smile on her face. Sidmouth was seated at his desk while Sebastian chose to remain at the window, his arms folded, leaning on the sill.
“Come in, my dear,” said the home secretary in a hearty voice. “And how does your father?”
“He’s well, sir,” she answered, wondering why he asked since he’d seen her father at graduation not two days earlier.
“Sit, Fairchild,” said Sebastian, a grim look on his face. His eyes pointed to the chair opposite Sidmouth.
“The spymaster and I have decided that you have earned a well-deserved rest. We are offering all of you six weeks of holiday before you begin your work as intelligence agents,” said the home secretary as if conferring the crown jewels upon her and the other men.
Something was wrong. Olivia sensed it in Sebastian’s rigid stance and in the viscount’s false heartiness. What? She folded her hands in her lap and sat back, deciding it was wiser to say nothing for the moment.
“You have been recommended for your new post—a most prestigious one, let me assure you—by none other than Sir Aaron Foster, the most outstanding professional decoder in the country. At his recommendation, you are to work in the home office in the codes and ciphers department, a great honor.”
A violent storm unleashed itself in her soul. One that turned her world upside down.
Unwilling to betray her emotions, Olivia rose from her chair with dignity. She said in a sober voice, “Thank you for this opportunity, home secretary. I thank you as well, spymaster, for all your support. Good day to you both.”
In the waiting room, she faced the other trainees and announced, “Right here. Codes and ciphers.”
“Bloody hell! That’s no better than a mere clerk’s position. Why did they bother to train you for intelligence work? You don’t deserve such shabby treatment, Fairchild. What bad luck!” said Riggs with indignation.
Carter added in a consoling voice, “Buck up, lass. Better to swallow this and show them what you’re made of, my dear. Maybe then you’ll be assigned to a decent foreign post, for we all know that’s what you wanted.”
“Maybe we ought to protest as a group. Fairchild deserves a better appointment. She’s as good as all of us. Better, in fact,” said Perkins, his cheeks blotched with anger.
“The odds are against you, lass,” said Billy, sadness in his tone.
“Truth be told, Fairchild. Do you think your father had a hand in this?” asked his brother Bobby.
Olivia shrugged. She looked from one to the other, as she fought back tears. “You’re all such dears. It was an honor to know you and I shall always treasure our time together. Don’t forget me.” Before they could react, she wheeled around and ran from the room.
In her carriage, she vowed to find a way out in spite of this new humiliation. When the footman let down the steps, she descended as though she were a queen. The first to greet her was the butler.
“Where is my father, Dunston?”
“His Grace is in his study, milady. Shall I…”
“Don’t bother. I know the way.”
She entered the room without stopping to knock. “Father?”
His Grace looked up, not at all pleased with the dark look on his daughter’s face. Wisely, he chose not to scold her for entering without first knocking. “What is it, Livy?”
“I want you to be the first to know that I am not going to wed Sir Sebastian Brooks after all and I shall so inform him at once.”
“You’re crying off? May I ask why?”
“You may ask Sir Sebastian Brooks why, sir. Perhaps he’ll tell you, for he well knows the reason, but I shall not lower my dignity to tell you. As a matter of fact, I suspect you know the reason already. You and Sebastian and the home secretary must have had quite a jolly laugh when you decided to pull the rug out from under me.” She wheeled around and opened the door, her gown swirling as if to echo the righteous indignation she felt. Nor was she at all surprised by the butler, who jumped back when she exited the room.
“Instead of eavesdropping at every opportunity, my good man, do something useful and send my mother to my chamber at once.” She swept past the astonished Dunston, picked up her skirts and took the stairs two at a time, as though she were still in training at the academy. She slammed the door to her chamber and went at once to her desk where she reached for a quill and note paper and began to write.
“I heard you bang your door, Livy. Something wrong?” asked Helena whose chamber was next to hers.
She put the quill down and turned to her sister. “I’m writing to break my betrothal to Sebastian.”
“Are you mad? What’s gotten into you? Just yesterday you told me you loved him.”
“It’s over and done with. I don’t want to talk about it any more. Time for me to move on. I have a long holiday before I begin my new position and I plan to spend it at Bodmin Castle. You may travel with me if you wish. I’d be glad to have your company, but only if you promise not to harass me. If you’d rather not join me, I’d just as soon go alone.”
“Don’t be daft. You know perfectly well I’ll go with you. When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow, unless that’s too soon for you to be ready.”
“Tomorrow is fine. Have you informed our parents?”
“I’ve sent for Mother. She can tell Father, for he and I are no longer on speaking terms.”
When the duchess entered the room, she felt the tension at once. “What’s wrong, Livy? You look as pale as a ghost.”
She hugged her Mother and kissed both her cheeks. “Nothing I can’t cure, Mother. In fact, I am about to set my world right. I’ve already told His Grace that I am no longer betrothed to Sebastian.” A hint of bitterness crept into her voice.
“May I ask why, dearest?”
“We don’t suit. I am writing to him to inform him of my decision.”
Her mother was nothing if not a shrewd judge on the subject of her children. “What happened this morning at the home office? And why has it upset you so, Livy?”
“I ought to have been prepared for this new slap in the face, Mother, but I wasn’t. At the end of twelve weeks of rigorous training—twelve weeks in which I destroyed all of my once lovely fingernails, in which I had to cut off my beautiful long curls, in which my hands have been made calloused from scrubbing the bloody kitchen galley, in which my bottom still shows bruises from being thrown from a horse, in which I nearly lost my eyesight—I’m back where I began. I regret to inform you that, while all the other trainees were assigned to
exotic foreign posts, I have been relegated to the office of codes and ciphers in the home office. A lofty position only slightly above the lowly file clerk I once was.”
The room went silent as Olivia turned back to her desk to finish her note to Sebastian. At a nod from her mother, Helena tiptoed out. Olivia heard the door shut, but paid it no mind. She finished the brief letter, folded it, wrote its destination on the envelope, poured hot wax on it and sealed it with her impression. When an under maid answered her ring, she handed the letter to her.
“Tell Dunston to have this letter delivered to Sir Sebastian Brooks at the home office at once.”
“Yes, milady.” The young girl curtseyed and bowed out of the room. Only then did Olivia turn to her mother. She folded her hands on her lap.
“Done, Mother. With your permission, I leave for Bodmin Castle. Helena has agreed to accompany me there if you will allow it.”
“Of course, I’ll allow it. Does that mean you are not going to accept the assignment at the home office?”
Olivia’s lips drew thin. “Not at all. I have been granted a long holiday before I begin, but I most certainly will report to duty.” Her mother looked puzzled. “My work begins the middle of November. In the meantime, I need to be far away from London. You do understand that, don’t you?”
The duchess opened her arms to her daughter. “Of course I understand. Come here, my dear.”
Olivia took a seat on the settee next to her and rested her head on her mother’s shoulders. A peaceful silence reigned for a brief time as they sat side by side, hands entwined. “I confess I didn’t see this blow coming, Mother. I should have been prepared. A woman doesn’t stand a tinker’s chance in a man’s world, does she? All the other trainees are off to foreign posts while I molder in the London office. I won’t lie to you. The appointment was a slap in the face. It stunned me.
“What’s worse, when Sidmouth delivered the news to me, Sebastian was in the home secretary’s office and he didn’t say a word in my defense. He hurt me, Mother. If he drew a knife through my heart, he couldn’t have hurt me more. I’ll never forgive him for refusing to stand up for me. Never.”