by Wendy Owens
“You have to quit talking like that, Dina. You’re scaring me.”
“That’s not my problem.”
“I’m just trying to help,” Sophie pleaded.
“Well, stop it, just stop! I desecrated the body of the man I love; I created a monster that murdered someone. It doesn’t matter what you say, Neru’s death will always be my fault. Did you know I found out she had a little brother?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Everyone’s talking about what I did. When I told him I was sorry for what had happened to his sister, he pissed his pants. The crazy bitch that used dark magic and got his sister killed scares the hell out of the kid, and I don’t blame him,” Dina laughed; it was the only reaction she had left.
“I’m—” Sophie tried to think of something comforting to say, but she had nothing to offer.
“I got his sister killed and now, apparently, I haunt the poor kid. This is so much more than you could ever understand, Sophie. My selfishness lost me a piece of my soul and I won’t ever get that back. If all of those things weren’t enough, I had to kill the only man I will ever love. So pardon me if I don’t want to bounce back so the rest of you can feel better.”
Sophie said nothing, there was nothing she could day. Dina sat up, twisting in the bed, shoving the tray of food and sending it flying across the room. “Now, get out!”
“Dina—” Sophie began, her voice laced with heartbreaking pity and sympathy.
“I said get out! Now!” Dina screamed, her face turning a bright red.
Sophie fled from her friend’s sight, pulling the door closed behind her. She cried, heaving for breath as she ran down the corridor, not making eye contact with anyone she passed. She rushed up the familiar small stairwell, finding a refuge in her small room of secrecy.
Her thoughts were flooded with Dina and Raimie. She closed her eyes, remembering what they looked like when they were together. They were happy. Always laughing and joking with each other. The more Sophie thought about things, the more she realized that when they were apart, it was almost like they had been in off mode. They would simply move through their lives, get through the day until they were reunited. But when they were together, they would both light up, their eyes would sparkle, and they made the people around them warm. Sophie wondered if their group would ever have warmth again.
It didn’t take long for her thoughts to shift to Gabe. Was he that for her? Would she never find happiness after him? Sophie’s heart began to race. Perhaps she would turn out just like Dina, alone and miserable in her bed, never wanting to eat or look at anyone else’s face ever again. When you lose someone that is like oxygen to you, how do you continue to breathe? Sophie knew what had to be done. She would go and tell Gabe that she had her memories back and that she wanted him to come back to Iron Gate with her.
Sophie already knew where he was, she didn’t even need the locater spell. She would slip in, find him, and in an instant she would have complete and total happiness again. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and was gone, whisked away to the tiny town Gabe was currently finding refuge in. Sophie stood behind the home of the blacksmith. Quickly realizing she was still holding her breath, she began panting.
Over her own heaving, she heard laughter pouring from the small building. Pushing her body against the hut, she made her way to the opened window. Being careful to hide herself, she peered in. On the bed across the room sat Gabe and the girl she had heard them refer to as Clarite. Gabe was leaning back, feet elevated, quite comfortable with the company he held.
“I can imagine how Kryn sounded when he asked him,” Gabe said, laughing.
“I know, right?” Clarite began, shifting her voice in a deep mimicking tone, “I don’t think so. I’m not taking in some street hood; you need to find that pest somewhere else to live.”
Gabe clutched his side he was laughing so hard. “Exactly! Oh, my god, you have him dead on.”
“It’s not hard, he acts like such a grouch, but he’s just a big old softy. He’d kill me if I told you, but did you know he keeps his mom’s jewelry box under his bed?”
“What?” Gabe exclaimed, a shocked look on his face.
“I’m serious! He was a complete momma’s boy, so after she died he kept her jewelry box. Sometimes, at night, I can hear him listening to it play music and he’s crying.”
“Wait, it’s musical?” Gabe laughed.
“Oh yeah, it has a dancing ballerina that twirls around in it, too,” Clarite said, leaning into Gabe as she giggled through the story.
“Wait, you have to stop,” Gabe bellowed. “I can’t take anymore, it’s too much.”
The girl collapsed onto Gabe. They lay there together, laughing hysterically, Clarite propped on his arm.
Sophie watched him; there was no pain in his eyes, no suffering. There was no ache in him for something lost like there was for her. She thought about Dina and the misery she was in, then about Uri and how he was handling the disappearance of Seraphine. Flashes of the battle at Rampart clouded her mind. The Guardians were about to embark into a war. There would be no safety for any of them.
As Sophie sat there thinking, she realized she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t take him away from this. He was already finding some piece of normalcy. She cared too much for Gabe to rip him away from this and bring him back into the den of misery. She knew she loved him, at least enough to let him go and have a chance at a life. She could now see that letting Raimie go, ending his suffering the way Dina had, was the hardest thing she could have ever done. Now, it was her turn.
Time passed for the Guardians. The seasons turned, one into the next. Dina finally began to consume food, though very little, when she did find the strength to eat. The guilt of Neru’s death weighed on her so heavily that the only way she found peace was to devote her life to a cause. The spell she had cast on Raimie had in fact taken its toll on Dina in many ways. She was weakened physically, now unable to fight in hand to hand combat like she once had. Instead, she devoted herself to curing the sick and to teaching others how to create the spells they would need to fight. It didn’t take long before she was the professor of potions.
She loved her friends, and as time began to heal her wounds, she was able to be close to them again. Though she was able to mend those relationships, she never allowed herself to become close to many others. In the late hours of the night she would lie in her bed, talking to the ceiling, wondering if Raimie might be able to hear her wherever he was. The fear that she had somehow damned both of their souls by using dark magic always lurked in the back of her mind, though.
Uri never stopped searching for Seraphine. He withdrew into the world of warfare, his closest companion being Haim, whom he trusted implicitly. The loss of Raimie was almost unbearable for him, but the search for Sera gave him something to hold onto. The distance between him and his mentor grew, and Michael doubted their relationship would ever be as it once had been.
The others tried to move on, to find a new normal, though it wasn’t easy for any of them. Some told themselves the lies they needed to hear in order to find the peace they needed. Years strung together, and many managed to accept their choices, their circumstances, but some could not.
Battles were intense and many were lost. Humans began disappearing with great frequency, but there was nothing the Guardians could do to stop the attacks. One fall afternoon, Uri was called upon in great secrecy. Behind closed doors he listened as his leader offered a mission filled with danger; a mission that had once been meant for his long lost friend, Gabe.
Without hesitation, he accepted, thrilled to be taken away from all the people playing make believe around him. Over the years, Uri began to see things in a new light. As a boy, everything had been tinted with rose colored glasses, but as a man, things were different. He came to realize that love was not something easily found, and a happily ever after was next to impossible.
Everyone around him continued smiling, laughing, and praising how blessed
they were. He couldn’t see it; everything seemed so pointless to him. The things he did now for the cause were out of a sense of duty, almost all hope had been removed from the equation for him. Almost, because Uri still held on to the dream that maybe one day, somewhere along the way, he might be fortunate enough to find Sera.
“Uri, wait,” Sophie called out, chasing her friend who was nearly sprinting to increase the distance between them. “Please, stop!”
Halting suddenly, he turned, waiting for the panting girl to approach. “What is it?”
“Are you pissed at me?” she asked with a confused look on her face.
“Why would I be pissed?”
“You haven’t said two words to me since we announced the engagement.” Sophie had wanted to express her frustration for days now. Taking a moment, she absorbed the liberation of actually saying the words and then braced herself for his reaction.
Uri deeply wanted to unload all of the contempt he had for the situation on her. She was a perfect example of the absurd way people were behaving around Iron Gate. In the years after they relocated, a lot of time was spent trying to re-home the refugees. Over time, many of the guardians from Rampart became permanent residents of Iron Gate. For Uri, living there would never make it home. But Sophie had embraced the change, forgotten about the life she had and created a new one.
He couldn’t explain why it made him so angry, but it did. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know, maybe congratulations?” Sophie suggested, furrowing her brow.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“What is your problem? Why can’t you just be happy for me?”
Happy? Uri thought. He’d had enough of hiding his feelings, “You can’t honestly be telling me this is what you want.”
“Why would I say yes if I didn’t want to marry him?”
“Sophie! We both know Peter’s just a distraction for you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she insisted, briefly looking away from him, hoping he couldn’t see that the words he spoke in fact contained more truth than not.
“Fine, keep telling yourself that. I don’t have time for this, I have somewhere to be.” Uri growled, turning to walk away.
“Wait, when are you going to be back?” Sophie asked.
He hesitated. Turning to face her, he calmed his tone. “I don’t know, probably not for a while.”
“Where are you going?” Sophie pushed for more details.
“Just something Michael needs me to take care of.”
“I don’t understand, what would require you to be gone for a long time?”
“I can’t talk about it. Is there anything else?” Uri answered shortly.
“You can’t leave like this; I have to know why you’re so angry,” Sophie pleaded.
Uri didn’t yell this time, he remained cool. With a calculated tone, he looked Sophie squarely in the eyes, “You think we don’t know, but we all know your secret, Sophie.”
“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she insisted.
“Whatever you say.”
“I’m serious.”
“You go to check on him regularly. I don’t think it’s fair to agree to marry another man when you haven’t let go of Gabe.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t check on anyone. Why would I do that? I barely even remember him,” Sophie refused to let on to what Uri clearly already knew.
“I’m not stupid, Sophie, you can stop the charade.”
“What charade?” Sophie felt the grasp on her facade slipping away.
“I’ve known you’ve had your memories back since Raimie died.”
“What? No—”
“Yes, for years I’ve watch you pretend to be clueless. I don’t know why you would lie to all of us, but it makes me sick to my stomach to see what you’ve become. I can’t even stand to look at you sometimes.”
“Who else knows?” Sophie asked, doing her best to ignore his hurtful remarks.
“I don’t know. I don’t talk about it with people. Do you think you’re the only one Dina told about the tracer charm? I’ve been watching over Gabe for years, making sure he was safe.”
“I haven’t said a word to him since that night on the cliff!”
“Do you go see him?”
“No!” she cried.
“Sophie! Do you check on him?”
She hesitated for a moment before relenting, “I don’t ever say a word to him when I go.”
“Are you really that much in denial? You check in on him because you love him. I know, because it’s the same reason I do it.”
“Uri,” Sophie heaved, careful not to allow the flood of emotions to overtake her. “You don’t think I’ve thought about telling him? Michael’s right, Gabe made his choice and we have to respect it. Of course I still love him, of course I want him back, but he made his choice. I have to let him go and Peter will help me do that.”
Uri considered her words before replying, “I hope for your sake, you’re right.”
“I have to try. I didn’t tell all of you I had my memories back because I knew everyone would expect me to rush after Gabe and bring him home. At first I thought he could be happier out there, but now, now I’m not even sure he’s the Gabe I fell in love with. He seems so different when I see him.”
“I know, I feel the same way—” Uri began, thinking about the last time he had seen Gabe. He had considered revealing himself to his old friend countless times, yet could never bring himself to do it, either. He couldn’t fault Sophie for handling things the same way he had. “Look— I promise, I’m not mad. We’ll talk when I get back, but I really do have to go.”
“Can you please tell me where?” Sophie inquired, trying to delay his exit.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. Michael told me I can’t discuss my mission with anyone.”
“I won’t tell anyone, I just need to know you’re going to be safe.”
Uri knew he shouldn’t tell her, but something in him needed to share his new destiny with someone. “You can’t tell anyone.”
“I swear.” As she looked at him, he thought about how, for the first time in years, it felt like he was really talking to his best friend again. There were no longer lies between them; she knew that he was aware of her memories returning. In an instant, it was as if all of that baggage between them had faded away.
“We’ve received intel that the future mother of the prophet has been located. I’m being sent to protect her.”
“Wait, future mother? I don’t understand.”
“Somehow, the demons have figured out who will one day bear the child that fulfills the prophecy. Michael wants me to retrieve her and keep her safe.”
Sophie shook her head. “Wait, what? You were given Gabe’s mission? That’s impossible! He’s the chosen one, the protector. You’ll be killed.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I’ll be fine,” Uri snarled before turning to walk away.
“No! Wait!” Sophie cried, reaching out and grabbing his arm. “Just listen to me for a second.”
Uri pulled his limb free. Standing still, glaring at Sophie, he waited for her to finish her plea.
“I know you’re brave, afraid of nothing, and one of the mightiest warriors I have ever known, nobody doubts that. Hear me out though, this was Gabe’s destiny, if you do this, he will never have a chance to make things right. You will be taking away any possibility of him changing his mind.”
“So, what are you saying? I should just let this girl die?” Uri questioned, his interest peaked.
“No, of course not,” Sophie replied. “What does Michael want you to do once you’ve retrieved her?”
“He told me to go off the grid, no contact with anyone in the network. It’s too dangerous any other way,” Uri explained.
“If you’ve been checking on Gabe like you say, then you know he made himself a home.”
Uri laughed. “Yes, his fortress of solitude.�
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“Hey,” Sophie’s voice became defensive. “I’d like to see you build a cabin from scratch.”
“What about his place?”
“Where better to take her? Nobody will find you there. Give him a reason, just a little taste of what it was like when he was one of us. If he refuses, then at least you gave him one last chance.”
Uri didn’t speak, soaking in Sophie’s suggestion.
“Well? What do you think?” Sophie pushed.
“I’ll think about it,” Uri said before turning and walking away. Just before he was out of ear shot, he called over his shoulder, “You really should tell Gabe that the old Sophie’s back.”
Before she could reply, he was gone.
Uri sat silently in the corner, watching his old friend as he tossed and turned, sweating, tormented by some nightmare. For the past five years, he had seen glimpses of Gabe as he witnessed his new life from a distance. Until this moment, he had always respected Michael’s instructions to not interfere. His mentor had warned him that Gabe had already made his choice, and to take that away from him would defeat what they meant as guardians.
He couldn’t shake Sophie’s words though, and now found himself thinking quite differently. The rules changed when Uri found Sera. Gabe needed another opportunity to decide if he wanted to fulfill his destiny, his last decision to leave had been made when he was a boy.
Uri stayed in the shadows, silent as Gabe awoke, rubbing his eyes, and stumbling to the nearby table, fumbling for a cup. He walked over to the pitcher and then froze. Uri grinned, sure he had caught sight of him. To his surprise, Gabe did not react, in fact, he said nothing. He watched as Gabe stared hard into the darkness, squinting, confirming in fact there was someone sitting in the corner, staring back at him.
“Are you alright?” Uri finally asked.
Gabe shook his head, still saying nothing.
“Clearly you’re not … what’s with the lumber jack look by the way?” he asked with a laugh.