by Kay, Theresa
“Just like you trust me? What happened to the guy who thought I was going to seduce information out of him?”
He cringes. “That was… a mistake and one that I’ve already apologized for. Today you have pushed yourself to the brink of collapse just to get out of speaking to me. I am not someone you need to fear. If I desired to harm you, haven’t I had plenty of opportunity?” One finger under my chin, he pushes my face up. Instinctively I close my eyes and prepare for the creeping chill of fear…but there’s nothing but a warm calm flowing through my limbs. I slowly open my eyes and he smiles. “I will not hurt you. If you’re curious, please just ask. I much preferred our conversations from yesterday to the drudging silence this morning.”
“Okay.”
Lir stands and reaches a hand out to me. I eye it for a moment before accepting it and allowing him to pull me to my feet. Trust has to start somewhere I guess.
* * * * * * *
It’s still cold once the sun goes down, but our campsite doesn’t feel quite as dreary. We had stumbled across a stream and, although the water was a bit chilly, I’d certainly underestimated the effect feeling clean could have on morale. Even better, the stream fed into a small pond that had a bunch of watercress growing in it and my snares had managed to snag three rabbits. Dinner is actually going to fill our stomachs and there will even be leftovers for tomorrow.
I teach Lir about the different sizes of firewood, show him how to build the fire and even let him start it. When I offer to show him how to clean a rabbit though, he declines, saying, “I do not believe that is a skill I will ever need.”
“What do you guys normally eat? Obviously not fresh game, but what else is there?”
He lets the silence draw out for a while before answering. “As you know, we stay within the city and are restricted by that...limitation. We primarily eat vegetable matter that is grown hydroponically. Meat isn’t something we cultivate so much as synthesize. We require very little of the synthesized compound as it is highly concentrated.”
“I bet it tastes like crap too.”
A laugh bursts from him mouth and he nods. “Very true.”
“So, if you have everything you need in the city, what were you doing out here?” He opens his mouth, shuts it again and presses his lips together, obviously uncomfortable. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that I do not want to, more that it is complicated and there are things… that have changed and—”
He hasn’t pressed me on my issues, I won’t press him on his. “Don’t worry about it.” I take a bite of a rabbit leg. “So tell me about the scales.”
His brow furrows. “What about them?”
“Like do they mean you’re reptilian or something? Cold-blooded?”
“Reptilian?” Another laugh escapes from him. “The scales are more ornamental than anything. The colors are determined by our family line, so anyone can tell just by looking at me that I’m of Vestra and Linaud descent. Well, any E’rikon could tell at least.”
“Does that mean everyone with the same color is related?”
“To a point, yes.” A wrinkle forms between his brows and he thinks for moment before continuing. “But there are degrees of color and even differences in the shades that we would recognize that a human would not. For example, one of the males from the clearing whose coloring you probably saw as silver, actually has a distant relation to the Linaud line.”
“His hair did have a gold tint to it,” I say.
Lir eyes widen in surprise. “Interesting. I was always told most of the more subtle color variations were not visible on the human spectrum.”
I shrug. “I just have good eyes. Jace does too. He’s the best hunter in Bridgelake because he’s fast and has near perfect aim.”
“Impressive.”
“My dad always called me his little redtail.” He looks at me blankly. “It’s a type of hawk. Hawks have great vision…”
One of his hands comes up and rubs a strand of my hair between two fingers. “And you are red.”
My eyes are so transfixed by his hand in my hair that I miss what he says next. “What?”
“I said, it’s a beautiful color. If you were E’rikon, you would be of the Reva line.”
“Oh.” He’s still staring at my hair and running his fingers across it. When he turns his eyes back to my face, the intensity there freezes me in place. My mouth goes dry and I’m struggling to swallow, not from fear, but something else. Heat gathers in my stomach and races down my arms to my tingling fingertips. Lips parted, I raise one hand and reach toward Lir’s cheek. A green branch pops in the fire and my hand jerks. What am I doing? I avert my eyes and twist my hands together in my lap.
Releasing my hair and with one brisk shake of his head, Lir stands and walks over to the packs. “Are you ready to get some rest?” I nod and manage to stammer out a yes. He pulls both sleeping bags out and lays them side by side. “Last night… I thought… but if you’d rather…” He gestures from one side of the fire to the other. “I can…”Under almost any other circumstances, I’d laugh at how flustered he is.
“No it’s fine.” I slide into my sleeping bag beside him and lie on my back with my arms crossed over my chest.
Slipping into his own sleeping bag, he settles in next to me. “May I ask…the nightmares are they—”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
He simply nods and closes his eyes. I can’t help but notice the hand he leaves extended out between us. I can help my urge to grab it and I dig my fingertips into my biceps. instead Soon after, he has drifted off and I’m left staring up at the stars through the tree branches.
Unwilling to subject myself to the dreams if I don’t have to and maybe even a little because I just crave the comfort and connection his touch brings, my hand finds his as I surrender to sleep.
This night is not so bad. The flash of a knife. Ice and fire in my veins and then I’m flying. Swooping, drifting, diving, a hawk on the wind with wings outstretched. Peaceful blue sky with white puffy clouds. I’m looking down on myself with my red, red hair and a smile on my face.
ELEVEN
The next three days pass in much the same way. Easy conversation during the day when I can laugh and joke and then my slowly escalating nightly freak out once the sky darkens. The shifts have become more rapid and unpredictable and the back and forth is exhausting for me. I can’t even imagine how it must make Lir feel. He doesn’t complain and he doesn’t push me though, so our friendship continues on, a careful balance of acceptance and shared experiences. There have been no repeats of…whatever almost happened between us the night he touched my hair.
The nightmares still come every night, not that I expected them to stop. But they’re shorter and, more often than not, the truly scary parts get run out of my head by other things. For some reason, there’s a lot of me in my dreams. It’s odd really. Of course, I’ve always been in my dreams, but from a first person perspective. Now I’m like an observer. And from the outside looking in I hardly recognize myself. I stand tall and my hazel eyes aren’t quite as haunted. The sunlight brings out shades of burnished copper in my hair. I smile and laugh and talk with my hands. If only I could be that version of me…
Dinner last night was less than meager. I haven’t caught any fresh meat for the past two days. I’ve been pushing the pace and we just haven’t remained in one place long enough for snares to be truly effective. We saved the last rabbit from a few nights ago for breakfast this morning and after that… I’m not sure what we’ll do for protein.
My mouth tastes horrible and it’s been two days since the last time we found a small creek to get cleaned up in. I’ve already cycled through the clothes I’ve packed and what I’m wearing is stiff with dirt and sweat. I feel gross. What I wouldn’t give for a stream, a lake, some water I can swim in and dip my head under. Exhaustion and hunger are just beginning to take their toll on both of us, forming a sea of tension that is s
lowly rising to a boil.
I push my sleeping bag down and crawl out. Lir’s stuff is already packed up and he’s not here. Since the morning he woke to find me studying his skin, he’s started getting up early. I’ve gotten used to his early rising and morning walks, so I don’t worry anymore. He’s also better about not getting lost now.
I leave most of my stuff where it is, taking only the satchel with me, and walk into the trees. After taking care of other needs, I wrap my legs around the trunk of a tall tree and climb up until I can see the path ahead of us. This has been my routine since the third day when we spent hours going around a ravine that we could have avoided if I’d scouted our route better. There’s nothing I can see that will require a change of course today. I pull the map out and try to work out where we are. We’re heading North now and it looks like we should soon run into the secondary road that can take us over the mountain and toward the city.
Rustling noises come from the campsite as I return. “It looks like we might hit the road today, means easier walking at least. I hope—” I stop, my feet skidding across the ground. It’s not Lir moving around the campsite. A large black bear has ripped open Lir’s pack, strewing items everywhere. It’s already been through my things. Open mouthed, I take in the destroyed backpacks, ripped clothing and shredded sleeping bags.
For a moment, I’m frozen, not able to do anything but watch the big, hairy brute rummage around with its snout. What are you supposed to do when you run into a bear? I back away slowly, pulling my knife from my boot as I go. At least I’ll be ready if it decides to come after me. Not that my small knife, sharp as it is, will have this huge effect on it, but at least it makes me feel a little more in control.
Once the bear is out of sight, I circle around the campsite, hoping to catch Lir before he stumbles upon the thing. He really wouldn’t know what to do. I take sideways half steps, crouching slightly and keeping the knife in front of me. A loud noise brings me spinning around, blade at the ready.
Lir steps out from behind a tree with his hands up, eyes wide and on the knife. “What’s going on? You know I was not going anywhere. I was—” Ripping fabric and a sound somewhere between a snort and a growl, silences him.
“Bear,” I say. “We need to go, now.” I don’t even wait for him to follow before I start hiking through the woods, quickly but quietly, away from the campsite.
“But what about our supplies?”
I look back over my shoulder. “Would you like to fight the bear for them?” His eyebrow is just itching to creep up. “It’s all ruined anyway.”
“Oh.” With a furtive glance toward the campsite, he follows.
Twenty tense minutes later, I stop and sit on a rock, my head in my hands. Our difficult situation just got worse. The only weapon I have is this one knife. No sleeping bags. No clean clothes. No food. And dammit even our canteens are gone. My heart beats against my chest and my breath comes quickly. Heat starts at my toes and flows up my body until a frustrated scream flies out of my mouth. I’m up and slamming my fist into the nearest tree before I can stop myself.
Well, that was a brilliant idea. Now I’m angry, frustrated, and in pain. I wiggle my fingers and shake my hand in the air, blinking back tears.
“Feel better?” he asks. The eyebrow is up in full force and a smirk is twisting his lips.
“No!” I can’t help the volume and he flinches. “No,” I say again, quietly. “My hand hurts.”
“Let me see.” Lir reaches out and takes hold of my throbbing fingers. He pauses when my body stiffens, but then I relax and he pulls my hand closer, examining my battered knuckles. “I think it will be okay. You did not break the skin at least.”
Did I step forward or did he? His gaze moves from my hand to my face and he smiles. An entirely different kind of heat travels from my fingers to the rest of me, rising to my face. The green of his eyes draws me closer and I lean forward. The satchel swings forward across my body and clanks against Lir’s legs.
The satchel? I’ve still got it! I jump back and grab the sides of it holding it up. “We’ve still got this. We’ve still got the map.”
Lir clears his throat and takes a step back, rubbing his hand over the back of his head. “That’s great, Jax.”
I fumble with the buckle and pull up the flap, suddenly desperate to have the map in my hands, a physical reminder that we haven’t lost everything. “At least we know where we’re going and…” My searching fingers find the small metal orb from Dane’s office, another thing we still have though I have no idea if it’s even useful. I pull it out triumphantly. “And then there’s …” My voice falters as I take in his expression.
Lir’s face goes pale and a choked noise escapes his throat. Tension vibrates the air around him as he stares at the object in my hand. When he finally brings his eyes up to me, my stomach drops. The light in his gaze is gone, his eyes cold, hard and empty. There’s no smile, no smirk, nothing even remotely friendly on his face. Instead, there’s an emotion twisting his features that I’ve never seen on him before: fury.
“What are you doing with that?” His hands are fisted at his sides, knuckles white. “Was this all some sort of trick? Let you into the city so you can destroy us like you destroyed yourselves?” His eyes bore into me and I step back.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I found it… It was—”
“You are lying!” One hand shoots out and grabs my wrist. “Why else would you have hidden it from me?”
My pulse starts to race. “I didn’t!”
He steps closer, backing me up to a tree. Too close. Friend or not friend? Anger or fear? Indecision freezes me and I’m stuck there with him leaned into me, a subtle tremble starting in my fingertips. I squeeze my eyes shut and count my breaths. One. Two. Breathe… It’s not helping, so I open my eyes, hoping he can see that I’m telling the truth.
“How many others have fallen for this? What happened to the supply ship? Where are the rest? How was it done?” I frantically shake my head, but he just keeps going, question after question. The movement wiggles my hair loose from my braid and it falls down around my face. It catches Lir’s attention and understanding breaks across his face.
He drops my wrist and takes a step back. “It was not you.” A soft shake of his head. “Blazes. I cannot believe I did not figure it out before. It was your brother. The hair… it’s why they took him.”
“What?”
“Your brother is a thief and a murderer.”
* * * * * * *
There’s a new suspicion in Lir’s eyes as he stoically recites the story. About six months ago an E’rikon supply ship vanished without a trace somewhere in the vicinity of Bridgelake. The last communication from the crew showed a red-haired human standing over a fallen alien, his face splashed with green blood. And it wasn’t the first of their ships to disappear. The details are vague and he’s holding back. He won’t tell me what the cargo was, just that they’ve been trying to retrieve it. Obviously the metal object I pulled from Dane’s desk was part of it, but there’s something bigger going on too. Something he doesn’t want me to know about. Just like that, he doesn’t trust me anymore.
It explains a lot, why the aliens were there, why they landed and even why they took Jace. But rather than being relieved at finally having some answers, I’m all the more terrified for my brother. It was one thing to think they took him mistakenly or just because, it’s completely different now that I know their real purpose— interrogation.
Lir claims they would have never taken him if they weren’t sure of his identity, but it just doesn’t sound like my brother. Could he really have done it? How would he have become a killer without me noticing? I can’t just accept it, not until I hear it from Jace. I let Lir examine the object and explain where and when I found it, but I keep the kitu I found to myself. If he can have secrets, then so can I.
The camaraderie we have developed over the past few days disappears. I don’t like him assuming the worst of m
y brother and Lir… he just retreats into himself. No words, no jokes, just hiking in silence with rumbling stomachs. In the beginning, I would have welcomed this quiet and near solitude, but I’ve gotten used to the easy conversation calming me. With nothing else to distract me, my worries play over and over in my head with every step.
Night comes and there’s nothing to cook over the fire, only some blackberries I scrounged up. It’s hard and cold on the ground and the descent of darkness only amps up my anxiety. I rock back and forth and close my eyes, but it doesn’t help and there’s silence on the other side of the fire. Even when I get up and start pacing, there’s no reassurance from Lir. Not a word. He just rolls over and goes to sleep.
The nightmares don’t let me sleep. Every time I close my eyes all I see is red and hands and pain.
I’m up before the sun, scavenging around the campsite and plotting our route for the day. I use the knife to scrape off some pine bark to take the edge off our hunger and we start walking.
Today’s no better than yesterday. Hungry, dirty and stiff we trek along without speaking. I refuse to believe the worst of my brother and Lir won’t talk about it. He won’t listen to my pleas for more information and he snaps at me when I ask him to explain how they know for sure it was my brother. Either way, I’m not Jace and had nothing to do with it. The alien shouldn’t be taking it out on me.
Finally, after another cold night on the rocky ground spent battling with my dreams, I can’t take it anymore. “It wasn’t me,” I say.
“What are you talking about?”
“I didn’t do it.” I stop walking and wait for Lir to catch up to me.
“I am aware of that.” He sighs and pushes ahead of me without stopping.
And that’s our conversation for the day. I fight against tears and a hurt I don’t quite understand.
Up in a tree the next morning, I see the first town we have to pass through. It’s deserted like most of them nowadays, but I’d much rather stick to the woods. The forest only gets sparser on this leg of the journey though. At least there might be food somewhere in there. Cans keep for a while and before the Collapse there were lots of other things with shelf lives longer than I’ve been alive.