by Kay, Theresa
My hand hits open air instead of the wall I was expecting and I stumble, falling to my butt in the water and knocking over the line of bottles on the edge.
“Jax?” Lir’s voice from right outside the bathroom. “Are you alright?”
“Fine,” I yell, scrubbing at my eyes with my hands. “Just fine.”
I hurry through the rest of the shower, rinsing my hair this time without getting any more soap in my eyes. When I step out, fog covers the large mirror over the sink. A single bottle of lightly scented lotion sits on the counter next to a folded towel. The thick fluffy towel is a luxury in itself and I almost moan when I rub the lovely lotion over my skin. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so clean and pampered.
I fold the towel back up and set it on the counter, but no clothes… Thankfully there’s a robe, a white one of course, hanging on the back of the door. It’s short and reaches only halfway to my knees when I wrap it around me, but I don’t have any other options unless I want to wander around naked. I half-stumble out of the bathroom— stupid door stuck— and stop in my tracks when I see Lir sitting on the bed. The robe was a good choice.
“I had to tell my father about… what you are,” says Lir, gaze fixed firmly on his hands. “I just…” His eyes come up, trailing from my bare feet up my damp legs and landing on my face. “Where are your clothes?”
My face heats and I grip the robe closer to my body. “They seem to have run off.”
Lir grins and chuckles, shaking his head. “I’m not really complaining anyway.” The tension in my body releases at his relaxed attitude. “Can we talk?”
“Uh, sure,” I say. I plop down on the bed next to him and his face flushes.
“I meant later, you know, with clothes on?”
My head tilts and I shrug. “You’re here now, let’s get this over with.” I’m not sure what I expect him to say, but it can’t be good. Lir fidgets and looks away. Maybe clothes would be a good idea. There’s no barrier between us, nothing protecting me from the words he’s about to say.
“Jax…” he starts, “I haven’t been fully honest with you.”
“No kidding. I think we’ve already had that conversation,” I say in monotone.
He sighs and pinches the top of his nose. “First of all, let me apologize for my Father. He’s… under a lot of pressure right now and bringing you here is just going to complicate it even more.”
“Then why’d you bring me here? Why am I lounging around your house instead of finding Jace? How is this helping?”
“It’s not…” A loud exhale pushes past his lips. “I thought this was going to be the easy way. That my family’s position here might….be of assistance. But the tensions between us and the humans have gotten too far out of hand. My return hasn’t exactly escaped notice and the fact that I brought you into the city…”
“And which camp am I in? The ‘us’ or the humans? Because I didn’t ask for any of this. I just came for my brother.”
His eyes flash. “You seem to forget the things your brother has done to end up here. In our eyes he’s a criminal.” I guess I’m solidly in the ‘them’ category then.
“That still doesn’t explain why I’m here lounging around instead of out getting Jace back.”
Lir’s hand moves up, ruffling his hair in a gesture I’ve come to recognize as frustration. “About that…” The hand on my back freezes when my muscles tense. He can’t possibly back out now. I’m depending on him and I’m completely out of my element here. “I don’t know where he is.”
“What is that supposed to mean? You promised.”
The hand goes to his hair again and he sighs. “I didn’t promise anything, Jax. I said I’d get you here,” he says. My head tilts to the side and I blink once slowly. “No, that’s not coming out right… I want to help you, but after I found out what you were, I knew we had to come here first. It’s a good thing we did, because there’s been absolutely no news of your brother’s arrival here. My father has a good idea about why that may be, and so do I, but there are steps that have to be taken. You can’t go running around trying to find him by yourself. It’s going to take time.”
“Time? I don’t have time. Jace doesn’t have time. I need to find him now! Who knows what they’re doing to him!”
His brow furrows. “I am doing all I can…”
I turn and poke my finger into his chest. “You don’t get it. They’re torturing him. Your people…I can’t just sit here….”
He wraps his hand around mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. Warmth trickles into me, lowering my heart rate, slowing my breaths and…calming me. “It will—”
I snatch my hand away like it’s been burned. “Don’t do that! What gives you the right to shove your emotions on me?” Springing up off the bed, I stalk to the other side of the room.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. I just thought—”
“You thought that you’d control me? Manipulate me?”
Redness creeps up his neck and he stands. He stalks across the room until he’s standing right in front of me. “No. I thought I would help you. You don’t understand—”
“I don’t want your help!” The words explode from my mouth before I can stop myself. “I just want to get my brother and get out of here!”
There’s a flash of pain in his eyes, then he flexes his jaw and a visible wave of tension flows through him. The chilly solider persona has returned. “I have arranged a Council meeting to discuss my return and allow you to present a formal request for Jace’s release. Get some rest. We will discuss this in the morning.” He strides out of the room without looking back.
What did he expect me to say? Yes, please, crawl around in my brain. The prickling heat of irritation slowly gives way to a wash of guilt. It’s not his fault I’m not… like him. He’s had his entire lifetime to get used to this emotional thing and it’s probably instinctive for him. We’re both exhausted and stressed…I’ll apologize in the morning.
After searching through a few drawers I throw my hands up in frustration. My clothes disappeared and there’s no— A small gray stack of folded fabric on the edge of the dresser catches my eye. I fluff out the clothes. No surprises here, simple gray shirt and pants. Socks and underwear too. I sure hope it was Vira that dropped this stuff off.
The fabric slides easily against my skin, softer and smoother than anything I’ve ever experienced before. If not for the fact I was virtually alone in this alien city having seemingly pissed off my only ally here, I’d be reveling in all these little luxuries. I collapse onto the bed, sinking into the mattress as it molds around me. Maybe I’ll revel a little anyway.
Despite the comfort of the mattress against my body, when I close my eyes and try to sleep, it won’t come. I pull the pillow over my face and close my eyes, searching for that elusive peace and failing. My mind is too busy bouncing from thought to thought and every one leads me back to a different worry. Where is Jace? What if I can’t get him out? Have I completely screwed things up with Lir? What things?
I’m lost in thought when the sound of giggling comes from the end of the bed and Stella pops up into view. “Hi!”
I sit up and smile at her. “Hi Stella, what are you doing in here?”
“I just wanted to talk to you. No one would let me talk to you…” She makes a pouty face and shakes her head. “So, are you really a human? I’ve never met a human before.”
“Yes.” What else am I supposed to say? I don’t want to scare her and, if her parent’s attitudes have anything to do with it, she’ll probably never see one again. “I’m human.” It’s only a little stretch of the truth.
She nods as if satisfied with my answer. “I like you, Jax. Don’t worry Lir will forgive you.” Leaning closer, she whispers the next part. “I have tantrums too and he always forgives me.” Such a simple statement, but it is enough to reassure my racing mind and my chest moves with laughter.
I impulsively reach forward and hug her. As her little arms go around my wais
t, I realize there’s no kitu on her wrist. Does that mean she has to stay within the city or she’ll die? But…then how did I broadcast to her? Didn’t Lir say the mental communication came from the kitu? Have the E’rikon altered the atmosphere within the barrier and that’s why they stay in the city? But then…how did Lir survive outside it when his kitu wasn’t working? The questions just keep coming, swirling in my head until Stella releases me and hops off the bed.
“I better get back to my room. Night, Jax!” She scampers out of the room with a wave and I settle back against the pillow.
Somehow, I manage to fall asleep despite the steady stream of questions marching around in my brain.
TWENTY TWO
I’m at the cabin again, but without the shades of dad and Jace. Instead, Lir stands in the center of the living room, his hands clasped behind his back and his head bowed. He uses one hand to gesture around the room. “This is the second time you’ve brought me here. You feel safe here.” His chest rises with a deep breath and he lifts his head to meet my eyes. “Does this mean you’re finally ready to listen?”
What’s going on? Am I dreaming?
“In a way, yes,” says Lir. Alarm crosses his face as I take two scrambled steps backwards. “No…Please don’t shut me out. You are safe here.” He bites his lip and extends a hand to me. “We need to talk. I know I haven’t exactly gone about things the right way, but this is new to me too.”
The hand stays out, a silent plea but it’s his eyes that draw me in. Open, entreating, caring. Besides, no real harm can come to me in a dream world, right?
I walk forward and place my hand in his. “Okay. But this better be good.”
Lir laughs and pulls me forward. “You never fail to surprise me.” He leads me to the couch and we sit.
“So…Is this another E’rikon thing? The dreaming?”
“You could say that. Honestly, I didn’t realize until recently that humans don’t share connections like we do. This shared dreamscape…” He circles his arm around the cabin. “…is the product of a bond. It’s a place for us to regroup, heal, communicate. Really, whatever we decide to use it for.”
“We as in you and me?”
“Yes.” There’s more to that statement, so I just raise my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to continue. “This is our place. Only ours.”
I narrow my eyes.
He lets out a nervous chuckle. “I didn’t think it was possible, not without the kitu, much less when I thought you were fully human. I’m still not sure how it happened.” Green eyes find mine and hold my gaze. “I do know it couldn’t have happened if you hadn’t let me in. I didn’t force this, I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done so.”
“What exactly happened?”
“The emotional link, this place… it means we’re bondmates.”
“And that means…”
Another uncomfortable laugh. “It means we have a special connection. Most bondmates are coupled…”
I inhale sharply.
“But if that’s not what you want, we don’t, you don’t…” He trails off and shakes his head. “I am really messing this up, aren’t I?” He gives me a crooked smile. “I tried to talk to you this morning. I thought it would be good news. You were so agitated and then you kissed me… I felt your confusion, your panic. Not what I was expecting. You had no idea what was happening and then, of course, other things got in the way.”
He runs his hand over his head. “When you had a panic attack in Peter’s driveway, I knew things were not going to go well. I’ve been trying desperately to keep it in check, so you aren’t subjected to things you are unprepared for. I lost control in the truck, because I needed the reassurance. I needed that connection to get me through. I was selfish and I’m sorry for that and pretty much everything that followed. I didn’t take the time to reassure you in a way you understood. I didn’t really stop to think and I sure as hell didn’t consider how what I told you earlier about… the hybridization…would sound before I opened my mouth. Especially after everything else that you’d been through today.”
What to process first? The bond? The apology? My brain can’t seem to focus on either one of those. Instead, it grabs hold of the first question to form and ejects it out of my mouth. “Is this bond thing permanent?”
Lir’s smile falters and he winces as if I hit him. “No. It’s rare, but it can be broken.” He swallows and then closes his eyes. “Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know. I don’t understand it.” I pull my hands away from him and throw my arms up. “Is this what you want? Why would you want this bond with me? There have got to be more…suitable girls for you, ones your parents approve of or…not broken ones.”
“I can’t say this is an ideal situation, but if I hadn’t wanted it on some level the bond would not have been formed. It doesn’t work that way.”
“How will this even work? You know I can’t stay here right? My plan is still to get Jace and leave. Are you going to come with me?”
He shrugs. “I was hoping I could convince you to stay but I haven’t really thought that far ahead.”
My legs are itching to get up and start pacing and my fingers begin to drum on my knees.
He moves his hands over mine and gives them a gentle squeeze. “Don’t think, just feel.” With two fingers he lifts my chin until I’m looking into his eyes.
A subtle warmth starts in my hands and flows up my arms. I tense up for a moment, but then I close my eyes and float on the sensation, letting it move through my body. Comfort. Peace. Connection.
One of Lir’s hands comes up to cup my cheek and his thumb brushes across my lips. So beautiful. He leans in, his breath brushing across my mouth before he presses his lips down over mine. This kiss is not born from my confusion or from his fear. It’s a careful exploration, a hesitant reverence. His hand moves back to twine in my hair and he darts his tongue along the seam of my mouth. He pulls back and gives me one more light peck before settling back into the couch, his face red.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I wasn’t trying to take advantage.”
“You’re sorry for kissing me?”
The half smile turns almost into a grin and he raises one eyebrow. “Do you want me to be?”
“No. I want you to do it again.”
This time I lean into him, wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull him to my mouth. His hand goes back to my cheek and then trails down my arm, igniting the subtle warmth into a steady burn everywhere he touches. Wrapping his other arm around my lower back, he pulls me forward until I swing my legs up onto the couch and over his lap. His heart pounds against my other hand, now resting on his chest. A sound somewhere between a plea and a groan rumbles in his throat when I nip at his lower lip.
Images begin to flash through my head as his lips work against mine: Me in the forest. Me in Emily’s dress. Me swimming across a pond. My leaning close while hair clippings float down in front of my face. The sound of my laugh. The humor of my scowl.
I pull back and wait for Lir to open his eyes. When he does, they’re like molten jewels, swirling with green gold fire. He leans forward to reclaim my mouth, but I put the tops of the fingers on my right hand over his lips and shake my head. “It was you. The entire time. How?”
“The entire time? How long have you been getting images from me?” The words are muffled by my fingers, but he doesn’t back away. He presses little kisses to my knuckles and the palm of my hand.
“Since the first night in the woods,” I say.
“I’ve never heard of anything like that happening.” He stares at me in wonder. “That means… you’re probably linking to Stella, not just broadcasting. That connection might be enough to save her.”
“Save her?”
“You didn’t really let me finish explaining things earlier. The children born here, like Stella, cannot survive outside the dome. None of us could without the kitus.” His eyes widen. Cool excitement starts to splash out from him. “But you can a
nd you linked to me, bonded with me even without a functional kitu.”
“Because I’m half human.” But that also means… “You would have died out there if you hadn’t been with me. They disabled your kitu before they left. Did they know that you’d be as good as dead? Were they trying to kill you?”
“I’m not entirely sure, but that would be a logical conclusion.”
“But then you had to have known… something…when you weren’t dying. You said you had no idea what I was.”
“I didn’t.” He grabs my hands again. “At first I just thought it was taking me a very long time to die. I didn’t understand why and I really didn’t care. I let myself get close to you even though I knew it was a bad idea. And then you were bitten by that snake… I never sat around asking myself ‘hey why aren’t you dead yet’ but when the delirium hit you, I felt something. I knew somehow that you were different, that it was you keeping me alive and me helping you fight the infection. I didn’t really understand all the implications of that until your friend explained what he knew about your heritage.”
“So I am just an experiment then?” I yank my hands away and stand. “I wasn’t wrong. They’re… you’re… never going to let me and Jace leave, not when we can do this thing that none of you can do. Not when you can use us. They’ve obviously already been experimenting or something on my brother.” Agitation rises in my stomach and crawls up my throat. “What Flint said… I’m not even functional. I don’t know how to use this link thing and I’m unstable with my own emotions, much less anyone else’s.”
“Work with me, with us. We’re meeting with the Council tomorrow. We just have to show them we have nothing to hide.”
“But I do have stuff to hide, Lir. Where is Jace? If your return has caught everyone’s attention, then wouldn’t they already know about Jace’s arrival?” My feet carry me back and forth in front of the couch.