by Rula Sinara
“Of course they’re more than that. You can’t pass that judgment on me when you’ve just met us. I don’t care if you’ve taken a million kids on hikes or if you went and got a PhD in psychology, or even raised ten kids yourself. You still wouldn’t know my daughters and me well enough to tell us—tell me—what I’m doing wrong. I hired you to watch and teach them, not to judge and psychoanalyze my parenting. Maybe this arrangement was a bad idea.” He started to reach for the doorknob, but she put her hands on his arm.
“I’m not judging. I’m trying to help. Isn’t that what you needed?”
“Help. Yes. Stage an intervention? No.” He was still mad. He really was. But he made no attempt to draw his arm away from her hands.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped. I’ll stick to what you’re paying me to do.”
She let go of him.
The slap of reality hit him in the face. He’d needed it, too. Which bothered him to no end.
Never once had he stood this close to anyone caring for the twins. Never once had he felt drawn to a woman since Sandy. Not even a tiny bit. And not only because it wouldn’t have been professional. He’d learned his lesson: let a person in and he’d only be opening him and the twins up to loss and heartbreak and agony.
He was human. He was bound to feel attracted to a woman sooner or later. That’s all this confusion broiling in him. He was irritated with the way she challenged his requests and seemed to see right through him, but he was attracted to her for the very same reasons. It was killing him. It wasn’t right.
But he, of all people, knew that he couldn’t handle any more loss. He had the twins, and worrying about anything happening to them was more than enough to weigh on him. Whatever energy seemed to pass between him and Pippa every time they were in the same room was a one-way figment of his imagination.
Besides, Pippa said it herself. She was helping him only for the money. No wonder she was putting up with the girls’ pranks. She wasn’t sticking around because he affected her or was stuck in her head the way she’d managed to stick in his. She wasn’t here because the twins were special to her.
It was for the money. Money drove everyone. It was the universal motivator.
After all, money was the reason he was working for an oil company, so he couldn’t judge.
He put his hands on his hips and took a small step back to put some distance between them. She splayed her hands, and her soft face creased.
“How can you not see it? They’re desperate for your attention. Not in a responsible-parent way, but in a ‘there’s nothing in the world that matters other than hanging out with you’ way. You’re right... I’ve only just met them. Yet, I can see it all as plain as day. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
“They’re my life. I take them everywhere I go. Why else do you think they’re here and not with their grandparents? The one thing I promised their mother before she died was that we’d stick together, the three of us, and I would never give them to someone else to raise.”
“Is that what all the rules and schedules are about? To make you feel like you’re raising them even if they’re with a nanny all day?”
“That’s out of line. I’m not the first parent to work all day. I’m still their father. It’s my job to keep them safe and to make sure they stay safe even when I’m not around.”
“You can’t control everything, Dax. You can’t shelter them and then expect them to survive in this world. They want their dad to sometimes let his guard down and throw caution to the wind. I mean, haven’t you ever done something like jump in the pool with your clothes on just to make them laugh? Haven’t you ever played hooky and told them to ignore their studies for a day so the three of you could have fun? That’s all they want.”
“My job is to give them what they need. Not what they want.”
“Your job includes their emotional well-being. They miss their mother. I may be wrong but I’m guessing they miss the way you were when she was alive. When we were doing the henna, they told me you weren’t always around when they were little, but that when you were, your time together was the best.”
He felt sucker punched. The girls had never mentioned that to him. Did that mean they trusted her more than they trusted him now? Had he really built a wall between him and his daughters? Maybe they remembered things that way because their mom had been the hands-on parent, so when he was at home, he could enjoy them without any burdens hanging over him. He was the good-cop parent. When had he become the bad cop?
He scrubbed at his jaw and rested his back against the wall by the door. Pippa bridged the gap between them and took his hand again. She meant it as a gesture of comfort and understanding, no doubt, but something in the way her fingers wrapped around his made it about need and connection and wanting something indefinable that neither of them had to give.
“You’re the most important person in the world to them, Dax. They love you to pieces. They just want you to be yourself.”
“I’m not sure that’s good enough.”
“It has to be.”
CHAPTER SIX
TWO DAYS AND not an incident. The girls had actually been behaving and Pippa...she seemed to be mellower than usual. Like she was making a point to follow his rules and not overstep.
So why did the last forty-eight hours seem stagnant and boring?
Dax looked around and checked the girls’ room. No one was around. He’d come home early, but according to the schedule, they were supposed to be wrapping up an online math test. He set his stuff down and noticed a handwritten note sitting on his desk.
Gone swimming.
—Pippa :)
Like giant smiley faces made playing hooky okay. Faces like the twins drew on notes.
He checked the patio door in the bedroom, relieved that they’d at least locked it behind them. He went outside and made his way down the path through the garden to the pool area. The normal chatter of monkeys scampering through the canopy of trees with hoarded fruit, birds fluttering to their nests and the occasional trumpeting in the distance of wandering elephant herds was drowned out by the cacophony of human squeals and arguments before the pool even came into view. He rounded the path and stopped at the pool gate.
The family with all the kids he’d seen Pippa taking on tour the first day was there, too. All of them were in the water except for the father, who sat drying off in a lounge chair with a drink.
Pippa and the girls hadn’t noticed Dax yet. He was about to call out when the ball everyone was playing with got bumped over the edge. Pippa hoisted herself up onto the edge of the pool, then stood and padded over to the ball.
Dax tried not to watch her. He even made an effort to keep his eyes on his daughters in the crowded pool, but his gaze kept straying to Pippa. She wore a navy blue one-piece that didn’t reveal much, other than the fact that she was captivating in an unassuming, simple, natural-beauty sort of way.
He rubbed his eyes between the pad of his thumb and forefinger and scratched at the base of his throat as he walked to the end of the pool where the other parents sat.
“Dad! We’re winning!” Fern and Ivy called out when they saw him.
“Hey!” Pippa shot him a huge grin and waved, then served the ball.
He couldn’t exactly call them out of the pool or make a big deal about the change in the schedule...not in front of everyone. Besides, they really were having fun. When was the last time he’d taken a day off to just relax since they’d gotten here? For that matter, when was the last time he’d taken a real weekend off? One where he didn’t bring work home?
“Go Team Twins!” he yelled out, giving them a thumbs-up. Granted, they did have a few members from the other family on their side to even things out.
“They are a competitive bunch,” the other father pointed out, nodding to Dax. “You should have seen the volley between my wife and yours right bef
ore you got here. I swear they kept it in the air for at least ten hits.”
My wife and yours?
Dax scratched the back of his head and winced uncomfortably at the sun. Should he let it go? No. No. It was a small place and Pippa worked here. What if the assumption spread? He cranked his neck to one side and rubbed at the knot forming there.
“They’re...um...definitely having fun, but she’s...um...not my wife,” he said.
“No? Oh, sorry. Something in the way you two looked at each other when you got here...and those twins. I just assumed.”
“No worries. She’s watching my daughters temporarily. I was in a bind because of work.” Dax pulled up one of the garden chairs and took a seat.
Squeals erupted from the pool, followed by laughter.
“Honey, did you see that?” the man’s wife called out. Her kids high-fived her.
What would it be like to have someone calling him “honey” or “sweetheart” again? He missed the way Sandy used to infuse those words with love before they split up. They’d been a team, or so he’d thought. The reality was he hadn’t been there for her until it was too late. He’d taken so many things for granted. He didn’t deserve anyone calling him “honey” or loving him the way Sandy once had. Pippa’s face flashed in his mind, and he quickly blinked it away.
Team Twins was starting to fall behind, but for a good reason. Pippa kept passing the ball to either Ivy or Fern so one of them could take the shot across the red rope they’d strung across the pool as a makeshift volleyball net. She may have enjoyed a little competition briefly with this guy’s wife, but she wasn’t making the game about her. She wanted the girls to have a chance. She was going out of her way to boost their confidence. He watched as Fern started to give Pippa the ball to serve, but Pippa shook her head and told her she could do it. Something shifted in Dax’s chest. It had to be gratitude. Nothing more. She was a teacher. Good teachers did that sort of thing with kids.
“Game over!” one of the blond boys called out. His side cheered.
Ivy and Fern smiled and congratulated the others, but the excitement had dulled in their eyes. Pippa double high-fived them and thanked the family for the game.
“Enjoy the rest of your afternoon,” Dax told the dad.
“Yes, you, too,” the father said, glancing at Pippa, then lifting the corner of his mouth assumingly. “You know, kids have good instincts about people. She’s great with your daughters...and I don’t think the way you two looked at each other was nothing.”
“It’s really not like that.”
“Maybe it could be. I almost lost my chance out of sheer stubbornness. Look what I’d have missed out on,” he said, nodding toward his family before joining them.
Dax turned away. Did boundaries not exist out here? A sharp pain shot through his temple, and he rubbed at his clenched jaw. There was nothing between him and Pippa. Nothing. They hadn’t known each other long enough for that. He walked over to where the twins were climbing out of the pool and handed them their towels. Pippa was climbing out after them. He tossed a towel to her while keeping his attention on his daughters.
“You two played like pros,” he said.
“You’re exaggerating. We lost.” Ivy dried her face and hair.
“Not all games are about winning or losing. You all seemed to be having a great time.”
“Yeah, it was fun,” Fern said.
“I thought you both did great—great playing and great sportsmanship,” Dax said.
“They were awesome. We’ll have to do it again. I hardly ever get to swim. I’m not a guest here and I’m always working, so I don’t get to use the pool. This place is like a small oasis. We don’t have such luxuries at Busara or most places around here. Besides, if we did, the elephants would think it was a watering hole,” Pippa said, earning laughs from the girls.
“But those kids said they’re leaving tomorrow,” Fern said.
“Then we’ll have to get your dad in the pool to play on a team with one of you,” Pippa said.
“We’ll see about that,” Dax said. “Shower time. Then I brought you girls something.”
Ivy and Fern took off for the bungalow.
Pippa had wrapped the towel around herself, so it was safe to look at her. Little drops of water glistened on her damp hair, and one dangled from the end of a curl before falling and sliding down her shoulder.
“I know this wasn’t on the schedule, but they did their—”
“Thank you. For doing this,” he said, then he left her standing there speechless and—as far as he was concerned—totally off-limits.
* * *
PIPPA FINISHED DRYING off and changing in the twins’ bathroom. She looked in the mirror and frowned, leaning in for a better look. Why hadn’t she noticed the freckles on the bridge of her nose before? Did freckles make a person unattractive? With all the sun she got out here, she’d be blessed with wrinkles before thirty, too.
She stood back, frowned at herself and straightened her T-shirt. Since when did she care about being attractive? Never. I never had to. That was it. Playing in the pool with all of those kids and seeing the way that ten-year-old boy kept smiling sheepishly at Fern brought back memories. Their curious, innocent glances at one another had pulled a stitch on an old wound, and it had taken all she had in her to focus on the game and not let that wound bleed out.
She and Haki had grown up side by side since birth. He’d been the guy next door—or the tent next door, in her case. Her looks had never mattered to her because he’d known her at her best and worst...and sometimes even better than she knew herself. She’d never dated anyone else. But he’d moved on. And here she was now, worried about freckles? Why?
Dax.
No. No way. She wasn’t going there. In all honesty, yes, he was attractive, and despite his annoying need for a schedule, there was something endearing about the way he ruffled his hair whenever he was unsure of himself.
None of that meant anything, though. None of it was important. Life was about pursuing her dreams and helping other young girls to have the confidence and means to pursue theirs. Life was about feeling empowered without anyone acting as a crutch for her. It would be hypocritical and self-defeating to worry about her looks all of a sudden. If she ever did find the courage to fall in love again, she wanted it to be with someone who didn’t care if she had freckles, wrinkles or scars. It had to be with a man who loved and respected her mind, soul and free spirit—henna parties and all.
She pushed her rampant curls away from her forehead, but that only brought back the memory of Dax washing her hair. Her freckles faded behind the sudden flush in her cheeks.
You do not like him that way. He’s no fun.
But he needs you.
Haki had never really needed her. It felt good to be needed.
She heard Ivy and Fern in the main room arguing over who could open something. It had to be whatever Dax had brought them. She took a deep breath and escaped from the bathroom mirror.
All three were leaning over the desk as he opened a sample box and laid the cover aside. Clearly, he’d settled the argument by opening the surprise himself. She had to hand it to him—smart move.
“They’re totally cool, Dad. What’s this one called?” Ivy asked. She pointed to a gray rock with slightly pink hues.
“That looks like rhyolite,” Pippa said, craning her neck over Ivy’s shoulder. Fern shot her an inquisitive glance.
“We haven’t seen that one before.”
“It’s an igneous rock,” she said. “The kind that are formed when lava cools quickly. We have volcanoes here in Kenya. You’re standing along part of the Great Rift Valley as we speak.”
“Cool,” Ivy said.
“Exactly what I was going to point out,” Dax said, cocking his head and studying her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump i
n—”
“I didn’t mean to imply that you had. It’s totally fine. It’s just that rhyolite isn’t one of those rocks the average person knows the name of,” he said.
“Maybe I’m not average,” Pippa said. Was she flirting? Being coy? So what if she was? Besides, it didn’t hurt to show him she had brains, too.
Dax tried to keep from smiling, but failed and cleared his throat instead.
“No, I suppose you’re not.”
Ivy and Fern fingered the different rock samples and held them each up to the light.
“I know this one. Pyrite. Looks like gold,” Ivy said.
“I knew it, too,” Fern said.
“I’m sure you both did,” Pippa quickly added.
“I suppose you have to know this stuff to teach kids about the land on your tours,” Dax said.
Ah. He assumed she knew about rocks and volcanoes because she had to keep the kids entertained on the tours. Not entirely off base. She picked up the rhyolite and rubbed the pad of her thumb along its surface.
“Actually, my undergraduate degree is in geology.”
“No kidding.”
She shrugged. It was a male-dominated major. She got that.
“Hard to believe?” she asked.
“Not at all. It’s just that you’re so...unexpected.”
Was that good or bad?
“Well, I didn’t end up pursuing it. Wasted time, I guess.” For more than one reason. She’d picked a major on a whim because she wanted to be with Haki when he’d gone off to study veterinary medicine. Time wasted on many levels. “I love the subject and everything to do with the land here, but I didn’t figure out until later that what I really wanted to do was teach. I love working with kids, especially teaching them how to read. It’s like...I don’t know...giving them a second set of wings. The first set they get at birth because all kids are angels, but the second set allows them to soar through life. Reading opens doors.”