by Lenore Look
But my Batman ring was nowhere to be found.
Worse, it was time to pack and go home.
“Bye,” said Beaufeuillet. “I hope you find your ring.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, choking back tears.
We waved good-bye to the Beaufeuillets, and my dad finished packing, while Anibelly and I continued searching.
“I can’t leave without my Batman ring!” I cried. “I need its secret powers!”
“You don’t need secret powers,” said my dad. “You were a great camper without it.”
“Maybe it was the ring’s secret powers that helped me rescue you yesterday!” I cried.
My dad scratched his head.
Then he scratched his backside, which is a polite word for his you-know-what.
Then he tugged on his shorts and scratched his backside some more.
“I don’t remember seeing a ring on you,” said my dad. “Are you sure you brought it?”
I nodded.
My dad took a deep breath.
Then he took another deep breath.
“Where did you ever find a Batman ring anyway?” he asked. “They made those things for only one year, when I was about your age.”
“Uncle Dennis.”
“Uncle Dennis???” My dad didn’t sound too pleased. “Traps … secret powers … what other camping tips did your uncle Dennis give you?” he asked.
“Use toilet paper,” said Anibelly. “And never put all your toilet paper in one place.”
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” moaned my dad. Then he scratched his butt … like crazy!
“Are you okay, Dad?” asked Anibelly.
“Noooo,” groaned my dad. “We gotta get home—fast!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!” I howled. “My riiiiiiiiing!”
But before I knew it, my dad had picked me up, put me in the car and belted me in, just like that. And Anibelly was safe in her car seat next to me.
I cried my eyes out as we sped toward civilization. And my dad was scratching so hard, he could hardly keep Louise on the road!
Suddenly, my backside hurt. Uh-oh. Was I going to start scratching like my dad? I rolled to one side. Something was sticking to the butt of my pants, so I picked it off and held it up.
Anibelly gasped.
My Batman ring!
It had been in the car the whole time! I slipped the ring quickly back on my finger.
“Aren’t you going to tell Dad?” whispered Anibelly.
“Tell Dad what?” growled my dad.
“Nothing,” I peeped.
When we got home, my mom and Calvin were waiting for us with a yummy dinner of fried rice with everything in it. It smelled like home and tasted like Chinese New Year.
Anibelly filled her belly.
And so did I.
But my dad did not.
He was in the bathroom next to the kitchen, crying … and jumping up and down so that the whole house shook.
“Did you like camping?” asked my mom.
“It was okay,” I said. “There was a thunderstorm. We ate Italian sandwiches. We looked at the stars. I made a new friend.”
“It was great!” said Anibelly. “We sang a camping song about me! Our new friends were both Boo-few-LAY.”
“You met a couple of buffalo?” asked Calvin.
“No, that was their name,” I said. “Boo-few-LAY. At first I thought he was an alien from outer space with a kidnapped human dad, but he turned out to be a superhero just like me!”
“How wonderful!” said my mom. “Speaking of friends, Flea is on her way over. She can’t wait to hear about your trip.”
It was great to tell Flea all about roughing it in the woods with my dad and Anibelly It was a lot rougher than her camp for kids with disabilities, that’s for sure. In fact, it was so rough, it made her jealous, I’m sure of it.
So I toned it down a little.
“We nearly starved to death,” I said. “Then my dad got trapped and nearly dangled to death. Then he nearly scratched himself to death. And there was a deadly storm.
“I even saw the Angel of Death—but it was an alien.”
“Alvin,” said my mom, giving me the look. She was not impressed.
But Flea was. She was really impressed. She was so impressed, she didn’t know what to say. She picked at her Fried Rice Special with chopsticks and nodded with her mouth open.
“But the alien turned out to be a kid just like me,” I said, thumping myself on the chest. “And we became friends.”
“So you weren’t kidnapped?” Flea asked.
“Nope,” I said. “Anibelly and I protected ourselves pretty well with the stuff Calvin helped me order on the Internet,” I confessed.
“What stuff?” Flea wanted to know.
“A generator that didn’t work and a big flashlight called the Monster Eye,” said Anibelly.
Silence.
“You bought what?” came my dad’s voice from the bathroom.
“A generator for disaster use and a great big monster flashlight that didn’t work after we took it apart! Anibelly screamed through the bathroom door. “And a whole bunch of other stuff too!” she added.
My dad stopped crying.
“Ask Alvin how he paid for it,” came a low growl.
“Alvin, how did you pay for it?” asked Anibelly.
“Calvin used Dad’s emergency credit—”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?” screamed my dad from behind the closed door. “Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
I turned my Batman ring.
Then my dad burst out in the loudest sobbing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Not only did he not have secret Bat-powers, but he had wiped his butt with the scariest thing of all— poison ivy.
My poor dad. If I could give him any good advice, it would be this: He really should have used toilet paper.
Alvin Ho’s
Very Scary Glossary
acrophobia— Fear of being at the top of ladders, on the roof, or on any floor of a skyscraper higher than the second.
arachnophobia— Fear of creepy spiders!
Batman ring— (1) Black, (2) rubbery, (3) you have to turn it to release its secret powers.
camping— (1) must be done in the woods, (2) with all the right equipment, (3) aka “roughing it.”
claustrophobia— Fear of small, tiny spaces that feel like they’re going to squish the air right out of you, such as elevators, airplanes, closets, or the inside of a dishwasher-sized time machine.
eye of the storm— The center of the storm, which looks like a creepy eye in the sky.
geological age— A long, long time, at least 22 million years and as many as 79.2 million years, but not long enough to finish your homework.
GPS— Used to stand for Good old-fashioned Pointing Stick, but now it’s a screen and it points you to where you need to go. If you can’t read a compass, get a GPS.
gunggung— Chinese word for grandpop on your mom’s side. He’s super-duper!
Harry Houdini— Famous dead guy who was the best escape artist in the world! His real name was Erik Weisz. Comes in a kit now for everyday use. Made in China.
Henry David Thoreau— (1) Famous dead author and a mostly cool dude who liked the woods and camping with his dad. (2) He called himself Inspector of Snowstorms and Rainstorms. (3) His parents named him David Henry, but he switched to Henry David when he grew up. (4) Born and died in Concord, Massachusetts, which is hard to spell.
hiking— Walking through the woods in stiff boots while watching out for bears, snakes, coyotes and other wild animals that can kill you on account of you can’t run very fast in those stiff boots.
kettle cake— egg, one cup of water, half a cup of vegetable oil, stir with one box of cake mix in cast-iron kettle. Put lid on kettle. Put kettle in hot coals in the campfire. Wait. Check under the lid (remember to use an oven mitt!). Wait again. In fact, wait a geological age until it’s bubbly, then use a spoon and dig in!
last will a
nd testament— Is kind of like homework. (1) You think about all the things you own, (2) you think about all the people you love, (3) you match the people with the things. For example,
Anibelly—1 piece of sea glass
Calvin—old socks
This way the right people get the right things after you die. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, you have to take it with you, just as I’ll take my Batman ring.
Mesozoic era— Back when Earth was cooling, but still warm as an oven! Mesozoic means “middle animals,” which includes dinosaurs!
Meteorite— An extraterrestrial rock that lands on Earth. (1) Sometimes they’re a hot fireball, (2) sometimes they cause a crater, (3) sometimes they strike a person dead.
N95 respirator mask— Looks like a white beak over your nose and mouth. (1) Double straps adjust to your head size, (2) stops germs and dust from getting in, (3) perfect for allergy protection while running around the yard like crazy or while camping, (4) made in China.
nyctophobia— Fear of the dark, especially at night … in a tent … with nothing between you and the coyotes but a zipper.
poison ivy— (1) A three-leafed plant that has an oil in its leaves, vines and roots that can make you look like a scary alien if you touch it or touch something that has touched it (like your clothes or dog), (2) scarier than chicken pox, (3) could last up to three itchy weeks.
portable generator— Looks like a heavy-duty ice chest for cold drinks, but is actually a giant battery that can power a TV to keep the coyotes away, if you can get it started.
secret agent— Everyone knows what a secret agent is.
Shakespeare— (1) Last name of William. (2) Dead English author. (3) Born after Christopher Columbus discovered the Americas, but died before the British Army wore red. (4) Wrote lots of plays, poems, curses, everything. When he ran out of words, he made up new ones. (5) Never lived in Concord.
tsunami— Pronounced “soo-NAH-mee.” A bunch of scary waves from the ocean that look like one GIGANTIC wave or the Great Wall of China rushing ashore to eat you up alive.
water-purification tablets— Pills for making sick water healthy. Dissolve one pill in one quart of bad water. Caution: Do not swallow pill first and then drink the bad water.
yehyeh— Chinese word for grandpop on your dad’s side. He’s fantastic!
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the
product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to
actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2009 by Lenore Look
Illustrations copyright © 2009 by LeUyen Pham
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Schwartz & Wade Books, an
imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc.,
New York
Schwartz & Wade Books and the colophon are trademarks of Random House, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Look, Lenore.
Alvin Ho: allergic to camping, hiking, and other natural disasters / Lenore Look;
illustrated by LeUyen Pham.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: When Alvin’s father takes him camping to instill a love of nature, like
that of their home-town hero Henry David Thoreau, Alvin makes a new friend and
learns that he can be brave despite his fear of everything.
eISBN: 978-0-375-85393-7
[1. Camping—Fiction. 2. Fear—Fiction. 3. Self-confidence—Fiction.
4. Friendship—Fiction. 5. Chinese Americans—Fiction. 6. Concord (Mass.)—
Fiction.] I. Pham, LeUyen, ill. II. Title.
PZ7.L8682Akt 2009
[F]—dc22
2008045845
Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.
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