“You seem like you already have an idea,” I muttered. “Why don’t you just tell me your theory and I can correct you if you’re wrong.”
Jeremy stopped the spinning paperclip and leaned forward in his seat. “If I tell you what I’m thinking, do you promise not to knock my lights out?”
“I promise.”
He sat back. “You, my friend, are in love.”
That wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting. I thought he might say something about my mother, or how overworked I’d been recently. I didn’t think he would suggest that it was love at play, because I hadn’t quite figured that out for myself yet.
When I stayed silent another moment, Jeremy’s lips twitched into a triumphant smirk. “I knew it! So, who was the first guy, huh? Baldric wanted something rude, I know that much, but what got you throwing jabs in the first place?”
His enthusiasm was mildly irritating. At this point I would have preferred him chastising me like everybody had. I wasn’t sure I was ready to discuss something as personal and raw as love, especially since I hadn’t even settled into the realization myself. As far as I knew, I had feelings for Emma, but I’d never bothered to classify them further than that. Did I love her? Was it possible?
My heart warmed.
I did love her and it was possible.
It was a big problem on top of an already complicated situation, but that didn’t mean I could just ignore my feelings.
“The first one was her ex-boyfriend,” I said. “You could say he was also being rude.”
“Ha! Love it.” Jeremy bent over and retrieved the broken pieces of pencil from the floor, letting them tumble back onto my desk. “Of course, that doesn’t help the whole Baldric situation, but I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.”
“How did you guess?” I asked.
If Jeremy had correctly guessed, did that mean Emma knew as well? My mother, maybe? Hell, did the whole office know and I was the last one to find out because I was useless?
“You’ve never put anything ahead of your business before,” Jeremy said simply. “And quite frankly, you’re not normally so rash. I work very hard to get a reaction out of you sometimes so I was a bit peeved to hear you’ve been reacting like a motherfucker all over the place.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore,” I said somberly. “Emma quit not a quarter of an hour ago.”
“She didn’t!”
I nodded. “She did. I’ve got her resignation letter right here.” I tapped at the paper, and Jeremy reached over the desk to snatch it away. His eyes tracked along the lines as he read, then he passed the paper back.
“It’s quite a cold resignation letter. Did you do something to upset her?”
“Yes,” I said without thinking. I didn’t really want to get into my relationship troubles with Jeremy, but since there was nobody else I could talk to and he was a willing and enthusiastic listener, I began to explain the events of the past twenty-four hours and what I’d done to earn Emma’s disdain.
Afterward, Jeremy shoved out his bottom lip and nodded slowly, indicating that he’d absorbed everything I tossed at him.
“Well, you obviously can’t let her quit,” Jeremy said. “She means a lot to you and if she’s quitting just because of that fight, I think she can easily be brought around.”
“I don’t know if she’s quitting just because of the fight.”
He cocked his head. “Oh no? Why not?”
“Because you barged in here just as I was about to find out.”
“Right, of course,” he replied, laughing. “You’ll have to forgive my insistence on doing my job to the best of my abilities. It makes me a real menace sometimes.”
Sure, that was what we’d call it.
“What are you going to do?” Jeremy asked. “I don’t think she’ll leave if you ask her not to. She’s crazy about you. Between you and me, I’ve even seen her on Pinterest looking at a bunch of wedding shit.”
I laughed and thought about how mortified Emma would be if she knew that Jeremy had seen her.
“That’s not for me specifically,” I told him. “She just really wants to get married and have the perfect wedding.”
“One of those, eh?” Jeremy lit up with a wry smile. “So, what are you going to do about that? Aren’t you in some sort of anti-marriage crusaders club?”
“Very funny,” I replied. “As for your actual question, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve never wanted to get married before, but I’ve also never cared for a woman like I care for Emma. She’s special to me.”
“Special enough to marry?”
I shrugged my shoulders, unsure of how to answer. At one point, I might’ve said that there was no woman in the world who could convince me that marriage was a good idea. When Emma came along many things had changed. She was something special, yet I still balked for whatever reason. I didn’t like marriage, and marriage didn’t like me.
I sighed. “I need to talk to her. Is there anything else you need from me to sort all this shit out?”
Jeremy’s face cracked into a blinding smile. “I didn’t need anything from you in the first place. I just wanted to see what your problem was.” He rose nimbly, buttoning his suit jacket as he headed to the door. “Good luck, my friend.”
I gave him a short salute and followed his progress to the door. Once he was gone, I poised my finger over the intercom button and buzzed.
Chapter 29
Emma
Jeremy flashed me a grin as he walked past, which I found more troubling than anything else. He’d been in such a mood when he originally stalked into Max’s office. What had gone on in there that had made him so smiley?
I didn’t have long to wonder, however, since the moment Jeremy was on his way to the elevator, Max buzzed me in again.
I didn’t buzz back to ask him what he needed. I knew he wanted me to come into his office to finish our conversation, and I’d been preparing for it while he and Jeremy talked. Handing in my notice was one of the hardest things I’d ever done and my heart ached. I had spent the past ten minutes trying not to cry at my desk, so I didn’t know how well this conversation was going to go. I didn’t know whether it would be better for him to beg me not to go or just accept my resignation with the cold attitude he displayed on the flight.
Rearranging my skirt, I rose and walked over to his office door. I took a final bracing breath before I entered.
Max was waiting inside, his intelligent crystal-blue eyes watching my every movement as I stepped into the room. He looked stressed, his hair a tousled mess and his suit jacket and tie hung on the coat hook by the door. I immediately wanted to comfort him, to wrap my arms around his thick torso and squeeze until he forgot everything that was plaguing him. Unfortunately, one of the things this time was me.
“Why don’t you sit down,” he suggested, gesturing to the chair Jeremy had only just vacated. I would’ve known Jeremy had been right there even if I hadn’t just seen him, there were paper clips and other detritus strewn all around the otherwise immaculate desk space.
I nodded and sat down, folding my hands in my lap and looking at Max expectantly.
“I’m at a bit of a loss for words, Emma,” Max began. “I guess I should start by saying I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back, looking casual and very handsome. “I was a complete asshole to you on the way home from Punta Cana and I would take it all back if I could. I figured I’d get a chance to explain myself to you, though. I didn’t realize it was so bad you’d end up quitting.”
“That’s not why I’m quitting,” I replied, shaking my head.
Genuine confusion twisted his features. “It’s not? Then why?”
As much as I appreciated his apology, I had to remember that I’d made a decision on this. I couldn’t change my mind just because he was saying a few things that I wanted to hear.
“I got this job because I was seeking independence,” I said. “Sleeping with the boss completely negates th
at fact. I want to go out on my own and succeed on my own merits. I need to go out on my own and succeed on my own merits.”
Max looked almost hurt. His eyes grew wide, his brow creasing in the middle. His hands twitched on the desk as if he was suppressing the urge to reach out for me. I was suppressing the urge to reach out for him too.
“Emma,” he said softly. “You will always succeed on your own merits here. You’re great at what you do. Brilliant at it, really. If you’re not happy with an aspect of your position, I’m more than willing to negotiate.”
If only it were just a problem with my job. This relationship was much too deeply embedded in my position though, so any problem with either was going to slip into the other.
“It’s like I said, Max, it’s an independence thing. I’ve loved working here and I hope I can count on you for a good reference, but I need to be somewhere else.”
Somewhere far away from you...
I wondered if there would come a day when it wouldn’t hurt to think of Max anymore. I reminded myself that I was doing this for my future happiness, and my future happiness depended on me leaving this job and Max. I needed a clean break.
“You want to go out on your own,” he said, slowly nodding. “That’s something I can understand, certainly. I’m happy to support you in this transition. My only question is if this means you’re quitting me too?”
My heart thudded painfully. This was what I’d been dreading, the very thing I’d hoped to avoid as long as possible, even though I knew it needed to be ripped away quickly and cleanly like a band aid.
“Yes.” My voice was so soft that I was worried he hadn’t heard it. He was staring at me blankly, completely still save for the rise and fall of his breathing.
“I can’t let you do that.”
A spark of irritation flared to life inside of me. “You can’t let me do that?”
He shook his head, gazing down at his folded hands. “I think you’re going through something right now, and I can understand you wanting to quit the job, but I can’t understand you wanting to end things when I know how you feel about me.”
I shot to my feet. Did he have to make everything sound so much like a business transaction? Not that it would have swayed me, but it wouldn’t have hurt for him to use this as an opportunity to tell me exactly what he felt about me. Instead, he said we couldn’t break up because of how I felt about him? That was exactly the kind of arrogant shit Max would pull.
“Gee, with an impassioned declaration like that, there’s no way I want to break up.”
Max stood and walked around the side of the desk. I watched his approach with my fists clenched at my sides, staying perfectly still. His eyes were warm… and filled with kindness. I didn’t resist when he pulled me against his chest, because it felt too good to have him hold me. He swayed me back and forth, lips pressed against the crown of my head. I loved it when he held me like this and tried to commit the feeling to memory, since this was the last time I could allow it to happen.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m a bit new to all of this. I don’t always know the right thing to say.”
“No shit,” I said, my voice muffled against his shirt.
His deep laugh rumbled through me. “You mean a lot to me, Emma. I don’t want to lose you. Tell me what I can do.”
It was amazing to hear him say those words. Sometimes he had his sweet moments where I felt like the most important girl in the world, but there were other times when I wondered if he cared about me any more than any of his other business contracts.
“There’s nothing you can do,” I sniffed, tears threatening. “I already had a relationship where I waited the whole time for our interests to line up, and I can’t do that again. I care about you and it’s hurting me to have to leave, but I can’t keep waiting for something that’s never going to happen.”
Max stiffened, no longer swaying me. He pushed my shoulders back until our eyes met. His eyes narrowed on mine, sky to earth.
“I want you, Emma.” His voice was thick with emotion and frustration. “I want you so bad that I would rather peel the skin from my bones than see you walk out that door. Isn’t that enough?”
I didn’t answer, too blindsided by the depth of the feeling in his words. That and I didn’t think I could even speak without immediately bursting into tears.
Max let out a frustrated growl, my only warning before he swept down and pressed his lips to mine. I curled up against him out of instinct, just like I always did. Chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. There was a little nook in his body that I fit perfectly into, and settling back in after a couple days of barely talking was like coming home.
Max kissed me feverishly, pulling me tight to him with one hand on the back of my head and the other on my waist. My own hands clutched pathetically at the front of his shirt when they should have been pushing him away. I couldn’t help it. Kissing him was my personal addiction, something I was going to have to quit cold turkey if I wanted to fix this. Right now, I didn’t want to fix it. I would stay under his thrall forever if it meant I got to feel like this. Cared for. Cherished.
His mouth trailed eagerly down my jaw, gliding along my throat and making me gasp. He tightened his fist in my hair and pulled my head back, exposing more of my neck for him to hungrily devour. I was weak with lust. My knees trembled, struggling to hold me upright. If I didn’t have Max’s arm supporting me, I probably would have slumped into a pile of nothing on the floor.
Max’s teeth scraped along the delicate flesh where my shoulder met my neck. This time, my gasp was more of a moan. His hardness ground against my stomach and my mouth watered as I thought about how sexy it would be to have one last office tryst. We could do it over his desk. We could do it under his desk. Fuck, I didn’t care where we did it, as long as I got his cock in me. I wouldn’t feel right until I was full of him, surrounded by him.
Him. Him. Him.
“Stop!” I jammed my hands against his chest and sent him teetering backward.
He was panting. We both were.
“That’s exactly the problem, Max,” I said to the unspoken question in his eyes. “I get so wrapped up in you that I forget about me, about what I want. But I know what I don’t want, and that is letting you lead me around behind you for the rest of my life because I’m too weak to go out there and seek what I want on my own. I’m sorry.”
The hurt in his eyes nearly killed me. I could tell he was searching for the right words, but if he hadn’t found them by now, I doubted he was ever going to. And that was just something I’d have to live with.
I loved Max Westfield. Max Westfield didn’t love me. He felt all sorts of things for me, sure, but love wasn’t one of them.
A muffled ringing cut through the tense silence of the office. It was my desk phone.
Max anticipated my action. “Leave it,” he said. “Please… leave it.”
The word ‘please’ coming from his lips sounded almost as sinful as when he whispered naughty things to me while we made love. But no amount of ‘pleases’ in the world could have stopped me from taking the opportunity to get out of that explosive situation.
I gave a tiny shake of my head, rearranged my clothes and hair, and strode out of Max’s office.
Chapter 30
Max
It was sometimes nice to work late, because the office became peacefully quiet after everyone left. There were always a few stragglers, burning the midnight oil to make whatever deadline they had on their plates, but for the most part I had the place to myself. Emma had gone home at the proper time, and every time I walked past her empty desk I was reminded of what it was going to be like in a couple of weeks when she was gone for good.
Well, not quite like this. Her desk was empty, and in two weeks it likely wouldn’t be. There would be another person waiting outside my office in case I needed anything, but that person might as well be a mannequin compared to Emma.
I came back from the kitchen with a steaming mug
of black coffee and passed Emma’s desk again, frowning the whole while. I was feeling sick and unhappy about things, but I didn’t know what to do about it.
Why couldn’t I just tell her that I loved her? I’d tried to, but the words came out all wrong. I’d never told anyone I loved them before. I was hardly accustomed to the idea that I was in love with someone in the first place, and telling her how I felt seemed like a step further than I was prepared to go.
Maybe we just needed some time. Maybe she just needed some time. Maybe this would all work out in the end.
I sat back down at my desk and continued working. Or trying to, at least. Our kiss from earlier kept flashing through my brain, scattering my thoughts each time it popped up. It was a great kiss, but a goodbye kiss. I didn’t want a goodbye kiss.
We hadn’t talked for the rest of the day, and she didn’t even come to say goodbye when she left. Was this what the next two weeks were going to be like? I wish that I could regret getting myself in this situation in the first place, but I couldn’t. I was hurting now, but every iota of torture was worth it for the time we had spent together.
And I wasn’t finished fighting for her yet. I didn’t know what my next move was, but I wasn’t finished. Emma wanted to move on, and I wanted to respect that decision because I respected her. The only problem was that I didn’t want her to move on, so at some point our interests were going to collide.
I heard the sound of my phone vibrating on my desk with a text. It was my mother, asking me why I wasn’t at home. She apparently hadn’t learned her lesson and still favored popping by unannounced.
I told her I was working late tonight, but that I’d come by and see her afterward if she wanted. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do anyway.
Twenty minutes later, I was surprised to hear the sound of high heels clacking down the hallway, growing nearer and approaching my door. For a moment, I thought perhaps it was Emma, come back to change her mind. Wishful thinking, it turned out.
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