*****
"He's finally asleep," Andi sighed as she hit the bottom of the stairs.
David sat in the family room, a small fire burning in the fieldstone hearth. He looked over the back of the couch, and as she approached, he held out his hand. Fighting the lump in her throat, Andi took his hand as she walked around the couch. She sank into the cushions beside him, settling against his side.
"Poor kid," Maggie said from the chair facing them. She shook her head, and Andi watched the play of emotion shimmer just beneath Maggie's tough expression. "Do you think he'll actually leave?"
Andi shook her head, focusing her energy and attention on the slow stroke of David's thumb up and down her arm. It was meant to soothe, but it gave her a focal point... something to fill her thoughts other than Lawrence Bonherre and his... there weren't enough adjectives to describe his actions.
"I doubt it," she finally answered. "He's a dog with a bone."
"He's a stupid dog with a rotten, half-eaten, blanched out chicken bone he's going to choke on if he keeps gnawing at it."
Andi grinned and lifted her head from David's shoulder, looking at Maggie. "Wow, that's quite the metaphor. You should be a writer."
Maggie snorted. "Not likely." She pushed herself to her feet with a long, tired groan. "I'm calling it. I'll poke my head in on Jake to make sure he's asleep."
"Thank you," Andi said softly as Maggie passed, pausing to pat her on the shoulder.
Maggie flipped off the kitchen light as she climbed the stairs, leaving the fireplace as the only source of light. Orange flicks of color danced on the walls, and in the still quiet of the house, the wood crackled and popped. David pressed his lips against her forehead, inhaling deeply.
Andi closed her eyes and laid her cheek on his chest, letting the steady rhythm of his heartbeat sooth away the heartache that twisted in her own chest. Anger, frustration, disbelief and black sorrow battled to be the dominating emotion -- leaving her exhausted and drained and unable to process more than the slow stroke of David's hand on her skin. Lawrence had hurt her when he cheated, he'd bruised her and nearly broken her with his words and his accusations. He'd left her hollow for a long time.
Tonight... he broke her heart.
Not for anything he said to her, or for anything he'd done, but because he had taken whatever remained in his son's heart that saw him as a Dad -- more than just a man who said he was his father -- that glimmer of worship that may have been rekindled -- and he destroyed it. Never had she seen her son cry like that, never had her heart broken into so many pieces that she wondered if it could ever be put together again.
She didn't realize she wept until David's arms closed around her.
Chapter Sixteen
David slammed the heel of his hand against his steering wheel, his cursing echoing back to him inside the empty car. The car jerked, and he righted it on the road. Once the car cruised down the highway again, he rubbed a hand over his face and tried to quell the rolling, boiling anger in the center of his chest. He'd wanted to break Lawrence Bonherre's nose... or choke him until his eyes popped out... or both. But he hadn't, and for the last four hours he'd been fighting the rage. And the urge to break something...
The only thing that had kept him calm was Andi... and Jake. He couldn't let Jake see him angry like that; the kid was already scared out of his skin. It had been fifteen minutes after Boner's disappearance before Jake could take a deep breath, and before he let go of David. Jake needed the calm after the storm.
Andi needed his silence, not his anger.
Now, driving home at midnight, his only outlet was speed. He accelerated and slammed the car into fifth gear, the performance engine humming as he zipped around a semi.
His cell phone twittered and an immediate, intense wave of panic hit him. He was already plotting how to turn around before he ever pushed the Bluetooth button on his steering wheel.
"Andi?"
"Nope. Sorry to disappoint."
David squinted, listening to the voice. "Rachel?"
"Yeah. Am I calling too late? Did you give up your night owl ways?"
"No, it's fine. Are you back in LA?"
"Yeah. I landed this morning, but I've been sleeping all day. Now I'm wide-awake and hungry. I wondered if you were up to a trip to Canters."
David let some of the tension roll off his shoulders, and swallowed down the adrenaline that hit his throat when he thought it was Andi on the phone. He took a deep breath and let it out.
"Hey, you okay?" Rachel asked. "If you're not up to it, no big deal."
"No, I'm not okay," he admitted. "I'll tell you about it when I get there. Give me half an hour," he said, glancing at the dashboard clock. "I'm north of the city."
"Okay, I'll see you there."
David hung up and hit the gas, roaring down the deserted highway. He made it to Fairfax Avenue in just under thirty minutes, and pulled into an empty spot along the curb outside Canter's Diner. Lights shined from inside the old Jewish deli that had been around a lot longer than David had been alive, but he and Rachel used to come here in the middle of the night for Reuben sandwiches and Mishmosh soup. Half a dozen patrons sat inside by what he could see through the window. He pulled the door open and the small bell overhead rang, announcing his arrival.
Only one person other than the single waitress took notice of his entrance. Rachel Leighton stood from one of the booths along the back wall, and with a small squeal, ran across the diner into his open arms. Her long, loose brunette hair swung around them, and she hung on tight when he lifted her off the floor. Rachel kissed him hard and loud on the cheek before he set her down.
"It's so good to see you," she declared, holding his face in her palms. Taking his hand, she led him to the table and resumed her spot.
David sat down across from her. "You look great. Milan agreed with you."
"Thank you." She took his hands across the table. "Enough of that... tell me what's wrong. You're still with Andi, yeah?"
David nodded, dropping his head forward with his eyes closed. He swallowed against the clump in his throat that had been choking him all night. Anger. Frustration. The need to help, but not knowing how. Wishing he could just fix it all...
"Hey," she said softly, trying to wedge her fingers into his tight fists. He released the clench and wrapped his hands around hers. "David, you're scaring me. What's going on?" She gasped. "Is it true? I mean, I never believe any gossip rag stories until I hear it from the source. Is Andi... is she pregnant?"
"No." David chuckled, a humorless sound even to his own ears. "If only a baby were the greatest complication in my life right now."
"I don't know if I hear regret or wishful thinking."
"Here you go," the waitress said, setting two glasses of water on the table. "Been years since I saw you two in here."
David raised his tired head and looked at the woman. She was probably close to fifty, and if she recognized them as customers, she had to have been at the diner for at least ten to fifteen years. But she wore a bright smile and had friendly eyes, and David was thankful that tonight he didn't have to beat off news hounds. He smiled and read her nametag, and immediately remembered.
"Anne. It's good to see you." He tried not to let the fatigue drag his voice down, but it went so far past just being tired that he couldn't help it.
"You want the usual?" Rachel nodded for them both. "Mishmosh soup with a Cosmo for her. Hot Reuben and Guiness for him. I don't forget my regulars, even when they're not so regular any more."
David raised his head. "I'll skip the beer. Coffee please."
Anne crossed out the Guiness on her notepad and nodded. "You got it. Give me five minutes." With a wink, she left them alone again.
"Have I mentioned how proud I am of you?" Rachel asked when Anne walked away. "How many years has it been?"
"Seven years, four months."
Rachel crossed her arms on the table and sighed. "Okay, back to business. You said on the phone you weren't ok
ay. Andi's not pregnant, though I'm thinking that if she were it wouldn't be a problem. And by the way you're tapping your fingers on the tabletop, I'm guessing you could take on a grizzly bear and win right now."
David stopped the tapping he hadn't realized he'd started and curled his fingers into his palms.
"Does this have something to do with Andi?"
David scrubbed his face with his palms, growling out his frustration. "Yes, but... she isn't..." He rubbed his forehead, trying to find a way to explain. "Damn it," he cursed, slamming his fist down on the table so hard the salt and pepper shakers bounced.
Several heads turned to look at them, but immediately looked away again. Rachel grabbed his hand and held it down. "Talk to me, David. What is it? I thought things were good, that you loved her--"
"I do love her, and that's why I'm so damn pissed off."
Rachel's expression shifted to something between horror and dread. "Oh, god," she choked out.
David shook his head and raised a hand, stopping her thoughts. He knew exactly where her assumptions led. She'd been there for him through the end with Josie. "No. Not that." He huffed, trying to find something to do with his hands that didn't involve banging something or breaking something.
"David..." She left the 'what the heck are you talking about' part of the question unsaid.
Didn't mean he didn't hear it.
By the time Anne returned with their food, David had laid out everything in painful detail. Everything from Bonherre's first phone call to Andi weeks before that had left her embarrassed and ashamed to the events of that afternoon. He couldn't tell her everything -- couldn't tell her how Jake had sobbed and shook in his arms -- or how David had seen the heartbreak in Andi's eyes -- if he tried to put words to it, he wouldn't have been able to finish.
"I don't think I've ever wanted to hurt someone that badly in my entire life. I've been mad, but this was... visceral."
"You can't love someone and not get angry when someone hurts them."
David set his arms on the table on either side of the Reuben plate, wondering if he had enough appetite to eat. He lowered his head again, closing his eyes. "It practically killed me to leave her."
"So why did you?"
"I don't stay," he said, raising his head with a tired sigh. "I've only stayed at the house once, and Jake wasn't home."
"Really?" she said, scooping a matzo ball from her bowl. "Not even when..." she trailed off, arching an eyebrow for emphasis.
"We aren't..." David cleared his throat. Funny, if there was anyone he should be able to talk to frankly about sex, it should be the first woman he was ever intimate with. "Andi and I aren't lovers. Not in the physical sense, anyway."
Rachel choked on her broth, taking a sip of her drink.
"You don't have to act so surprised."
"Sorry." Rachel sat back and studied him while he made an attempt at eating the mile-high sandwich. Once he bit into it, his stomach remembered how much he loved Canter's Reubens. She waited until he chewed and swallowed, wiping mustard from the corner of his mouth. "You've changed, David. It's been -- what, a year and a half? -- since I saw you, and you're so different."
"A lot of things were different then." Last time he saw Rachel, she had helped him move into his house on Mulholland and out of the house he'd shared with Josie in Malibu. Only a handful of people knew the real reason he'd left... that he'd wanted more than just a live-in girlfriend... and Josie's answer was to have an affair.
"I heard it on the phone that time I talked to you after the accident. But, I thought maybe it was the new relationship euphoria." She shook her head. "It's not, is it?"
"I love her," he said without hesitation, and ignored the crack in his voice when he said the words. "I want to be with her for the rest of my life."
"It won't be easy with this butthead of an ex constantly sticking in his nose."
"Nothing worth having comes easy."
Rachel laughed out loud. "Wow. So philosophical."
David shrugged, feeling some of the weights lift off his shoulders. The more he told Rachel, the more he knew it was true. At the same time, he wondered why he could tell Rachel this -- tell his sisters, tell Avi -- but he hadn't told the one person who probably needed to hear it the most. The person he should have told first.
Like a punch to the gut, David realized how wrong he'd been.
He tossed his napkin on the table, covering the sandwich he'd barely touched. "I've got to go."
"Now?" she asked, staring up at him as he stood.
David took out his wallet and tossed enough money on the table to cover the food and give Anne enough of a tip to make up for a few of the missed years. "I've got to take care of something I've put off way too long."
Rachel grinned, her eyes sparkling. "Promise me we'll have dinner soon... you, me, Andi..."
"Absolutely." He leaned over and kissed her cheek before leaving the diner.
*****
Andi sat nestled in the corner of the couch, staring at the glowing embers from the fireplace. She tugged the chenille throw around her legs and wrapped her arms over her body, fighting the chills even though the house was not cold. She'd tried a hot shower, tried putting on her favorite flannel pajamas, and even tried warm milk to chase away the chill that sat in her gut -- but none of it helped.
She picked up her phone from the coffee table parallel to the couch and looked at the time. Nearly two in the morning, and sleep wasn't anywhere in sight. She felt alone, even though Maggie and Jake were upstairs. Tonight, more than any other night, she wished she had the guts to ask David to stay. Even if just to hold her like he had that night so many weeks before.
Andi no sooner set the phone down that it vibrated across the smooth surface. She picked it up and tapped on the new text message icon.
HEY BEAUTIFUL
Hey, yourself. I thought you'd be in bed by now. How'd you know I was still up?
CALL IT INTUITION
Before she could respond, his next message hit.
WHERE ARE YOU?
She smiled. In the living room. Did you make it home okay?
YES. I MISS U
I miss you, too.
COME TO THE DOOR
Andi scowled, staring at the screen. She jumped and gasped when a soft knock sounded, echoing like a gong through the quiet house. Throwing back the blanket, she padded barefoot to the door and released the deadbolt. When she opened it, David stood with his shoulder leaned against the side of the house, a tired but still wonderful-to-see smile on his lips.
"What are you doing here?" she asked softly.
"I forgot to do something earlier."
"What?"
He stepped into the house, and in one easy move, took her face in his hands and kissed her. Andi melted into him and he wrapped her in his arms, lifting her feet off the ground to step them inside and kick the door closed behind him. His mouth never left hers. Andi wanted to be embarrassed because she wore her favorite baby blue flannel pajamas with little clouds, wanted to ask what brought him back two hours after he left... but mostly she wanted him to never stop kissing her.
The deep, thorough, toe-curling kiss eased into smaller, lingering kisses until he finally left one brief touch to her lips and pulled back to look into her face. David smiled, one corner of his perfect mouth ticking up to be followed by the other.
Andi drew in a breath, not even attempting to hide the way her pounding heart made her voice shudder. "I'm pretty sure you kissed me before you left," she managed to say.
"That's not what I forgot," he said with that grin that made her blood race. "That was just an added benefit of coming back."
"Okay. What did you forget?"
His gaze shifted, smoothing over her face and down to the collar of her pajamas. This had to be the most dowdy, 'housewife frump', pair of pajamas she owned, and yet the way he looked at her made her feel like a sultry woman wearing black lace lingerie.
"I forgot to tell you something."
She waited, holding her breath as he traced his fingertips along her jaw and down the side of her throat. His fingertips rested at her pulse point, which she knew had to be jumping beneath his touch, then returned to her face. His thumb stroked her chin and her lower lip, his eyes watching the path his fingers took. Then he shifted his gaze up and looked her in the eyes.
"I love you, Andi."
She blinked, trying to keep him in focus. Her glasses were upstairs beside her bed, but he was close enough that she easily saw his expression in the light cast by the fire. Andi realized her mouth was open when his thumb brushed the inside of her lip and he leaned in to kiss the same spot.
"I should have told you a long time ago."
"You should have?" she managed to ask, swallowing against the sudden dryness in her throat. Her heart pounded so hard she felt lightheaded.
"I should have told you when I knew." He chuckled softly, grinning. "But I thought telling you I was in love with you three days after our first date might seem too fast."
Andi blinked again, wondering if she were still on the couch and this was a vivid dream. Of course, last time she'd assumed she was dreaming David had kissed her in her trailer and sent her life into a crazy, amazing, wonderful tailspin. "You've loved me since then?"
"I've known I loved you since then. I loved you before that." His thumbs stroked her cheek and he curled a bit of damp hair behind her ear. The small touches were almost distracting, only in that they sent small jolts of warm energy through her. "I got so used to thinking it that I forgot I hadn't actually said it."
She could only stare. Somewhere in her befuddled, tired, stressed mind she knew she should say something -- quite specifically 'I love you, too' -- but another part didn't want to let her believe this was real. That she wasn't curled up on the couch dreaming of him.
"Do I need to say it again?" he asked, leaning in close enough that his breath brushed her cheek.
Andi nodded within the gentle touch of his hands. His thumbs stroked the corners of her lips, and his day's stubble abraded her skin, succeeding only in heightening the contact. "I..." He kissed her. "Love..." Another kiss. "You..." He punctuated the words with a deeper, longer kiss that pulled a soft sound from the back of her throat. "Andi."
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