* * *
As much as I was desperate to see Tobias and afraid to at the same time, I’d like to think I’m not that self-absorbed. I did offer to spend the rest of the day with Vicki, not wanting to leave her alone when she was feeling so down about her parents’ separation, but she insisted she had a ton of work to do for the show.
I knew the show meant a lot to her and Steph but I was kind of glad it would be over soon. It had stolen all their time, and yes, as petty as it may seem, I was jealous it had brought the two of them closer together.
Nerves returned with a vengeance as I made my way to the esplanade. Not only was I jittery over my confusing conversation with Vicki about what it was Tobias wanted from me, but I was tense over meeting up with Stevie. We were basically about to hand him an ultimatum, and ultimatums usually didn’t turn out well.
As soon as I saw Tobias standing outside the Espy my heart started to pound, my pulse thrumming hard in my neck. He turned and caught sight of me and began to stride up the street toward me. His pace quickened and he seemed so determined my knees quavered a little.
When he reached me I opened my mouth to say hello, but the greeting died on my lips as he cupped my face in his warm hands and bowed his head to kiss me.
Shock, thrill, fear, want, all mixed inside of me as I closed my eyes and clung to his arms. His lips were soft, coaxing, brushing against mine, teasing me. Heat flashed through my body from the tips of my toes to my cheeks, and I leaned in, looking for something beyond even this. This felt nothing like Ethan’s kiss.
It was lovely...and yet... I wanted more.
Tobias drew his lips from mine ever so slightly and murmured against them, “Open your mouth.”
I flushed even hotter at the command but did so without hesitation. When his mouth returned to my mouth he touched his tongue to mine, just a flick, a torment that made me whimper in confusion. Everything within me seemed to tighten, coiling into an increasing tension as his tongue danced more forcefully with mine. It was a dance I easily followed, kissing him back with more fervor, my fingers digging into his arms.
This was the more I’d been waiting for.
This was everything.
He broke the kiss, gasping my name against my lips.
I blinked, discombobulated. My whole body hummed with an urgency I’d never felt before.
Tobias leaned his forehead against mine as we sought to catch our breaths and equilibrium. “I should have done that last night,” he finally whispered.
Relieved laughter bubbled out of me in giggles that made him smile with such affection that I wondered how I could have possibly doubted his feelings for me. Tobias King liked me. Me. Comet Caldwell. If someone as special as Tobias could like me so well, maybe I was a little bit special, too? At least...that’s how he made me feel.
“Finally got together then, have ye?” Stevie’s voice interrupted our moment.
Tobias stepped away from me but slid his arm along my shoulder, drawing me into his side as we turned to face Stevie. I felt Tobias tense against me as I let out an involuntary gasp. It wasn’t because of how skinny and underfed Stevie looked, or because of the black circles under his eyes, stark against the paleness of his skin, all of which made sense now that I knew about the drugs. What made me gasp, and what likely made Tobias bite out a curse, was the fact that Stevie’s left eye was almost swollen completely shut, and there was a nasty cut on his upper lip.
“What the hell happened?” Tobias snapped.
“You and Comet together?” Stevie sneered.
“Yeah, Comet and I are together,” Tobias said, and I would have squirmed in delight to hear the words out loud if I wasn’t so worried about Stevie. “Now what happened to you?”
“I didnae have ma backup with me that’s what happened.” Anger flashed at us from his good eye.
I looked up at Tobias and saw him grow pale. “What did they do?”
“They didnae want tae pay what they’d arranged tae pay Dean. Took the drugs and gave me a beating. Jimmy tried tae help keep them off, but one of them was a big guy. As big as you.”
I flinched at the accusation in his voice and burrowed into Tobias’s side. This wasn’t his fault!
“Dinnae worry, though. Dean’s taking care of the arseholes. But he doesnae trust me anymare. He’s no’ payin’ me whit he was supposed tae, and willnae be until I’ve proved maself. I needed that fuckin’ money, King. Now I’m up shit creek. Aw because my fud o’ a best pal didnae have ma back.”
Tobias appeared stricken. “I’m sorry. Did you have someone look at it?”
“Aye, Mum put some salve and shit on ma lip and I iced ma eye.”
“Let me explain what happened.”
“I’ve no’ got a lot o’ time. Mum’s no’ doin’ so gid the day, and I need tae watch Kieran for her.”
“We’ll be quick. Let’s walk,” Tobias said, keeping his arm around me as he turned about and started walking toward the esplanade. I glanced over my shoulder to see Stevie’s face cloud over in a way that made my stomach churn. It almost looked like he hated us. When he caught me watching, his expression cleared and he hurried to catch up with us.
“So whit is this all aboot?” He kicked sand ahead of us as he fell into step beside us.
“This way,” Tobias said instead.
We followed where he led, no one saying a word until he stopped us down by the shore away from prying ears. He faced Stevie, expression grim, and I tightened my arm around his waist to remind him he had my support. The winter wind pushed at us but we stood strong against the way it pinched our cheeks and rocked our feet.
“Last night was it, man,” Tobias said. “Do you even know that Comet came looking for us and got cornered by Dean?”
Stevie shrugged, looking anywhere but at us. “Something was mentioned.”
“So you know I can’t show my face around Dean or those guys anymore? It was either let him do what he wanted to Com or get out of there and stay gone. That’s why I couldn’t come with you.”
Stevie cut me a look of irritation. “Whit were ye thinkin’ turnin’ up there?”
Concern and anger flared out at once from me. “What are you thinking, snorting cocaine? I can’t believe I even asked that question out loud. I feel like I’m in a bloody Irvine Welsh novel.”
Shame darkened his face but only for seconds before his expression turned defiant and mulish. “It’s nothin’. Just a bit o’ a laugh.”
“A laugh? A joke? Dean isn’t giving you that shit for free, Stevie,” Tobias snapped. “You got the crap kicked out of you dealing for him. You’re seriously going to keep going with this?”
“He’s ma mate,” Stevie argued. “And I wouldnae have had the crap kicked out of me if you’d been a better mate!”
“Tobias is trying to help you. We both are. Stevie, you’re better than this.”
“Oh get off it, Comet,” he huffed, eyeing me angrily. “Ye wouldnae have given me the time o’ day if it werenae for his say-so.” He pointed to Tobias. “This is me. Like it or leave it.”
Tobias shook his head, openly seething with frustration. “That’s what I’m telling you. I told you before I didn’t want Comet near this crap, and I’m telling you now I don’t want near it.”
Realization fell over Stevie’s expression, and with it came pain that he quickly covered with disgust as his gaze bounced between us. “So whit? We’re no mates anymore? Ye havenae got ma back? Is that whit yer sayin’?”
“Stevie.” I let go of Tobias to reach for our friend but he stumbled away from me, holding his hands up to ward me off.
“Screw this,” Stevie bit out. “I dinnae need this. I dinnae need you! First you and yer maw fuck off just when ma mum needs ye—”
“Mom asked Carole if she wanted us to stay and your mom said no and wouldn’t be talked out of it, so don’t put that
on us.”
“Whit the hell does ma mum know? She’s no’ the one havin’ tae deal with this. I am! And tae look after her and look after Kieran am gonna need money, and pals at ma back I can count on tae help me get it. Which means I dinnae need you.” He pointed at Tobias and then cut me a killing look. “And I definitely dinnae need yer pity. Go fuck yerselves.” He spat in the sand at our feet and stormed off.
For a moment all I could do was watch him retreat, his body hunched with cold and rage. And pain. The waves pushed forcefully against the shore, the sound soothing and calming, and completely out of sync with all of our feelings.
I shivered at the chill, wondering what I could have said or done differently. Wondering if I should go after him.
Heat enveloped me as Tobias pressed his chest to my back and wrapped his arms around me. His cold cheek pressed against my temple. “That went well.”
I grimaced, holding on to his arms. “I’m sorry.”
“We’ll give him some time. Hopefully he’ll think about it and come around.”
Hearing the sadness in his voice, I pulled out of his embrace, but only so I could face him and bury myself against him. Our arms tightened around each other. “It’s horrible to even think this...” I sighed heavily. “This is one of the crappiest days ever, but...it’s also one of the best.”
Tobias kissed my forehead. “I know what you mean. If I didn’t have you...I would have gone down that road with Stevie, and that scares the hell out of me.”
Worry pricked me at his words as I thought about what I’d only just said to Vicki that morning about my parents. It would do Tobias and me no good to become too dependent on each other. And yet, I wondered how it was possible to stop that from happening when all I wanted was to be with him. The thought of our inevitable separation in the future was already trying to niggle at me. I firmly shoved it away. “No, Tobias.” I pulled out of his grasp and stared at him sternly. “You wouldn’t have. I know you, and you would have found your way back to yourself with or without me.”
He gave me this sympathetic smile I didn’t quite understand. “No need to panic, Com. It’s okay for us to need each other. We won’t be like your mom and dad.”
Surprise rooted me to the spot at his eerie perceptiveness. “How...”
“I know you.” He shrugged. “I’ve read your poems. I know that their obsession with each other makes you angry. Worries you. But they’re assholes.” He grinned at me. “We’re not assholes. At least, I think we’re not.”
I laughed and leaned into him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to put that on us.” I cuddled him closer, loving that I could touch him anytime I wanted now. “You’re very wise, Tobias King.”
“Nah. I just pay attention to Comet-related stuff.”
His words caused a flutter in my chest, one that only worsened delightfully as we began to stroll along the beach.
“Hey, I’m definitely trying out for the rugby team. I’ve decided.”
“You should!”
Tobias grinned at my excitement. “Okay.”
I decided to share my own news. “I let Mr. Stone read my poetry and asked him if I could start a school lit mag. He said yes.”
His eyes widened. “Comet...that’s amazing. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”
“I guess we’re both making changes.”
He smiled. “In the spirit of that... I was wondering if you’re still okay to help me get my grades to where they need to be? I don’t know if you know this, but you’re dating kind of a slacker.”
I laughed, not sure if I was laughing at the joke or laughing because he said we were dating. “Yes!”
Chuckling at my enthusiasm, he somehow managed to pull me closer. “You are adorable, do you know that?”
Adorable wasn’t beautiful or sexy or mysterious...but the way Tobias said it, it might as well have been. “I’ll take it.”
A few minutes later the warmth, the joy between us, seeped slowly away, drowned by reality and concern. “He’ll be okay, Tobias,” I promised quietly, knowing instinctively where his thoughts had wandered.
“Yeah.” He nodded, but there was doubt in his eyes.
THE FRAGILE ORDINARYSAMANTHA YOUNG
17
What’s with all the speculation?
It’s only boy meets girl.
Get over this sad fixation,
It makes me want to hurl.
—CC
It was my first day attending school knowing I’d see my boyfriend there.
My boyfriend!
Vicki had cackled in delight when I’d used the term on the phone before school that morning. I’d called her to get her up to speed on all the kissing that had happened yesterday. Lotsa kissing!
Kissing was yummy.
With the right boy.
With my boyfriend.
My boyfriend! Ah! I never saw that coming.
It was as I walking to school to meet my boyfriend at the school gates that I realized something: I hadn’t picked up anything to read in forty-eight hours. That was so un-Comet-like! Moreover, I only sort of missed it.
Okay, if I was being honest with myself I was a little antsy to get back to the book I was in the middle of reading, but I’d just been so busy. Tobias and I had spent the rest of Sunday together and by the time he’d gone home I had to catch up on my homework. I was just too tired to pick up a book after that. I might have missed it, but I didn’t really mind.
Biting my lip in giddiness, I picked up my pace, eager to see Tobias even though I’d seen him less than twelve hours ago. He was waiting for me at the school gate, just like he’d said he would, and I swear my knees wobbled at the sight of him. Leaning his back against the gate, one knee bent with his foot flat to the wrought iron, he watched me approach with this low-lidded look and this small smile on his gorgeous lips.
Drinking him in, I noted he was wearing a very smart new herringbone coat over his uniform. He had his scarf tucked into it. Very stylish.
Very HOT.
And I wasn’t the only one who noticed. A group of girls, possibly third years, shot him longing looks and burst into giggles as they passed him. Tobias was completely unaware of his effect on the younger girls, staring at me as he was.
I almost wanted to look over my shoulder to make sure there wasn’t some supermodel walking behind me. Nope. Just me. At least I felt stylish enough to stand next to him, wearing my current favorite item of clothing—a knee-length fitted turquoise coat that had this amazing full, pleated skirt. I’d matched it with a bright pink scarf and fuzzy earmuffs.
I slid the earmuffs off, grinning at him as I approached. Tobias pushed off the gate to meet me. Instinctively I reached out to touch him, running my hand down his lapel. “New coat?”
He shrugged before taking hold of my hand. “Mom bought it for me a few weeks ago. Thought I’d throw it on.”
“It looks good.” I felt my cheeks heat up as my gaze devoured him.
Tobias laughed. “Okay, I’m glad I wore it now.”
For a moment he dazzled me so much that I was unaware of anyone else. But awareness returned pretty quickly. Glancing around the school grounds, I checked nervously to see if anyone had noticed Tobias holding my hand. So many of the kids around us were younger and thus could give a rat’s arse.
Then I caught sight of one of Heather’s minions, staring at us with her mouth open wide enough to shoot peanuts into it. Tobias must have noticed, too, because he gripped my hand tighter. “Ready for this?”
I looked up at him and nodded. “A little nervous but ready.”
He held the door open for me and we strode into the school, then came to a stop at the stairwell. “I’ll see you in Spanish.”
I smiled and moved to walk away but he didn’t let go of my hand. Instead he tugged me to him and pressed a soft kiss to
my lips. The kiss made me blush to the roots of my hair and Tobias chuckled. Rolling my eyes, I playfully shoved him away. “See you later, you egomaniac.”
His laughter followed me down the corridor, filling me with confidence. We could do this. We could get through this first day no matter what it brought. And I was saying this as someone who hated attention as much as Steph needed it.
For the first time in a long while I was eager to see my friends in form class, hurrying over to the table where they were already waiting for me. Vicki smiled brightly at the sight of me just like she used to, and I gave thanks that for once the pieces of my life were fitting somewhat well together. It could be better, obviously, i.e. my parents and Stevie, but who needed perfect when I had a boyfriend and best friends?
It was still so weird to say that word. Boyfriend.
Boy. Friend.
Boyfriend.
Boyfriend!
Okay, I needed to stop.
“So I hear you have a boyfriend, Comet,” Steph teased as soon as I sat down.
I snorted. “You sound like my great aunt Mildred, if I had a great aunt Mildred.”
Steph eyed me in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“You’re relieved. That I’m off the shelf. Spinster no more.”
More confusion.
I sighed. “You thought I’d never get a boyfriend.”
“Not true,” she argued immediately. “I thought you were perfectly capable of getting a boyfriend. I just didn’t think you wanted one.”
“Not just one.” Vicki nudged me, grinning from ear to ear. “The one. Tobias King.”
“Well, just be careful, Comet,” Steph said with all the wisdom of someone three months younger than me. “King is a little bit of a player.”
Annoyed and trying not to be, I shrugged. “You don’t know him.”
“Uh, he’s in my P.E. class.”
Vicki and I shared a look, and I pinched my lips together to stop myself from bursting into laughter.
The giddiness and laughter was somewhat squished when the bell rang for second period that morning. Tobias had made it to Spanish before me so all we could do was make eye contact across the room and smile at each other. I decided I’d never get tired of his smile.
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