He winced. “Theo obviously still has a thing for you.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Which is why I left. Why I did what I did. I didn’t want to settle. I wanted what my parents have. I want to feel that spark. Butterflies entering my belly every time he walks in the room, or I get a text message from him. I want everything.” I snickered. “Unfortunately, my mother doesn’t quite understand that. She still likes him, and wants him for me.”
Logan was so quiet that it took me a second to realize something was wrong.
“What is it?” I asked, focusing all of my attention on him.
“I’m just…surprised,” he admitted. “Because that’s the reason I broke up with my last girlfriend, too. She actually works as your father’s secretary.”
I winced. “You can’t quit your job like I did.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I could likely move to a different department and be just fine. Longview and Bear Bottom would hire me on in a heartbeat. But…I just want to work for Kilgore. My dad did. My dad’s dad did. I would feel like a failure if I left.”
“Have you ever found the one?” I asked.
Was it hope that started to zing through me? I really, really wanted him to say no, that the one had never happened for him like it hadn’t happened for me.
“I’ve never been anywhere close to finding the one. My ex-wife? She was so far away from being the one that I had no clue,” he murmured. “What about you?”
I thought about that for a second.
“I thought I had it once,” I admitted. “My childhood boyfriend, Luca. He was great.” My voice cracked on the word ‘great.’ “But he wanted to be a Navy SEAL. I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want him to get involved in that. I just had a horrible, horrible feeling when he told me he was going. And…we broke up.”
His brows rose. “Any chance of y’all getting back together?”
I swallowed hard.
He didn’t know, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked that question.
I shook my head resolutely.
“That was just the final nail in the coffin,” I admitted. “What Luca and I had was childhood stuff. It was sweet and innocent, but it wasn’t something that would be able to carry into adulthood.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “But I…he went missing while deployed.”
“Fuck,” he said softly. “He’s still missing, isn’t he?”
I nodded once. “Yeah.”
“It’s really, really sucky when your sixth sense seems to come true,” he admitted. “I get those gut feelings all the time. Feelings that something is wrong, and I shouldn’t do something. That happened the day my dad died.”
My head jerked up. “It did?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I think that was what I was feeling that night. Something was wrong. Something had me out there, doing stupid shit. I hadn’t done anything that drastic at that point. Mostly I just stayed in my apartment and drank.”
She made a sound in the back of her throat.
“What did you do afterward?” I asked.
I squeezed my hands into fists.
“Not much, actually. I couldn’t make myself get close to him,” I said. “I saw it all….but Jesus. The person that hit him didn’t slow down. Didn’t swerve. Didn’t anything. Just ran right into him, and he wasn’t even in the road. Hit him so hard that it threw him thirty feet in the air. Killed him instantly, and the lady he was assisting on the side of the road.”
My face sank. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry, Logan.”
He shrugged. “But that day…I went by the police station on my way home. I stopped by and ate lunch with him. I’m not sure why. I never do. But that day, we got out of work early because the air conditioners stopped working, and I just had this voice in my head telling me to go see him.”
My hands went to my stinging nose. “Your sixth sense was telling you something was going to happen. God, that time you got to spend with him…I bet you both cherish it and hate it.”
“I wish I would’ve made him wait just a little bit longer,” he admitted. “He pulled me over, and God, he was so mad at me. He wanted to wrap his hands around my neck. I could tell he was pissed. So pissed, in fact, that he didn’t even look at me as he drove straight past me and went to offer that person assistance. But maybe if I’d made him talk to me…”
“Your dad sounds like the type of man to not let someone struggle if he could offer assistance,” I admitted. “With what you’ve told me about him so far. I highly doubt, even if you’d wanted him to, that he would’ve stayed when there was someone that needed help. And, if you hadn’t gone and eaten with him…you wouldn’t have had that time with him right before he died.”
“He told me he was proud of me,” Logan said. “That I was the best thing he’d ever been given in life.”
I swallowed hard. “Shit, that’s eerie. It’s like y’all both somehow knew.”
“I didn’t mean to start any shit with your dad,” he suddenly said. “I just…I don’t ignore those feelings anymore. If my mind says do something, and it’s one of those feelings, I do it.”
Chapter 11
Most women say they like a man’s jawline, his smile, possibly his eyes. Me? I’m more of a penis woman.
-Text from Katy to Logan
Logan
“Come here,” I said to her, holding my hand out to her.
She came without protest, scooting toward me until she was pressed against me from knee to shoulder.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her even closer.
“This missing man,” I said. “The ex-boyfriend. What was the feeling that you had? Why did you break up with him?”
She sighed.
“My mother was so pissed at me when I broke up with Luca. God. Like, no joke. She was mad. My dad was mad. Nobody could understand,” she explained. “But…every time I thought about him going over there, doing those dangerous things? I just…these shivers broke out all over my body, and I got really cold. I’ve had lots of friends and relatives join the military. Hell, even my own brother is in the military right now. But, saying that? I never once got scared about dropping my brother off at boot camp. I don’t freak out when he’s out of contact for more than a month when it was only supposed to be a week. I’m…okay. But with Luca? I was seriously scared to death.”
“That night that I followed you sleepwalking?” I asked. “I had this feeling that I needed to do something. That was why I followed you and stayed with you. I didn’t want to wake you up, either.”
She snickered. “Your pacing is really loud. You should try doing it barefoot and it might make it better. Also, remember that your layout is the same as mine. If you were to do your walking in the living room and kitchen, it wouldn’t bother me. I sleep with a fan on.”
“Anyway, do you miss your ex-boyfriend?” I asked. “Wish that you’d have stayed with him?”
She shook her head. “No. It was time. We’d never really had that ‘lasting’ sort of relationship. I know that some people can have a relationship that lasts with their first loves, but we weren’t one of them. I think that we both knew that. I had no hard feelings for him at all after we broke up, either.” She wrinkled her nose. “Honestly, I feel the worst for his fiancée. Every time I see her, I want to cry just because she looks so sad.”
That was because Katy was a good person.
The other question was, why did I care that she still cared about a missing man?
I shouldn’t.
Really, I shouldn’t.
But I did.
A lot.
I also cared quite a bit that she had dinner with her ex.
Her ex that still obviously had feelings for Katy, that Katy assured me she didn’t reciprocate.
Why did that make me deliriously happy?
“I’m hungry,” I murmured as I watched the dogs stop to drink out of a mud puddle.
“You should’ve stayed fo
r dinner,” she snickered.
I unconsciously clenched my hand, then shook my head.
“That wouldn’t have gone over well,” I admitted. “Plus, though your dad said I could stay, I knew he didn’t really want me there.”
“There’s more to the story of why he doesn’t like you, isn’t there?” she asked.
I snickered.
“I might or might not have beaten his range score as a rookie,” I admitted. “Then teased him about it relentlessly for the first two weeks I saw him. Though, saying that, I didn’t realize that the man helping out with our class was the chief of police. Nobody did until the class was over and he offered us jobs. I swear to Christ, when he offered me his hand and the job offer, I thought he was going to choke on it.”
She let her head fall back and she laughed.
God, she was beautiful when she laughed.
“It’s nice to finally see someone that doesn’t kiss my dad’s ass, to be honest.” She sighed, then leaned forward and caught the stick that Lou tried to deposit in my lap. Tossing it as far as she could, which admittedly wasn’t that far, she crossed her legs and said, “Dad needs to be taken out of his comfort zone every once in a while.”
My stomach let out a grumble, letting us both know just how hungry I was, and she stood up.
“I have leftovers in my fridge,” she said. “You can have those for dinner.”
The thought of that delectable smelling lasagna, even hours after it’d been cooked, sounded like heaven to me.
Being in her house, eating it with her? That sounded even better.
“Sounds like something I’m willing to get behind,” I said as I whistled.
Sister came running, as did Lou. Though, I had a feeling that the only reason Lou did was because Sister did.
“Did you really need to allow Sister to visit with your ex-wife?” she asked as she picked up the leashes.
Once they were both leashed, I opened both gates for her and waited until she was outside of them before answering.
“Yes,” I answered. “Though, I knew she wouldn’t show. The one time I don’t show, though, she ends up coming. Then tells the court that I refused to follow the letter of our agreement. Which is a pain in the ass.”
“Your ex-wife sounds like a real peach,” she said. “One day you’ll tell me about her?”
I was about to answer when a familiar woman with flaming red hair, hips that went on for days, and a perpetual bad attitude came barreling down the stairs that led to our apartment with a toddler on her hip.
“It’s about fuckin’ time!” the woman bellowed.
“Tasia,” I said, sounding just as excited as I felt. “Our appointment was at four.”
“Our appointment will have to be now because I’m here,” she said. “I drove all the way here, clear across town, so I could spend time with Sissy.”
“Sister,” I corrected her automatically.
When Sister was young, just a puppy, we’d fought over what her name should be. In the end, I’d won, but every once in a while Tasia liked to give me shit by calling her Sissy.
My eyes went to the toddler that looked so much like my best friend—ex-best friend—that it hurt.
“Who is this?” Tasia asked, sneering at Katy.
I looked at Katy, who was well aware that something wasn’t right, and said, “Katy, this is Tasia. My ex-wife. Tasia, this is Katy.”
Tasia sneered at Katy. “I’d say it was nice to meet you, but that would be a lie.”
I gritted my teeth on the urge to yell at the damn woman.
God, I hated her.
Hated everything about her.
Katy blinked at Tasia’s hostility.
“I’m sorry, but what did I do to you?” Katy asked. “Pick up the trash you thought you’d left behind to rot? Well, let’s just say I love restoring people’s discarded junk and making it beautiful again.”
I froze at hearing those words come out of Katy’s mouth.
Nobody, and I do mean nobody, had ever stuck up for me before when it came to Tasia.
Hell, even the four times that my ex-girlfriend and Tasia had come into contact, Tasia had smashed her.
It’d been ultimately embarrassing because there’d been a lot of backing down, and it hadn’t been Tasia who’d been doing it.
“What did you just say?” Tasia blinked, shifting her kid from one hip to the other.
“I said,” Katy began, but Tasia stopped her before she could repeat herself.
“I heard what you said,” Tasia hissed.
“Then why did you ask ‘what did you say’ if you’d heard me?” Katy shot back. “Seriously.”
Her seriously was so chock-full of sarcasm that it had me grinning. Inwardly, of course. If Tasia saw the smile, she’d lose her shit.
And Tasia losing her shit was not my favorite pastime.
It was funny, because Tasia losing her temper when we were married was cute. Tasia losing her temper now that we were divorced? Well, let’s just say I didn’t see the same cute tendencies that I once did.
“Who is this, again?” Tasia asked, sneering at me.
I crossed my arms over my chest, and secretly loved how Sister went and put herself beside Katy instead of going over to Tasia.
“Our meeting was scheduled hours ago. You only get two hours on Wednesdays. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to catch back up with me next Wednesday,” I falsely apologized.
“You’re sorry?” Tasia asked, her voice sounding like a whip. “That just won’t do.”
That just won’t do.
Normally I would’ve just given her the time with Sister to shut her up, but I really, really didn’t like the way she was sneering at Katy as if she was lower than dirt.
“That’s rich.” Tasia turned from me to staring at Katy. “You’ll date a man that won’t take responsibilities for his actions?”
Tasia hitched the toddler up onto her hip and gestured at her with a tilt of her head.
Honestly, if she hadn’t been the reason for my marriage breaking up like it did, I might’ve found her absolutely adorable. But, unfortunately, I couldn’t see past the life-altering mistake that she was.
It was callous of me, but every time I saw her, saw my friend, Paydon’s eyes peeking out of her face, I got angry all over again.
Tasia’s and my life wasn’t perfect. But, childless, I’d enjoyed it. It wasn’t until I saw the lengths that she was willing to go to in order to get a child that I realized that Tasia wasn’t as content with life as I was.
And maybe the ‘good’ marriage that we had wasn’t all that ‘good’ either.
Katy looked at the baby, then looked at me, then looked at the baby again.
“We’re not dating,” she said. “But we are fucking. There’s no commitment involved. I’m too young and involved with work right now to deal with a boyfriend. Especially one that comes with impressive baggage such as yourself. But, had I wanted a boyfriend, Logan would be a great candidate. He’s nice, a pillar in his community, and is otherwise very low-key. Unlike my other boyfriends from the past.”
I was torn.
I loved that she’d uttered those words. Loved even more that she’d supported me when talking to my ex-wife. But I hated that she said she didn’t have time for a boyfriend right now.
Were those just words that she was spouting to piss off Tasia? Or was she actually feeling them?
I hoped that she wasn’t.
I hoped even more, that later, when we talked about this, she didn’t go running after what I had to tell her about Tasia.
I started walking again, gesturing for Katy to continue in front of me.
“If you’ll excuse us, we’re going to eat dinner,” I said, sounding bored.
Tasia’s screech of annoyance shut off abruptly as a uniformed officer came over the top of the hill.
He was dressed much the same as I’d been about an hour ago, but he was ol
der and looked way more pissed off.
“Yo,” Jonah grumbled, taking in the scene. “Is there a reason that y’all are down here yelling? I want to go home, and I’m getting reports of domestic disputes that I’m forced to respond to because I’m the closest unit.”
Tasia started to spout off an explanation behind us, being sure to use ‘baby,’ ‘court order,’ ‘dog visit,’ and ‘refusal to comply’ when she did, hoping that Jonah would be sympathetic.
I knew he wouldn’t be.
I also knew that Jonah didn’t give a rat’s ass about court orders seeing as he had very little faith in the system.
He was quite vocal about its lack of function.
Luckily, beside me, Katy kept climbing and didn’t look back.
When she got to the top, she said, “Hello, Jonah.”
Jonah grunted a ‘’sup’ at her and walked back to his patrol car
Tasia screeched in annoyance.
“This isn’t over, Logan,” Tasia argued to my back. “I will stay here all night.”
Jonah, upon hearing that, stopped and waited for us to pass.
When Tasia went to follow, he stepped into her path.
“You will not,” he said. “Tomorrow is early enough to take this up with a lawyer if you feel like you’ve been wronged. But, darlin’, just sayin’, Logan doesn’t usually do anything to break the rules. He follows the letter of the law and doesn’t deviate from it. If you find that you have a problem with him, that problem likely has a whole lot more to do with some made up reason in your head than him being the actual problem. Think about that before you go crying to your lawyers.”
I gestured for Katy to go up the stairs and she did, not stopping until both of us were inside with the dogs, and the door was firmly shut.
“Are you sure you should be leaving Jonah out there with her?” Katy asked cautiously.
I snorted. “Jonah can handle her.”
There was a short beat of silence, and then Katy said, “Okay, I can definitely see why you didn’t want to talk about her.”
Hide Your Crazy Page 9