“I’m not going to hit you,” she says in a low tone.
“Well, if you did want to, you could. I would never hit you back. I need you to know that. What I did to Tucker I will never ever do to you.”
She remains silent until I turn onto my street. When my house is in view, she says, “Why did you hit him like that? I thought you were going to kill him.”
“I don’t know. I just … I’m sorry, okay?”
“You scared me.”
They’re the words I never want to hear come from any girl’s mouth, let alone this girl’s. I have to face it though, head-on, and fix it.
Chapter Ten
Sarah
Graham pulls up to his house. I’ve got to be out of my mind to let him talk me into coming here with him.
I open the door and follow him inside the house. My arms are firmly tucked under one another as I plow my way into his living room and slam down into the couch. Graham glares at me while running his hands through his hair. He exhales loudly.
“We aren’t hanging out in my living room. Come up to my room. We’ve got to talk.”
That is the last place I’m going. “No. You want to talk? You can do it here.”
He paces in front of me. “Stop acting like a spoiled brat and just come up to my room. I’m not talking to you in here.”
“Well, I feel safer in here. At least I know you won’t string me along in this wide open room with no doors to shield your dick moves.”
He narrows his eyes a bit and snaps, “Fine. Christ! You win.” He has a seat in the leather recliner at the far end of the room. Good. I can’t stand having him so close to me. I don’t trust my body. My heart pitter-patters wildly, my palms sweat, and my senses are fully turned on by him.
He leans forward, propping his elbows on his thighs. “Listen … I’m sorry. It’s no secret I’m attracted to you, but I’m not going back down that road. Not with you. You lost your fucking chance as soon as you screwed around on me.”
I raise a brow. “I know. So don’t taunt me.”
“Taunt you? Taunt you! Sarah, you shouldn’t be here! All you talked about was seeing the fucking world and the last thing I expected was to find you here. You’re the only girl I’ve ever said I love you to, and seeing you, it’s like a kick in my balls!”
I stand up. “Oh, like this is a picnic for me? You’re supposed to be in a city hours away from me! I’m supposed to be only seeing you in my dreams, not everywhere!”
“What did you say?” He looks at me with wide eyes.
“N-nothing.”
He shakes his head and moves toward me. “No. You’re not doing this crap. Tell me what you said.” He grabs my hands and gazes into my eyes. “Tell me,” he pleads.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It might.”
I swallow. “I’m supposed to be only seeing you in my dreams, not everywhere.”
“So, you dreamt about me?”
I groan and pull away. He’s smirking. I swear he’s making fun of me. “Yes. Happy?” I snarl.
“A little. Answer me this, why did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Cheat on me, Sarah.”
I tear my gaze away from his face. “It doesn’t matter. It was stupid. I want to go home.”
“I’m not taking you home until you tell me.”
I stare at him. “Why? Why does this even matter?”
“I need to know!” He turns away from me.
“I’m screwed up,” I whisper. “My parents were headed to jail. I got stuck in this place, and my life, my friends were gone. And the last thing I expected was to fall for you. So I ruined us before my life could get worse. But that’s where I was wrong.”
He looks back at me. “What do you mean?”
“It felt like a terrible joke. All this bad shit was happening, and then there was you. Something to brace the fall. I couldn’t let you hurt me first, so I did it. It was stupid. It’ll be a big mistake that I’ll never be able to fix. Ever.” Tears slide down my cheeks.
He walks over to me, keeping a few inches between us, and says, “It never had to be like this.”
“I know that now.”
He nods. “I have to go get some things from my room. You can wait here.”
He disappears up the stairs while I just stand there in his living room.
Being in this house brings back memories. Lots of memories. Like the first time Graham pulled me into his house after school and kissed me senseless against this very wall that is right next to my shoulder. His hands fisted through my hair, and he bit my lip. I was breathless, and then we heard a loud clearing of a throat. We both turned our heads, and I blushed. His mother, who I’d never met until that moment, stood there, arms crossed and glaring at me.
“Hey. Sarah? Hey,” Graham says, shaking me from my trip down memory lane.
I blink. “Hi. What were you saying?”
“I was just calling your name. You looked a million miles away. Wanna come somewhere with me?”
I glance over at the clock and yawn. “Not exactly. I really want to go home and go to bed.”
“I can’t take you home yet.”
“Why?”
He glares at me and huffs. “Because guys like Tucker don’t take kindly to girls ditching them for another guy if they haven’t gotten what they wanted from the girl yet. You, my dear, are still prey to him. He could be waiting for me to take you to your car. Try to talk you into another date. And I can’t have that.”
I roll my eyes. “Graham, I’m tired. I don’t care at this point if he does end up following me to my house and murders me in my sleep. I’m really that exhausted.”
“Come on.” He grabs my hand and leads me up to his room.
I shake my head. “I’m not staying in here.”
“Yeah, you are. I promise everything will be fine.”
But how can he promise such a thing? Everything won’t be fine. My heart is not fine. My senses are not fine. My feelings for him are growing stronger, not dwindling away, so no, everything will not be fine. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
He groans and runs a hand through his hair. “This isn’t up for debate. I can’t take you back to your car and hope you make it to Mr. and Mrs. Issac’s house safely. I will go raving mad with worry, and then I’ll watch the house. The neighbors will call the cops, and I’ll be tossed in the slammer for stalking or something equally insane. All because you wouldn’t just take a nap in my room.”
“Don’t look at me like that.” His scowl disappears. “I can’t be in this room. I can’t be in this house. Graham, I don’t want to be here.” My shoulders sag, and tears gather at my lashes. I don’t want to cry in front of him, but I’m about to. “You were with another girl.”
“I was. I was with a lot of girls after you. I’m sure you were with—”
“No! Sure, I dated a couple here and there … ” Sobs rip through me. “But I didn’t let it go far. My focus is school. It’s the only way out of here and away from things that constantly remind me of what I’m not.”
He pulls me into his chest and strokes my hair. “Shhh … please stop crying. I’ll be downstairs; I won’t even be in the room. Just, please, for my sanity—trust me, there’s very little left. I just need you to stay here. For a couple of hours, and then I’ll take you back. I promise.”
I pull back a little, sniffle, and nod. “Fine, you win. I’ll stay, but only if you aren’t in here.”
“Okay.”
Chapter Eleven
Graham
I sigh as I adjust my body against the couch. It’s been a little over an hour since I left Sarah in my room. There isn’t shit on TV this early in the morning, just crappy cartoons, infomercials, and movies I’ve seen so many times it’s sad.
I should take a nap but for some reason can’t. My nerves are shot, and I’m worried she’ll try to sneak out of the house. She might think I’m being ridiculous or paranoid, but I care. Even though I
probably shouldn’t give a shit, I do. No matter what, I’ll always care because she was the first person I said those damn three words to, and I meant them.
I push myself to a sitting position and scrub my hands over my face. Shoving myself off the couch, I make my way up to my room. I open the door slowly and step inside. Sarah is curled up on the left side of my bed with her knees practically brushing the wall.
Sitting in my computer chair, I flip open my laptop and check my email. My inbox is full of stupid shit like reminders about tests I won’t be taking, the last day to drop classes, and—my favorite—to make an appointment with your class advisor for your spring courses. I slam the screen shut. A small whimper pulls my attention away from my own frustrated thoughts.
Sarah stirs beneath the sheets and sobs, “Don’t leave. Don’t.”
I walk over to the bed and take a seat next to her. She still tosses around and cries for something or someone not to leave. “Sarah,” I whisper while wrapping my arm around her thrashing body. Pulling her to me, I continue, “I got you. Hey, it’s okay. I got you.”
She inhales deeply and relaxes against me. I draw circles along her back. “I got you, babe. I always do.”
While she uses my chest as a pillow I let my fears seep in. I can’t fall for her again, but here I am comforting her, protecting her, and for what? She’ll leave me as soon as she finds out the reason I’m here in town. She’ll think I’m just as bad as Tucker.
I shouldn’t do this. Either way, I’m going to suffer. Eventually she’ll move on, and I might be here to see it, and that doesn’t sit right with me. I brush some strands of her hair from her cheek and kiss her forehead.
She moans lightly, “Mmm, Graham.”
I can’t help but smirk. She’s either dreaming about me, or she remembers my kisses. Both have me feeling awesome. I continue lightly drawing circles on her back and close my eyes.
***
A rush of pain jolts me awake. Sarah’s heated glare has me pinned. I caress my jaw and ask, “What happened?”
“You … You … jackass!” She storms about my room flinging her hands in the air. “You promised to stay out of here.”
“I did,” I defend myself, but as her eyes narrow I know it was the wrong word to use. “I was. There was nothing on TV, so I came up here. I checked my email, and then you started—”
“Started to what?” She folds her arms.
“You yelled in your sleep for something or someone not to leave. Look, I know I’ve been coming off as a dick. But I’m not a complete asshole. You sounded like you were having a nightmare, so I laid down with you only to comfort you. It seemed to work, because you stopped mumbling and tossing in your sleep.” She’s eyeing me up like she’s ready to rip off my nuts, so I leave off the part where she whispered my name in her sleep.
She takes a step back and twists a lock of her own hair around her finger. “I need to go home. Take me back to my car.”
I nod and don’t say another word to her.
On our way to the grocery store, I put the radio on loud so we can continue the silent treatment between us. I glance over at her every once in a while during the drive. Her gaze is fixed on the passenger window. A couple of times I catch her shoulders rising and dropping quickly, as if she’s letting out frustrated breaths of air. She’s not the only one frustrated, that’s for sure.
What am I doing? I’m just supposed to do my hours and get my ass back to school, not worry about her. But lately she’s been on my mind more than I like.
I grip the steering wheel tighter. The damn grocery store is coming into view. I pull up next to her car, expecting her to bolt from mine as soon I throw it in park. She doesn’t. She lingers, and I bite back a smile that wants to appear. “Well, you’re here.”
“Thanks for the ride.”
I shrug like it’s no big deal. I’m such an asshole. “Yeah, well, it was whatever.”
She glares at me, opens the door, gets out, and slams the door closed. I roll down my window as I watch her stomp her sexy ass over to her car’s driver’s side. “Hey, you don’t have to throw a tantrum at my car door.”
“Oh, go fuck yourself, Graham!” Then she gets into her car and fires the engine.
I watch her peel out in the parking lot as she drives off. I would go after her … but I don’t. What I need to do is clear my head. Of her. My thoughts. Of just everything.
Chapter Twelve
Sarah
It’s been a week since I’ve seen Graham. I hope I never see him again. Him and all his gorgeous smiles … and sexy abs. Ever since he’s rooted himself in my life again, he’s been nothing but trouble.
On my way to sociology, I spot Tucker, leaning into some other girl, playing with a strand of her hair while she giggles and smiles at him. It fuels my anger. That should be me. So what if Tucker is a huge player? Graham obviously is a huge player too.
Ah! I shouldn’t think about Graham or compare him to other people.
I trudge on to class, plop down in my seat near the back, and wait. Within three minutes the class fills up, and Professor Wilder starts speaking. “Good morning. Today, I’m handing out our end-of-the-year project. Now remember, this is worth two exam grades, so if you bombed any tests earlier this year, this project will definitely give you a boost. If you fail this project, I regret to say you will also fail this class. Please take this seriously. There is no rush on turning it in.”
Professor Wilder makes his way down the aisles handing out thick packets of paper to each of us. I take mine and read the title. Project: Investigate social behavior. Great.
“I will have each row come up to my desk and draw from the bowl. Inside the bowl is your assigned behavior. No, you cannot choose a behavior. No, you can not ask for another. This is to help you grow and learn. Step out of your comfort zone.” He stops near his desk. “I know some of you have parents, siblings, or even friends who experience one or more of these behaviors. I know that we might have identified with them.” His eyes seem to lock on me, and I quickly look away. This class has opened my eyes to a lot of things I guess I should have recognized as wrong, or even misguided, in my parents’ behaviors. Throwing cash at your teen daughter in order to apologize is frowned upon. Trying to identify with your daughter by wearing clothes that are not age-appropriate? Again, this is frowned upon. Compulsive lying, always trying to make bets out of everything, all of these things are bad, yet my parents did them all.
Professor Wilder strides across the room and motions to the row in line with the exit. “This row will go first. Step on up and claim your behaviors.” I can’t help but notice how his brown eyes twinkle as he says these words.
I’m in the third row, and he finally calls us up to the front of the room. As we slowly shuffle our way to him, I keep praying whatever behavior I grab isn’t something relatable to me or my past.
My hand drops into the bowl and swishes about the oddly shaped papers. They all feel different too. Some feel fatter than others. Some a little smoother. “Tick-tock, Miss Morris. Just pluck one from the bowl and go.”
I grab a thin, slightly crinkled one from the bowl and take it back to my desk. Unfolding the paper, I read: Alcoholism. Whew. I don’t know anyone who has this problem.
The girl in front of me, Mindy Lo, asks, “What did you get?”
“Alcoholism. You?”
“Aww. You got a good one. I got aggressiveness. Where am I supposed to find that kind of person?”
I could think of a few places. But I doubt Mindy wants to spend her time at a boxing gym or even at one of those anger management places where they treat aggressive behavior. Hell, I don’t want to go hang out at a frat party or even at an AA meeting, but it looks like that’s exactly where I’ll be heading.
***
Michelle nudges my ribs. “So. I need to know something. What’s the deal with you and mister … complicated?”
I roll my eyes. “There is no deal. Whatever happened between us last year is apparen
tly where it needs to stay—in the past. So how is Jared lately? I haven’t heard you complain about him or tell me any stories about having to visit the school.”
“No. I haven’t visited the school lately. But give that boy a few more days and I’m sure I will be telling you about all the hell he’s caused.”
I laugh. Her little boy is the cutest, but man, he’s a little devil.
“Well, speaking of nothing going on between you and hot complication, he’s heading over here. And I love you like a sister, so take this to heart: you look like hell, and you only seem to smile when he’s around.” I start to protest, but she throws up her hands. “Nope. I don’t want to hear it. Listen, even when you are fighting with him, there is a happiness to it. It’s strange as all hell, but your eyes light up. And so do his. Now go up there and help him before I kick your butt for ruining my entertainment for the hour.”
I roll my eyes and growl. “Fine.” I’m half tempted to stick my tongue out at her as I walk away.
Stepping up to the front of the customer service counter, I ask, “How can I help you?”
“Look,” he says, “I don’t know what to do here anymore. I’ve tried getting you out of my head. I’ve tried hooking up with other people just to forget you.”
Seriously? That’s just what every girl wants to hear. What an ass! As I scowl, he continues, “But you know what happens?”
I don’t answer him. I just fold my arms because he’s just making me really mad.
He sighs. “I see their faces and think, ‘This isn’t what I want.’ What I want is some damn girl who used to have blond hair but dyed it this fiery red color. She has blue eyes and a small freckle on her right cheek that I want to kiss.”
“Um … what?” My heart is melting a little. Dang it!
Graham looks left, then right, and then back to me. “When are you on break?”
Graham (Scandalous Boys Book 2) Page 6