“Mmm. That sounds good too.”
A small girl with light brown hair in need of a retouch to her blond highlights comes over to our table. She looks up from her pad, and her eyes widen when they land on Graham. “What the hell are you doing here?” she asks. Her tone is bitter and full of venom.
“Um … Sorry, do I know you?” he asks.
“Seriously?” She looks over at me. “This one is an asshole!” She looks between the two of us again and then snorts. “I thought you didn’t do the whole dating thing?”
“Graham?” I say. This girl is making me nervous. As if any second now she’s going to go all postal and chop both of us into pieces and stick our remains in jars or something.
He glares at the girl. “I’m sorry, I do not know what you are talking about. But clearly you’re making me and my girlfriend really uncomfortable. So, can we have another person wait on us?”
“You want … She’s your … Ha. Ha. Ha. Wow, freaking classic. You know what? I don’t know what you did to get this one to date you, but kudos to you.” She turns to me. “He’s mostly famous for one-night stands and never being heard from again.” She turns back to Graham. “I hope your dick shrivels up and falls off, you freaking asshole!”
She stomps off, and I look at Graham. His eyebrows are drawn together, and he’s glaring at his menu.
“Um … Do you care to explain that?” I ask.
He looks up. “Not really. But it looks like I’m going to have to. This summer and most of my time at school, I had a lot of one-night stands. It was always a certain type. Something about them reminded me of … It doesn’t matter. I used them to try to get over something else. It didn’t work. The only thing it ended up doing was leaving a trail of … well, that. Crazy girls wanting more.”
Well, this just got really awkward. Graham basically turned into a gigantic male whore while I’ve only had three dates since we broke up. I don’t know if I’m mad, jealous, or just shocked. And none of those dates of mine got more than a kiss.
A male approaches our table and says, “Hi, I’m Fred. I’ll be waiting on you this evening. Can I start you two off with something to drink?”
“I’d like a water with lemon, please,” I say.
“Same. Thanks.”
The guy leaves, and Graham and I remain silent.
Finally he clears his throat. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I level my stare with his.
“Everything.”
I nod. “I’m sorry too. You bring out things in me that scare me.”
“You do the same for me. I blew through a lot of girls trying to fill some void, but the thing is, none of them could. Not one.”
I want to smile at his words. I also want to run from this table. He can’t be feeling this for me. I’m screwed up, damaged goods. My parents are in jail. I’m basically an orphan and have nothing. There’s still so much crap I have to make up for in my past bullshit. How in the hell can he honestly sit across from me with burning want in his gaze? I cheated on him.
Fluttering my lashes to help hold back the swarm of tears welling in my eyes, I shake my head. “I’m a horrible person.”
“Why do you say that?”
I look out the window connected to our booth. “Graham, I’ve done mean shit to a lot of people, including you. I’m not proud of it, but I’m trying to fix it.”
“But you fixing it doesn’t make you a horrible person.” I feel his fingertips brush along my hand. I turn, and he smiles. “Terrible people let others clean up their messes.”
“Doesn’t make me a saint either, Graham.”
He laughs. “Babe, have you met me? I’m not a good boy. I smoked pot on the daily up until a month or so ago. I drank all the time. And apparently I ruined at least one waitress’s life. But I want to do better when I’m around you.”
“What do you mean?”
He squeezes my hand. “Man, before you showed up at Madison’s house last year, I was all about the next party. School was set. Winning state for baseball was in the bag. Girls, they came and went, no big deal. But you. Fuck, when I saw you, I had to impress you. And being me wasn’t impressive. So I cut back on the smoking and drinking. I didn’t give a shit where the next party was, I just wanted to hang out with you.”
I snort. “Then I screwed it all up.”
“Maybe. I’m not all peachy-keen on what went down. But maybe I had a hand in it too. I didn’t exactly wine and dine you like I should have.”
“I didn’t … I never needed that.”
He smiles. “Maybe not, but you deserved it.”
Cheating on him was really the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I can’t have him thinking it was his fault. The blame is mine. I blink. “My situation with my parents going to jail, then all my future plans going to shit … Then you come along, this sweet and great guy. A type of person I’d never encountered, and I started liking it. Feeling special and wanted, not the girl from the news, whose parents are a bunch of asshats. One night … ”
“One night what?”
I shouldn’t tell him, but I need to. No one knows this, not even Madison, and trust me, over the last couple of months my reasons for hurting Graham have come up a bit. I just never told her the full story of what lead me to my actions.
“I had a dream. I was in Madison’s bedroom waiting for everyone. You, Kyle, Madison … and I didn’t understand what I was really waiting for. Was it someone’s birthday? Were we about to surprise someone? Then Auntie Heather came in and said, ‘Sarah, we love you, but it’s time to move out. Everyone is graduated and has their own place except you.’ Then I woke up. That scared me. Without you, who was I? Would I ever leave? Would I wait around for you while you went off to school? I just … It freaked me out. I knew if I told you, then you would say it was a silly dream. And I would have believed you.”
We don’t say anything for a few more moments. The waiter returns with our drinks, takes our food order, and leaves us again. I feel Graham’s gaze on me. He probably thinks I’m ridiculous. I refuse to look up, though, for fear of what I might see.
He needs to say something first. Why is he so quiet? I ruined it. I knew the truth would ruin this again. How stupid can I be?
A throat clears, and it draws my attention to him. He smiles. “Next time you have a crazy dream, will you just tell me?”
“Okay.”
“And for the record, I think that was your body’s way of projecting your inner fears. And at the time, had you come to me, I probably would have said it was a silly dream. But now I’m telling you that no matter what happens I’m here. If you do find yourself all alone, you’re not. Because I can’t stay away from you, Sarah.”
I swipe my hand under my eyes and smile. “Thank you.”
“Babe, don’t cry.”
“They’re happy tears. I swear.”
He laughs. “Better be. Otherwise this will go down as the worst date in the history of mankind. First a crazy one-night stand is our waitress, then I make my date cry. I mean, shit, I’m scoring all kinds of bad marks.”
“Yeah you are,” I tease.
The waiter arrives with our food, and it smells delicious. Once he asks us if we need anything else and we tell him no, he saunters off.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Graham
After our dinner, I drive Sarah home.
Tonight was a close call. I mean, the waitress thing was sort of a disaster, and for a moment I thought that was the girl from the video. My blood chilled the second she laid into me about being an asshole. I keep putting off telling Sarah the full reason I’m not in school. And every day feels more and more like a test.
“Sarah, I’ve got to tell you something.”
“Is it going to make me sad or happy?”
I pull into the drive and put the car in park. Shifting my body slightly to face her, I sigh. “Probably sad and really disappointed. Well, more like mad as hell at me.”
She thinks on this for
a second and says, “I don’t want to know then.” She leans in and brushes her lips over mine.
I want to deepen the kiss but feel too exposed in the driveway. Especially when the damn porch light pops on. I pull back and glance over at the house. Mr. Issac’s glare is on my car. Jesus, you’d figure I’d finally get used to it, but it still freaks me out. The man scares the piss out of me. The worse part is he’s not even her father, but he looks like he’ll murder me all the same.
“Your uncle is staring at us,” I whisper.
Sarah looks up at the house and then rolls her eyes. “Wow. I sort of wondered why Madison and Bryce never hold hands around him. Now, I get it.”
“I bet Bryce shit his pants when he asked him for her hand. I mean, your uncle could give a bodybuilder nightmares. Especially when he talks about the shit he learned from his grandpa. That’s one person I never want to cross.”
She giggles. “I guess we should say good night then. I don’t want you to end up at the bottom of a lake somewhere.”
I kiss her again and then get out and go around the car. I open her door and walk her up to the porch. As much as I want to kiss her up here, I don’t. Mr. Issac is totally giving me the “I’ll fuck you up, boy” stare. And even though I might love getting lost fusing my mouth to Sarah’s, I love living with my balls intact more.
“Good night.”
“Night.” She smiles and then enters the house.
I don’t rush to get back to my car, but I certainly don’t lollygag either. As soon as I open the driver’s side door I hear another door close. I dart my attention back to the Issacs’ house. Mrs. Issac is coming down the steps carrying a tray of something.
“Graham, wait a second, hon. I’ve got something for you.” She hands me a cookie tray filled with all my favorites.
“I made a bunch of cookies today. I knew these were your favorite.”
I smile. “They certainly are. Thanks, Mrs. Issac.”
“You’re welcome. We like having you around. Don’t be a stranger. Your mom told me you had a little trouble in school and that’s why you’re back home. I want to let you know that it happens.”
Mom must have told her the same bullshit story she’s been telling anyone who asks why I’m here. And I’d wish more than anything—at the risk of looking like a complete dipshit—that her version was the truth. But it’s not. I actually had decent grades before my incident. There are many times I wish I could remember that night. Then there are times that I don’t want to know the full details.
I nod once and slip into my car.
***
I’m pushing it. Well, cutting it very close. My AA session starts in two minutes, and I’m literally three away. I hope this doesn’t count against my hours.
In my defense, I’m not having the best morning. My mom volunteered my services to help Mrs. Wixer get her cat down from a tree. Could she have called someone else? Yes! Did she? No. She called my mom after she called our nosy neighbor.
Okay, I also spent a good five minutes arguing with my mom that she can’t just tell whoever calls that I’ll help. I’m on time restrictions. But whatever. Guess this is part of the punishment of disappointing my mom.
I got the damn cat down. What ticked me off the most about it is that it’s a cat. It obviously climbed its chunky ass up the tree; it could get it back down. They land on all fours when they leap. Plus, the little furball clawed the shit out of my arms and almost my face. He or she—I didn’t bother asking what the sex was—really didn’t want my help.
To top it off, Mrs. Wixer just snubbed her nose at me. “Cotton really doesn’t like you,” she said.
Really? No shit. Cotton sliced me up pretty good. But she didn’t thank me. Just that dumb obvious observation and a door slammed in my face. Well, screw you too!
Now, I’m three minutes late pulling up to the church where my AA meeting is being held. I slip through the doors, slink down the hallway, and head to the entrance of the basement. As I near the door leading to the meeting, a flash of red hair catches my attention.
No! It can’t be …
I stop dead in my tracks. Sarah whips around the corner. My heart pounds like crazy. The back of my neck is slick with sweat as I nervously try to wipe it away.
Damn it! I’d love to skip, but I can’t. This damn punishment has me by the balls. It’s bad enough I’m late. Hopefully I won’t get tossed into the slammer for it. But to miss completely … Well, I know my ass will get sent directly to jail.
Maybe if I hurry to the door she won’t see me. I can slip inside and hope there’s a seat beside Carl. And he’s sitting on the opposite side of the room from Sarah. His big body will hide me.
I start to make a break for it, but my luck seems to be total shit. “Graham?” she says in a sweet voice.
I glance over at her, my hand on the knob. So damn close. “Oh. Hey. What are you doing here?”
“My paper. Well, research. What are you doing here?” she asks with a soft smile.
That is the dreaded question of the hour, isn’t it? My face must say it all because she closes the space between us and whispers in a harsh tone, “What did you do? Tell me what you did right now, Graham. Because in a minute I’m going back into that room and I’m going to listen to everyone’s stories. Including yours. And I will not be blindsided like I feel right now.”
I slowly draw my gaze down to meet hers. I can’t lie because my fucking hand is on the door handle that leads to the AA meeting. Besides that, I need to get in there right now. I’m already close to seven minutes late now. Fuck!
“I’m really late. If I don’t get in there soon and get my paper signed I’m going to be in some very serious trouble.”
She nods. “Okay. But this isn’t over.”
Yeah, I figured. We enter the meeting, and I head up to the front of the room and toss down my yellow sheet. I sign in and then head to the middle row to take a seat. The meeting drags on. Just like all the others. I continue to listen but still haven’t spoken.
Justin elbows me and whispers, “Isn’t that the girl from the grocery store?”
I nod.
“Wow. I think these meetings just got a whole lot more interesting.”
I clench my fists. “Don’t.”
“Calling dibs on her? It’s cool. I get it.”
“Not calling anything,” I say through gritted teeth. “She’s my girlfriend.”
He snorts. “Are you kidding? You brought your girlfriend to an AA meeting?”
I roll my eyes. What’s he take me for, an idiot? I groan inwardly. “Nah, man. I’ll tell you later.”
“Whatever you say.” He slouches in his seat. “Jasmine invited us to a party this weekend. Wanna come?”
I shake my head. “Not this weekend. Sorry.”
He shrugs, and we don’t talk again for the rest of the meeting.
***
Sarah finds me after the meeting. Well, I guess it’s now or never.
“So …” she starts.
“Not here. Come on.” I pull her into the congregation room. Once we take a seat on the bench, I sigh. “The reason I’m not in school is because I got into some serious trouble.”
“What was it?” she asks in a breathy tone.
I gently tuck a piece of stray hair behind her ear. For some reason touching her is easing my nervousness. “I need you to know what I’m about to tell you is not pretty. You’ll hate me. You’ll want nothing more to do with me. But I won’t blame you for never wanting anything to do with me ever again.”
She blinks those ocean-filled eyes at me. “Just tell me. We can get past it, whatever it is. I promise.”
“When we broke up, I told you I played the field a lot. I really wanted to heal. Each time though, I was high or drunk. It was the only way my imagination could convince me that whoever I was with was you. Sober me knew that wasn’t true. Drunk and high self didn’t care.”
She takes my hands into hers and squeezes.
“One n
ight during rush week, I got really high and drunk and pissed off some head asshole in a frat. They took interest in recruiting me. Told me about the parties every weekend, made it sound right up my alley. Kyle warned me not to pledge them, but I didn’t give a shit.”
“Kyle likes his big brother role,” Sarah says, “sometimes a little too much.”
“Yeah, well. I didn’t listen. One night, I got dragged to this other fraternity’s party. I played a game of beer pong. And after I won three games, I started feeling unstoppable. Started becoming a real cocky asshole. It’s not new. I always turn into a real ass when it comes to anything competitive. So during the games, a girl flirted with me. I didn’t know at the time that she was dating the president of that fraternity. Anyway, during the flirting and drinking, something happened. The whole night became a blur.” I get off the bench and begin to pace. I can’t have her near me when I divulge this story. She’s going to run. How could she not? I’m a monster.
“There was a video. It got leaked or something, and when I saw it I didn’t know that was me. I beat up my coach. I punched a few guys in my fraternity. I yelled.” My gaze lands on her. “I lost my shit. Bad. There was a girl screaming. Said I broke into her room. I honestly don’t know how the hell I got there. I blacked out. But the video shows me there. Shows the girl’s room. So I was there somehow. The school took into account my record of being a decent student and never having a history of being in trouble. But I’m on academic suspension for a year and have to get counseling and do rehab. So that’s why I’m here.”
Sarah leaves the bench but not the room. She places her hand on mine. “Graham, people do things they aren’t proud of all the time. Some show remorse. Some don’t. Like my parents. I don’t think they really care that they stole that money. I don’t think they even care they made some of their employees homeless.”
“If you don’t want to be with me, I get it,” I say.
“That’s not it at all.” She squeezes my hand again. “Graham, be honest, would you ever knowingly hurt someone?”
Graham (Scandalous Boys Book 2) Page 13