“I know. But he’s leaving. His suspension is lifted so he can go back to school. I’m still going to be here, though. And I don’t want to be one of those girls who chases after a guy. I won’t do it.”
She nods. “I get it. I don’t want you to turn into that kind of person either. I’ll punch you in the face if you do.”
I laugh again. “Thanks. Glad to know you’ll smack some sense into me.”
“No. I’ll knock it into you. Way different.” She winks. “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
***
Our trip lands us in Chattanooga.
Madison and I get out of the car, and I breathe in the air, which smells of river water. “When I first got my car, I drove here.”
“Why?” I ask. Don’t get me wrong; it’s pretty, but it just seems unlike Madison to drive all the way down here for no reason.
“Well … it was right around the time Graham started dating some girl named Diane. I hated her. Her perkiness. Her perfect hair and skin. I wanted to push her in a big patch of mud. But I couldn’t do that.” She laughs, but I can feel the jealously course through me. I haven’t met this girl, and yet I want to shove her in a big tub of mud. “So silly to think about it now. I mean I really thought forever that I was so in love with him. Man, I never realized how wrong I could be about something. You know?”
She shrugs, as if answering her own question. “Point is I was so infatuated and felt tormented watching them being all cuddly and stuff. So I drove down here. Thinking maybe some distance would cause him to miss me or something. Turns out the only people who wondered where the heck I was were Emily, Kyle, and my parents.” She picks up a stone and tosses it up in the air.
“When did you realize Graham wasn’t the one you wanted?” I ask.
She turns her gaze to me. “First week you moved in. I was in the park crying, and Bryce found me. I was a snotty mess—and a total bitch. He didn’t let my attitude get to him, though. He didn’t press me for reasons as to why I was sobbing like a crazy person. And when he found me climbing into his tree house, he didn’t tell me to get the hell out. Which he had every right to do. Nope. That sweet boy surprised me with kindness. Bringing me a blanket and a pillow. I think that’s when I started to see things a little more clearly.
“I liked being treated like a princess. Even if I didn’t deserve it. And I knew Graham wouldn’t treat me like that. It took me a little while, but then I saw how he treated you. And I just knew. Bryce was my prince charming and Graham was yours.” She smiles.
I frown and kick some dirt. “He’s not mine. I mean, yes, I love him. God, Madison, I love him. But he’s going to be at school. Then summertime comes. What if … what if he sees what everyone else sees? I can’t get over disappointing him again.”
She hugs me. “Hey. He won’t see you like that. And screw everyone else. I’m sorry for being a jerk. Really. I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
She pulls back, wiping tears from her eyes. “Dang it. Let’s go find some Christmas carolers or something.”
I laugh and follow her back to her car.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Graham
In three days, I’m going to be in Knoxville. Where am I now? Inside Bryce’s tree house with a beer in my hand staring at Maddy’s fucking house. More specifically, Sarah’s window.
I don’t get her! I practically did a B&E on her room to make sure she was okay. And instead of telling me, “Hey, thanks for checking up on me. I love how much you care about me,” or something equally as girly, this chick ignores me. In fact, she won’t even take my calls, answer my texts, or see me. No! She has her family guarding her.
I roll my eyes and take a swig of the beer currently getting warm in my hand.
“Dude. Are you going to watch the house all night?”
I break my gaze from Sarah’s room. “Why are women so damn confusing?”
Bryce shrugs. “Beats the hell out of me.” He laughs. “I never thought we’d have this conversation.”
“I sound like a pussy. Jesus! When did I turn into some pussy-whipped douche?”
He laughs. “Not sure, man. But welcome to the club. Don’t tell Madison I said that, or I’ll kick your ass.”
I shake my head. “I should have stayed the hell away from Sarah. What the fuck was I thinking?”
He clinks our beers together. “Welcome to my whole problem last year. Listen, you like her, right? Just give her some space, bro. I think eventually she’ll come around. Look at Mads. I gave her some space, and now we’re solid. You know?”
“Um, I hate to rain on your parade, but Madison left you. Then you went chasing after her. I’ve been trying to chase after Sarah but”—I glare at the window again—“the damn girl has purposely dodged all my attempts. So I’m done.”
He takes a drink of his beer and sighs. “Dude, this shit is flat-out depressing. Let’s finish these beers and go play some video games.”
“Fine.” I chug down whatever is left in my bottle and head inside the house.
***
After I climb into my car to head back to Knoxville, I swing by her house.
Kyle, thank Jesus, already left. So maybe … just maybe she’ll let me in. I rap on the door. A few seconds pass. I knock again, a little louder this time.
I glance back at her car parked in the drive. Then I peek around the side of the house and notice Madison’s parents’ cars are in the drive. What the hell? I know they can hear me.
I would go grab Bryce’s ladder again, but he and Maddy have already gone off to Pennsylvania. Whatever. I’m done playing these games with her. She wants space? Awesome. She can have five fucking months’ worth.
I slap a note under her windshield wiper then head off.
***
I’ve been on campus for a week now, and I’m sick of it. Something is definitely wrong with me. The day of my suspension, I was literally kicking and screaming and clinging to every lamppost. Kidding. But for real, I didn’t want to leave.
Now, I miss home. I know. What the hell am I saying? Missing that dead-end wasteland over this place? It’s a crime, that’s what it is. You’d think being here would make me happy again. I’m not.
I sluggishly make my way back to my dorm. A shoulder slams directly into me. “Watch it!” I shout.
“Freshdouche? Who the fuck let you back in?”
I roll my eyes at the twat frat boy who my beer pong skills put to shame. I start to walk off when this mofo grabs me. “Hey, bitch! I asked you a question.”
“Get your hands off me!” I shove him off, and he takes a swing. I dodge it. This dude is not worth the trouble. But I’m not about to run away like some pussy either.
I feel another set of hands on my shoulders. I try to whirl around to see who the fuck is grabbing me as the person shouts, “Hey, Mizner! Do you need me to kick your ass again?”
“Go suck cock, Issac!”
Kyle laughs. “I would, buddy, but I hear that’s your department. You know, since the ladies aren’t down for peanut-size dicks.”
The guy named Mizner glares at Kyle. “Fuck you, Issac. This ain’t over, freshdouche.”
Kyle follows me past the student union. “Please tell me you’re staying the hell away from the frat houses?”
I raise a brow at Kyle. “I’ve been here for a week. I haven’t gone anywhere but to class and the dorm. But thanks for looking out for me, Dad.”
“Don’t be a dick! I mean it, man. I don’t know what’s going on, but something big is being planned. I have a feeling you’re involved in it. And since I’m more scared of Madison than I am of you or her boyfriend, I told her I’d keep you out of trouble.”
I glower. “Madison needs to realize being my friend doesn’t make her my mother.”
“Oh, she knows. But it’s Maddy. When has she ever not mothered us? Besides, she actually may have a valid reason in your case.” He follows me to my dorm.
I glare at the sidewalk. “Well,
I appreciate this, but I have things handled.”
“Looked like it.”
A gleam of red hair catches my attention. My heart pounds fiercely in my chest. Then the girl’s face comes into view, and my heart aches as if it’s being ripped to shreds. It’s not her. I know it never will be.
“Graham!” Kyle shouts.
I blink at him. “What?”
“Jesus, man! See? This is why getting tied down by anyone is just stupid as shit. First you had to go get hung up on my cousin. Then my sister had to go and fall for that dipshit friend of yours. Then you and my cousin broke up. I thought you would have had some sense then. In fact, when you came here it looked like you had a lot of sense. Now look at you! You’re pathetic.” He shakes his head and sneers at me. “I love my cousin, but she’s just a girl. Snap the hell out of it. Go hook up with someone else. And sooner rather than later, so you can forget her faster.”
That’s the problem, though. I already did this. Hooked up with so many girls I can’t even give you a real number. But none of them helped me forget Sarah. If anything, they only made her presence stronger.
I’m so fucked it’s not funny. Worst part is I can’t tell any of my friends. They’d laugh their asses off and call me a pussy. Then they’d rag on me for months and probably buy me stupid gag gifts like dildos for my ass or something.
“Got it.” I reach my dorm hoping Kyle doesn’t think I’m inviting him in or something. Because I’m really done with this conversation.
“This you then?” Kyle asks.
“Yeah.”
“Cool. See you later.” He turns and walks off toward the other set of dorms near mine.
I head inside and up to my room. It’s not as nice as the one I was in last semester, but there is a plus side. No roommate. Not unless you count the quad rooms sharing the living area, kitchenette, and the two bathrooms. Don’t get too excited—the two bathrooms are shared by five guys. And the bathrooms happen to be located in the living-room area. So if one of us takes a healthy dump, the whole living room smells like ass for about twenty to thirty minutes.
I don’t get how some people can bask in their own shit smells, let alone others’, but this dude Tony does it. I thought maybe he was blessed—and possibly cursed—with no sense of smell. Wrong. He just pulls out some cheap air freshener and sprays it. Like that’s going to help the lingering stench of shit in the room.
If anything, it makes it worse. Nothing says “home sweet home” like some pineapple covering up some ass.
I walk into my quad and weave through the living room. Alex and his girlfriend are dry-humping on the couch. I also hear moans coming from the room right beside mine. That can only mean Tony is getting it on with someone. So that’s why Alex is servicing his girl on the couch.
I enter my room and shut the door. Slumping into the chair at my desk, I pull out my phone and glare at it. Why won’t she call? I know she got my note. Damn, girl is infuriating. I spin the cell on my desk. I should call. No. Damn it!
Why do I even care so much? I refrain from calling and do my homework instead. In fact, this is all I seem to be doing lately. Class, homework, thinking about Sarah, and sleep. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I eat.
I place my things on my desk and open up my political science book. As I read about forms of autarky, a knock on my door pulls at my attention. “Yo, Graham. You in there?” It’s Reed, the other guy rooming in my quad.
“Yeah. It’s open.”
My door swings open and shuts behind him. “It’s a fucking orgy fest out there.”
I nod. “Yup. What did you need?”
He takes a seat on my bed. “What are you up to?”
“Homework.”
He nods. “Oh. I was going to ask if you wanted to hit up this mixer with me. Guess a bunch of frats and sorority sisters are hosting some kind of dance off. Wanna come with? My girl is going to be up there. She told me to bring everyone I know. I’d invite the others, but I’m not one to interrupt fucking.”
I rub the back of my neck. I should really stay the hell away from anything dealing with Greek Row. But I don’t want to tell him that and look like a complete lame-ass. “Eh. Sure.”
“Sweet! We’ll head over in about ten. Cool?”
“Sounds good.”
He steps out of the room and groans. “Aw, Jesus! Y’all have fucking rooms. Use ’em. I don’t want to see any of y’alls naked asses! I see enough of them in the locker room, fuckers!”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Sarah
I hate that he’s gone. I hate myself even more for ignoring his texts and his calls. I reread the letter he wrote for, I don’t know, the thirtieth time today, while waiting in the library for Logan and Crystal to show up to study group. Yeah, I should probably read over the material instead, but I don’t care. I swipe away the tears.
Oh, I’m a mess.
Crystal nudges me and smiles. “You okay?”
I shake my head and hand over the sweetest letter I’ve ever received in my entire life. I didn’t think a boy like him could write something so wonderful.
She starts muttering his words aloud. “‘My dearest Sarah’—aww, that’s adorable.” She smiles and continues reading. “‘You’re everything to me. I’d tell you this to your beautiful face every day for as long as you’d let me, but you won’t see me. I don’t say it in the voice messages or text it to you because I don’t think you’ll believe it.’”
Crystal nods. “So true. It’s always better when you can see the person saying it.”
I swipe away more tears. Crystal hands me a pack of tissues and asks, “You sure you want me to keep reading this aloud? I can do it silently.”
I shake my head and blot the tissue under my eyes. “Please keep reading.”
“Okay. ‘From the moment you walked into my life, things have changed. That first day, you took the breath out of me. And you continue doing it. No girl has ever made my heart pound like you do. Even when we ended things last year, you still had this hold on me. It only grew when you reentered my life. I can’t lose you again, Sarah. You’re mine. Near. Far. It doesn’t matter. You own me. I only want and will always only want you.’” Crystal sets the letter down and starts fanning her face. “Oh, man. Wow. This is so good.”
“I know. I don’t deserve him.”
“Shhh. None of that shit. I want to read the rest of this man’s words. Okay, where was I … Oh, okay. ‘I love you. So if you need space to figure things out, I’m giving it to you. I can’t promise I won’t call. I miss your sweet voice. So please don’t change your voicemail, it will kill me if you do. I’ll try not to text, but I’ll need to remind you I’m here. Not going anywhere, babe. And if you ever need someone, you got me. Just call, and I’ll be wherever you need me.’” Crystal hands me the letter. “Bloody hell! That was wonderful.” She sniffles.
“What’s going on here?” Logan asks as he stares at us girls sobbing like crazy fools.
Crystal scowls at him. “How come you never write me love letters?”
He runs a hand through his hair while looking completely uncomfortable. “Um. Well. I. Uh … yeah. So, um … how was your break, Red?”
“Don’t change the subject,” Crystal says as she dries her eyes with tissues.
Logan slumps down in a seat and sighs. “Why do I have to write you a letter when I can tell you how special you are to your face?”
I sob even harder. “Awww, that was a good save.”
“I know. He’s so sweet,” Crystal cries.
Logan stares at us and then says, “You two are okay, right? I mean, you all weren’t having a Ryan Reynolds moment, were you?”
“It’s Gosling, and no. We were just having a girl moment,” Crystal explains.
“Okay. Should I give you another minute or two? Or are we ready to start on some biology?”
“Biology,” I blurt out. I dry my eyes and shove the letter that is tormenting my heart into my book bag.
***
I pull into the driveway two hours later. I slowly make my way to my room and toss my bag into a corner, as well as kick off my shoes and shrug my coat onto the same pile. I make my way to the bathroom for a much-needed shower.
Catching a reflection of myself in the mirror, I observe my tired eyes, pale skin, and blond roots appearing through the bright red. God, I look awful. I hit the shower then call up the salon. Probably shouldn’t be spending my savings on my hair, but sometimes you just need to do something to make yourself feel good.
After I set an appointment, I call Madison.
“Hey, you,” she says. “Can you Skype right now? I kind of need all my hands.”
“Um … yeah, but does it have to be video?”
“No. But why can’t I see you? Hiding something in our room or something?”
“No. I just look like shit.”
She laughs. “That’s not a biggie. I’m covered in paint.”
I groan. “Fine, whatever, I’ll call.” I hang up the phone and pull her up on the computer.
She was not lying when she said she was covered in paint. She has splotches of white, green, blue, orange, and I think purple all over her face, down her arms, and all over her shirt. “Uh … I can talk to you later,” I say.
She turns the computer toward what looks like a giant mural. “What do you think so far? There’s a showcase for the best historical design. So I did like a whole piece by piece of history.”
“It looks amazing. How did you get that thing in there?”
“Bryce of course.”
I nod.
“Yeah, that thing was a bitch to get through the door,” Bryce complains. “This one here wouldn’t listen when I said turn this way and that way. She just wanted to be stubborn as usual.”
Graham (Scandalous Boys Book 2) Page 18