Everything

by Melissa Pearl

  “I only have two hands, Angel! I can’t pick you up right now!” I’d screamed from the sink, desperately trying to finish cleaning the bathroom before I had to head downstairs to make sure the second guest apartment was ready for the next lot of short-term tenants. They were arriving that night.

  She’d frozen on the floor, utterly shocked by my outburst. Her lower lip began quivering and her big eyes filled with tears before she elicited a feeble little cry that quickly grew with fervor and indignation.

  I couldn’t handle her wailing so I threw the rag into the sink and dried off my hands.

  “Screw the apartment.” I hefted her into my arms, grabbed the stroller, and we’d hit the sunshine. I could finish off the bathroom and the guest apartment when we got back.

  I gave Angel a rueful smile as she gazed up at me.

  “Ma-ma-ma-ma!” She grinned, tapping her teething ring on the edge of the stroller.

  I smiled in spite of myself, pushing the stroller forward and lifting my face to the sun.

  Yeah, I could survive this day.

  I jerked to a stop, my eyes catching on something.

  Or maybe I couldn’t.

  My breath evaporated, my knuckles turning white on the stroller.

  His lips parted when he saw me, his gaze unreadable behind his aviator shades. He paused, obviously unsure which way to turn, but I kept moving forward as if drawn by some gigantic magnet.

  I stopped in front of him, the air in my lungs feeling dry and stale.

  “Jody, hi.”

  “Hi, Stefan.” I swallowed.

  Shit, he looked good.

  He slid his hands into his pockets. “What are you doing here?”

  I shrugged. “Just out walking. How about you? I thought you’d be in Tucson right now.”

  His lopsided grin was delicious. I remembered exactly what it tasted like, my mouth filling with saliva at the very idea of kissing him again.

  “I moved to LA in January. I scored myself a role in a Disney musical. It’ll be showing at the Walt Disney Concert Hall in April. If it goes well, they’re going to take it over to Broadway. New York, here I come.”

  Okay, so his smile was becoming punchable. Damn that it still had a power over me, though. If he leaned forward, I wouldn’t be able to resist. My autopilot would take over.

  I leaned away from him. “Wow. Congratulations.” Hot jealousy burned though my insides, but I forced a smile. “How’d you—how’d you get that role?”

  “I got it for him.” A sleek blonde appeared beside him. I had no idea where the hell she’d materialized from, but I instantly hated her. She was tall and lean, making me feel like a frumpy housewife. Except I wasn’t anyone’s wife! I was just a frumpy loser!

  “My father owns the studio.” The blonde girl smiled.

  “Nice.” I blinked, my head bobbing automatically before I gained control of it. My throat felt thick and swollen, but I forced my hand forward. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

  “Selene.” She grasped my hand with her long fingers. Her smile was kind and sweet. “I’m Stefan’s fiancée.”

  My grip on her hand went slack, my eyes bugging out. Thank God I was wearing shades. They could still read my expression, though. I could tell by the way Stefan squirmed in his designer jeans.

  What did I say to that?

  Stefan was getting married? So I had his kid and I wasn’t good enough for him? But she was?

  Damn her! Damn him!

  Angel, no doubt sensing my stress, started to fuss. I lifted her out of the stroller, more to settle her than anything, but I didn’t miss Stefan’s quick intake of breath.

  Good! He should have to see her, come face to face with what he threw away.

  Selene’s face lit with an enchanted smile as I spun Angel around.

  “Oh, hello.” She put on that high voice adults use when talking to babies. “And who are you?”

  I kept my eyes on Stefan, saw that little shake of his head and decided to ignore the hell out of it.

  Pasting on a plastic smile, I introduced my little girl. “This is Angel, Stefan’s daughter, but I’m guessing he hasn’t told you about her yet, because he likes to pretend that she doesn’t exist.”

  Selene shot back, her eyes darting between Stefan and me. His cheeks were red with rage or embarrassment, I couldn’t quite tell. Either way, I was out of there. Grabbing the stroller, I spun it around, perching Angel on my hip and storming away from them before they could see my tears. They burned something fierce, but I refused to let them fall.

  How could he be getting married? Married! And he had a role in a show. It was so damn unfair.

  “Jody! JODY!” His terse voice chased me around the corner, but I kept walking. Angel was fussing in my arms, but I didn’t want to slow down and strap her back into the stroller.

  I squeezed her tightly against me, which only made her complaints louder.

  “Jody, stop!” Stefan grabbed my arm, forcing me to stand beside him.

  Not wanting to look him in the eye, I busied myself settling Angel back into the stroller and giving her a rattle to play with.

  “How could you do that to me?”

  “Do what? Tell your fiancée the truth? I was probably doing you a favor.”

  “That was my business!”

  “No!” I slapped his hand off me. “It’s ours. She’s your daughter, Stefan!”

  “I never wanted her. I told you that. It’s not fair for you to punish me because you made a poor decision.” His voice was strained, the tendons in his neck pulling tight.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You could have had this, Jody. You could have been performing by my side if you hadn’t decided to keep the baby.”

  “Look at her!” I pointed into the stroller. “How could I possibly give her away?”

  “I don’t want to look at her.” He kept his eyes on me, his face cresting with sadness. Thank God he hadn’t whipped off those aviators yet. One glimpse of those chocolate orbs and my mind would turn into a puddly mess, especially when his voice dropped to a soft whisper. “I wanted you to come back. That was the plan, remember?”

  His confession caught me off-guard, scorching like hot fire.

  “You didn’t love me.”

  “I told you I did.”

  My voice was a squeak when I finally spoke. “But you didn’t act like it. You never called me. You never checked in once.”

  “Look, I was mad at you, okay? I waited all summer, and then you never showed up for class. I couldn’t exactly ask around, but the rumors told me enough. Jody, how could you?” He lightly touched my cheek, a fleeting caress that made my traitorous knees wobble. “You have so much talent, and you just threw it all away. How could you make a choice like that?”

  He may as well have slapped me across the face.

  I jerked away from the question, my eyes darting to the sidewalk as love and rage fought for dominance within me. He was trying to make me feel guilty? Like it was somehow my fault that things hadn’t worked out between us!

  Rage was winning. Thank God!

  Clenching my jaw, I finally muttered, “I never chose for you to turn your back on me.”

  Stefan pulled off his shades, those brown eyes getting right in my face. Damn it!

  “Don’t put this on me.” He snatched my arm, all charm vanishing from his voice. “Don’t make me feel guilty. You had an out and you didn’t take it.”

  “Let go of me.” I tried to wriggle my arm free, but he held tight.

  Angel’s fussing had turned into full-blown wailing while I argued with her father. Her cheeks had turned red, but I ignored her cries, unable to look away from Stefan’s mottled expression. His usually warm eyes were a dark cocoa. I didn’t recognize them, and it made it so much easier to glare at him.

  “And now you’re trying to punish me by fucking up my relationship with Selene!”

  “Let me go.” My voice was rigid but still lacked the punch I really needed. His gripping
fingers were actually starting to hurt. Desperation rippled through me, which hardly helped me get my Morgan on. I tried anyway, but my stupid voice wobbled over the words. “I mean it, Stefan, let me go.”

  “I think you should do as she says.”

  Stefan jumped at the sharp Australian voice behind him. He glanced over his shoulder, caught one glimpse of Leo’s thunderous expression and dropped my arm immediately, taking a step back.

  “Now piss off.” Leo got in his face, stretching to his full height. He was still shorter than Stefan when he did that, but his attitude was ten times bigger. If this turned physical, I’d be putting my money on Leo for sure.

  Stefan glared him down, but my boss was unperturbed. His arm muscles rippled as his fingers bunched into a fist. A tendon in Stefan’s neck pinged tight, his eyes quickly calculating the threat in front of him. Finally, he backed off, throwing me a dark glare before sliding on his shades and stalking off in his pointy black shoes.

  I couldn’t move.

  Angel’s cries were a dull muffle in my ear. I knew I had to turn and collect her up, but I couldn’t make myself do it.

  “You all right?” Leo touched my arm.

  I didn’t respond.

  Nudging me gently out of the way, he unbuckled Angel and lifted her into his arms.

  “It’s okay, cherry blossom.” He nestled her against him, taking the stroller with his other hand. “Come on, let’s walk your mum down to the beach and buy her a coffee, aye? You think she’d like that?”

  His soft tone soothed Angel instantly, and she started her friendly face-slapping routine. Leo chuckled, letting her explore his whiskers and dip her tiny index finger into his barely there dimple.

  I followed behind them, still feeling numb, hating myself for falling apart.

  Hating myself for wishing that Stefan had pulled me into his arms, kissed away my tears, and told me he’d been a fool to ever let me walk away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jody

  Leo bought me a latte, and we strolled along the pier sipping quietly. Angel fell asleep a short while into our walk, but Leo still hadn’t asked me who that guy was. I reached the dregs of my coffee, wishing for a few more mouthfuls.

  “Here, I’ll throw it out for you.”

  With a weak smile, I handed Leo my cup and watched him jog over to the trash can. He came back with an easy grin, and the words just tumbled out of me.

  “That was Angel’s father.”

  “I thought as much.” He gave me a sympathetic smile.

  I looked away from it, keeping my eyes on the ocean as we walked up the steep hill, away from the pier. He guided the stroller to the upper pathway and we ambled along the winding route.

  “He didn’t hurt your arm, did he?”

  “No.” I rubbed the spot and shook my head. “Thank you for getting him to leave me alone.”

  “I didn’t like the way he was talking to ya.” Leo’s frown was sharp, his anger obviously still on simmer.

  “I kind of outed him to his fiancée. He was pretty pissed. I don’t think she knew about Angel.”

  “Well, that’s his problem, not yours.”

  I shrugged. “I guess.” Tears sprung onto my lashes before I could stop them.

  For goodness’ sake, Jody! Leo’s going to think the only thing you’re good at is crying!

  “Hey.” His voice was soft as his hand landed on my lower back, rubbing slow circles.

  “I’m sorry, it just feels so unfair some days. He’s living the life I was supposed to have. He’s in a show and it might go to Broadway and that’s what I was training for.” I slashed at my tears. “He told me I could make it and I believed him, because he was right.” I stopped and leaned against the fence. “I could have made it, Leo. All my teachers said so...and I let them all down. You should have seen their faces when I admitted I was pregnant. Having to move back home and give it all up.” I shook my head, fresh tears breaking free. “The thing that kills me now is that I made this huge decision to keep her, probably on impulse, because that’s what I do and it felt right at the time, but seeing Stefan and what he’s doing, I can’t help questioning myself. I was confident in my old life, and now I’m totally floundering. I’m a terrible mother who yells at her child, gets in fights with her father, and ignores her crying. And I’m a useless housekeeper,” I whined, not even caring that I sounded like a six-year-old.

  “Hey, don’t say that.” He put the brakes on the stroller and leaned against the fence beside me, his arm pressing into mine. “Your house might be a little messy.” He cleared his throat, a smile playing with the edge of his mouth. “But, Jo, you are a wonderful mum. You love your daughter. That’s half the battle won right there.”

  “I can’t help feeling like she deserves better some days. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “Yes, you do. You are talented in more than just singing. You were born for more than a stage. This life you’re living now is proving that. Leaving wherever you were and branching out on your own, that took courage.”

  A smile flittered across my face.

  “And you’re not failing. Angel is a happy, gorgeous girl who is being fed, watered, and loved.” His hand ran down my back again. I liked the feel of it, that soft pressure that reminded me I wasn’t alone. “I know it’s not what you had planned, but this is a phase. Angel will grow, and you’ll get your shot at the stage.”

  “Yeah, right.” It was impossible not to be sarcastic. Like I would ever make it now. I’d missed my chance, sealed my fate when I locked myself into an eighteen-year parenthood plan.

  He was nice enough not to reply to my swift shoot-down.

  “I miss that life. The rehearsals, the buzz before a performance. That elation when people applaud you.” My brow crinkled. “I miss him.” I sucked in a ragged breath. “He was mad that I didn’t come back, said I threw it all away.”

  “Yeah, I heard that part,” Leo muttered.

  “Do you think he’s right?”

  “No!” Leo looked incredulous as he jerked to face me. “If anyone’s thrown anything away, it’s him. What a bloody moron!”

  My chuckle was dry. “A bloody handsome one. I hate that he’s still so gorgeous. I hate that when I look at him, I want him to kiss me again and hold me and tell me that he made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go. Why does he have to be so beautiful, Leo?”

  “He’s not beautiful. Not in here.” Leo tapped his heart. “At the end of the day, we’re all going to be old and wrinkly. Looks are fleeting.”

  “Yeah. I guess.”

  “You don’t want to be with a guy who turns his back on his own daughter. He didn’t have to love you, but he should have been there. Any guy who turns his back on his kid...” Leo shook his head, a disgusted frown marring his features. “Ugly heart.”

  He stilled, his eyes bulging as he touched my arm. “I have the perfect song for this moment.”

  I couldn’t help a cynical smile. He laughed at me as he pulled out his iPhone and unwound the earplugs around it.

  “Pop this in.” He handed me one and I put it in my right ear, while he shoved his into his left. I watched him open up Spotify. “Close your eyes, you really need to listen to these lyrics.”

  I did as I was told, smiling as the cheerful guitar rift started in my ear. I knew this song. “Ugly Heart” by G.R.L. My smile faltered as the lyrics began, speaking the words I needed to hear. I could feel my expression pinching as my emotions warred with the happy music versus the lyrics that wanted to eat at my soul.

  Stefan was pretty, but Leo was right; he did have an ugly heart. As the second verse started talking about the guy getting married, my eyes flew open, and I caught Leo’s gaze on me. I forced a smile, my chest still feeling tight and suffocating.

  The second chorus kicked in, and it was near impossible to keep my hips still. My body moved of its own accord, and I had to clamp my lips together to keep from singing along. I didn’t want to be dancing and singing.
This song was painful to listen to, but it also made me feel better in a weird kind of way.

  The slow chorus kicked in, and I felt the sadness sweep through me. I hadn’t wanted to lose my virginity to a guy like that, but I had. I’d practically thrown it at him and I couldn’t change it.

  And I’d been wasting all these tears on him, pining for him, missing him when the truth had been staring me in the face.

  I looked at Leo with my crestfallen expression as the singer’s voice dipped away and then my boss totally surprised me. Leaning back with his eyes squeezed tight, he opened his mouth and hollered the line, “An ugly heart,” with enough gusto to scare the people behind us. His arms flayed dramatically as he stayed with the line, leaning forward like a total pop star.

  Giggles erupted from me before I could stop them. He looked hilarious.

  “Sing it with me, Jo!” he shouted.

  I laughed, standing tall and belting out the rest of the chorus, taking the top line and releasing the tension within me on those powerful notes. The song came to an abrupt end and by some miracle, Angel was still asleep.

  Leo grinned at me, touching my shoulder lightly.

  “You feel better?”

  “Yeah.” My smile was so broad it actually hurt. I didn’t know what it was about this Australian man, but no one else had made me laugh this hard and smile this big since...I couldn’t even remember when. “Let’s listen to it again.”

  “Alrighty then.” He pressed play and we swayed our hips, singing along to the entire song. His voice wasn’t bad. Not Broadway good but still a nice, rich sound that was pleasant. My spirits lifted as I sang, feeling the words and aiming each one of them at Stefan. It felt good to let him go somehow, like a coil releasing inside of me and flooding my body with a sweet perfume.

  I didn’t think there’d ever be the right words to tell Leo how truly grateful I was.

  He had been exactly what I needed in that moment.