“Is it?” His wistful question was broken, the heartache cresting over his face enough to fold me in half.
I pinched my lips together, refusing to utter the words I so desperately wanted to say.
All I could do was stare at those beautiful green eyes of his. They were telling me so much. I knew he had a song for this moment, but I was too scared to ask what it was. Knowing would make me cry, and I was scared that if I started now, I’d never stop.
The elevator doors pinged open and Morgan and Sean appeared behind Leo, breaking our spell. Angel grinned at her aunt and uncle while I rubbed a hand over my face and tried to be brave.
“Hey, guys.” Sean nodded at us both. With an understanding smile, he lifted the two suitcases at my feet.
“C’mere, you.” Morgan grinned, holding out her hands for Angel.
She shook her head, clinging to Leo.
“I’ll carry her down to the car if you like.” Leo’s voice cracked.
Morgan nodded, her expression sorrowful as she stepped toward me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I squeezed her back, but quickly pulled away before I lost it. Grabbing up Angel’s box of toys, I handed them to Morgan and then flung the diaper bag and my purse over my shoulders before hugging the musical to my chest.
When we reached the car, Leo had already buckled Angel in and was kissing her little knuckles goodbye. He closed the door as I approached, taking the things off me and gently laying them in the trunk. Sean and Morgan got into the car. I crossed my arms in time with the clicking doors and leaned my butt against the car.
“Well, have a safe trip and let me know how it goes.”
“I will.” Leo rubbed my arms, stepping into my space and kissing the top of my head.
Unable to resist, I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my forehead against his cheek, breathing in his scent. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll come back whenever I can.”
“Okay.” I nodded.
He pulled back, holding my face in his hands. “I love you, foxy pants.”
He kissed me before I could say it back, his hot mouth making my knees weak. My head spun as I clung to him, holding it all in.
After a few scorching moments, he let me go and stepped back, jerking onto the sidewalk and crossing his arms. I got into the car and slammed the door behind me, gripping my elbows as if that would somehow diminish the aching pain.
I swallowed, locking the tears inside.
“Let’s go, Sean,” Morgan whispered.
As he pulled away, Angel sat up in her seat and started waving. “Ba-bye, we-O.”
Her soft voice undid me.
Slapping my hands over my face, I bent in my seat and quietly sobbed as I let go of a dream I never deserved. A fleeting moment in time that was pure magic and I knew, down to my core, I’d never have again.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Leo
The rest of my night was total shit. I tried to pack for New York, but my mind was numb and fuzzy. I threw in the clothes I thought I might need, but wasn’t really sure. I had my laptop, my music, and the full score—all the things I really needed. I ran through the songs again, hating that I was the one who had to sing them all now. I could do it, but I’d never sound as beautiful as Jody.
I got to the alternate ending, wondering if I’d even sing it for them. It had consumed me over the past twenty-four hours, an ear-worm that wouldn’t let up. My mournful E-flat melody had become something else entirely. I should never have written the bloody thing—it was throwing me into total turmoil. It just came out, though, like somehow it needed to be written. A pure, true song that said everything I couldn’t...everything illogical inside of me.
I forced myself to play through it, but my enthusiasm waned and I didn’t even get to the end of the first chorus. I jumped away from the piano, walking around my apartment in morose silence. I didn’t even want to listen to music. There were no songs for my moment, just this low-lying despair. I’d felt it before, when things were falling apart with Gerry. Although, somehow this time seemed worse.
With Gerry, I felt bad that I’d be letting people down.
This time, I felt hollow.
A ringing phone woke me at ten the next morning.
“Yeah?” I mumbled into the device.
“Hey, little brother.”
“Aw, hey, Kev. How’s it going, mate?”
“Just wanted to wish you luck.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Your plane leaves this afternoon, right?”
“Yep.” I sat up, running fingers through my tousled hair and rubbing at my blurry eyes.
“So, why don’t you sound more excited?”
I groaned, flopping my head back on the couch and filling him in. He listened quietly, umming and ahhing appropriately. Typical Kev.
“So, I’m flying solo and it, uh, sucks. It’s kind of hard to get excited.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I mean, I know going is the right thing to do. I’ve passed up my dreams for a woman before, and look where that got me. Logically, leaving her and a kid who isn’t even mine makes all the sense in the world!” I slapped my hand against the arm of the couch. “I’ll regret it if I don’t do this. She’s right to make me leave and pursue this. It just shows how much she loves me.”
“Yeah, it does sound like she loves you.”
I sighed, my head drooping forward. “Then why is she telling me to leave her?”
Kev laughed. “What did you want her to tell you? Stay?”
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know!” I scratched at my stubble. “If she did, would I resent her for it?”
“Sounds like the decision comes down to you, mate.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“What’s your heart telling you?”
“Both!” I pushed myself off the couch and started pacing. “That’s what’s killing me. I want both!”
“We can’t have it all, little brother.”
I gritted my teeth.
“Listen, why don’t you at least go to New York, do the audition, chat with the guys, and you can make your decision after that.”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s sensible and all that, but...”
“But what?”
I sighed. “I guess I’m just scared if I do, that I’ll get caught up and never make it back.”
“Well, then you need to ask yourself what you want more. I don’t know this girl, but is she worth sacrificing your ultimate dream for? You want Broadway, mate. That’s why you left Aussie, so you could go and see your work on a big, bright stage. To hear that audience cheering for something you’ve created. That’s what you wanted, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“I want you to get to the end of your life and have no regrets. You deserve this, Leo. You’ve got more talent in your little toe than half of us wankers. Don’t waste it because you’re cruising on a love-high right now.”
“But you and Deb, I mean, you guys are still in love, right?”
I heard the smile in Kev’s voice. “Mate, she’s my ray of sunshine, but it’s not always easy.”
“Do you ever regret marrying her?”
“Never. When you know, you know...you know?”
I grinned. “Yeah, mate.”
“If this Jody girl’s the one, she’ll still be waiting for you when you get back.”
They were comforting words. It took the edge off a little, made it easier to finish my packing, but they didn’t take away the ache, or that niggle of uncertainty as I slammed the cab door closed and said, “LAX, please.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jody
Angel had an awful night. The pain in her chin stopped her from sleeping, and the fact her mother was a crying mess probably didn’t help either. I hated being back in my old bed. I missed Leo. I missed my little apartment. Dad had been nice to me since I’d returned, talking gently as he helped us settle in. Morgan and Sean had hung around until I was falling asleep in the armchai
r. They left shortly after dark, and I went to bed only to be woken by Angel within the hour.
The day was total shit.
Angel was all out of kilter, and I cried my way through unpacking. I still had to go and collect Angel’s crib and changing table, but I didn’t have the guts. I couldn’t see Leo again, and so I spent the day waiting until I knew he’d left for the airport.
It was slow-going. The minutes ticked by like hours. The musical he’d written for me sat on the edge of my desk, calling me. I tried to ignore it, but by midday, I had to give in.
Angel went down for a second nap to try to catch up. Dad had popped out, and so I took the chance to sit at the piano and lose myself in Dream Chaser.
It was a beautiful play. Seeing it in order made me realize that Leo had written it for me. I sight-read the songs I didn’t know so well, sung with gusto the ones I knew by heart, and then I reached the end and found a new song...the alternate ending Leo had come up with last-minute.
The girl, Aria, has captured her dream. A life of song and music, of color and stage lights. She’s certain. The colorful, explosive moment wakes her from slumber, breaking her fever, but as she sits up, she finds the boy she once loved sitting on the end of her bed, vigilantly waiting for her to awaken.
Aria looks at Franco, confused at first.
Franco was a dream she walked away from at the beginning of the second act. She was afraid by the prospect of possibly losing him, or him straying, or something taking him out of her life. Even though he made her happy, she decided the risk was too high. She knew she needed a dream that was hers alone, a dream that would fulfill her completely so she didn’t have to rely on anybody else.
“Leo, what did you do?” I whispered.
Franco doesn’t say a word, but opens his arms, a willing lover.
This is Aria’s final choice.
A slow smile forms on her lips and she starts to sing.
Running my fingers over the score, I mouthed the title of the song, “My Everything Dream.”
Finding middle C, I pressed the note repeatedly as I skimmed over the music, and then my fingers found their position and I began to play the melody.
I thought I knew. I thought my heart had told me so.
I’d found my home. I was so certain.
I thought my plan was foolproof, nothing could go wrong
But now I’ve found, more than the music.
And I’ve learned a whole new thing.
That dreams can shift and change
And with certainty, now I can finally say.
It is you.
You’re my everything dream.
More than lights, more than song, you’re my heartbeat
It is you
You’re the one that I need
You are the sun, you are my life, my everything
My voice caught on the final note, my eyes blurring with tears. She chose him. She changed her mind so they could be together.
“What the hell are you trying to say, Leo?” I hit the keys, the disjointed sound making me cringe.
“You okay?” Morgan’s soft question made me gasp. I spun in my seat and saw my sister leaning against the doorframe.
“How long have you been standing there?”
Morgan gave me a sheepish grin. “Long enough to know that’s a beautiful song.”
My shoulders slumped. “It’s Broadway, Morgan. He’s been working so hard for this. It’s his dream come true. I’m not going to take that away from him. It’s everything he wants.”
“By the sounds of that song, maybe it’s not.” Morgan pointed at the music behind me, stepping into the room and perching on the arm of the couch.
“He doesn’t know what he’s saying! He doesn’t know what it’s like to give up something you’ve wanted your whole life.”
“He doesn’t have to give it up. He can still have his musical. He just wants you to be part of it.”
“I can’t move to New York, Morgan!” My eyes shot up the stairs, thinking of my precious baby, injured thanks to me.
Morgan grasped my wrist. “Would you stop blaming yourself? You could have been sitting on the toilet when that happened.”
“But I wasn’t. I was sitting at a piano, getting lost like I always do. Music always gets me in trouble.”
“It also brings you to life.” Morgan tutted, shaking her head. “I know you hate being compared to Mom, but you are like her. She was always happiest when she was singing, but she never let herself do it, because instead of making her happy, it just made her feel like she was missing out. So she sacrificed everything she was passionate about to raise us, and then she imploded and took off. You don’t want to do that to Angel.”
“I never would! And yes, I do hate being compared to Mom, thank you very much!”
Morgan grinned, gathering up my fingers in her own. “So don’t be like her then. Let yourself sing. Let your passion shine. You were born to be on a stage and yes, you’re a mother and it does make things more difficult, but it doesn’t make them impossible. You have to make sure you’re getting the things you need, too, and ultimately, Angel will be happier for it.”
“Happy mommy, happy kid.”
“Pretty much.” Morgan chuckled, touching my face. “You may not get Broadway stage lights on you, but you can still sing and you can love.”
“I can’t steal his dreams just to make my own come true.”
Morgan frowned, pointing over my shoulder and saying, “It is you. You’re my everything dream, more than lights, more than song, you’re my heartbeat. It is you, you’re the one that I need. You are the sun, you are my life, my everything.” She pursed her lips. “Sounds to me like you guys might be each other’s dreams.”
“Then why is he going to New York!” I threw my hands in the air.
“Because you told him he had to! You basically said you’d break up with him if he didn’t go.”
“Because I know he wants this.”
“Jo-Jo, I think he wants you more.”
I dropped my head into my hands with a small scream. “But he deserves that stage, the accolades, the applause.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve heard that people clap in LA, too.” Morgan’s dry voice made my head pop up. “It could just be a rumor, of course.” She winked.
I slapped her arm with a little snort, my face crumpling. “He wants Broadway. He deserves it.”
“Then go and have it with him.”
“Hello! I have a one-year-old! Dad’s right, I can’t just leave my family and move over there.”
“Why not? You can make it work somehow. The least you could do is be there for the audition. You can work out the details later.”
A disbelieving laugh punched out of my chest. “My baby is sleeping upstairs, and you’re telling me to go and jump on a plane to New York?”
“The audition’s tomorrow, right? I can look after Angel until then, and you can fly straight back. If they accept, we work out the details, and we get you over there somehow. At least you’d be with Leo.”
The idea sounded phenomenal and scary at the same time. My insides skittered with doubts, nerves, excitement. “I can’t have everything I want, Morgan.”
“Okay, fine.” Morgan leaned toward me. “Then what do you need?”
I couldn’t breathe. There was one only word lodged in my throat.
Morgan was right; I didn’t have all the details worked out, but I knew what my everything dream was. A three-letter word that I’d basically ordered out of my life.
“Call him. Tell him you’ve changed your mind.”
I bit my lip.
“Jody, call him!”
Pulling out my phone, I unlocked the screen and found his number. Holding my breath, I pressed the red dial button and raised it to my ear.
It went straight to voicemail.
I hung up before leaving a message. “It’s either off or he’s on the other line.”
Morgan checked her watch. “What time
does his flight leave?”
I shrugged. “Four, I think.”
“You’ve still got time.” Standing up, she put her hand under my arm and forced me to my feet.
“You mean, go get him, like now?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“Well...” I glanced at the clock on the wall. “I don’t know if I can make it in time.”
“Yeah, you can.” Dad appeared in the doorway behind me. “I’ll drive you.”
Okay, so that was a surprise.
My lips parted, and I turned to Morgan to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. Her grin was delicious. “Just take it.” Pushing me toward him, she snatched my purse off the table by the front door and double-checked I had my wallet.
I paused at the bottom of the stairwell.
“Whether you’re back this afternoon or in two days, she’s going be safe, loved, and cared for, so just go!”
I shot my sister a disbelieving grin as Dad pulled me out the front door.
Chapter Forty
Jody
I was a nervous wreck on the way to the airport. What was I going to do? Fly to New York! No, I’d made my decision, but Leo… Leo wanted New York...and me. And I wanted Leo...and kind of New York, but what about Angel?
My mind felt like scrambled eggs as I tried to figure it all out. All I knew without a doubt was that I wanted Leo, Angel, and me to be a family together, and it almost didn’t matter where in the world that happened.
Dad was driving like a maniac trying to get me to LAX. I was grateful for it but struggling to find the words to tell him that. I still couldn’t believe he was doing this. I thought he didn’t want me whisking his granddaughter across the country where I could neglect her again.
I closed my eyes, feeling sick.
Dad jerked to a stop at the red light, drumming his fingers on the wheel and checking his watch again.
“We’ll make it.” He nodded.
“That’s not it.” I shook my head. “I’m just not sure what to do.”
“You’ll know.” The light changed to green and Dad screeched through the intersection.
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