Hunter’s fingertips curled underneath my chin, prompting me to meet his gaze. “What did he do?” Concern reflected in the depths of his eyes. He wanted to see me, all of me, and his expression filled me with the courage I needed to continue.
“It all started right after I turned thirteen. That was when he began mistaking me for her. At first, he would simply call me Lily whenever he was talking to me, but then it progressed.”
“How?” he questioned. Hunter’s voice was soft, but there was a harsh edge to it, as if he already knew what my next words would be.
“The first time he touched me, I was so stunned that part of my brain thought it was some kind of horrible nightmare.” I swallowed down the shame that arose whenever I recalled the way my father’s hands felt against my flesh. “I fought back, believe me I tried, but he was too strong.” Sucking in a deep breath, a fresh wave of tears tainted my cheeks. “I was sixteen the first time he raped me.”
The muscles in Hunter’s jaw clenched painfully, but his hands cradled my face gently, instilling me with his quiet strength.
“I screamed for help until I lost my voice. But the more I fought, the more bruises I earned. Eventually, I stopped fighting altogether.” I wanted to hold Hunter’s gaze, but I was too weak. The fact I quit fighting was what I was most ashamed of; it was like I gave up and let my father win.
For a long time, he didn’t say anything. His silence was frightening, and when I tried to stand, he prevented me.
“Violet,” he whispered. “Words will never be able to express how sorry I am for everything you’ve had to endure. If I could give my life to eliminate your pain, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
I nodded, still staring at the floor.
“Look at me.”
“I can’t.”
“Look at me,” he begged.
I complied, even though I knew the way he used to view me was gone forever. When our eyes met, his fingers lightly curled around my chin once more.
“All I see right now is you. You endured despite all the horrific things that were done to you. You’re not a victim, you’re a survivor. And you should never spend another second of your life feeling ashamed.”
“I wish that were true,” I stated.
“It is. You were afraid I would never look at you the same, and you were right. But not in the way you think.” He touched his lips to mine briefly. The kiss we shared was soft, innocent, and it quieted the pain threatening to consume me. “As I sit here, staring at you, I’m filled with admiration, not sadness. You have every right to be cruel and bitter, but you’re not. You are the epitome of kindness, of compassion, and if your mother could see you right now, she’d feel nothing but pride for the woman you’ve become.”
Relief poured over me as I listened to him. “Thank you.” My reply fell short of adequately expressing my gratitude, but it was all I could think to say.
“As long as you need me, I’ll be here for you.”
“I always need you.” My hands slid around his neck and I held onto him with every ounce of strength I possessed. “And I’m not letting go.”
“Good, because I don’t want you to.”
Warm arms slipped under my legs as he lifted me from the ground. He carried me first to the bookshelves to grab a book and then set me on the edge of his bed.
“What story did you pick?” I asked.
“Look and see.”
I picked up the book he selected and read the title. It was A Tale of Two Cities. “I haven’t read this one either.”
“You’ll love it,” he replied, handing me a T-shirt and a pair of boxers.
Just as he was about to move the screen to provide some privacy, I spoke. “Will you help me change?”
He nodded once, his fingers unzipping the back of my dress. Peeling the black lace from my body, I turned to face him. The words he had spoken hadn’t been a lie. He regarded me now with more warmth, yearning, and devotion than I ever imagined to be possible. Slowly, Hunter slid the T-shirt over my head, the tips of his fingers barely skimming my flesh. His lips grazed my cheek when he crouched down in front of me. It was as if the rope shackling me to the heavy load I’d been carrying had been severed. For years, I’d been treading water, trying so hard to keep from drowning. But in an instant, the weight sank toward the bottom as I rushed for the surface. And that feeling of relief had everything to do with the man kneeling before me. As I stepped into the shorts one leg at a time, Hunter stared up at me with a mixture of adoration and desire.
“How do you feel?”
“Relieved, safe, cared for,” I whispered. “Exactly how I’ve wanted to feel for such a long time.”
“Good, because that’s how you deserve to feel.”
I smiled at him. Taking his hand in mine, I traced over each of his fingers. “Can I stay tonight?”
“You can stay every night if you want.”
“What do you want?”
“For you to be happy,” he answered.
“I am happy, and it’s because of you.”
We buried ourselves underneath the covers on his bed. Laying my head on his chest, I listened while he read to me. Never in my life had I felt this cared for, this precious. With the touch of his hand, he quieted the nightmares that had been raging inside my mind for the past fourteen years.
“Hunter?”
“Yeah?”
“If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?”
“You know I will.”
I reached for his jaw, my hand momentarily pausing to touch his lips. “Am I the reason you aren’t seeing anyone?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because from the first time I saw you, you’re the only woman I think about, and the only one I want.”
“And do you have any plans to act on those feelings?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I want to, more than you could ever know, but no.”
“Why not?”
“Because there is no way I will risk your reputation for my desires. Until you met Nadine, there was no one in your life you could count on, and I refuse to be like your family.” He kissed the back of my hand tenderly. “I will be here for you, and I’ll keep you safe, but I won’t compromise your job or all the hard work you’ve done at the firm. And with you wanting to be a paralegal, I’d hate for you to run into the same trouble I did when I was looking for a new job.”
“Thank you for looking out for me. I know I can always depend on you.”
“I’m not saying it will never happen, but as long as we work together, I think we should be cautious.”
“I agree.”
“I know how it feels to be judged by the rumors people tell. It hurts to have your merits and qualifications overlooked because everyone has preconceived notions about the kind of person you are, and I don’t want that for you.”
“I hate the person who ruined your reputation and got you fired, but at the same time, I’m glad you came back to Boston, because it’s how I was able to meet you.”
“I know how you feel. Going through all that bullshit was worth meeting you,” he breathed.
His arms folded around my waist, and with an unburdened mind, I closed my eyes and welcomed the most restful sleep I’d had in such a long time.
Chapter Eighteen
Vi’s eyelids closed as soon as I wrapped my arms around her. For a while, I was simply content to watch her sleep. I had suspected Vi’s father had done something terrible to her, but my hunch failed to capture how truly abhorrent he was. I hoped I never came face to face with the fucker because I would kill him. How could a father violate his own child? Not only that, but she was forced to live with his abuse for five years before she was able to break free. Her siblings should’ve protected her. If someone tried to hurt Alex or Derek, I’d make them pay with every fiber of my being.
When Vi finally did open up to me, her pain gripped my soul and refused to let go. No one should ever be subjected to the torture she’d
faced. And then there was the shame she felt. It was written all over her face. She had been abandoned and ignored by the ones she should be closest to. That kind of betrayal was unfathomable. I was amazed she was able to trust at all.
Now, I understood why her job was of the utmost importance. If Vi lost everything here, she would have to go back to Vegas and live with Nadine. I didn’t want her setting foot in that city ever again. I didn’t care if I had to pay her rent . . . whatever the cost, I’d pay it. Vi deserved to be protected and loved, and I would make sure she knew it.
The following morning, I awoke to the feeling of a hand rubbing my chest. Slowly, I opened my eyes. Vi stared up at me, her lips halfway curled into a smile.
“Hi.”
“Hi back,” she whispered.
“Have you been up for very long?”
“No, just a few minutes.”
“Are you hungry?””
“Not just yet.”
“What are your plans for the day?” I asked.
“Actually, I’ve been thinking about that.”
“And?”
“And I don’t know about you, but I slept all night and I still feel as if I could sleep another ten hours. I really don’t want to leave this bed today.”
I laughed slightly at her confession. “That sounds really nice. Do you mind if I stay in bed with you?”
“I was hoping you would.”
“Alright. We’ll have a day of nothing but rest.”
“I feel like we deserve it. I mean, things have been hectic at the office, especially considering Mr. Beakman keeps assigning you more clients.”
“This is true.”
Her hand caressed my cheek, instantly claiming my undivided attention. “Thank you for last night. You were right about sharing my burdens, and I feel lighter than I have in a long, long time.”
“I’m glad it helped you.” My hold on her waist tightened. “I understand how important staying in Boston is for you. If I had the choice, I’d make it to where you never had to take a step in the state of Nevada ever again. But I want you to realize you don’t have to worry about that.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean there will never be any reason for you to have to move back to Vegas. You’ll stay with me or I’ll pay for whatever you need. Either way, I want you to know that if something happens, you’re safe no matter what.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but you aren’t paying for me to live in Boston.”
“If it keeps you from going back there, I am.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
I sat up so I could look into her eyes as I spoke. “It’s not. You’ve been on your own for a long time. Nadine has helped you, and she’s been there for you when you didn’t have anyone else, but now you also have me.”
“I can pay my own bills.”
“I know you can.” I sighed and tried to think of the best way to explain my intentions. “Fuck. This isn’t coming out how I wanted.”
“Then how did you want it to come out?”
“If things were reversed, you would do everything you could to help me, right?”
“Of course. But that’s completely different.”
“How?” I questioned.
She bit her lip as she contemplated how to reply. “Well, for starters . . .” Her voice trailed off, leaving the rest of her sentence unfinished. “Alright, so it’s not that different.”
“If you’re worried about feeling indebted to me if that were to happen, don’t. The peace of mind I’d have from knowing you are taken care of is all I’d need.”
Crawling forward, she settled onto my lap and slid her hands over my shoulders. “What did I ever do to deserve that kind of devotion?”
My fingers trailed downward, softly rubbing the length of her back. “You believed in me when no one else did,” I answered. “I was the jackass who fucked his boss’s wife and daughter. That reputation preceded me when I came to Boston. A couple firms in town wouldn’t even give me an interview. You should’ve seen some of the looks I received too. Most of it happened the day I was fired. But I’ve had a few people here stare at me like I’m a dirty bastard who will seduce and fuck any woman he wants.”
“I’m sorry.”
Burying my face in the side of her neck, I breathed in faint traces of her perfume. “This whole experience taught me a lot about the kind of people I want in my life. I had friends who I thought would always be there for me, but instead, they ignored me for months, and even Derek and my dad don’t want anything to do with me. I never dreamed my own flesh and blood would turn their backs on me.”
“It’s hard. Not only that, but you feel betrayed too. Blood binds you to one another, and when you discover it doesn’t mean a damn thing to them, it hurts more than you can ever imagine.”
“I can’t fathom how your brother and sister could’ve known what was being done to you and not do anything to stop it.”
“He wasn’t always evil. There were good times, when we were all happy, and I think that made it harder for them to accept how much our father had changed. Jasmine and Sutton spent part of their lives admiring this man, and they didn’t want to admit that he was gone.”
“Then I hope they regret what they did to you for the rest of their lives.”
“Jasmine’s reaction when she caught our father crawling into my bed cut so deep. Sutton was always out chasing his next high, so there wasn’t much he would’ve been able to do anyway. But Jasmine always had this look in her eye like everything was my fault, like I asked for it to happen.”
I held onto Vi as tight as I could. “I’m sorry.”
“In her defense, she’d lost her mother and pretty much her brother, so, I could understand why she didn’t want to lose another person she loved, but our father is a monster.”
“Did he ever try to hurt her?”
“No,” she replied, her voice slightly shaking. “Jasmine and Sutton look like my father. They have reddish-brown hair and dark eyes, and my mother and I had blond hair and blue eyes. He never wanted Jasmine because she didn’t remind him of his wife.”
Fuck. The depravity of this man knew no bounds. To lust for his youngest child so he could pretend his dead wife had returned to him? The whole situation was one giant fucked-up mess. How on earth did Vi manage to survive? “How have you stayed so optimistic over the years?”
“That is all Nadine and my mom,” she answered. “Nadine helped me escape, and once she knew I was safe, she encouraged me to reach for everything that would make me happy. I remember so clearly the night I told her about my family. She said I could either let the past control me or I could push forward and claim a life that is all my own.”
“And that’s exactly what you did.”
“Some days it seems like I’m doing a better job of it than others, but that’s just how life is. I also wanted to be happy for my mom. She passed away at such a young age. It would be unfair to her memory to waste the life I’d been given.”
I stared at her in stunned silence. “Do you even realize how incredible you are?”
She scoffed at my question. “Hardly.”
“It’s true.” I poured every emotion I could muster into my reply. Even if I couldn’t utter the words I wanted to say out loud, I wanted her to know they were there, lingering on the tip of my tongue.
“I could say the same thing about you.”
My head shook as I tried to ignore her claim. “Nope.”
“You helped remove a load that has been weighing me down for most of my life. You’re pretty remarkable too.”
“Well, I’m glad you think so.”
“Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you!”
“Tell me what?” I asked.
“Joel told me he’d have the name of the person who circulated those emails about you after Christmas.”
“That’s good news.”
“It’s fantastic news. Once we know who set you up, we can prove to everyone t
hat the man in those photos isn’t you.”
“True.”
“Why do you sound less than thrilled?”
We parted from one another, but our fingers remained intertwined. It was better news than I could’ve hoped for, but it wasn’t the thing I wanted most in the world. “Because it doesn’t mean we’re free to be together. Don’t get me wrong, it’ll be a relief to know who tried to ruin my career, but honestly, I think I’d rather have you.”
Instantly, her skin turned red. “I’d like to have you too, but until then, it’ll be nice to stick it to all the people who have spread lies about you.”
Vi and I spent the rest of the weekend at my place. Just like she wanted, we slept, read, and generally had a wonderful time being lazy. I’d never felt more connected to another human being than when I was with her. And it made me realize how the relationships I pursued with other women were nothing more than superficial entanglements. Having someone who wanted to be around you, someone who depended on you, changed everything.
That type of mindset didn’t change in the next few weeks either. It was as if Vi’s admission brought us closer together. Her secret was more horrible than I had imagined, but now she knew there was nothing that could push me away.
And at the office, we were completely in sync with one another. So much so that every time Beakman added to my list of clients, Vi was able to completely anticipate my needs. She organized my schedule, made appointments, and kept the never-ending stack of files from overtaking my desk. I enjoyed my job, but I’d be lying if I said being around Vi wasn’t my favorite part of the day. And on a day like this, that sentiment held true more than ever.
I sighed and hung up the phone. Slumping in my office chair, I pulled up my email, hoping it could distract me from the conversation I’d just had with my mother. It was two days before Christmas, and she’d resorted to making hourly calls. After missing Thanksgiving with the family, she was even more zealous about me making it home for the holiday. I wanted to see her, but having a huge fight with my father simply didn’t appeal to me. Giving up on my useless distraction, I stood and headed out of my office to see Violet. From the sound of it, she was on the phone, so I leaned against the door and patiently waited until her conversation ended.
Burning Violet Page 19