Gabe felt a sense of relief wash over him. Caleb was right. If they were going to parent together, they were going to have to struggle together sometimes.
“She didn’t come after me,” he finally said. “She’s still letting me figure this out on my own?”
Caleb tipped back his bottle, finishing his beer, then plunked it down and grinned. “Nope. You’re not the only one who’s changed from all of this.”
“She’s coming over here tonight?” Gabe felt his heart bang against his rib cage. God, he wanted to see her so badly. He needed to see her. If showing her his shortcomings and sharing his struggle was the right way to go—and he really wanted to trust Caleb on this—then he was ready and so fucking relieved he almost couldn’t breathe.
“She’s not,” Caleb said. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a ten-dollar bill that he tossed onto the bar.
Gabe picked it up and handed it back to him. “You think I should go over to her?”
“I think you should go home.”
“Home.” He wasn’t sure where that was. He was living in the apartment upstairs with Cooper right now. But it wasn’t home. And strangely, in spite of growing up there and living there for the past five years, his mom’s house wasn’t home, either.
Addison was home. Addison and Stella and Cooper. Wherever they were was home.
Caleb must have read something on his face. “Where’s Coop right now?”
“My mom’s.”
“Go.”
Gabe looked around the bar. There were only a few other patrons, and he could comp their meal and drink tabs and close up. Easily. “Okay.”
Caleb looked pleased. “This shit isn’t for the faint of heart, man.”
Addison heard the front door open and shut and then Gabe’s voice calling, “Coop? Mom?”
Everything in her strained to go running to him. She’d been worried, kind of, when he hadn’t come to the support-group meeting last night. But she knew that nothing bad had happened. Caroline had been texting her periodically, keeping her updated on things with Gabe and Cooper. She knew that Cooper had fully recovered from the closet incident and that they were over for dinner at least three times a week. She knew that Gabe looked like hell but that he was doing a great job with Cooper. She also knew that Cooper was asking about her and Stella.
So when Addison had called Caroline last night and asked if she’d seen Gabe, Caroline had assured her he was fine and had then asked Stella and her over for dinner, explaining that Cooper would be there while Gabe worked.
The thought of Gabe at Trahan’s had sent a hot streak of desire through her that had almost buckled her knees. She had been so tempted to drop Stella off and then head to the bar, grab Gabe, and take him straight upstairs.
Maybe for an hour or two they could just go back to where they’d started. If that was all he was able to give, she’d take it. Because she had to have something. It was pathetic and totally unlike her, and in another life, at another time, before New Orleans and the Trahans and swamp-boat tours, she would have been annoyed with herself. But she wasn’t. She needed Gabe in her life somehow.
But this time that apartment would have kids’ toys and books and clothes in it. This time it would actually be where he was living. With his son.
And she wasn’t sure she could handle that, actually.
There was no way to go back to what they’d had before. And, ironically, Gabe as a dad was something she wanted more than anything.
So she’d come to Caroline’s for dinner and had actually been surprised when something suddenly “came up” for Caroline and she had to go out, and wondered if Addison could watch Cooper for a little bit. Well, she’d been surprised for about thirty seconds. Then she’d realized that Caroline was leaving her and the kids here for when Gabe got home. And she loved Gabe’s mother even more than she had before.
Gabe came around the corner from the foyer, his head bent over his phone, likely texting his mother, wondering where she was and why her car was gone.
Addison took in his appearance in the seconds before he noticed her. His hair looked like he’d been running his hand through it repeatedly. He had dark circles under his eyes, he had stubble that was at least a day old on his face, and his button-down shirt was half-untucked. He was no longer the bright-eyed, confident, laid-back, fun dad. This guy was exhausted. Now he looked like a dad who was doing it all.
She wasn’t sure she’d ever been more attracted to him.
“Hey,” she said softly.
He looked up at her with a combination of shock, then pleasure. Through clear, bone-deep tiredness. “Hey.”
“Your mom had to go out. I’m not sure where or for how long, but I told her it was fine. I’m just here for the cuddles.”
“Cooper needed cuddles?” he asked, his gaze landing on his son, who was tucked up against her side, his eyes glued to the television.
“No. I did,” Addison told him with a smile.
Gabe’s eyes found Stella where she was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor, markers and paper spread around her in a rainbow of choices, dividing her attention between the TV and her art project. “How’s everyone else?”
“We’re good.” Addison waited until he looked back to her. “A little lonely, and worried about some people we really care about, but good.”
Something flashed in his eyes. Something that looked a lot like wistfulness.
“Have you guys eaten?” he asked.
“No. Strangely, she had nothing ready when she got called out.” Addison said it drily and even got a little smile from him for it.
“Then I’ll go start dinner. Do you want to stay?”
She would gladly cook for him. Or order pizza. Or starve. Rather than making him drag his clearly weary ass into the kitchen to take care of them. But she knew this was what he wanted. She gave him a smile. “That would be great.”
He gave her a nod and turned toward the kitchen. He took three steps, then turned back. “Uh, what do you want to have?”
“Anything. Honestly, whatever you’re making is fine.”
He nodded. Then frowned. “I guess I don’t really know. I didn’t have a plan.”
“Then just whatever,” she said.
“Okay.” He headed into the kitchen, and she worked to keep her seat. God, it was killing her to see him like that—clearly wrung out, not at all his usual happy, sure self. But she also respected what he was doing. He was being a dad. Happy and sure were simply not possible all the time.
A minute later, he reappeared in the doorway. “I get why you didn’t want to do this,” he said.
“Do what?”
“Double up on the kid thing. The family thing.”
She frowned. “Gabe, I—”
“No, I mean it. I . . . This is hard.” He glanced at Stella. “You have a good night, you’re on your game, and you fix things for one of them. And you think you’re all that. But then the other one has something happen. And you try to fix that. But it’s not as easy. And then, even if you do fix it, you have to think that it’s just a matter of time before something else happens for one of them. Everything—the worry and frustration and fear—it’s all double. And then what if you have more? What if you have three or four? I mean—” He shoved his hand through his hair. “Holy shit. How do you deal with that? Right? And then if you have a wife . . . or a husband, I mean . . . they’ve got stuff, too. Shit happens for them, too, at work and with their family and stuff, and you can’t fix it all. You can’t keep that stuff from happening.”
Addison waited for him to take a breath. She just watched him, her heart aching.
“Anyway . . . yeah.” He turned and went back into the kitchen.
Addison stared at the doorway. O-kay.
Should she go after him? Should she leave him alone? She might have a few things figured out with Stella and Cooper—and she did mean a few things—but she was still feeling her way through all the things she wanted to do and be for Gabe
.
She’d just refocused on the television when Gabe came back into the room. She met his eyes and he just stood, staring at her.
“Are you okay?” she finally asked.
“I have no idea what to make for dinner,” he told her.
“Oh. Well, we could do pizza. Have it delivered. Or we could go out. Or even mac and cheese.”
He shook his head. He dragged his hand through his hair and then gripped the back of his neck. “I seriously cannot make one more decision, Ad. I can’t. I honestly don’t have the capacity.”
And that was her signal. She leaned Cooper away from her, kissed the top of his head, and got to her feet. She went to Gabe, took his hand, and tugged him to the couch. She pushed him down on the cushion next to Cooper.
Cooper smiled up at him and curled into his side. Gabe took a deep, shuddering breath and looped his arm around his son. “You got your cuddle quota filled?” he asked.
Addison shook her head. “You need the cuddles,” she told him. Then she looked at Stella. “Okay, girl, come on. You’re going to have to suck it up. Gabe needs a double dose.”
Stella looked over and sighed. But she put her markers down and came to the couch, crawling up next to Gabe and snuggling into him.
With a stunned expression, Gabe slowly put his arm around her. He lifted his eyes to Addison’s. “Wow.”
She laughed. “I know, right? Now you just sit there and watch cartoons. I’ve got dinner covered.”
“I think I’m in love with you,” he said.
She swallowed hard. “Well, I know that I’m in love with you.”
She started to turn, but Gabe said, “Ad.”
She turned back. “Yeah?”
“I mean it.” His gaze was completely focused and intense now. “I’m in love with you.”
She pressed her lips together. God, she’d never wanted anything more than she wanted what was on that couch right this minute. “Good,” she finally said.
“Thank you for being here for Cooper,” he said huskily.
She felt tears pricking the back of her eyes. “I’ll always be there for Cooper,” she said. “But that’s not what tonight is.”
“No?”
She looked at Cooper, feeling her heart expand. “I know he had an ordeal, but he’s going to be okay.” She focused on Gabe. “Because of you. Because you’re willing to do anything for him. To fight to protect him. To love him every day so he knows that he’s worthy of love and respect. You’re there for him when he’s hurting because you love him. And I’m here because you’re hurting, because I love you. You’re willing to sacrifice and sometimes be out of your comfort zone and try to think about things differently because you love him. Well, I’m willing to do those same things for you. Yes, it would be easier, in some ways, to not take all of this on. But I’ve realized that, in a lot of ways, it’s way harder not to take it on. Because I want to be there for you and make things better for you, and . . . I want to see the amazing moments with you, too.”
He was looking at her with an increased intensity and heat. “I can’t believe you planted children on either side of me so that I can’t get up, stomp over there, and kiss the he . . . helium out of you,” he said.
She laughed. “Well . . . if we feed them pasta and run them around for a while, they’ll drop off to sleep early.”
He shook his head. “Diabolical. And brilliant.”
“Huge piles of spaghetti coming right up.”
“Ad?” he asked as she turned away. She looked over her shoulder. “Thank you.”
Her heart expanded so quickly at the sight of him with their children on either side, looking tired and turned on and gorgeous and in love with her. In love with her. That’s what she was seeing in his eyes, and she knew that she wanted to see that for the rest of her life.
“Ditto,” she said softly.
It was nearly two hours later before both kids were asleep on the couch. Cooper was stretched out on his stomach, one arm and one leg flung over the edge. Stella was tucked up against Gabe, her head against his chest and his arm around her. And Gabe was looking pretty sleepy as well, his eyes fixed on the kids’ show they’d been watching even though both kids’ eyes were firmly shut. Addison sat, her legs tucked under her, watching them all. Addison was going to have to take Stella home at some point, but she just couldn’t end this moment yet.
This really was a lot. She hadn’t been lying about that. Taking care of Stella, making sure she was happy and fulfilled and healthy and safe—that was a lot. Now she was looking at tripling that because, yeah, Gabe needed her, too.
But there was nothing she wanted more in the world than to be here for these people.
“Gabe?” she asked softly.
He rolled his head toward her.
“Marry me.” She wasn’t sure she’d ever said two more important words in her life.
Suddenly all sleepiness vanished. “You sure?”
“God, yes,” she said, feeling tears pricking at her eyelids. “Right in the middle of all of this. All of this mess, all of the confusion, all of the what-the-hell-are-we-doing. I want you and Cooper.”
He stared at her for a moment. Then he gently peeled her daughter away from his side and slid off the cushion, laying her down with her head near Cooper’s. He stretched to his feet, grabbed Addison’s hand, and pulled her up.
She thought he was going to kiss her, or at least hug her, but instead he started down the hallway.
Toward the laundry room.
He pushed her inside, shut the door, and immediately backed her up against the wall. The room was smaller than hers, so there was less space to move, but within seconds Gabe had her top and bra off and tossed over his shoulder, her breasts in his hands, her nipples between his thumbs and fingers.
She let her head fall back against the door, the physical sensations coupled with the overwhelming love she felt for him washing over her.
“I love you, Addison Sloan,” he told her gruffly. “I think I’ve loved you from the first time you had powdered sugar on your chin.”
She laughed, then moaned as he plucked at her nipple and kissed her neck. “I love you, too, Gabe Trahan. Probably from the first time you let me hand you a wet wipe to wipe the powdered sugar off your chin.”
He lifted his head, grinning. “We’re perfect for each other, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
And then they stopped talking. Addison’s pants and panties ended up on the floor. Gabe’s pants ended up around his knees. And, as always, her ass ended up in his hands.
The height of the dryer was perfect, and the sex was fast, and hot, and sweet.
And by the time Caroline came in through the front door and Stella stirred on the couch, Gabe and Addison were back in their spots, their eyes on the television set.
And no one mentioned that Addison’s shirt was on backward or that Gabe had blue powder on his pants that looked a lot like laundry detergent.
Six months later
“Did you know that every giraffe has a different spot pattern?” Cooper asked from the back seat. “They’re like fingerprints. No two are alike.”
Gabe and Addison shared a look from the front seat. Giraffes were Cooper’s new Favorite Thing of All Time. He was reading from a book Stella had found in the library the other day.
“We should go to Africa on a safari someday!” Stella told him. “We could see giraffes in the wild.”
Gabe looked up into the rearview mirror. He watched his son’s eyes get big and round.
“There are lions on safaris, too,” Cooper told her, with a tone that clearly said, That’s a very good reason not to go.
Stella nodded excitedly. “I know! That would be so cool.”
Which was exactly what Gabe would have expected from his daughter.
Well, his almost-daughter. In about an hour, she’d be his. His heart expanded so quickly at the thought it was almost painful. Three months ago, he’d officially made Addison his wife. No
w they were on the way to the courthouse, and he was making Stella his daughter. And Cooper, Addison’s son.
Gabe reached over to take Addison’s hand. “Mom of two . . . you ready for this?”
She gave him a wobbly smile in return. “Absolutely. Totally easy. Piece of cake.”
He laughed. “Totally easy,” he agreed. Though, honestly, together they were feeling pretty invincible.
“So”—she blew out a big breath—“how would you feel about challenging ourselves?”
Gabe glanced over. “Challenging ourselves?”
“Yeah, you know, since two is so easy. Maybe we should have three.”
Gabe stopped at the red light a little harder than he’d intended. He looked at her. “You want to have another one?” His heart was pounding.
Addison took a deep breath. “Honestly? Not one hundred percent, no.”
Oh, okay. He squeezed her hand. “Still hoping to change your mind about that.”
“Well, if you could work on that over the next seven months or so, that would be great,” she told him.
It took him a second to process that, but when he did, he slammed the car into “Park” and turned in his seat. “You’re”—he glanced over his shoulder at the kids, who were discussing the difference between jungle animals and safari animals—“p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t?”
She nodded. “I was going to tell you all later. After the courthouse.”
Slowly, Gabe felt a smile stretching his mouth. “Holy—s-h-i-t, Addison!”
She rolled her eyes but smiled. “You’re so not in charge of the c-o-n-d-o-m-s anymore.”
He laughed, feeling a wave of happiness unlike anything he’d felt before. And that was saying something. “Not sorry, babe.” She had stopped using her IUD after they’d gotten married, but they’d been using condoms until after the adoptions were finalized.
“I know.” She sighed, but it was a happy sound. “It will all be okay, since it’s the two of us now.”
“Always.” He lifted her hand to his lips for a kiss.
“But don’t worry, Cooper,” he heard Stella say. “If there are any lions eating giraffes, I promise I won’t let you look.”
Going Down Easy (Boys of the Big Easy) Page 23