by Murphy, V
“Are we headed to my place?” I questioned again.
“I cannot tell you where we are headed. Well, I guess I could. Yeah, we are going to your place, but I need you to remember that everything I do is for your sake. You know that, right?”
“Sure, Skye. You’re acting like a crazed mad-woman right now, but sure, I know that. I do the same, ya know? I would do anything for our friendship,” I said.
“Good, just remember that…” she mumbled off, saying something completely inaudible.
“Are you…sweating?” I provoked.
“Shut up, biotch. Yes, I am sweating. You don’t need to point it out. How embarrassing.”
“What the…fuck is going on?” I was seriously so confused. We were pulling closer and closer to my apartment. This was so weird; if she wanted to go to my place, she should have just let me drive home and then followed me or something. Now she was being all twitchy.
I swear, it must’ve been a full moon because everyone was in full crazy-mode. First, Kylee wanted to meet with me, and not only that, but she was actually nice to me. I was shocked that I even decided to meet her. Skye picked out a wedding dress, and it was surprisingly much easier than I had anticipated, because she is so freaking high maintenance. Now, Skye is acting like the Mad Hatter and driving to my apartment while sweating profusely from her armpits.
What.
Is.
Going.
On?!
Once we got to my complex, Skye pulled into a guest parking spot and shoved the shifter into park.
“Are you going to tell me what is going on now?”
“Nope,” she said very quickly. How strange. A moment ago at the bridal salon, she was so excited and full of energy. Now, she is sitting here with a very serious look on her face.
“Is there a bridesmaid’s gift inside?” I questioned.
“I wish this was a gift.”
“Okay…so are we going to go inside, or what?” I asked, because the curiosity was getting the best of me. I wanted to see what the heck the big deal was.
“Okay.” She took a deep breath and reached for the handle to open the door.
“Now, remember what you said earlier. Repeat it to me,” she told me.
“That I love you?” I inquired.
“Yeah, say it again,” she demanded.
“Okay, I swear. No matter what happens, you will remain my best friend, and I love you, so...” I said to appease her nerves, which were obviously out of control.
“Can we go inside now?” I asked again.
“Yeah, I suppose we should go.” She pulled on the handle and walked outside. I followed her up the steps to my door.
Skye looked like she was about to pass out. She was white in the face, and her palms were glistening from the sweat.
“Girl, you are starting to scare me,” I said, but put the key into the doorknob and opened up.
I was still staring back at the freaked out Skye, who looked like she saw a ghost when I opened the door. I lightly laughed, but turned around to see what she was gasping about.
My heart sped up a hundred miles a minute.
My hands dropped my keys to the floor.
My throat was immediately dry.
My stomach was doing a hundred different somersaults.
I was queasy, nervous, excited, and felt like I was dreaming or in another world. There was no way Ryder could be sitting in my living room.
Absolutely.
No.
Way.
Not Possible.
What the hell was Ryder Andrew Kent doing sitting in my living room as if he lived here and owned the place? Sure, I gave him a key when we were dating, and had planned on getting it back, but I just hadn’t felt like seeing him. I didn’t think that he would ever actually use it like this.
And Skye…what a fucking cunt. Seriously, I was so pissed at her. Now, it was all very clear that she had been a participant in all of this. This was some sort of a sick joke on her behalf. She had no right to sit here and orchestrate all of this. This wasn’t her life she was fucking around with, it was mine. MINE, damnit!
“You are such a bitch,” I spat at her, as she followed me inside and closed the door behind her.
“I told you to remember what you said. Harper, I am so sorry, but there really was no other way to get him here. He sat me down this morning and talked to me all about it. He told me everything that happened, and you should really hear him out.” Skye tried to talk as fast as she could as she followed me into my kitchen, but I pushed her away and grabbed for a glass so I could pour some water into it. At this point, I hadn’t even given any sort of acknowledgement that Ryder was there.
When I poured my glass of water, I felt him come up next to Skye, so I violently turned around and faced both of them. As I held the glass up to my lips and downed the water, I stared at Ryder in the eyes, not even blinking. There was nothing in that stare but pure unadulterated hate. The same hate I felt for him when I saw the kiss with Kylee.
See, I knew I was right. I didn’t have feelings for him. I hated him. Ugh. I knew it. I should have never tricked myself into thinking that it was possible to trust him again. There was no love left between us. We were broken.
Both of them stood there in stunned silence as I finished my glass of water and stuck the cup in the sink. It was so silent that you could hear a pin drop from miles away. When I finally spoke, it was like I was screaming from the top of a mountain, but really my voice was barely above a whisper.
“What are you doing here,” was all I could croak out. There were no other words for him being here.
“Harper, please,” he began, but I was too disgusted with all of this to listen.
“No. No. Absolutely not. This is unacceptable.” I huffed and stormed into the living room. I had no idea what I was doing, but I tried to look busy to avoid the rampant thoughts that were flooding my brain.
I didn’t let either of them talk before I continued with my train of thought, “And you, Skye? Why would you do this? I am your best friend. You are supposed to be on my side. I don’t care what he does. First off, you are not supposed to meet my EX-boyfriend behind my back, no matter what. Second, you didn’t tell me about that meeting and then told him that it was acceptable for him to show up to my home. The place where I find solace and peace. You thought it was totally okay for him to just show up here. What did you think was going to happen? He was just going to apologize and I was going to drop down to his feet? Fuck that!” I screamed at her.
She came over to me with tears falling down her face. Ryder attempted to come with her, but she pushed him back to where he was standing, looking stupid in the corner by the kitchen.
Skye approached me with ease, but when she got next to me, she pulled me to the couch to sit down. When we were sitting together, tears rolling down her face, she took her hand and tucked a small strand of hair behind my ears.
“Harper, I told you that I loved you and wouldn’t do anything to ever hurt you. You are my very best friend, and I meant that. You are like a sister to me, and everything I did with Ryder, I swear, I had you in mind. I wanted him to come here so you guys could hash it out. All I have seen you do is be miserable without him. There was no way I could have just sat back and allowed you to continue stumbling down this road of misery.”
She continued after pausing to wipe a tear from her cheek, “I saw you hurting yourself, and when I went to meet with him, I had all intentions of yelling at him too. But then I saw that same hurt in him, and I knew you guys were just too stubborn to admit that both of you were wrong. He was wrong for doing that with Kylee, and you were wrong in terms of telling him and yourself that you aren’t in love with him. I saw you today at the bridal salon, fuming over those wedding gowns. I have seen your Pintrest wedding board. There is no denying that you want a wonderful wedding, and a man like I have. And there is no denying that you want it all with Ryder. So stop being so fucking stubborn, and just hear him out.”
> She looked at Ryder, who was staring hopefully at me.
“Both of you need to hear each other out. When and if this is all over, and if there is no coming to a compromise, then you both can at least say you tried. There is no harm in trying. At least then, you can move on with your lives, because you guys are stuck at this impasse with no direction of knowing where to go.”
She was right. I either needed this closure, or I needed to realize that Ryder was doing it all for me. She also was correct in assuming that everything I did these past couple of weeks was because I missed Ryder. The reason I stayed at home alone was because I missed Ryder. The reason I met with Kylee was because of him. Everything I did, he still consumed my thoughts. So I owed it to myself to hear what he had to say at the very least.
And I knew it wasn’t her fault. I was just being dramatic. Skye was looking out for me, and I was punishing her for that. Never once had Skye done something with malicious intentions. She was right. And she technically prepped me in the car, I was just too naïve to realize what was actually happening.
“I know. You’re right.” I could see Ryder out the corner of my eye sigh a deep breath of relief, so I made it a point to correct what I was saying.
“Skye, you are right. Not you.” I directed at Ryder, whose shoulders immediately tensed up again.
“I know you would never do anything to hurt me, so there has to be a reason that you’re doing this now. I will sit and listen to what he has to say, but that doesn’t mean we will get back together. You’re right, though; we do need to talk. The way Ryder and I ended things wasn’t the right way. Thank you for doing this.”
Skye had finally stopped crying, and we both hugged each other again. I was truly thankful for her in ways she will never know. We could be oceans apart, but she was always going to be my best friend. When I was with Tye, there were days when I wished I had a friend like her, and I am so grateful for everything she has done for me now. I wished we had met earlier in life, but there was always a rhyme and reason for why some people come into your life when they do.
I needed Skye to help guide me in the right direction and excuse my stubbornness, which is what she was doing now. I loved her like I would have loved a sister. She was a sister for me, and I knew I was going to be the best bridesmaid for her that I could be.
“I love you, girl,” I whispered in her ear when we embraced.
“Love you too, you stubborn mule,” she joked.
When we finally parted, she spoke up, “Okay, I am going to go now, but you guys sit down and talk.”
She patted the seat next to her indicating for the very quiet Ryder to go sit down. When she got up, she gave me two thumbs up and walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind me.
I guess it was time to finally face whatever came next.
***
“So, go on and speak.” I said angrily. My mood instantly changing from something positive to something more along the lines of annoyance.
“Harper, I just need you to listen. Can you do that for me? Can I please say what I have to say without you interrupting?” He was so nervous, that it was kind of cute.
He was clearly shaking in his shoes, and man, he looked so incredibly handsome. He was wearing a pair of leather shoes, with a dark pair of designer jeans, and a grey and white flannel shirt. The shirt he wore showed off in the bulge of his chest because it was tight around his abs. His pecs were staunch. You could see the definition of his abs and it had me practically drooling. Then, of course, there was his gorgeously square jawline that was cut perfectly so that his cheeks almost looked contoured to his face.
He was grinding his teeth, but tried to smile at me when I looked up at him. It was almost like he was walking on a tightrope, and with each step he moved closer to me. His black hair was slicked back, but a few strands fell onto his forehead. I stared down and noticed his large arms were shaking underneath him, but it was from the fists he was making so hard it’s like he had a death grip on something, maybe his nerves.
He was sporting his light stubble on his face, which looked so incredibly sexy on him. It didn’t look disheveled on him, but more like a, “oh yes, fuck me, please” sort of face. And that’s what got me to his baby blues.
His eyes were glistening pools of shimmering blue. It was almost as if I felt like I was in a boat on the ocean, just staring out at the horizon with nothing else in sight. It was a very calming thought. It was as if I was drifting on the ocean alone, just floating and dreaming. When I stared at his eyes, there was nothing and no one else in the world. That’s the part that scared me about Ryder too.
When I looked at him, I felt momentarily at peace, like everything in the world was slowing down around us and he was there to protect me. He was going to save me from the crazies in the world that seemed to flock to me. He was there to protect me, hold me, and cherish me. That was what I felt by just staring at him. That’s why I demanded that when we broke up, we didn’t see each other. I knew this would happen the moment I just looked at him in his eyes. He had this effect on me.
Sure, I saw women surround him at bars and clubs, but none of them felt the connection, the spark, that we felt for each other. He never looked at them the way he looked at me. He was never like that with them, just with me.
So, did I owe it to him to sit here and listen to him? I mean, I don’t think I did, but the sole fact he was staring at me with his sad little puppy dog eyes forced me to nod at him while he sat down next to me.
He turned his body so he was facing me, and very slowly and carefully, he put his hands on my knees. He looked as if he was going to cry any second. It was heartbreaking to watch. I felt like I was disappointing him, almost, by not being with him. He loved me, and I think I was starting to realize I messed up by rushing to conclusions and leaving.
Therefore, I sat. I sat there and waited to hear what he had to say. And that’s when he began.
Chapter 15
Ryder
“Baby, I am so sorry for everything you saw. I acted like an ass the entire trip and did everything possible wrong. It started when I was bookin’ the trip. I wanted to see Knox get married and all, but I was bein’ a dick. Babe, I should have invited you from the start. I didn’t think…”
“I guessed you weren’t interested, and I didn’t wanna take you back there because I don’t have a lot of fond memories of Texas. Going to see my parents was the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t want anyone to think I was a fuckin’ pussy, but I was a mess when I went to their house. This sounds stupid as hell, but I wanted their approval. I wanted my dad to say that everythin’ was gonna be fine, that the past was forgiven and that he could move on with our lives. Part of me knew that would never happen.”
“It’s fuckin’ embarrassingto come from a family that doesn’t want a damn thing to do with you. I’m ashamed that you would think I’m a useless piece of shit, and that’s what I feel like when I’m there. That’s the reason I don’t ever go back. They make me feel like utter shit. I work for my money and I worked damn hard at my football career, all I’ve ever wanted was for them to be proud of me. I ache for it. Secretly, I hoped that when I showed up at their house that they’d welcome me with open arms. They’d be over the fact that I ain’t in law school and be okay with my choices. But, in the end they weren’t and I think I’m finally okay with that, because in the end game I’m okay in life. I’ve got that surf competition comin’ up and I’m pretty damn excited about it.”
I heard her pretty little angelic voice start to interrupt, so I looked back up at her from where I was staring at my fingers. She looked so beautiful. Her face was contorted in some sort of anger, but it was soft, like she was listenin’ and payin’ attention to my story.
“When is the competition?” she squeaked.
“October. In a few weeks, actually.”
“Oh. I’m excited to come watch,” she said.
Those words made my heart skip a beat, and I wanted to tell her mo
re and more of my story. I wanted to share, and bare my entire soul to her, so I continued with what I was sayin’ previously.
“Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t want you comin’ in the first place to Texas. I’m embarrassed with everything that involves my parents. Of course, like they always fuckin’ do, they tore me down and make things involving them a livin’ hell. They don’t ever plan on comin’ to visit me or ever seein’ their own goddamn granddaughter. I started thinkin’ what kind of grandparent I would be with Evelyn’s kids and what kind of dad I am to her. First, I thought maybe I was like them, but I’m nothin’ like that sperm and egg donor I got stuck with. Evelyn is always first in my life. I think I just needed to realize that so I could move on with my life.”
“At first, I thought I needed their approval to be a good parent and later on down the road, a good husband to you but I finally realize I don’t. I don’t need a damn thing from them. They’re fuckin’ dead to me and I don’t need their goddamn approval. In life, there are just people that will never approve. It fuckin’ sucks that it’s my parents, but I don’t give a shit at this point. I needed to go there and say what I had to say. But once I was done, I was done with them. All I need now is to move on with my life. I have a beautiful daughter that I need to prove to that I am nothing like her worthless grandparents.”
“And I needed to know what kind of a man I was goin’ to be to you. Was I going to end up like my father, who used my mother as arm candy? Was I just using you as a social excuse to move forward? No. But, that’s what I had used Kylee for. I used Kylee to make my family and the rest of society happy. It was so fuckin’ hard to come from a wealthy neighborhood where everyone cared about keepin’ up apperances. It wasn’t just for the girls either, the guys had to be groomed to become their fathers. It was all who you knew and how much money y’alls family had. Of course that’s how I felt our relationship was. I never wanted to grow up in a neighborhood like that and I damn didn’t want my wife and kids to be surrounded in that shit.”