When she had finished reading, Val said, “I believe it’s time for bed, kiddos.”
“Why?” Lily said.
“Because you need your rest. We’re going to see Miss Paige in the morning. When is your usual bedtime?”
“We don’t have one,” Lily replied. “We can stay up as long as we want.” Val noticed the slight lift to Lily’s chin, challenging her.
“Well, I, for one, am super tired, and I can’t go to bed until I know you’re safe and sound in your own bed. Let’s go get Ian tucked in, okay?” Val knew that Lily had likely been Ian’s caregiver more often than not, and she was going to have to tread lightly when she asserted her authority.
Lily appeared to be thinking it over, but then she suddenly stood up. “Come on, Ian. Time for bed.” She took his hand and pulled, but Ian resisted, shaking his head. “Come on,” she said again, pulling harder. This time, Ian started to fuss. “He doesn’t have Pete. He always sleeps with Pete,” Lily informed Val.
“Who’s Pete?”
“His stuffed penguin. He left him at home.”
Oh, hell, Val thought, as Ian looked at her expectantly. Mind scrambling, she remembered the toy frog Sasha had won for her out of one of those claw machines when they were in high school. She’d named it Coqui, like the little Puerto Rican tree frogs her abuelita had told her about, and it was on a shelf in her room.
“Ian, Pete couldn’t come with you today, but he has a friend I’d like you to meet. Come on, I’ll show you.” Val held out her hand, and after a moment, Ian took it and wriggled off the couch. Val led him down the hall to her bedroom doorway, Lily following close behind. “Stay here, guys. I’ll go see if he’s awake.” She quickly went in and grabbed the frog, putting it behind her back. Back in the hall, she squatted down in front of Ian. Holding out the frog, she said, “This is Coqui. See, he’s just like the frog on my shirt. He’s so happy you’re here. He hasn’t had a little boy to play with him in a very long time. Do you want to hold him?”
Ian stared at the frog for what seemed like an eternity to Val, but finally he nodded and took the frog, holding it to his chest. Val let out a relieved breath. “Let’s go check out your room again. Coqui hasn’t been in there before.” The kids followed, and Val made a show of pulling down the covers and plumping the pillows on the guest bed. “Ian, show Coqui how comfy the bed is.” She winked conspiratorially at Lily, who climbed in on the other side. Ian pulled himself up onto the bed, the frog held tightly in his hand. “Okay, now. Coqui has a song he likes me to sing every night. Do you think it’d be all right if I sang it in your room?” Both children nodded, Lily as intrigued as Ian now. Val began to sing “El Coquí,” the Puerto Rican folk song from her childhood. A powerful vision of her abuelita singing to her brought a sharp sting of tears, and she felt her energy, almost as if she was giving Val the strength to be for these children what Abuelita had been for her—a safe haven.
By the time she’d finished singing, both children were cuddled under the covers, looking sleepy. “Okay, guys, I’ll leave a night-light on in the bathroom, and this little lamp on in here.” Val looked down at the children and smiled. “Sweet dreams. I’m really glad you’re here.”
As she turned to leave, Lily quietly said, “Good night, Miss Valerie.”
Val turned around, touched. “Good night, honey. See you in the morning.”
Val left their bedroom door ajar and got herself ready for bed. She was exhausted, but her mind wouldn’t stop racing through the list of things she had to do tomorrow. She thought of Paige. If she was the kids’ caseworker, then whatever might have been simmering between them would have to be put on the back burner. The thought made Val feel a twinge of regret. At least they’d see each other every so often, if only in a professional capacity. Val sighed. It was…whatever. She’d have her hands full with the kids anyway. The hamster wheel started spinning again, and she tried to relax by reading the novel she’d left on her nightstand. After only a few pages, Val couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.
* * *
The dream was always the same. Val ran through a dark house, trying to find a place to hide, but he kept coming. She found a closet and closed the door, huddling in the corner beneath some coats. Her heart pounded so loud, she was sure he could hear. Footsteps walked by, then stopped. Suddenly, the door was flung open, and a hand grabbed her. She screamed.
Val sat up in bed, drenched in sweat as her heart raced and she got her bearings. Taking deep breaths, she realized that the screams were no longer coming from her dream. Jumping out of bed, she ran to the guest room. Lily was sitting up in bed, holding the covers over her head, half yelling, half sobbing. Ian lay beside her, unbelievably sound asleep. Val went to Lily and tried to calm her.
“Shh, Lily, it’s okay. Shh.” Val uncovered Lily’s head and began to stroke her hair. The child flinched at her touch, crying and mumbling incoherently. “Did you have a bad dream, honey?” No response. Val tried to get Lily to lie back down, but as soon as she put her hands on her shoulders, Lily began to thrash and scream. Startled, and afraid Lily would hurt herself or her brother, Val sat beside Lily and embraced her, holding her arms down. As the girl continued to struggle and cry, Val held on, whispering and shushing, rocking Lily in her arms as tears slid down her own cheeks. Eventually, the child stilled and went limp in her arms. Spent, Val laid her down and covered her back up, wiping the damp hair from her forehead. She went and grabbed the pillow and comforter from her own room, and settled herself on the floor. “I’m right here,” she whispered. Sleep was a long time coming.
Chapter Eleven
Six weeks later
“Mom?”
“Hmm?” Paige responded absently as she flipped through a stack of bills.
“I said, can I ask a friend over for a playdate on Saturday?”
Paige looked up at her daughter. “I don’t think we have anything going on. Who is your friend?”
“Her name’s Lily. She’s new, but I like her a lot.”
Paige went back to her bills, only half listening as Emma chattered on.
“So can I, Mom?”
“Get her number, and I’ll call her mom, okay?”
“I already did,” Emma declared, holding out a ripped-off slip of paper. A phone number was scribbled on it in purple crayon.
Paige sighed, smiling. “When I’m done with these bills, I’ll call.”
“Yay!” Emma skipped out of the room.
A half hour later, Paige picked up the phone and made good on her promise.
“Hello?”
“Hi. This is Paige Wellington. My daughter Emma is in your daughter’s class, and I’m calling to invite her for a playdate.”
Paige heard quiet laughter on the other end of the line, then a familiar voice said, “Paige, this is Val. Lily just told me last night that she made a new friend named Emma.”
“Val?” Paige said, smiling at the little surge of pleasure she always got when she heard Val’s voice. “Well, that explains why this number looked familiar. How did I not know our girls were in the same class?”
“The kids just transferred two weeks ago. The school district didn’t want to keep busing them across town to their last school. And you know what? She remembers meeting Emma at the library at that animal show months ago. Crazy, right?”
“Yeah,” Paige said. “But there’s a small problem. Since I’m Lily’s caseworker, I can’t really have her over to my house.”
“Ooh, yeah, I can see how that might be a problem. It’s okay.”
“Hang on,” Paige said before she could stop herself. “There’s no reason why the girls couldn’t accidentally on purpose meet up somewhere. How about the playground at the park?” Paige didn’t want to miss the chance to hang out with Val some more. They’d never gotten the chance to have that lunch they’d been planning before Val’s life had been turned upside down, but Paige had felt something between them. Despite her lack of experience in such matters, she was pretty su
re Val had shown some interest. It sucked that the current circumstances kept her from pursuing anything, but if they met up, it would be for the kids. What could be the harm in that?
Val chuckled. “That could work. What time Saturday do you want to accidentally meet?”
Paige grinned. “How about eleven? I can bring along some sandwiches. Weather’s supposed to be nice.”
“It’s a date,” Val said. “A playdate, I mean. Lily will be so excited. I’ll have to bring Ian, though.”
Paige tried to ignore the tiny thrill she got at the word date. “Of course. See you then.”
“See ya.” Val hung up, and Paige touched her warm cheeks. The girls wouldn’t be the only ones excited for Saturday.
* * *
Val parked the car and walked with the kids to the playground. She caught sight of Paige, standing with her back to them as she watched Emma climb the ladder of a tall red slide. The weather was unusually warm for mid-October, and Paige was wearing black shorts that showed off her long shapely legs. When Lily called out to her friend, Paige turned, and the smile that lit up her face nearly made Val stop in her tracks. She’d seen plenty of women that one could offhandedly call beautiful, but Paige truly was. Her blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail, revealing dangling silver earrings and a long graceful neck. Her face radiated warmth and kindness, which made her far more attractive to Val than simple looks did.
Ian stood back with Val as Lily and Emma ran off, hand in hand, to the swings. He looked overwhelmed by the huge space and its large variety of playground equipment.
“Hey, buddy,” Val said, squatting down to speak to him. “What would you like to play on first?” Ian stood motionless for a few moments, then pointed to the large sandbox area, complete with a hand-operated digger that he could sit on. “Okay, let’s go.” Val took Ian’s hand and began walking to the sandbox, motioning with her head for Paige to follow.
Once Val got the boy settled in the sandbox, she took a seat next to Paige on the bench nearby.
“So, hi,” she said, feeling shy all of a sudden.
“How are you?” Paige replied with a warm smile.
“Happy to see you,” Val replied, then dropped her head in her hands, embarrassed. “Sorry. This is kind of awkward.” She peeked through her fingers to see Paige’s reaction.
“It’s okay,” Paige replied, her smile making the sun seem a little bit brighter.
She gazed at Paige and somehow found the courage to address the elephant in the room. “You should know that I was getting up the nerve to ask you out when Connie dropped the bombshell on me,” she said, nodding toward Ian. “I mean, I don’t even know for sure if you’re into women or whatever, but I just really like being around you.”
Paige put a hand on Val’s arm, the heat searing her bare skin, then quickly withdrew it. “Yes, I’m into women or whatever, and I like being around you, too. But I was in line to receive the next foster care case, and totally unlucky that my case ended up involving you.”
Val nodded, relieved that she hadn’t made a complete fool of herself. Paige was into women, and it seemed like Paige was into her. She turned to watch Ian. “Not completely unlucky,” she said, her affection for the little guy making her smile.
“How are the kids doing?”
“They’re doing pretty well. Lily has been better at letting me be the parent, although she still struggles with it, especially at bedtime. I’ve moved them to separate beds, though—so far, so good.”
“Have her nightmares subsided?” Paige asked.
“Not completely, but it’s easier for me to calm her now. I don’t have to sleep on the floor in their room anymore, thank God. My back was killing me.”
“I know—had to do that a few times with Emma in the beginning, too. It’s heartbreaking when they’re so upset they can’t even rest.” Paige gestured toward the kids. “They look great, though. Both of them have gained a little weight.”
“Yep. When I went to get this month’s WIC checks, they weighed Ian, and he’s gained five pounds. He’s heading to the normal range on the growth chart, and he isn’t anemic anymore. It’s great to see some color in his cheeks finally.” As Val talked, she kept making sidelong glances at Paige, because she just looked so damn good. It was all she could do not to slide closer, because she really wanted to feel Paige’s warmth again. Instead, she tucked her hands under her thighs, just in case they decided to wander.
“How’s the play therapy going?”
“Really well. Penny says Ian is becoming more comfortable expressing himself with play, even though he still won’t speak. Lily told her that their mother yelled at them all the time to be quiet, and I’ve noticed that he gets upset if he hears loud voices. At least I can hear him whispering now with Lily when he doesn’t think I’m watching.”
“They’ve been through a lot of trauma,” Paige said. “Once he feels more comfortable, I bet he’ll start talking like crazy.”
“I hope so. I feel like he has so much going on in that little head of his. He doesn’t miss a thing. If I can get Lily to stop speaking for him, maybe he’ll talk.” Val watched Ian making hills of sand with a toy dump truck, his tongue sticking out a little in concentration as if he was doing very important work. Her heart swelled, but then she heard Connie’s voice in her head yet again, warning her not to fall in love, because foster care was so often temporary. Too late, she thought.
“Well, you’ll have lots of good things to report at the service plan review on Monday, if they ask,” Paige said.
“Tell me how that’s going to go again?”
“It’s basically a meeting to see if the birth parent is following the service plan and doing what needs to be done to get the kids back. So it’ll be the law guardian, the parenting coach, you, me, and my supervisor. Kayla, their mom, will be there by phone. Everyone will report on how things are going and make a recommendation for the kids.”
Val was silent as her heart dropped into her stomach at the idea of the kids going back. She knew she was supposed to be supportive of birth families staying together, but that was way easier said than done.
“Hey,” Paige said gently, patting Val’s knee, which had begun bouncing up and down. “You’re doing a great job with the kids, and I know how tough it is not to get attached.”
Val looked at her in surprise, wondering how she had read her mind so easily.
“I know how it feels.” Paige answered her unspoken question, reading her mind again. “I’ve been there, remember?” Paige gave Val’s knee a squeeze, then removed her hand as the girls ran up to them.
“Mommy, Lily is going to be an angel for Halloween, just like me,” Emma said excitedly.
Paige smiled warmly at them. “That’s great, honey. Lily, what’s your brother going to be?”
“A policeman, right, Mama? Um, I mean, Miss Valerie.” Lily looked down at her feet, clearly uncomfortable.
Val covered her shock quickly. “That’s right, Lil,” she said, tapping the girl gently under her chin. “He’s going to protect us while we’re out trick-or-treating, aren’t you, buddy?”
Ian had stopped playing and was listening to the conversation. He nodded, gave a little smile, and went back to digging holes. Lily visibly relaxed.
“Can we go over to the bumpy slide?” she asked, pointing to the far side of the playground.
“Yes, as long as you stay where we can see you, okay?” Val replied.
“Yay,” Lily and Emma said together, then Lily gave Val a quick hug and ran off.
“Whoa,” Val said, shaking her head.
“I take it she hasn’t called you that before now.”
“Nope. She shocked me.”
“She looked scared to death there for a second, but you handled it beautifully.”
“Thanks,” Val said. She called me Mama. And they say don’t get attached. Yeah, right.
* * *
Val was already nervous about the service plan review, but her anxiety got decided
ly worse when she saw the smug expression on the face of the bleached blonde in the suit, sitting right next to Paige at the conference table.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Why her? A few drinks and a weak moment of loneliness had landed Val in that woman’s bed several months back. The sex had been good, but she’d broken her own cardinal rule to never stay until morning, sending a message of interest that wasn’t really there. When she’d made it clear that she didn’t do relationships, breaking things off had been extremely awkward. And now here she was once again, facing her past in the shape of—
“Lisa Webster, the law guardian for the children,” Paige was saying as she made introductions.
Val had to bite her tongue to keep from groaning out loud. She refused to look at Lisa the Lawyer and focused instead on Paige, trying to calm down her insides. She sincerely hoped Paige had not seen the knowing smile on Lisa’s face.
“So if we’re ready, we can bring in the mom on a conference call.” Paige dialed a number, and someone at the county jail answered. A few moments later, the birth mom was on the line.
“Good morning, Kayla. I’m Paige Wellington, caseworker for the foster care unit. We’re meeting today for your first service plan review. With me are Lisa Webster, the law guardian for the children, Valerie Cruz, the foster parent, and Sandra Carrillo, my supervisor.” There was silence on the line.
“Kayla, can you hear me?”
“Yeah,” said a gruff voice.
“Great. We’re going to take turns talking about any progress or planning that has been made for the children since they were placed. Please let me know if you have any questions, okay?”
Taking Chances Page 6