Self-conscious about her body, Paige pulled Val close. She buried her face in Val’s hair, inhaling the warm tropical scent of her. Releasing the clip that held it back, she sank her fingers into the silky waves, holding Val’s head still while they kissed. Paige trailed a finger down Val’s throat, between her breasts, and down to her exposed midriff. She let her fingers play over the smooth skin before grasping the hem of the shirt.
“Off,” she whispered and lifted it over Val’s head. Val stepped back and made short work of removing her boots and pants, until they stood before each other in only bras and panties.
Val’s eyes traveled Paige’s body from head to toe. “You’re so beautiful,” she said. “I love how your skin blushes everywhere when you’re turned on.”
Paige’s self-consciousness slowly faded away under Val’s worshipful gaze. Things she had always thought of as flaws suddenly weren’t in Val’s eyes. Val kissed her freckled shoulders, slowly easing down the straps of her bra. She nuzzled the little mole at the top of her left breast before unclasping her bra and tossing it aside. Val lifted Paige’s breasts in her hands as she leaned in for a searing kiss. Her thumbs played over Paige’s nipples, making her moan aloud.
“God, that feels so good,” Paige said, her voice catching. “I need to feel you, too.” She tenderly stroked between Val’s lovely breasts, their dusky nipples visible through the white satin, then reached around to unclasp her bra and free the warm flesh into her waiting hands. “Oh,” she breathed, caressing them, then dipped her head to capture a firm nipple between her lips.
Val moaned, holding Paige’s head to her breast as Paige bathed the nipple with her tongue, then sucked it gently into her mouth. Paige circled the other nipple with her fingers, teasing it into a hard pebble. Putting her hands on Paige’s shoulders, Val pushed until Paige fell back onto the bed. Straddling her, Val leaned down for another hot marathon kiss. She released Paige’s mouth and leaned forward, giving Paige access to her breasts, and Paige took full advantage, licking and sucking until Val cried out in need.
Val grasped Paige’s hands and pushed her arms up over her head, then scooted back to lavish her breasts with attention. Paige could feel Val’s hot wetness through her panties as she moved against her thigh. She ran her hands down Val’s back and underneath her panties, cupping her ass.
“Take these off,” she demanded, and Val complied.
“Now yours,” Val said and slid Paige’s soaked panties down her legs.
Paige scooted up until her head lay on the pillow, and Val stretched out beside her, molding their bodies together. Paige sought Val’s mouth once again, and as they kissed, Val ran her hand in slow, teasing circles down Paige’s body. Nudging her legs apart, Val continued to stroke and tickle Paige’s thighs, avoiding her center in a dance of sweet torture.
“Please,” Paige begged when she couldn’t stand it any longer, and Val finally touched her.
“You’re so wet,” Val murmured, sliding her fingers through Paige’s silky heat. She drew a nipple into her mouth as she stroked, building Paige up until she was writhing with pleasure.
“Inside,” Paige moaned, and Val entered her in one smooth stroke. The powerful sensations soon took Paige over the edge, and she cried out as her trembling thighs clamped together, holding Val inside. Several moments elapsed before the aftershocks subsided and Paige released Val’s hand.
Paige couldn’t stop the tears, and she flung an arm over her eyes, mortified that she was crying. This had been the most incredible sexual experience of her life, and she was overwhelmed with emotion.
“Paige, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Val leaned over her, frowning with concern.
Paige reached up and cupped Val’s cheek, running her thumb lightly over her bottom lip. “Oh God, no.” Paige didn’t know how to put her feelings into words without sounding stupid, but the tenderness in Val’s eyes eased her fear. “I’ve just never felt so amazing before. You made me feel…beautiful.”
“Well, you are, so mission accomplished,” Val said, smiling. She gently brushed Paige’s hair away from her face, then leaned down and kissed her lips. “You are very beautiful, and it boggles my mind that you don’t know that.”
“Guess I’ve got my own baggage, but you’re helping,” Paige said, smiling. She pushed Val down and rolled over to straddle her thighs. “You, on the other hand,” she said, taking in the sight before her, “leave me at a loss for words.”
Val’s dark hair was fanned out on the pillow, and her golden brown skin shone in the lamplight. Her face was perfection, and Paige leaned down to claim those full lips once again. “You’re incredible,” she whispered, as she moved her lips along Val’s jaw to nuzzle her earlobe, then nibbled her way down her throat. She filled her hands with Val’s breasts, kneading them gently before pushing them together so she could lick both nipples at once.
Val groaned. “Yes, so good.”
Paige took her time, slowly moving down Val’s body. Her hair brushed Val’s flawless skin, raising gooseflesh as she kissed and tasted her way to her destination. Val moaned softly, her hips undulating beneath Paige. Easing herself down, she spread Val’s legs and lay between them, kissing along one thigh, then the other.
Val buried her hands in Paige’s hair and stilled her hips in anticipation. “Touch me,” she whispered.
Paige spread her open, reveling in the slick heat of her arousal. She stroked her, circling, until Val’s legs began to tremble and her moans grew louder. At the first touch of her tongue, Val jerked and whimpered, and Paige rubbed her belly in soft, soothing circles as her mouth tasted and explored. When Val’s thighs tightened and her hips came off the bed, Paige entered her, thrusting as she sucked her into her mouth. Val came hard with a low keening cry, and Paige felt a rush of satisfaction, like she’d just summited Everest.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” Val said, pulling weakly on Paige’s hair. “Come here.” Paige crawled up to lay her head on Val’s shoulder. Pulling her close, Val pressed her lips to her forehead.
“That was beyond amazing,” Val said quietly. “You are unbelievable.”
“Glad you think so,” Paige replied, lightly tracing Val’s collarbone with her fingers.
“I know so, because I can’t move. You shattered me.”
“Uh-oh, that sounds serious,” Paige teased, kissing Val’s shoulder. “Is there a remedy for that condition?”
“Yeah. Falling asleep with you in my arms ought to do the trick.”
“Good plan. Let’s get under the covers.”
They snuggled together, limbs entwined, and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Thirty-three
Val dreamed she was floating, surrounded by softness and warmth, seeing nothing, but feeling completely at peace. A warm weight lay across her chest, and every breath in brought the scents of lavender and vanilla. The sensations were foreign but not unpleasant, and she let herself drift.
She awakened with a start to find a warm head tucked beneath her chin and a hand cupping her breast. For a moment she didn’t know where she was, but then Paige stirred against her. Memories of their night together flooded back, and she stroked Paige’s soft hair in wonder.
She had shared a beautiful, incredible night with a woman she cared deeply for, which put her solidly in uncharted territory. She had no clue what to do next, and little stabs of anxiety prickled in her chest. The warm hand left her breast and softly caressed her cheek.
“Are you okay?” Paige lifted her head to look at Val.
“Yeah, why?” Val replied, trying to play it cool.
“You tensed up, that’s all.” Paige sat up, and the sheet fell from her naked breasts.
Val’s groin tightened with arousal. “I’m fine. Just reliving last night.” She reached out to touch Paige’s nipple, and it hardened immediately.
“That’ll be my favorite daydream for quite a while,” Paige replied, biting her lip as Val’s hand moved to her other breast.
�
��I don’t suppose we can stay in bed for the rest of the day,” Val said.
“Unfortunately, no. I have to pick up Emma by eleven.” Paige glanced at her alarm clock. “That does, however, leave us with three more hours to ourselves.”
“I have some ideas on how to spend that time, if you’re up for it,” Val replied, throwing off the covers.
“Race you to the shower.”
* * *
They’d made love twice that morning, and Val had been just as attentive as the night before, but now Paige could feel her pulling away. As they drove back to Val’s house, she was quiet and Paige didn’t press, but once in the driveway, she named the elephant in the room.
“Val,” she said, putting her hand on Val’s arm, “we don’t have to pretend that this was business as usual for either of us. I get the whole morning-after awkward thing, but it’s more than that, at least for me.”
Val stared at her lap for several moments, then looked sidelong at Paige as if she was embarrassed. “You’re right. I’m kind of at a loss here. We just shared the most amazing night of my life, and I want more. Not just more sex, though that would be awesome, but more of you. That’s never happened to me before.”
“I understand,” Paige said, “because being with you is completely different, and better, than anything I’ve ever experienced. So would it be fair to say that we’re both scared shitless?”
Val laughed. “That about sums it up.”
“Okay. Now that we know that, we can work through it.”
“You want to work through it? I told you before, Paige, I’m damaged goods when it comes to relationships. I know you’ve been hurt before—I don’t want to hurt you again.”
Paige sighed. “Let me tell you about that past relationship. I was young and had just gotten away from my parents for the first time. Maura was older and everything I wanted to be—confident, beautiful, in control, successful. I thought the sun rose and set on her. Looking back now, I was beyond stupid, but I had no idea then.
“She basically picked up where my parents left off, trying to mold me into whatever it was she thought I should be. Guess I never quite measured up, and she made sure I knew it. She criticized everything—my clothing choices, my hairstyles, how I expressed my emotions. With sex, she acted like she was doing me a favor by allowing me to touch her.”
“What a bitch,” Val said, frowning.
“You know what the kicker was? She cheated on me and blamed it on my inadequacies as a girlfriend.”
“I pretty much want to go find this woman and kick her ass,” Val declared. “I can’t believe she treated you that way.”
“I can’t believe I let her. My self-esteem was in the toilet for so many years, and it took therapy, being alone, and raising Emma to make me see my worth. If I had met you back then, no way in hell would I have even spoken to you.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re a better person than I’ll ever be.”
“Not true, but anyway, my whole point is this—we’ve both had bad experiences, but we are not damaged goods, and we both deserve to be happy.” Paige put up both fists like a boxer. “I dare you to disagree with me.”
“And here I thought you didn’t have a violent bone in your body,” Val teased. Then she sobered, looking Paige in the eye. “You’re happy with me?”
“I am, very much so, and I don’t want to ruin this chance with you by thinking about past history.” Paige leaned over and gave Val a long, sweet kiss. “I’ve got no plans, no expectations. Let’s just do this one day at a time.”
Val’s eyes welled up with tears. “I stopped wishing for good things a long time ago, because losing hurts too much, and I can’t lose what I don’t have. Then the kids came and unlocked something in me, but now they’re gone, too.” Tears streamed down Val’s cheeks, and Paige’s heart broke for her, for all she’d been through.
“You slipped past my defenses before I even knew I’d let you in. I’m afraid to want you, Paige. And I don’t know what to do with that.”
“Just give it a chance. Whatever is happening with us is too special to run away from.” Paige held Val’s face in her hands. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Val sniffed and wiped her eyes. “You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and that Maura chick was a complete idiot not to realize it.”
“Lucky for me she didn’t, or I might not have met you. Plus, I am fully confident that karma will kick her ass someday.”
“Good attitude.”
Paige glanced at the time. “I’ve gotta go. Are we okay?”
Val nodded. “We’re good. I’ll be thinking about how good all day.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Paige laughed, relieved that the mood was lighter. “I’ll call you later.”
Val leaned over for a quick kiss and got out of the car. “Paige?” she said, before shutting the door.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you, for everything. I mean it.”
“I know.” Paige smiled and blew Val a kiss, then watched as she walked to her door and went inside, waving one last time before closing the door.
The tears that had been threatening finally spilled from Paige’s eyes. Please, baby, just give us a chance.
* * *
“Tell me about her,” Susan said.
“Well, she works for the foster care unit, she’s my age, and she has a daughter…”
Susan waved her hand impatiently. “No, no, no—that’s just demographics. Tell me about her.”
Val couldn’t keep from smiling. “She’s beautiful, and smart, and her smile takes my breath away. She’s funny, and honest, and incredibly kind. How’s that for descriptive?”
“Great, but your body language told me even more. You really care about this woman.”
Val nodded. “I do.”
“You feel safe with her, grounded,” Susan said.
Val looked at her, surprised. “What makes you say that?”
“When you talk about her, your whole body relaxes, which I’m not sure I’ve ever seen with you before. I think this is a pretty big deal, actually.”
“That’s why I’m worried. I’ve never let anyone get so close to me, but I wanted to with her. Now my emotions are all over the place, and I feel kind of, I don’t know, out of control.” Val’s knee started bouncing as her anxiety grew.
“Let’s explore that. What do you feel?” Susan said.
Val blew out a breath. “Excited and happy one minute, then scared the next. When I’m with her, she calms me. When I’m not, I feel agitated. I want to let myself feel everything with her, but there’s something in the way. It’s like I’m trying to swim to her, but the current keeps pulling me back. And that makes me angry.” Val threw her hands in the air. “See? I’m a hot fucking mess.”
Susan chuckled. “What you are is a very passionate woman who needs to let go of the past to fully embrace the future. I think you need to give yourself permission to care about her.”
“Yeah, well, easier said than done.”
“We’ll get you there. Remember you told me that you feel guilty for not caring about others in your past the way you thought you should have?”
“Yeah, some of my foster siblings. I think they loved me, but I didn’t let myself love them,” Val replied, staring at the floor.
“Why?”
“I know you’re going to say it’s about loss, because I loved my mom and my grandma and my brother, but I lost them.”
“And?”
“And I didn’t let myself love people because it would hurt too much if they left, too,” Val recited. “I get all that in my head, but it’s still hard to keep the fear from taking over.”
“You mentioned your grandma. Tell me about her,” Susan said.
“She was a tiny Puerto Rican woman, but she filled a room. She was just full of wisdom and love, and very protective of my brother and me. When Abuelita said something, we listened. She always told me stories and taught me about life. She encouraged me to
read and do well in school. She was basically everything my mother wasn’t.” Tears stung Val’s eyes as she remembered.
“So did having your grandmother improve your life?”
“Well, yeah. She was everything to me.”
“And even though you lost her, was loving her worth it?”
Val looked up at Susan as her point hit home. After a moment, she said, “I see what you did there.”
Susan smiled. “Playing it safe is an option, but so is going after what you want. Nothing is guaranteed, and nothing lasts forever, no matter which way you go. The way I see it, we can choose to avoid life, or we can truly live it.”
Val nodded. “Valid point, Doc.”
Susan checked her watch. “Time’s about up for today, so I’ll send you home with one more question to think about.”
Val rolled her eyes. “My brain’s already scrambled, but let me have it.”
“Is Paige worth the risk?”
Chapter Thirty-four
“Four days without touching you has been a new kind of torture,” Val murmured, as she and Paige fumbled through her front door after work. Emma was at her Brownie meeting, and they were taking full advantage of their kid-free time.
Paige had her up against the door as soon as it shut, her mouth on her neck. “I completely agree,” she replied, nuzzling Val in the velvety soft spot beneath her ear.
“So do you want to watch TV?” Val teased.
“Hell no,” Paige growled, pulling Val’s shirt from her pants and touching the warm skin of her back.
“How about a game of Scrabble?”
“Nuh-uh.” Paige brought her hands to the front and frantically began undoing shirt buttons. She opened Val’s shirt wide and buried her face between her breasts.
Taking Chances Page 20