by Nicole Casey
I laughed and hugged her tightly, “I wasn’t going to stop you. I’ve been thinking about you ever since college, you know?”
“Really? So why’d you leave me?”
Fuck. I knew that question would come up and I didn’t really have a good answer. I squeezed her with my embrace and just blurted out the truth.
“You want the honest truth?” I asked. “I didn’t intend to leave you. I just did, for no real rhyme or reason. I had NFL try-outs back then, you were going to leave town for your business pursuits and I figured it would have been just a one-night stand…”
She nudged me with her elbow and sneered, “So I was really just a one-night stand?”
“No, actually, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. There were times when I wanted to email you, message you on Facebook or call you.”
“So why didn’t you?” she asked me.
I sipped my coffee and placed it back on the bedside table, “I was nervous, scared and unsure. I didn’t know if you were mad at me or if there was a chance we’d get to be together the way we are now.”
“You should have at least tried,” she told me. “I was waiting. I thought of messaging you too but I was worried my email would get buried amidst all the fan-mail you get.”
She was right. I should have at least tried but I didn’t. I was sorry about that, I truly was, but there was nothing we could do about it now. The past was done and we were here in the now.
Thinking about that reminded me she had something important to say. I knew it was beyond just the exchange of “I love you” and having sex.
“What was it you really wanted to tell me about?” I asked her, shattering the brief silence between us.
“Do you really want to know?” she asked. “If I say it, do you promise that you won’t just leave me again? I really need to make sure of this.”
Her words took me back a little bit. Was it really that shocking? What was it that she was hiding from me? It just made me think about this revelation even more. Even though I was starting to feel a little uncertain about pressing on I just had to know now.
I nodded and promised, “I promise that no matter what this is about and no matter what you have to say I will not leave you. I will never leave you. I waited five years for a chance to spend time with you again and we spent the past few weeks getting to know each other – genuinely getting to know each other – and those moments made me realize how much I need you.”
“I hope you mean it because what I’m about to say is going to change everything,” she told me. “I like how things are… it’s like being in a real relationship and I’m scared that if I tell you this one thing it’ll change.”
Jesus, woman, just say it! I was starting to get a little impatient but I knew I had to just shut my mouth and let her take her time with this. I just gave her a kiss, hoping it would let her I would stand my ground and by my words.
“Whew,” she then sighed in relief. “Okay, here it goes. You better be ready for this. I trust you, you know?”
I nodded and waited for her to drop the ball. When she did speak again I felt the whole world suddenly crash down upon me.
“Jeremy’s your son.”
8
Emilia
He was silent. He just sat there, his arms around me, and stared into the distance. I didn’t even know what he was looking at but I was damn sure it wasn’t the television. When I looked into his face it just looked blank.
“Damon?” I called out. “Are you okay?”
A great fear began to swirl in my guts. Maybe it was too soon to drop this information on him. Maybe it was all-wrong. However, I didn’t want to get into a deep relationship with him – and regularly have sex with him like this – without letting him know the truth. Jeremy was his and he had the right to know that.
“Y-yeah, I am,” he answered. “How sure are you that he’s mine?”
I giggled and tried to lighten the mood, “I didn’t fuck anyone else before or after our graduation night. I did try to move on and date someone else but by then I was three months pregnant and I dropped all attempts so I could focus on just staying healthy.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? It’s been so long,” he asked me.
“You were a rising NFL star,” I answered. “Could you imagine the trouble you’d be in if the world found out that the rookie of the year had an illegitimate son out there? It’d be a scandal. Now, however, the media won’t bat an eye.”
He scoffed, “What? Am I old news now?”
I shook my head, “No, it’s not that. What I mean is it won’t be much of an issue since you’re already a veteran player. When the people find out, they’ll just go ‘oh, he’s had a son all this time’ and just accept it.”
“There’s no way we can be sure of that,” he tried to point out. “I might lose my position in my team if this goes out to the public.”
Now I really felt worried. The heavy feeling in my gut sank and I was going down with it. I looked up at Damon and asked, “What are you planning to do?”
Damon didn’t answer immediately. He just leaned back against the headboard, finished his coffee and stared blankly at the television on the wall. He gripped my hand, gave it a squeeze, and just soaked in the moment as he pondered about his options.
I didn’t rush him. I knew this was something really important and difficult to think about. His whole career was on the line. He had been in the NFL for five years now and I was sure he still had another five years or so in him before he’d call it quits. I couldn’t just expect him to throw all of that out the window for a kid he just met a few weeks ago.
After what felt like forever he shifted in his seat and looked at me, “Let me think about this. I need some time to really consider what to do.”
I was so disappointed. I knew it would be impractical – and a little stupid – to hope he would accept Jeremy and I wholeheartedly and say he’d jump right in to be Jeremy’s father. Despite that I had hoped he would do so and now I felt crushed.
“I-I understand,” I told him. I couldn’t help but push his hands off me and I scooted a few inches away from him, hurt by his course of action.
Damon turned to me and tried to hug me closer but I shrugged him off. He then said, “Come on, Emie, you can’t just expect me to jump up and down in joy. I love Jeremy but there’s so much ahead of me right now. I need to think about this. It’s not an easy thing to deal with. It’s not like we’re choosing between apples and oranges.”
I bit down on my lip, preventing myself from lashing back, and took a moment to pause and sort out my thoughts. When I was a little calmer I said, “I can’t say I’m not a little bit disappointed. L-Look, we’re both a little shaken, okay? I’ll just go home right now. I’ll let you sort your thoughts about this.”
“Emilia,” he called me by my full name. “Look, just trust me on this. Let me deal with the game in London first, okay? Let me handle this one at a time and I’ll get back to you about Jeremy.”
For the first time since I got to be with him again, I felt the urge to just smack him in the face. He was seriously considering his football career over bonding with Jeremy as a real father. Maybe he was just as childish and irresponsible as I thought he was years ago.
I couldn’t handle it anymore though. Just when I thought everything was working out just fine and dandy this all had to happen. I wished I didn’t spill the truth to him just yet.
“Damon, take me home,” I told him as I got up from the bed and slowly began to dress.
“Emie, you don’t have to go,” he tried to beg. He reached out and patted the bed, gesturing for me to come back. “Just get back here. We can talk more about this when I get back from Europe, okay?”
I shook my head, “Damon… this is something you have to be ready to decide upon right now. Are you ready to be a father or not? Even if Jeremy wasn’t yours, would you be ready for the responsibility if you got me pregnant today? What would happen then?”
Damon hun
g his head in defeat. He knew he had nothing to rebuttal my challenge. He really needed to think about the course of his life. I literally just derailed him but that was how things were – Jeremy was his and he had to face that reality.
“Come on, you have to be a little fair,” he snapped back. “You don’t understand the magnitude of this information. I have a big NFL career in front of me. What do you have?”
That really flared me up and even Damon knew he just said something stupid. I wasn’t going to let it go though and shouted back, “Fuck you! While you’re out there playing games I was raising your son while running a damn fucking hotel. I’ve been dealing with a legit business. And just for your information, I know the magnitude of this kind of information. I’m the one who carried him for nine months in my womb, you freaking idiot. How do you think I felt when the doctor told me I was pregnant?”
I must have really struck a chord because he turned dead silent. Damon didn’t dare utter another word and simply slid out of bed to dress up. When we were both ready, he let me head out first and took me back to the car.
The drive to my place was in awkward silence. I could feel he wanted to say something. He must have been thinking of something to fix this and make everything all right but he didn’t utter the words.
Whatever he was going to say they were gone with the wind. I didn’t even care to look back and watch his car drive off. I just stormed into the home and waited until Jackson, Amy and Jeremy got back home from their shopping spree.
Damon tried to text me. He tried to call. I didn’t give a damn and just ignored his attempts even into the next day. I was still a little unsure.
I knew I was being unfair. I made him promise to be civil about this but I was the one losing my shit over his decision to take this situation nice and slow. However, my disappointment was over the roof. I needed to think about this as well.
9
Damon
Damn it, Emilia. If she didn’t want to talk to me, fine. I could forego all of that. I didn’t need all that bullshit drama in my life. I had a big game coming up. I had to just focus on that right now. My future was in the NFL and the opportunities that it brought along. Commercial deals, sponsorships, endorsements and maybe cameos in television shows or movies – all of those could be mine if I kept on pursuing my career. All of those could vanish if I dropped everything to play husband and father for Emilia and Jeremy.
At the same time, however, I wanted to be there for them. I was falling for Emilia so fast it felt like I was dating her ever since that night in college. Losing her now would be a big blow that I might not recover from.
Then there was Jeremy. He was only four and just a little kid but he was mine. That fact alone was something I had to wrestle with… I mean, holy shit I have a kid of my own.
I spent the next few days debating about this revelation at Mercury Wild. While I wasn’t going to tell Trevor, Marcus and the others about Emilia and Jeremy I did let them know I was at a crossroads in my life. Fortunately for me, they were being really good friends and just decided to drink along with me.
For the rest of my free time, I spent it out of town, going back to my team and my agents and coach so I could prepare for the game in London. I wasn’t the best quarterback in the NFL but they gave me the position for this European game. This would let me prove myself to the rest of the NFL that I could be the best player in the world. I could guarantee myself an MVP award if I led the team to victory in London.
Before I knew it, the thoughts of Jeremy and Emilia had once again faded into the background. There was nothing left in my mind except the sound of football players slamming into each other and the feel of the grass. There was nothing to bother me except for the strategy of each play and the goal of scoring another touchdown before each session was over.
After a week had passed, I was solely focused on the game. By the day of the game itself, I had nothing else – no other agenda – but the game. We were going to win and I was going to make sure that would happen.
The field was dark green and the benches were filled with over a hundred thousand spectators. It was a marvel to witness and a miracle that I was a part of it all. My teammates, who all come from different NFL teams to forge this one “dream team” of players, saluted me as I came onto the field. Even though some of them had been my rivals in previous games, this time around we were allies and we all had respect for each other’s skills and talents.
For a brief moment, my eyes lingered and I glanced at the crowd. There was a part of me that hoped she would be there but I knew the reality of that happening was beyond slim. She was back in Stateside, taking Jeremy to preschool and preparing for Jackson and Amy’s wedding.
I should be preparing too. I checked my schedule and it turned out I could attend the wedding and be the Best Man. However, I had to deal with what was right in front of me – I had to deal with the game.
Before long, the referee was out on the field. There was a coin toss, the ball was handed, and in just a few minutes we began to clash against each other on the grass. I could hear the announcers speaking on the PA system and the sound of commercials playing non-stop. I could feel the grit of the grass every time someone tackled me down whenever I tried to dash with the ball or throw it to my running back.
Mere minutes passed and we had scored our first touchdown. The opposition had struggled after and our defensive line managed to push them back several yards until they had no choice but to try and kick it through the goal posts for a measly three points.
I was determined to win, however, and I made them pay for that small success by launching a new game plan with my teammates. It was risky, sure, but with my speed and ability to trick our opponents I made a mad dash across forty yards to score yet another touchdown.
The crowd went wild. I could hear my name being chanted on and on. When I looked at the big screen I could see my face. This was a dream come true. I knew the boys at Mercury Wild knew what this felt like. They’ve all gone through their own ups and downs and a taste of massive success.
Now it was my time and boy, I did love it.
The whistle sounded off and once again my mind shifted to the game. Despite how busy we were on the field, however, in the very back recesses of my mind, I thought of Emilia. I could picture her soft, tight little body that turned me on. I thought of her sharp mind and the funny things she’d say. I thought of Jeremy and how sweet of a little boy he was and how smart he was for a kid his age.
In the snap of a second, all of that evaporated as one of the opposing players slammed into me. The distraction was enough to knock me off balance before I could toss the football off to my runner, and before I knew it I was overwhelmed by another tackle and then a third. I was down on the ground, eating dirt. That was our first down. I had to keep my head in the game.
When I got up, I dusted myself clean and cracked my knuckles. There was no time to think about Emilia and Jeremy. I had a game to win.
10
Emilia
Every day since Damon and I last spoke I spent the time pacing around aimlessly, pondering about what to do. Whenever Jeremy was at school I’d drive over to Mercury Wild where I could get a drink and just gossip with Lyla or Jasmine and get my mind off of Damon. Other days I spent with Amy and helped her plan her wedding with my brother. It was due in three more weeks.
When I tried to call Damon I discovered he had already left town. His agent called me back and told me Damon was out with the football team – they were practicing for the upcoming exhibition game in London. Their coach even told me he was the main star of the event – a young quarterback who could prove his prowess if he leads the team to victory.
That didn’t sit well with me, however. I needed to fix this issue with Damon, especially now that he knew the truth.
My mind was this muddled two days before the big game. I was back in Mercury Wild – Jeremy was out with Amy at the zoo – and I was out with Carrie, Dylan’s ex-girlfriend. Rumors were s
preading that she was also filing a lawsuit against him but nobody could tell for sure. Dylan was one of the more powerful billionaires in Mercury Wild and I didn’t want to get involved with their personal issues.
“So, what do you plan to do?” she asked me as we sipped on our Margaritas. It was three in the afternoon and I was set on getting smashed until late at night. At this time of day there were already some patrons here at Mercury Wild.
I shrugged, sipped and then answered, “I don’t know. Oh, and please don’t tell anyone else what I told you, okay? The last thing I need is gossip flying about. Can you imagine all the chaos that would happen if Trevor and the others bugged Damon about Jeremy?”
She nodded and finished her drink, “I wouldn’t worry about it. Gossip flies quickly but it dies as fast too. Seriously, though, you need to consider your options. He might leave you again and this time for good.”
“That doesn’t really scare me anymore,” I revealed. I sighed in sorrow and took a moment to listen to the old 80s music playing in the background. I then turned to her and explained, “I just think that by the end of the day things will just go back to the way they were – just me and Jeremy living our lives. We got by several years without Damon – we can do it again.”
“He needs a father,” Carrie tried to point out. “Back then he had no experience with a father figure but now he has. If you keep pushing Damon out this way then you’re not doing anything good; you’re just going to make Jeremy feel lonely.”
She was definitely right about that. While Jeremy still only thought of Damon as “mommy’s new friend” who we hung out with, he was already feeling the burn of not being around him. There were days where he’d ask where Damon was and if we were going to go out again. He obviously missed Damon.