by Ginger Booth
“Done a hundred interrogations in rooms like this,” Sass shared. “That’s a two-way mirror facing us. Our interrogator is behind it, sizing us up. He can hear everything we say. He’s deciding what our relationship is. How to turn us against each other.”
“No need,” Kassidy replied. “You’re a bitch from hell. We’d both as soon slit each other’s throats.”
Sass snickered. “I was going to suggest we play good-cop, bad-cop.”
“Sass? News flash. You’re not a cop.”
“Point. You play bad cop.”
Kassidy fired up her famous beaming smile and puckered. The handcuffs gave her just enough range to kiss Sass, if she hadn’t ducked away. The starlet mock-pouted. “Be that way!”
The door opened, and a woman entered, wearing possibly the hardest expression Sass had ever seen on a woman. Her blond hair was tightly bound in braids to make a rim from just above her ears to a severe bun in back. No excess fat lent curves to a grey pencil skirt under a pewter-colored blouse, faintly lustrous but devoid of ornamentation, and a single rope of small pearls, presumably paste jewels. Matching pearls graced her ears, showing off how exceptionally pale her skin was. Scowl wrinkles pursed a mouth apparently prone to pursing, and tended to suggest an age near fifty. Furious eyes flashed colorless under a brow plucked to pencil thinness. Bright coral pink lipstick and matching long nails added her only wisp of color.
“I am Evi Lieder, Fürstin of the Enchanters Guild.” Her harsh accent spat every syllable. She stalked to the table. Her sensible pumps in matching grey clicked on the way. She clacked a small kit down, and deposited a briefcase on the floor. Then she splayed her ugly fingernails before her, leaning toward them. “Princess, in English.”
40
Sass smiled warmly. As usual on this crazy world, the princess recoiled, eyebrows registering extreme disapproval. Sass didn’t care. “I’m Captain Sassafras Collier – call me Sass. And my friend, Ms. Kassidy Yang. How do you do?”
“That is none of your business.” Lieder reached out and grabbed Kassidy’s left wrist, the side away from Sass. She yanked it across the table, perforce pulling Kassidy’s chest and other hand to the hitching loop. The Fürstin pinned her hand palm up and scored Kassidy’s wrist deeply with one of those nails. Then she extracted a thin pipette from her kit and inserted it into Kassidy’s welling blood.
Only she found Kassidy’s scratch was already healed. She wiped the scratch, even spit onto a square of cloth and scrubbed the blood away, but she couldn’t find the wound.
Kassidy batted her eyelashes. “I heal fast. So does she.”
Lieder eyed her and selected a scalpel this time. She cut into the flesh, farther from the veins. This time she was able to draw her pipette of blood. But the wound closed around the bit of plastic before the sample was complete.
Clearly unnerved, she repeated the process on Sass. “No syringes in your kit?” Sass inquired.
“No.” She drew a modest case like a laptop computer out of her briefcase and placed it on the table, precisely squaring its edge, exactly centered between the two ends.
Wow, this woman has it bad, Sass judged. She’d rarely seen such severe obsessive compulsive disorder. The sloppiness of human conversation must be agony. She smiled again, wrinkling her nose in a double wink. “What kind of genetic analysis are you performing?”
“The blood test is to gauge your health, not your genetics.” The woman shot dusky Kassidy a suspicious glance under her brows, then resumed work.
Hacked off, Kassidy suggested, “Wizards have nicer houses.”
“This is not my house,” Lieder hissed back. “I live in Zentrum, and my palace is lovely. And orderly.”
She froze and stared at whatever the computer was telling her. She reached for Sass’s blood draw next, and checked that.
“We’re healthy,” Sass suggested.
Lieder stepped back. “You are clearly not from this world. And yes,” she glared at both of them in turn, from under those furious sketched-in brows. “You are perfectly healthy. This is unnatural. Remove your clothing. I must examine you.”
“Aw hell,” Sass breathed.
Kassidy sighed theatrically. “Well, I for one intend to respect your privacy, Sass. Don’t look at me. I won’t look at you. Because I respect you as a human being. These people are clearly subhuman. I don’t worry about her looking at my private parts any more than a pigeon.”
Sass demurred, “I’m not sure I want to antagonize –”
“Oh, but I do!” Kassidy assured her. “You listen to me, Evil Leader! You’re rude. And fundamentally stupid. Instead of trying to humiliate me, how about you show me your own blood test, huh? As it happens, I’m pretty good at reading them.” She pointed to Lieder’s analytical computer. “I have one of those myself in my luggage over there! You’ve read my blood. Let me read yours. I’ll tell you what it says!”
Through this tirade, the shocked Fürstin recoiled, literally taken steps aback. “You are…an enchanter?”
“If engineers are wizards, and bio specialties are enchanters, yeah, sure. I am an enchanter.” Kassidy pressed handcuffed hand to breast. Her short chains forced her to lean forward aggressively to manage this.
Lieder stepped back a little further, lips pursed to maximize her mouth wrinkles. “Where? In this luggage. Tell me!”
Sass suggested, “Kassidy is a slob. You should let her hunt through her own luggage.”
“Hmph!” Lieder stalked to the luggage cart. Kassidy indicated the correct backpack. Lieder picked it up, nearly yanking her shoulder out of its socket at the surprising weight. Looking faintly ridiculous, she dragged the overstuffed luggage across the floor with mincing little pencil-skirt steps. Rather than lift the dratted thing to the table top herself, she called in a policeman.
He and an accomplice supplied another table. Then they unpacked Kassidy’s belongings in distaste, sorting the chaos into little piles. Drones and other alien electronics, underwear, souvenir masks, half-eaten meals, toiletries, spare clothes, juggling balls, art supplies. And at the bottom, a lightweight computer case in Kassidy’s signature purple, decorated with adoring cartoon faces and lashed googly eyes, blinking. The cop hadn’t reached the external pockets yet.
“That’s it,” Kassidy insisted. “You don’t need to –”
The cop reached his hand into another pocket, drew something partway out, took one look, and hastily shoved it back in. His face registered utter revulsion.
“That is enough,” Lieder informed him, and whisked her fingers for him to leave the room.
“Maybe the strip search would have been less intrusive,” Sass needled her.
Kassidy shrugged unrepentant and glared at Lieder. “Stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, and win your proper reward.”
Clearly drawn despite her misgivings, Lieder reached into the problem pocket. She squeaked in revulsion and flung a dead snake to the floor.
“Told you I was into biology,” Kassidy sneered. “The purple case. And I need to draw your blood on a special medium.”
Without freeing Kassidy’s wrists, Lieder opened the googly-eyed case in front of Kassidy’s chain anchor. The starlet inched it closer to extract blood culture media tucked into the purple cover. Lieder stabbed herself obligingly. Kassidy took a smear on something like a slide, and clicked it into an aperture.
Sass leaned over to watch. Lieder stepped around to read over Kassidy’s other shoulder.
“Wow,” Kassidy breathed, acting tossed to the winds. “I’m amazed she can walk and talk.”
“That many nutritional shortfalls?” Sass pointed in puzzlement. “That makes no sense. They grow food and eat it.”
Kassidy glanced over her shoulder at Lieder’s bony physique. “Tell me, have you always been this thin?”
“No,” the enchanter admitted. “As I grow older –” She cut herself off, pressing her lips. “What does your test say?”
“Vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Vitamin D?
To fix a vitamin D deficiency, all you need is sunlight.” Kassidy glanced at Lieder’s blanched complexion, bloodless as the interior of a cabbage. “Or not.” She cleared her throat and proceeded. “Moving on to the toxin screen.”
Half of the list glowed in red, the rest in orange or amber. “Rego hell, Sass. It’s a wonder she’s breathing. Mercury, lead, arsenic…”
“These build up in the system?” Sass suggested. “Over time.”
“Mercury especially,” Kassidy agreed. “Mad as a hatter, the lot of them. Hey, princess, stab me?” She held up her wrist.
Lieder obligingly scratched her. Kassidy smeared another slide, ejected the first sample, and pressed in her own.
“But your nanites will clear everything,” Sass argued.
“Takes time,” Kassidy said. She flicked to the toxin screen again, serene blue healthy, then adjusted the units to display scant traces. The poisons were still shown in serene blue, because none were concentrated enough to cause damage. But even with her top-of-the-line Yang-Yangs, Kassidy’s blood included tiny amounts of mercury and lead.
“You have the same toxins, at much lower levels?” Lieder asked, proving that she was sharp indeed, despite her brain-addling biochemistry.
“I do,” Kassidy agreed. “And I’m probably getting them from this room.”
“There are no poisons in this room!” Lieder insisted.
“I can’t prove it,” Kassidy allowed. She added as an aside to Sass, “But Eli found traces of this stuff at the campsite. Cope tweaked our rebreathers until they filtered it all out.”
“The auto-doc?” Sass suggested. “And some Happy Joy pills?”
“They’d clean her system,” Kassidy agreed. “But what’s that done to her brain? And her metabolism. Over a lifetime?”
“Phosphate mines all over again,” Sass breathed. “Though no radiation.”
“What are you talking about?” Lieder demanded.
Sass offered, “We wondered why you seem so unhappy. Not you personally, but everyone here seems a little…”
“The malaise,” Lieder provided, eyes narrowing.
“The malaise,” Sass agreed. “You suffer from a buildup of environmental toxins. Your nutrition deficiencies are basic. Too basic. That suggests the toxins are blocking your metabolism from gaining the benefit of what you eat, even the sun striking your skin. Your people need a radical detox. We have methods. But only for a few of you.”
“These methods would cure the malaise?”
Sass shook her head. “They would certainly help. Cure? Perhaps not.”
Kassidy muttered, “It’s going to be the same on every world, Sass. We can’t wave a magic wand and erase people’s past. Only deal them a better hand for the future. It’s a herculean task. And not our place.”
“Show me,” Lieder demanded.
“We don’t have the supplies with us,” Sass countered. “I’m sorry. We could bring a couple people back to our ship. If you freed us.”
“Your ship will take test subjects and treat them. A dozen. And return them to me for inspection. If the improvement is as you say, then I will free you.”
“No,” Sass argued. “We are happy to collaborate –”
“You snuck into our world and spied on us!” Lieder shrieked. “I should have you executed at once! This talk of toxins. From the air we breathe! You will spread disruption, panic, fear, chaos!”
Sass privately felt that the enchanters and wizards were doing a bang-up job in that department without her help. She spread her hands, palms up. “Let me talk to my people. Negotiate.”
“No!” Lieder plucked away the purple device, and transfered it to the other table. “Take off your clothes. Now!”
“With handcuffs?” Kassidy retorted.
Sass nudged her with a knee and narrowed her eyes. My turn. “You will find that we are in perfect health, superior to you every way, you so-called Fürstin! Is this how you treat your people, your children, like livestock?”
Lieder slammed open the door. “Medizin! Sofort!” she demanded of the waiting police.
From context, Sass guessed that meant something like ‘Medic! Now!’ “You’ll learn nothing, Lieder! Not a mark on us. The technology we use to look this good, you cannot even detect. You know what else?” Sass leaned forward on folded arms, gripping the loop her handcuffs chained her to. “Guess how old I am?”
Kassidy muttered, “I’d help if I understood, cap.”
“You grovel!” Sass spat at her, figuratively. But then she chose to literally spit at Lieder. “I’m two hundred years old! And she’s over eighty! Shut up, Kassidy. I was born on Earth, in the greatest nation in history. Which certainly wasn’t yours!”
“What are you babbling?” Lieder demanded.
“You think – you! – that you can overpower me! You’re wrong, scrawny little fusty!”
“This is completely irrational!” the enchanter cried in aggravated exasperation. “Why do you seek to antagonize me?”
“Because you suck, bitch. In every possible way. Guilty of malpractice. Child abuse. Terrorizing innocent people. Pretending to magical powers. You pathetic clown!”
Lieder threw up her hands and marched out.
“That went well,” Sass noted.
“In what possible way?” Kassidy inquired. “I almost had her convinced we could cure her entire world of insanity.”
Sass jabbed a reminding finger toward the two-way mirror.
“And I could cure them,” Kassidy assured the mirror. “Probably. I need test subjects, of course. But after that, it’s economics. Whether these people have anything to make it worth our while to help them. Which I seriously doubt.” She looked daggers at the mirror again on that one.
“Neither of us is the right person to answer that,” Sass encouraged. “I am a captain. I drive spaceships. You’re a medical professional.” No, she wasn’t. “We need Abel and Jules Greer to solve this problem. And Eli, and Remi and Ben.”
“Remi and Ben would be ideal!” Kassidy pounced gamely. Ideal for what? “And Aurora and what’s-her-name, the Sanky shrink.”
Sass spread her fingers in a throwaway gesture. “But instead they insist on making enemies of us. God help them if Ben unleashes Zan and Wilder.”
Kassidy’s eyes nearly crossed. She disliked Zan and Wilder. After fifteen years of consistent rejection, Wilder still made passes at her. Zan displayed the conversational brilliance of a houseplant. “Indeed. God help us all.”
Sass warmed to her thesis. “Three hostages. Three city domes blasted from orbit until they hand us over safely. Oh, their negotiators will talk nice now. Try to make friends.” She sneered the word.
“Mm. Why stop at the domes?” Kassidy asked rhetorically. “We could lay the walls to rubble. Just think of the death toll near the train stations. So crowded.” She tsk-tsked.
The medic edged in while they progressed their fantasy of threats. Another man, of course – all the Polizei were men. He wore bright pink exam gloves and a rather more snug lower-face rendition of the police force standard blank mask. He ushered in another couple cops, non-medic, rolling a gurney.
“Stirrups,” Kassidy noted in disgust.
“They will pay for that,” Sass vowed, skewering the medic with a look. “Certain violations call for personal retribution!”
“I don’t think he understands English,” Kassidy noted.
Sass concurred. “That’s a shame.” She kicked Kassidy’s ankle. “Good cop.”
The starlet immediately caught her cue, and addressed the mirror. “But it needn’t come to this! So simple to avoid. A few people. We ask nothing more than to make them healthy and happy. But instead, you choose to have us rain fire down on you from the heavens! No. Please, I beg you. Stop. Reconsider. Don’t make our people kill you.”
“They would love the excuse to kill you,” Sass underlined.
“But we come in peace and brotherhood. To help. Such a tragic misunderstanding.” Kassidy shook her head i
n sorrow. She gazed up, beseeching the mirror. A single tear flowed from one eye. “All the lost children. And lizards.”
“Lizards?” Sass blurted, then righted herself. “Well the lizards are key.” Key to what, she couldn’t imagine. But Cope got good mileage out of them last night. Most people loathed to touch the lizards the way she shrank from the snakes. Nasty things. Water moccasins started invading the Upstate tent-cities toward the end on Earth.
The medic produced some scissors and strode to Kassidy, who lurched and clacked her teeth at him. He recoiled and gave her a wide berth to start with Sass instead.
“Stop!” Lieder cried in disgust, re-entering the room. “I will confer with the wizards.” She herded the medic out and left.
Their once-spacious and Spartan interrogation room was now littered with two tables, an examination gurney with stirrups, and the strewn contents of Kassidy’s luggage.
“Looks like your cabin,” Sass noted wryly.
Kassidy sighed. “I’m dying to hear what possessed you.”
“Precisely. What would inspire more fear than anything else?” Sass inquired. “Don’t answer that.” These people might pretend to Renaissance tech, but the same starships bore their people to this world as to Mahina. They were being recorded, of that she was certain.
Killing her, and then having her resurrect from the dead, would flip them out more than any other technology the Mahinans could demonstrate. Or at least, the technology they were willing to use. Of course they could destroy a dome or city walls, easily. They simply had no reason to be monsters.
She lay her head down on her wrists, hoping for a nap.
41
“Captain Acosta!” Olympia Zhao cried, emerging from Prosper’s door airlock. Ben glanced over at her from his conversation with Abel on the half-floor stairway landing. “Why is my ship parked way over there? This is highly inconvenient –”
Ben tuned her out momentarily. “I’ll talk to Nico as soon as I get a sec. Get with Remi and Hugo on clearing the computer systems, OK?” He and Abel bopped elbows as they parted, and Abel headed up to the catwalk.