“No, Annie’s different.”
“How do you know that?” Ronnie asked.
“I…” She didn’t. Vivian had been like no one she’d ever met before. She made Oksana feel more alive. Oksana had shared everything with her, secrets she’d never shared with anyone. She’d shared her life, and one day Vivian had literally disappeared. No note. No text. No phone call. Annie would never do something that heartless.
“She’s not like Vivian. She’s honest, for one.”
“Well, that’s a plus.”
“I’m serious. This whole thing is fucked. I won’t pretend it isn’t, but she has told me everything from the start.” Oksana smiled to herself, thinking of Annie trying to weigh her gayness. “Even the embarrassing stuff. She could have lied to me about what she wanted, about her fiancé, but she didn’t. Vivian just told me what I wanted to hear. She was a yes-man.”
“Now that shit is true.” Ronnie shuddered, sharing Oksana’s disgust. “Man, she was psycho. Anyway, you gonna hit it again?” Ronnie laughed.
“God, no. Baba was up when I got home this morning and she gave me this whole ultimatum.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. If I see Annie again outside of our workouts, I have to bring her home so Baba can meet her. She thinks I’m playing games with her.”
“You are.”
“No, I’m—”
“You are. You’ve slept with her twice in three days, and if you keep sleeping with her, you’re going to get hurt. If you like her.”
Oksana knew Ronnie was right. Annie had a wedding, a fucking husband waiting for her on the other side of their tryst. Oksana saw the proof of it all over her living room. She’d briefly held it in her hand. Great sex was not enough to end an engagement over. Once Annie was done with her, Oksana had a new client and an endless number of lonely nights ahead of her, but she didn’t see how she was the one playing games. Annie was engaged, not her. She explained that to Ronnie, but still they didn’t agree.
“You’re putting up with this, Sana. Sex is fun, but you’ve never been the type to sleep around. You’re a relationship person. But since you like her, you’re taking what you can get. It’s not as bad as Captain Abandon, but it’s pretty close.” Oksana fought like crazy not to cry, but her lip still trembled. How had she let herself get wrapped up in such a shitty situation? Where was the fun she’d been looking for? The easy opening into a new phase in her love life?
Ronnie reached across the table and took her hand, rubbing the ridge of her knuckles. She wasn’t much on friend PDA, but she knew when Oksana needed it.
“Hey.” Oksana looked up into Ronnie’s eyes. “I’m not trying to make you upset, I just want you to look at the red flags. If they’re there, you can’t ignore them. You deserve better. You are worth more.”
And hadn’t that been the mantra? It took some serious personal analysis, but Oksana was finally able to admit to herself that her crappy relationship with her parents left her feeling, in some ways, unworthy. That shitty feeling had only been compounded by Vivian’s swift exit. She’d had her breakthrough moment and Oksana was able to see that she couldn’t weigh her personal value against the people who felt they were too good to be a part of her life.
“What if she has genuine feelings for you?” Ronnie asked as if she could feel Oksana’s mood really starting to plummet.
“Yeah, right” Oksana wiped her eyes. “And what if she weren’t getting married and what if—”
“I’m serious. Let’s forget Vivian for a moment because we both know she’s crazy. This new chick was drunk, but she was pumped to see you. That much was real. She went down on you?”
“Like it was her last supper.”
Ronnie frowned for a moment. She was really thinking this over, which bothered Oksana a little. She loved that Ronnie cared, but there was nothing to think about. Things with Annie were over and done with. Period. The gorgeous A-line gown hanging in her den was proof of that.
“I can’t speak on her feelings for her man, but I think she likes you. What would you do if she did?”
“I’d date her, if—if—she wasn’t engaged.”
“Which she is.”
“Which. She. Is.”
“Sucks, comrade. What’s the non-hypothetical plan?”
“I haven’t heard from her today, so I’m guessing we’re still on for our hike tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes. If she’s willing to end our hot, steamy affair, I’ll stick with her schedule. She’s paid up through July.”
“Jesus. Can you do that?” Oksana shrugged. “And if you can’t?”
“Hopefully, she’ll go with another trainer without any drama.”
“Hmm. Good luck.”
“Thanks.” Oksana made a real effort to finish her lunch then. She had to get over Annie. There was no hope for them, and the sooner Annie was out of her life in every sense, the sooner she could try at love again. With a normal, single, gay woman. With absolutely no baggage or sociopathic disorders. If a woman like that even existed.
“So how’d you get home?” Ronnie eventually asked.
“Scooter.”
“Ha.” Ronnie laughed. Of course he would come through. “Our man Scoot.”
*
Annie shifted in her flip-flops and glanced at her phone. The line in Greens and Beans was ridiculous. Luckily, the studio was paying for lunch. Well, Sergio at least. She’d been praying that Megan would somehow forget that Annie’s wedding was around the corner and subsequently forget all her maid of honor duties. No such luck. Her text came at ten that morning.
Coming over the hill for the afternoon. Meet me for lunch?
Annie wanted to text her a rain check, but Megan knew Annie could take a two-hour lunch and no one in her office would care. Still, that wasn’t the point. She had to talk to Jeff before she came clean to her friends, so for the next three weeks she had to act natural. She packed up her stuff and left the office, but not before her executive producer got a good look at her.
“You look like shit, Collins. Here, lunch is on me.” Sergio had handed her a few twenties, which she snatched without a word. She wanted to shove the bills into his mouth, but she loved her job so she pocketed the money with a half-hearted thank you and drove the whole mile to the restaurant of Megan’s choosing.
Back in the horrible present, Megan placed her order for an extravagant salad with everything on the side, then moved forward, checking her BlackBerry while Annie ordered the most fattening salad Greens and Beans served, with extra dressing.
While they waited, she stared at Megan’s ass. Annie worked hard, but her bestie was the only one in the group who had a real adult day job and she was the only person Annie knew who still wore anything remotely formal to work. Her tight pencil skirt hugged her hips. Annie had been attracted to her the summer after ninth grade when Megan really got boobs. She dreamed about feeling her up and fingering her, but Megan was so confident and so clearly straight Annie knew she couldn’t be talked or seduced into any sort of experimentation.
Doesn’t matter now, does it? Annie thought. It didn’t.
Annie paid a small fortune for their lunches and they headed to a small booth in the back.
After a few minutes, Megan put down her phone. “Sorry. Where were we?”
“You asked me to lunch. We haven’t gotten much further than that,” Annie grumbled as she played with her food.
“Whoa! Take it easy. David just needed me to send some e-mails. No more BlackBerry. I promise.” Megan put her phone down next to her plate for easy access.
“Yeah, sorry.” Annie sighed and leaned back in her seat. “Work is kicking my ass. I got no sleep last night.”
“You look exhausted. Where’s your ring?”
Annie none too subtly dropped her hand into her lap. Megan was the fourth person to ask about her missing ring that day.
The ring was a lie now.
Important things had changed in those early morning hours after Oksana drove away wit
h her friend. Once Annie pulled herself away from the door, the ring went right back in the box Jeff had given her and that box went right into her nightstand. Next the dress was zipped back in its garment bag and shoved deep into her closet. Photos and that fucking seating chart were stacked and shoved in the dining room chest.
Annie was officially having doubts about Jeff. She tried to be objective in her thinking, not wanting to lay the decision to break up at Oksana’s feet, but realizing that Oksana had been the cause. Either way, her feelings for Jeff had changed, and whether she had a future with Oksana or not, she wasn’t so sure she could marry someone she was having such blatant second thoughts about. Thinking of what the hell she was going to say to Jeff, her family, his family, and her friends was bad enough; Annie didn’t want to spend the next three weeks looking at reminders of the nuptials that were now up in the air, but Megan didn’t need to know that.
She rubbed her palm against her jeans. “I’m getting it cleaned.”
“Hmm. Any word from lover boy?”
Annie smiled down at her salad. Megan hated Jeff. She thought he was boring and didn’t appreciate his small sense of humor. In his defense, Annie always claimed that he was just quiet. He was funny; he simply didn’t feel the need to entertain people all the time. Megan didn’t care. She’d kept her feelings about their engagement to herself. Megan was single with no aspirations to mingle. Her career came first. Though helping Annie plan her wedding gave Megan the perfect distraction when work was slowly killing her soul. She let the less than perfect choice in a fiancé slide.
If she only knew the truth.
“He e-mailed this morning,” Annie said. The first one since he left. Annie had broken out in a cold sweat when the e-mail popped up on her phone while she was waiting in traffic. Even though he just e-mailed to tell her he and the boys were moving on from Dublin and that he’d gotten her a T-shirt, she was convinced somehow he knew about Oksana. “He’s enjoying himself.”
“I’m sure he is. So…” Megan picked up her phone again and clicked a few buttons before holding her screen up for Annie to see. “I think this is the hair.”
Annie took the phone and looked at the impressive double twist that led to a blond ponytail down the model’s back. The style was gorgeous.
“And look…” Megan took her phone back and pressed another button, showing Annie the front of the woman’s hairdo. “You wouldn’t have to grow out your bangs.”
Annie stared at the photo and suddenly the sound of the whole Pacific Ocean felt like it was pounding in her ears. The tides and currents had been rolling through her all morning, tousling her back and forth against the rocky shore of where she was, miles away from where she wanted to be.
“I’m having an affair.”
Megan froze, her fork halfway to her mouth. “You what?”
“I’m having sex with someone who isn’t Jeff.”
“Are you fucking joking?” Megan yelled. Like actually yelled. Everyone in the restaurant turned and looked at them. Annie lowered her voice hoping Megan would respond at a reasonable volume.
“I’m having an affair with my trainer. Well, it might be over now, but for the past few days we’ve been sleeping with each other.”
With disturbing precision, Megan placed her fork on the lip of her large salad bowl. She lifted her napkin from her lap and settled against the booth once the linen square was on the table. She was not pleased. “How did this happen?”
Annie told her everything she could, skipping the play-by-play of what had actually happened in bed. “I don’t know. It just started off as this silly, stupid idea, and now I…I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you mean? Are you gay now? Bi?”
“I’m definitely, bi, but I…I thought I could sleep with her, I mean we had an agreement. I thought I could sleep with her just that one time and it would be fine. It would be my last hoorah, but we just kept talking and then I kissed her outside the gym the other night and then we fucked again last night and all I want to do right now is call her or text her, but she knows about Jeff. She doesn’t want to deal with all of my bullshit.” Annie tossed her napkin on the table in frustration. Megan watched her, working her tongue behind her teeth. “Say something.”
“I’m pissed and I’m not,” Megan said. “If you had just told me you wanted to fuck some woman instead of having a bachelorette party, we could have bought you a hooker. David knows plenty and that would have saved you all this emotional drama and I wouldn’t have this sick sense that the months and months of work I’ve put into your wedding is about to be flushed down the shitter.”
“Wait. I didn’t say anything—” Megan cut her off with a deadly glare.
“On the other hand, the part of me who absolutely hates your boyfriend is just a little relieved. He sucks for you.”
Annie was suddenly annoyed. Sure, she knew Megan wasn’t a huge fan, but she hadn’t said that Jeff was wrong for her. She hadn’t said a single thing about them getting married.
“If you hate him so much why didn’t you tell me?”
“If you love him so much why are you fucking someone else?” Annie swallowed and shifted in the booth. That one stung. “I did tell you. Feather’s birthday party, when you and Jeff first started dating? Remember he showed up with that stupid flask? And we were at a bar.”
“You make him sound like he’s a complete douche,” Annie said. Jeff wasn’t perfect, but the trouble in their paradise was all Annie’s invention, not his.
“If the flask fits, honey,” Megan said, cocking her head defiantly for a second before she relaxed. “Listen, I know he’s nice to you and I know he’s not a bad guy. I just don’t like him and I don’t like him for you. I’m sorry if I’m late, but I’m saying it now. You need someone kinder, someone more nurturing who likes your soft and gooey sides. I feel like Jeff keeps you around because you’re hot, but when you need him to let loose and have fun with you, he’s always so fucking uptight and serious. In plain terms, you’re too nice for him. He needs someone more Hollywood and more heartless.”
“You felt all this and you were going to let me marry him,” Annie almost whispered to herself. Everything Megan had pointed out was true, but along the way, those were all parts of Jeff she figured she would just have to accept. That’s what you do in a relationship; you love the person as they are and accept what you can’t change. Or do you? Megan seemed to have a clear understanding of how relationships were supposed to work and she hadn’t said a word. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“How old are you? I’m serious. This isn’t about me. I told you one time exactly how I felt and you told me that’s just how he is, it’s fine. He’s nice. He’s this. He’s that. After that it wasn’t my job to tell you he sucks.”
“He doesn’t suck, but I see what you mean.”
“The question is do you want to be with Jeff when you’re seventy, eighty, one hundred and twelve? And better yet, why did you want to sleep with someone else?”
Annie didn’t have a good answer. Her mind was in After-Oksana mode. She couldn’t remember her reasoning before they’d had sex. All she could remember was how good that sex had been and all she could think about was doing it again.
“Tell me about her,” Megan said. Annie pulled out her phone and dug up a picture of Oksana from the Elite Fitness website. She handed her cell over to Megan.
“That’s her. Her name is Oksana.”
“Wow. She’s gorgeous. God, I want to fuck her.”
“I know.” Annie sighed. “She’s beautiful and she’s funny and her body is killer. She lives with her grandmother too. How sweet is that? I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. It’s just sex, right? Tell me I’m just getting cold feet and this is the guy in me who needs to sow his wild oats before he takes the plunge.”
“No. You tell me how you feel about her. Be honest. Don’t think about Jeff. If you were single, what would you do right now?”
“I’d…I’d try to
be with her.” Annie dropped her head forward, exhausted from thinking. “I’d want to see where it goes.”
“I should meet her.”
“What? No way.”
“Yes way. I’m an excellent judge of character and you know it. It doesn’t have to be anything super formal, but if I can just meet her I can tell you, objectively, if you’re just thinking with your crotch. Either way, you should dump Jeff.”
“Oh, just like that?”
“Yeah, just like that. And don’t think you’re not going to owe me like seven hundred favors for dealing with Taum on these wedding arrangements. You know I hate your mom.” Her mother was a little over the top. From her false pleasantries to her weird insistence that everyone, including Annie’s childhood friends call her by her first name.
“Ugh, I’m sorry. Should I tell Shane and Feather?”
“Not yet. Let me meet her first and then we can finagle something.” Megan’s cell phone sang and rattled on the table. “Fuck, hold on. It’s David.”
Annie ate silently while Megan and her boss had some conversation about contracts. She wanted to feel better, having passed some of this burden on to Megan, but somehow she felt worse. Jeff was going to get hurt. Bad. And Annie couldn’t help but wonder how far the fallout would wash her out to sea.
Chapter Six
The Last Trip to the Park
The next morning, Annie waited patiently near the entrance to Griffith Park. Every Saturday, she met Oksana near one of the very bottom trails. They stretched and then hiked to the observatory near the top, or they ran higher up one of the peak trails, depending on how much complaining Annie was doing. A steep, two-mile run would actually do some good to burn off some of the nervous energy that had her leg shaking as she sat on the picnic table.
Megan had already texted her, begging for more girl time that afternoon. Annie understood her need to unwind, especially after she handed off the whole wedding to her, but Annie hadn’t replied to that text. She’d think about Megan and the rest of the wedding party later, after she talked to Oksana.
The Fling Page 8