When the beast was silent, though, Annie felt herself settling into this new life, a new partnership with Oksana that felt perfectly right. She had a new family of sorts in Kat and Baba Inna, who now included Annie in everything, and she’d grown closer to Noelle and Ronnie in that time too. She even had Megan’s continued reassurance that she was doing the right thing when it came to Oksana. Annie knew where she belonged, and now that Jeff had returned, she could close the door on that part of her life and start fresh. He didn’t deserve to be disregarded, but Annie deserved to be happy, and that happiness came in a very specific form.
She would have to deal with the aftermath of any regular breakup and the questions that came once people discovered you were seeing someone else. There would be questions about Oksana, and the extremely annoying questions about what happened with her and Jeff. Annie refused to go into detail about either. But she would defend what she had with Oksana and defend what used to be with Jeff. It wasn’t his fault; they simply weren’t meant to be.
The back bell rang again. Annie had to answer it.
Oksana had offered her services in any way she could, but all Annie needed her to do was wait. Oksana hesitantly agreed, and for now, she was on standby for a call or a text from Annie that begged her to come and console. Hopefully, it wouldn’t get to that.
By the time she made it to the backdoor, Annie was shaking. Her stomach was in a sour knot. If she’d had enough nerves to eat anything at work, she would definitely throw it up.
He knocked loudly, just as Annie reached for the knob.
“Hey,” she said with a weak smile.
Jeff frowned at her for a moment. “Hey.”
He stepped inside and wrapped his arms around her. The embrace was strange. He wasn’t a hugger, but Jeff pulled Annie tightly against his chest, as if he were trying to memorize her frame. He smelled different. Not bad, but not good. Like unfamiliar cologne and spices. Summer was late and the breeze from the ocean made his odor somehow stronger. Annie wrinkled her nose to shake the scent as he pulled away, grateful he hadn’t gone in for a kiss.
“Come on in.” She looked him over as he walked into the mudroom. He looked like shit, exhausted. His hair was wet, but he was anything but refreshed. Dark bags shadowed under his eyes and his beard had gone from scruffy-chic to scraggly.
“You look different,” Jeff said, still frowning.
“The glasses maybe?” She’d been wearing them a lot lately.
“No, it’s something else.” He touched her face. Annie did her best not to jerk her head away. It didn’t feel right having anyone besides Oksana touch her like that anymore. “You look healthier.”
“Oh. I put on some weight.”
“That’s probably it.” Annie tensed as Jeff leaned in, but he planted a kiss on her forehead instead of her lips. At least his breath smelled fresh.
“Come on,” Annie said. “Come sit down.”
Jeff accompanied her to the living room, his arm loosely draped over her shoulder. She swallowed, praying he was too tired for any more affection.
As they sat, Jeff sighed and stretched out with his feet on the coffee table. His black boots looked new.
“How was your trip?” Annie slid back to the arm of the couch, just out of his reach. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt and turned the black ring box around. Annie thought about putting the engagement ring on the table, but that was a bit dramatic.
“It was good. Took lots of pictures. I got you some stuff, but it’s over at my place. I’ll bring it by later.” Jeff looked her in the eye, and that’s where Annie found her courage. She didn’t feel the same about those brown eyes anymore. That love was gone.
“You all right? You’re usually all over me,” he said.
Annie let out a breath. “I have something to tell you.”
“What’s up?”
“I can’t marry you.”
“What do you mean you can’t marry me?” he asked. “What happened?”
“I met someone.”
“What?” Jeff’s eyes flashed with shock.
“Just listen.” She put up her hands. “I took advantage of our deal. I’ve told you how attracted I am to other women before.”
“Yeah?” He edged forward.
“Well, I slept with someone while you were gone, per our agreement, and it turned into something more.”
“Oh, is that all? So you fucked someone and now we’re just done? You’re just breaking up with me?” Jeff’s voice steadily increased in volume as his anger seemed to build. She’d never seen him that pissed before.
“I didn’t want to tell you over e-mail. It happened and it spiraled.” Annie swallowed then delivered the final blow. “I love her, Jeff. And I want to be with her. I’m going to be with her.”
She had yet to say those words to Oksana, but she realized them as she tried to explain their situation, so Jeff would understand that she was serious, she meant it. She was in love with Oksana.
Annie watched him while his eyes scanned the floor, back and forth along the edge of the rug. Then Jeff closed his eyes in the most painful way.
“Who is she?”
“I’m not sure I want to tell you. I promised her she wouldn’t get dragged into this, between us I mean.”
“What do you think I’m going to do? Beat her up?”
“Her name is Oksana. We met at the gym.”
“You mean your trainer. You’re fucking your trainer.” Annie had never mentioned more than the fact that she had a trainer to Jeff, and he never asked anything about her. She thought, at least in his mind, Annie was just going to the gym. Great. As soon as she recognized her attraction for what it was, Annie remembered wanting to keep details of Oksana to herself, especially from Jeff. She had always been someone special, and telling Jeff about her would somehow draw him into their secret world of giggling on the treadmill.
“How did you know she’s my trainer?”
“Taum. She asked me if I wanted Oksana to train me too. Is this why you wanted me to go away? Is this why you were all for me taking off for a month?”
“No, Jeff. It wasn’t like that. I…I told you that I’ve been wanting to sleep with a woman for a while. Oksana and I, we didn’t mean to, but we hit it off.”
“Must have been really intense,” he said with biting sarcasm.
“Jeff, I swear, it started off innocent. I thought I would have my fun. I thought you’d have your fun too. Sleep with some girls in Amsterdam, maybe Paris—”
“Yeah, because nothing says commitment like bringing home herpes from your bachelor party. I didn’t sleep with anyone.” Jeff paused, the eerie look coming to his face. He looked at the floor and then Annie again. “I bet you hoped I would so you wouldn’t feel so bad. What’s going on with your brain? Cheating on me and breaking up with me isn’t innocent, Annie. If you wanted to fuck around you shouldn’t have agreed to marry me.”
“Jeff, I swear to God it wasn’t like that.” But he wasn’t listening to her. He whipped out his phone and a few seconds later, shoved the display in her face. Annie stared at her favorite picture of Oksana. From the Elite Fitness website.
“That’s her isn’t it?” Jeff said with a cruel smirk on his face. He pulled the phone back and examined the picture some more. “The one your mom hired. Irony of ironies. It’s very Hollywood of you I have to say. Having an affair with your trainer.” Jeff examined the picture for a while. Annie watched the various expressions pass over his face and then the focused stare he got when he was examining the composition of a photo. “She’s really pretty.”
“She’s beautiful,” Annie said softly.
Jeff tossed his phone on the table with a thud that made Annie jolt in her seat. He slid back against the couch cushions and covered his eyes with his arm. Annie watched him for a long time, afraid to move. There was nothing more she could say; all of her words were coming out wrong. There was no way she could ask him to forgive her. It was too soon, or maybe too late.
“What are you thinking about?” Annie asked after a while.
“I’m wondering what the fuck you were thinking. What the fuck was I thinking? Fuck!” Jeff let his arm flop to the side. “Should have listened to Bran.”
“Why? What did Brandon say?”
“He was with me when I bought your ring. He told me not to do it. He said you liked me, but you weren’t in love with me.”
“What the hell?”
“Don’t, okay? He was right,” Jeff said. “How do you know? We’ve been together for almost ten years. How do you know you’re not just bored? How are you sure about this chick?”
“Oksana?”
“Yeah. You told me you wanted to be with other women, but I kinda thought you were joking or just being cute.”
Annie shoved aside the snide remark that immediately popped into her head and answered him honestly.
“I was, in a way. The sex was a fantasy, and I think if it had been someone else, we would have just fucked and then I would have waited for you to come home. But she’s different.”
“I see that.”
“It’s not the tattoos or the hair.”
“Or that she’s black?”
“What?” Annie flinched in shock.
“She’s black.”
“She’s mixed, and what does that have to do with anything?”
“What the fuck. Look at her and then look at yourself and your friends. Look at your fucking mom. Yeah, she’d fit right in. Megan the Ice Queen would call the cops on her before she was even able to introduce herself.”
“Actually, she and Megan get along just fine.”
“So Megan knew about this? That’s fucking great.”
Annie glanced at Jeff’s discarded phone, thinking of exactly what he saw in that picture of Oksana and exactly what he didn’t.
“You don’t…you don’t know her. She’s an amazing person. Sweeter than me and all of my white friends combined.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Jeff said. “I meant she’s probably normal. She’s probably not some elitist psycho like your mom or some hypocritical snob like Megan or Feather. She probably won’t go for the bullshit your family and your friends would put her through.”
“So what does that say about you? Are you like that and you’ve just been hiding it from me?”
“No, it means I don’t give a shit about your mom and your friends. I loved you and I didn’t let how much they fucking suck come between us. But, hey, let’s hope your trainer feels the same way. Let’s hope she wants to put up with Taum’s shit just to see you happy.”
“She will. She already has.”
Jeff laughed.
“What? What’s so funny?”
“I’m just thinking about Taum. She’s going to flip the fuck out; you know that, right?”
“Yeah, I do, but I can handle it.”
“Can you?”
“What…what do we do?”
“We don’t do anything. I’m going to call my parents and my friends and let them know the wedding is off. You can tell your parents. I’m not sticking around for that conversation.”
“Okay. And what about your apartment? You haven’t lined up a sublease, have you?”
“No.” Jeff suddenly looked guilty. “I never planned to. I need my studio. Married or not, I need my space.”
Annie stared at him in disbelief. “Is that what you mean by love? Needing your space?” Had Jeff always been this cold? Was Megan right the whole time? Was Jeff really a distant asshole? Annie thought he was dry and pensive, but now she was starting to see it was something else entirely.
“Whatever. Use that if you want to blame me. I guess I’ll be going. Can I have my ring back?”
Annie pulled the ring box out of her pocket and placed it in Jeff’s hand. He grabbed for his phone and headed for the door.
“Jeff, wait.”
“For what? What do you want from me?”
“Where are you going to go?”
“Do you really care?”
“Yes. I do. I still care about you.” Annie wanted to punch herself for saying something so trite, but it was the truth. She didn’t hate Jeff and she hoped he wouldn’t leave this angry.
“Good luck, Annie. Really. And if you care about this chick at all, maybe you should fuck everything you see before she gets serious about you. Make sure you get all that shit out of your system before she falls in love with you.”
Finally, the tears hit Annie’s eyes. How had she messed this up so bad? “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Thanks. So we’re done now?”
Annie nodded.
“I wish you the best, Annie. Really. I hope she ends up being exactly what you wanted. If you even know what that is.”
Jeff let himself out and Annie went straight to her bedroom. She texted Oksana before she flopped onto her covers.
He’s gone was all she wrote.
The tears that ran down the sides of her face made no sense. She got exactly what she wanted. She and Jeff were through. She hated herself for doing it, but as she lay on her bed, all the good times in their relationship popped into her mind. She revisited all the moments Jeff had made her smile, how happy she had been just months before. The thought of what would have really happened if Oksana hadn’t come into her life made her whole body want to clench in pain. She’d been tearing herself up over the idea of being dishonest with him, but now that she was free of Jeff, she found herself wanting to make things right between them. As if she could.
Still she wondered why it had been so easy for her to leave him. There was a distinct possibility that the Jeff Annie had spent the last seven years with was a Jeff she’d created in her head. She was happy with her job, she was happy with her friends, and Jeff never gave her any problems. Maybe the lack of fights was something Annie confused with chemistry. He was right, well, Bran was. She wasn’t in love with him. She was comfortable and she was lazy and Jeff was agreeable.
She sighed heavily and sniffled as the sound of Billy Squier’s “The Stroke” killed the silence of her room. She didn’t have to check who it was.
“Hey.” Annie couldn’t have sounded more devastated.
“Do you want me to come over?” Oksana asked urgently. A bad idea. Annie didn’t want Oksana to see her crying. She would think the tears were for all the wrong reasons, and some of the right reasons still might upset her.
“I need some time alone,” Annie said.
“Did he do something to upset you?”
“Yes and no. I’m just drained. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”
The line was silent for a few seconds too long. When she replied, Oksana’s voice was quiet. “Okay.”
Great.
“Babe? I’m not shutting you out, I swear,” Annie said. She meant it, but now wasn’t a good time for them to be together. “Sana?”
“I’m here. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Oksana hung up before Annie could say good-bye.
Chapter Fourteen
The Element of Surprise
“That’s great, Willow. Just one more and you’re done.” Oksana counted out the last fifteen reps of her weight set, wishing she could drag out the session. She wasn’t in a hurry to see Annie.
Jeff was back, and from what she understood, Annie’s relationship with him was officially over, but Oksana felt uneasy. They’d barely spent a day apart in the past few weeks and not seeing Annie, right after Annie saw her fiancé made Oksana feel slightly neurotic. Annie had called her that morning to ask Oksana to lunch, right after her session with Willow. She’d apologized over the phone as well. Oksana didn’t entirely buy it.
She wanted to say no to the lunch invitation, give Annie a taste of her own at arm’s length medicine. Acting like an adult, though, and not avoiding your significant other was the healthier alternative. Annie most likely wanted to pretend her quick apology was enough. That’s what scared Oksana, that Annie hadn’t recognized her hurt, that she had been so lost i
n her own struggles with her ex-fiancé that she hadn’t considered that being in each other’s arms was exactly what they needed.
Oksana wanted to be there when Jeff left. She wanted to be the last person Annie saw before she fell asleep. She wanted to do all she could to erase Jeff from Annie’s mind. It was selfish, petty want, but Oksana had become attached to Annie and she was terrified that at some point during her conversation with Jeff, Annie was starting to reconsider her future with Oksana.
Be honest; you think Annie is coming over here to break up with you in person. That’s exactly what you’re worried about. But you’re just being paranoid. She loves you and you need to accept that.
That was the truth. Annie needed some time to process her breakup with Jeff. Oksana thought about that concept. Her girlfriend needed time to get over her fiancé. It had been backward from the beginning. There were moments when Oksana wished she hadn’t caved that day in the park. She should have made Annie wait, and later, when things had been handled in a proper order, Oksana would have agreed to go out on a date with her. Jeff would be an afterthought, not a hurdle. She’d given in and now she was falling in love with someone who was probably debating her own mistakes at this very moment.
Oksana felt the foolish need to dwell on all the ifs and whats until she came face-to-face with one Annie Collins. Willow’s need for guidance brought her back down to Earth.
“Should I stretch?”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry.” Oksana smiled at her own stupidity. She helped Willow rack her weights and guided her over to the mats to stretch. They sat facing each other, fingers gripped together as Willow did her best to press her head to her kneecap. Oksana absently admired her flexibility.
“Good thing we’re finished. I’m not sure I could have kept your attention for another hour,” Willow said.
“Ignore me. You’re a pro at this stuff and you’re right on track.”
Willow had thirty pounds to shed and she was already halfway there. Much to the studio’s and Oksana’s delight, they might reach her goal ahead of the schedule.
The Fling Page 20