by Shelly Davis
“You want me to talk to him?”
“NO! No way, Toni. You’ll go all little sister on him and he’ll think I’ve been bitchin’ about him. I’m just answerin’ your question. I want him to figure his shit out on his own before I get too annoyed and just say screw it.”
“You do know Jake doesn’t let things go easily. You screwed up pretty badly back then. He was hurt, you’re gonna have to prove yourself to him before he opens up again. Why don’t I at least say somethin’ to Cade and let him handle it?” I argue.
“What, you think since you hang out with so many guys all of the time you know how they think?” she glared at me, annoyed.
“I know more than you do, especially about this specific guy. You hang around sick people all day long. When I want to know how a sick person thinks, I’ll come to you. Will you just trust me for once?”
“Fine,” she whined. “I guess if there’s nothin’ there it’s better to know it now.”
“Well, ain’t you just a ray of sunshine,” Margie snickered. “I’ll talk to Cade. He’s been hangin’ around Ky more lately. They’re workin’ on somethin’ to try to improve pit stop times.”
“Yeah, they’re much faster than they used to be, but there’s still room for improvement,” I explained. Kyle and I have talked extensively about how to improve times. We both agreed they needed more specialized workouts geared toward what’s needed to lift, jump, and carry things over the wall. Talking to Cade, he was sure he could come up with a program just for our team. He was also going to use what they came up with as a case study for one of his classes.
“Enough,” Mia growled. “No more talkin’ about work or cars. And definitely no more talkin’ about me. I’ll figure it out. You need to focus on you and this date. I may need help with Jake, but you definitely need a lot more help than me.” Leave it to Mia to go for the deathblow. The moment the words left her mouth, she regretted it, “I’m sorry, Toni. It wasn’t your fault, but it’s time to move on.”
“But what if it ain’t a date. What if we’re just hangin’ out?” I was worried. I liked him, a lot. I wanted this to work out. I wanted to be able to finally move beyond my insecurities and fears once and for all. I wanted at least to try to be normal.
“It’s definitely a date. Jules has been plannin’ this for a while,” Margie said. “He worked hard to make all of this happen, Toni. Between convincin’ your father to come here, plannin’ the party, and then whatever he has for tonight; he’s put a lot of work into this weekend. All for you.”
I sighed. Since our first kiss, all I thought about was him. The only thing that distracted me has been work. It sucked constantly being around him and not being able to see if what I felt that night was real. That kiss was so long ago it almost seemed like it didn’t happen. Maybe those feelings weren’t real. Maybe the feelings were nothing but what my naïve mind built them up to be. I wanted to move on. I wanted finally to be able to have something real. So maybe I made his kiss mean something more. If it was such a great kiss, wouldn’t he have found a way to kiss me again, in spite of work, cars, and racing?
“Stop it,” Mia commanded. “Just stop it now.”
“What?” I questioned. Looking at myself in the mirror once more. The dark eyeliner and mascara brought attention to my eyes, the slight color to my cheeks and lips made me look so different, but I still looked like me. But when I met Mia’s hazel eyes in the mirror, I could see her annoyance.
“You’re questionin’ somethin’, and I’m sure it pertains to Julius. Stop it. Just for one night, forget you’re Antonia and pretend you don’t feel the need to question everythin’ everyone does.”
“I don’t,” I complained.
“Yes, you do,” Mia said as nicely as she could. “You question everyone’s motives. Just stop.”
I just shook my head. I didn’t know what else to say. I knew she was right. I just didn’t ever want to admit it. “Whatever, fine. I’ll stop whatever I’m not doing.” I knew that comment would piss her off, but I didn’t care. Out in the hall, I heard Julius’ voice. It was muffled, but I would know his low timbre anywhere. His voice was unique and permanently etched into my memory. Next, a knock sounded on the door.
“You gotta go downstairs and wait,” Margie shouted at the closed door. “She ain’t comin’ out ‘til you’re down there waitin’.”
“This ain’t the freakin’ prom, Marg,” Julius growled. “Just let her out the damn door. I know she’s not the one wantin’ to make this a big deal. Right, Toni?”
“Right,” I shouted before either Mia or Margie could speak.
They both looked at me, annoyed. I didn’t want this to be a big deal, especially if it was just us hanging out as friends. It was bad enough I was wearing more makeup than I was used to and I wasn’t as casual as I probably would have preferred.
Julius jiggled the doorknob. “See, Margie. Just let her the hell outta the room so we can go. You’re wastin’ our time.”
“Maybe we’re not done with her yet,” Mia argued.
“You’ve had her long enough. We need to go.” He jiggled the door again, “Dammit, open the goddamned door. Toni, let’s go.”
“Fine,” Margie said with venom in her voice. You could tell she was pissed at her brother and he didn’t care. Margie stood and slid the lock on the door and opened it.
“Well, it’s about damn …” Julius started to say, but then his eyes landed on me. He stood in the doorway and stared for a long moment. His eyes moved from mine, and slowly scanned down my body. I felt like he was committing every inch of me to memory. His look was like a heat I felt deep in my bones. It warmed me from my core, making my heart hammer and my body quake. He didn’t speak. He only stood and stared. I wanted to know what he was thinking.
As if she was reading my mind, Margie spoke, asking the question I wanted answered. “Well, Jules?” Margie asked. “What do you think? Beautiful, right?”
“I think …” he paused and seemed to think for a moment. His eyes never leaving me. He seemed to be drinking all of me in as he stood there and stared. “I think it’s time for us to go.” He finally stepped into the room farther. Standing in front of me, he just stared into my eyes. “You ready to go, Toni?” he asked in a whisper.
Before I said a word, Julius grabbed my hand and gently pulled me with him. “See you ladies later,” Julius said. “Don’t wait up.”
I walked hand in hand, through the house with Julius. He smoothly led the way as we passed through the halls and into the garage adjacent to the back of the house. The outside weather was beautiful, it had been a perfect spring day and the evening seemed as if it was going to be much the same. Grey clouds stretched in the distance to the east, but the sky was a perfect shade of cobalt blue above us as the evening sun danced on the horizon in the west. I’ve always loved spring in the south. The spring buds breaking through the ground, littering the tips of every tree, and giving new life and new hope to the world. It was what I craved after a brutally cold winter.
Julius didn’t release my hand until we got outside to his pickup. He reached for the door handle to open it, but then stopped and looked at me. His heated gaze made me feel like I was going to melt into a puddle at his feet. He made me feel such desire and want but he also made me feel desired and wanted. He took my hand in his once more, his eyes never leaving mine. The deep brown irises were filled with so much feeling and every unsaid word drifted between us. His eyes then drifted down to my parted lips, and then glided further still, settling on the rise and fall of my chest. The only warning he gave was when he rasped my name quietly, “Antonia,” before he pressed me against the side of his truck. He pressed his body against mine. In slow motion, he leaned forward, caressing my mouth with his own. Devouring me, owning me. All of the sensations from the beach and every desire and fear I’d felt every day since came rushing into me with the first touch of his lips to mine. A quiet gasp escaped me when he ran the tip of his tongue over my lip. I felt my body stiff
en as his hand snaked around my back, pulling his body flush into mine. He slid his other hand up my arm and laced his fingers into my hair as he pressed me into the side of his truck. His touch was tender yet possessive as he gently kissed me more deeply. He hummed softly into my mouth and pulled back just a bit. With his lips still grazing mine he said, “Now, that’s better. I missed this.” Then he pressed back firmly, once again taking my mouth and swallowing my gasp.
I felt my fears dissolve as my entire being relaxed and melded into his sweet touch. My mind and body were awash with emotions I hadn’t ever felt before. I could sense my barriers collapsing, being replaced by something I once wasn’t sure I could ever experience. I think I shocked us both when I met his fervor with equal demand. I skimmed my hands up his arms and to his chest, fisting his jacket in my grasp and pulling him tighter until there was no way to tell where he ended and I began. A heated shudder started in me and seemed to pass directly into him. When he shivered under my touch, he slipped his hands to my arms and pushed himself away from me. Stepping back he stared at me, his breathing ragged as he held himself away.
“I’m sorry, Toni,” he said, breathlessly. “I didn’t mean to be so aggressive.”
“You weren’t,” I said quietly. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do. I wasn’t pushing you away.” I knew he wasn’t trying to force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. I wanted to tell him how much I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to know just how much I felt for him and how much I’ve wanted him to kiss me again. Instead of voicing anything, all I could do was look down and avoid his eyes. It was so frustrating that I could be so confident sometimes but then when I needed poise, I fell back into shyness instead.
He nudged my chin up with his forefinger until my eyes met his. His eyes were warm with concern. He searched my face, looking for what I wasn’t sure. I managed a small smile and hoped it was enough to set him at ease. I didn’t know if I succeeded or not, but he must have seen something because he smiled back and reached around me for the car door. “Come on, let’s get going.”
~oOo~
We drove for what seemed like forever, traversing the winding country roads in relative silence. It felt so good to be with someone I was actually comfortable with. Instead of being uneasy after such a heated kiss, I felt contented. I smiled slightly, feeling proud of myself for actually relaxing for once. I never let my guard down, but for once, I wasn’t so guarded. I was happy and calm.
“What’re ya thinkin’?” Julius asked, taking my hand in his.
“Nothin’ much. Just thinkin’ about the past couple months and the whirlwind my life’s become. It’s been amazin’.”
“It has,” he said simply. He was quiet for a few more moments before tugging on my hand. “What’re you doin’ all the way over there?”
“What?” I asked, confused by his question.
“Why’re you so far away?” he asked, tugging on my hand once more. “Come here.”
“What?” I asked again. I just wasn’t getting what he wanted from me.
“Come here, Toni,” he said again. Julius tugged on my hand again, pulling me toward him.
I slid across the bench seat of his restored 1965 Chevy C-10 pick-up but then stopped. He glanced in my direction, then returning his eyes to the road.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. I could hear the concern in his voice, as if he thought I didn’t want to sit next to him or something.
“If I’m sittin’ next to you, how are you gonna shift gears?” I asked looking down at the stick shift on the floor.
“Don’t worry about it, just keep your legs to the side a little,” he said, a smile on his lips. He pulled my hand toward him once again, encouraging me to move closer. I didn’t fight him this time. I slid across the seat, moving as close to him as I could. I pulled my legs up onto the seat next to me so I would be comfortable. He put his arm around me, pulling me tighter against his side. “See,” he said, “isn’t this better?”
My heart was aflutter with anticipation. No matter how much I tried to convince myself this wasn’t a date, to me it was. He smelled so good sitting next to me. His fresh, clean, musky scent washed over me, making me feel calm. His strong, muscular arm around my shoulders and his powerful thigh pressed against mine made me feel surprisingly calm and safe. I felt surrounded by him, consumed by him, and it didn’t scare me. I loved feeling him, knowing he wanted me there, and he desired me. I felt like I was falling, I felt it every time I was with him. I was falling for him. In spite of our lack of alone time, our schedules, and every other obstacle we’ve encountered over the past couple months; I was falling for him, hard and it didn’t scare me. I didn’t know when it happened or how, but at some point I stopped being afraid, at least where Julius Fuller was concerned.
We talked throughout our drive, about nothing specific. We talked about his town, the car, the team, and how he felt about being an uncle in a couple months. We talked about the upcoming races and my graduation.
“You gotta slow down a bit and enjoy it, Toni,” he said.
“I am, but I’ve got a lot to do too. Besides, I was thinkin’ about skippin’ the ceremony on Wednesday. I don’t need to be there to get my certificate. I can just have Roger give it to Kyle or somethin’.”
“No way in hell, Toni. You’re goin’ to your ceremony. You’re gonna get your certificate and your family and team are gonna be there cheerin’ you on. We’ll leave for Richmond after.”
“What about the car. What about practice …” I argued until he cut me off.
“I’ll practice Thursday. We’ll leave for Richmond after we have dinner with your family and the team. I already rented the private room at Costa’s for Wednesday evenin’.”
I slid away from him slightly and turned my body toward him. “What?” I almost shouted. “Why did you do that? You put that party together yesterday and planned this whole weekend. You can’t do that too. You can’t just keep doin’ things for me, it’s too much.”
He glanced at me and he looked genuinely confused and a little angry. He didn’t seem to have any idea what I was talking about. “I can’t do what, Toni? I can’t do somethin’ nice for a member of my team? I do things for my team members all the time. I bust my ass week in and week out to make the money I have and I’ll spend it how I want.”
I immediately deflated listening to him tell me how he spends money on his team. I thought there was something else going on between us, but I guess I was wrong. He was doing all of this because I was a member of his team and he apparently does things for his teammates all the time. It shouldn’t have surprised me to find I was wrong about all of this, but it did. I thought the feelings were mutual, especially after that kiss.
He continued talking as if he hadn’t just crushed my heart with his words. “Besides, if I wanna do somethin’ for the woman I’m tryin’ to start a relationship with, I sure as hell will. You need to get used to me doin’ things for you, Toni.”
“Wait. What?” I asked. I was so confused. My mind was racing trying to keep up with what he was saying, and all of the feelings flooding me. One moment I felt like my heart was shattering and I was ready to cry and the next I couldn’t breathe because he said the word relationship.
“What?” he asked in return. He glanced toward me again. “You need to try to stop bein’ so goddamned independent and let me do things for you, Toni. We can’t have somethin’ if you don’t let me in. And I’ll tell you now, you can chase me away all you want. I ain’t goin’ anywhere. So stop bein’ difficult. I’m takin’ us all to dinner on Wednesday after the ceremony whether you like it or not. Then we’ll take the jet to Richmond Wednesday night. I’ll practice on Thursday and everything’ll be fine.”
I didn’t know what to say, it was as if he laid everything out in front of me and told me how it was going to be. He was pursuing me, he was doing things for me and apparently, as far as he was concerned I just needed to go along for the ride. I liked the thought, but t
hen of course my independent part had a huge problem.
“You know, Jules, I don’t need someone takin’ care of me. I’ve been doin’ it just fine all by myself for a long time.” I didn’t know what or why I was arguing, but I was. “Besides, you can’t just yell at someone and tell them you’re tryin’ to have a relationship with them. It’s not supposed to work this way.” I didn’t know if I was more pissed about him declaring his intentions while arguing with me, or about having someone tell me what to do. It was all very confusing.
“Yeah? Well, Antonia, you best get used to someone else helpin’ you and tryin’ to take care of you, ‘cause I won’t stop.” He paused a moment then took my hand and pulled me back toward him. “Now stop bein’ a pain in the ass and get back over here. We’re almost there.”
I huffed and leaned my weight into him. “Where are we?” I asked as we pulled onto a dirt road. It was just a huge empty field with a booth that looked like a security guard’s box sitting in the middle and the huge white wall at the end. It was now dusk and the grey clouds had moved, making the sky seem bleaker.
“This is where we’re goin’,” Julius said as he pulled forward slowly. We passed the small building that sat in the middle of the field and I noticed there was a projector sitting inside facing the white wall.
“Is this what I think it is?” I asked excitedly. Back when I was a kid, going to the drive-in had been my favorite thing to do. Mom would pack lots of snacks and drinks, dad would bring blankets and chairs and we would camp out in the parking lot and have the best time running around and playing with the twins and Fred while mom and Dottie would set up our picnic. After mom died, we rarely went to the drive-in. It had been where dad and mom met, it was a common thing they shared and loved to do. I think it hurt him too much to go and remember.
“Yep, and it’s all ours for the night,” he said as he backed the truck up to face the screen. “Toni, would you mind goin’ over and lettin’ the guy in the booth know we’ll be ready in about five minutes?”