She shrugs. “I wanted to feel special, like a princess does. A princess is glamorous and pretty.”
And with those words my life is summed up. This little girl’s honesty brings to the surface what I’ve been fighting since I was her age. It all comes together now. We all want to feel special, but feeling special has nothing to do with how we look or what we have.
Feeling special has to do with who you are on the inside.
“Last night I felt like a princess. I want to feel like that all the time. And I want to meet a prince. Like Mr. Stephen.”
“I’m glad you had a good time last night.” I can barely speak as my throat chokes with tears. “And one day, you’ll meet the guy who will be your prince. I’m going to pray for him every day.”
My makeup will have to be redone as I freely let the tears fall down my face, the culmination of years of searching for what was inside me all along and thinking about how Stephen’s mother and father were praying for me every day.
She hugs me tightly. “I love you, Miss Jenny.”
“I love you, too, Pheebes.”
Each day I learn more and more about this gift of love God has given us. And with the power of that love comes the hope that I’ve needed to believe in.
THIS DAY HAS been pure bliss.
Stephen and I hung the ornament Gary and Alice gave us on the tree. Our very first together gift.
We’ll never forget it.
Stephen’s mother and I have worked side-by-side in the kitchen. She’s given me the easy duties, but I don’t mind. I’m too thrilled with life to retain much of what she is saying right now.
I’m living in my Stephen-dream world.
He’s been hanging out with his dad, talking plants and outdoorsy things. Phoebe has gone back and forth between us, waiting anxiously for her mother.
The front door opens, and Teresa comes into the kitchen.
“There’s my girl.” She races to her daughter.
“Mommy!”
Teresa grabs her off the bar stool and they hug, tears streaming down Teresa’s face.
“I’ve missed you,” Teresa says, not letting go of Phoebe.
“I missed you too, Mommy. But I’ve had fun with Miss Jenny and Mr. Stephen. They are getting married!”
Teresa looks at me. “Married?”
“Yes.” I show her my ring.
“So happy for you two. I knew you were meant to be together. I just knew it.”
“Thank you,” I say. “You’ve met Stephen’s mother, Liza, haven’t you?”
“I have.” Teresa smiles at Liza. “Nice to see you again.”
“You too, dear. So glad you could get back in time for Christmas with your daughter.”
Teresa sets Phoebe back on the bar stool. “I am, too. My parents are settled in their nursing home. I’ll have to make more visits down there, but for now, I need to be here.”
“When you go, can I stay with Miss Jenny and Mr. Stephen?”
Teresa raises her eyebrows at me. “You are living here?”
Liza is looking at me as well. “I’ve been staying here in one of the guest rooms while Phoebe has been here. But I’m leaving tonight. I have a hotel reservation for a couple of days, then I’ll figure out where to stay until the wedding. It’s all come about so fast.”
Liza’s eyes tear up. “Jenny, you are the perfect girl for Stephen.”
“Thank you. I’m beginning to think so, too. Is everything ready? Can we start taking the food to the table?”
An air of nervousness comes over Liza. I’m not sure why. The dinner is done, Teresa is here.
The doorbell rings and Liza’s eyes light up. “Jenny, will you get the door please while I start taking the food to the table?”
“Sure.” I wipe my hands on the dish towel and go to the front door. Maybe she’s having something delivered for Stephen.
I open the front door and freeze.
“Jenny!”
Katherine, her boyfriend Joe and another couple I don’t know are standing outside the door. I’m so excited to see her and so happy in life, I forget for a moment that she ditched me in my time of need. Now she’s here hugging me.
“Hi,” she says. “You’re still here.”
“I am. What happened to your trip? Is everything okay?”
I don’t know who the other couple is, but it’s rude having all of them stand out front. “Come on in.” I hold the door open.
“Katherine?” Stephen’s voice sounds from behind me and in an instant he’s hugging Katherine.
“Stephen?” Her gaze darts around the room like she’s looking for something. Someone. “Where’s Mom?”
I’m caught up watching Katherine, but then I see Stephen’s face harden, turn a little pale even. His brows raise, and he pushes back from Katherine.
“Leah?”
“Hi, Stephen.”
BROKEN
STEPHEN SEEMS AS perplexed as I am. “Katherine, what’s going on?”
“Katherine.” Liza comes into the foyer from the dining room. She stops short of hugging Katherine, probably because she spots Leah.
Leah.
The only girl Stephen has ever been with.
I breathe deeply, trying to remain in control.
Trying to remain calm.
Trying to keep from asking her to leave.
The silence is awkward. I back up, hands in the air. “Don’t let me stop anybody from having a reunion.”
Before I can leave the room, Stephen takes my hand. “Don’t leave.”
“Katherine, honey,” Liza says. “What’s going on?”
She sounds nervous and tense.
“You know, I’m not sure. You call me and tell me I have to come to Florida by Christmas Day. So Joe and I packed up and jumped on the first plane out. Do you know how hard it is to get off a cruise ship? You tell me what’s going on.”
“Oh dear,” Liza says. “Leah. It’s good to see you. I don’t believe I know this other gentleman.”
“It’s good to see you, too, Liza. This is Patrick. My husband.”
A smidgen of tension leaves me. I notice Stephen’s hand relaxes in mine a little.
“Why are you two holding hands.” Katherine is staring at Stephen and me.
Stephen’s dad, Teresa and Phoebe, Roger and Celine have all come to the foyer, everyone obviously aware of the tense atmosphere as hellos and Merry Christmases are silenced for the moment.
Liza’s eye light up and she smiles. “That’s why I called you home, darling. I wanted to surprise you with the news. Stephen and Jenny are engaged.”
Katherine takes a step back before flying into my arms, hugging me. “Engaged! To my brother! I love this.”
She lets go of me and embraces Stephen. “I didn’t even know you were here. You weren’t supposed to be here, right?”
“I wasn’t. But God had other plans, right, Jenny?”
His smooth voice has a way of calming my insides. For a moment I even forget Leah is standing a few feet away.
In all honesty, she probably feels just as awkward as I do.
It only takes a few seconds after our announcement for the tension to return.
“Obviously I didn’t know Stephen was here,” Katherine says. “I ran into Leah and Patrick at the airport and thought you would want to say hello,” she says to her mom. “I wasn’t sure why we were gathering here at Stephen’s, but since her parents live so close, I asked her to come by.”
I start to feel okay about this. I mean we’re all adults, Leah is married now. Stephen is mine.
So they had a past. I have one, too. Mine isn’t standing in the foyer of this house on Christmas Eve day, but it exists.
“We were about ready to sit down for dinner,” Liza says, looking at me.
I nod my head, giving her permission to do what all good hostesses do. Invite the unexpected guests to stay for the meal.
She looks at Leah and Patrick. “There’s plenty of food if you would like to stay.”
“No. We appreciate the invite,” Leah says. “But my folks are waiting for us at the Marriott. I just wanted to say hello and Merry Christmas. It’s been a while, and it felt like old times running into Katherine. It was like we hadn’t missed a beat all these years. And I wanted to let everyone know I am doing really well.”
I have no idea what that last sentence means. Was her breakup with Stephen so rough she wasn’t doing well for a while?
“So, you have full use of your leg now?” Liza asks.
“Yes.” Leah smiles. “I do. I’ve had a couple more surgeries, but that was a couple of years ago. Patrick didn’t even notice I limped when I first met him, did you?”
“No. I was distracted by everything else about you.”
Facts are facts. Leah is beautiful. She has one of those faces girls dream about having. Great complexion, high cheek bones. Straight teeth, pretty smile.
The more attributes of hers I list, the more uneasy I become.
She has a limp.
Although it’s barely noticeable now, she says.
Leah turns her attention toward Stephen. “Congratulations. I’m really happy for you two,” she says looking at me.
“Thank you. I’m glad to hear you are doing well. And that you’re married. You look very happy.” Stephen’s voice takes on that tense tone.
“I am,” she says, answering Stephen but her gaze is locked on me. “So what happened?” She brushes her hand along her cheek.
I step back at her abrupt question.
“Leah, really?” Stephen squeezes my hand tighter.
She laughs. “Hanging with you in the wilds got me attacked by a tiger, so I just assumed. I don’t mean anything rude by it. I am genuinely curious.”
A tiger attacked her? When she was with Stephen?
I start breathing hard as it all starts to come together. His ability to go into protector mode quickly. His need to assure. His insistence that my scar wasn’t something that should hold me back.
He was making up for what happened to Leah.
No, he couldn’t get back what he gave her physically, but he could try and ease his conscience by taking care of me.
Was that tiger on his computer screen a reminder of what had happened? Of what he couldn’t change?
All it takes is one look in his eyes, those deep blue pools that I love, and I see the truth. I see his past all over his face.
It doesn’t make it any less gorgeous, it just makes it less mine.
I wriggle my hand away from his.
“Jenny,” he says.
I look at his family. All staring at me like I have two heads. Or one big head with an ugly scar.
Nothing.
Ever.
Changes.
I walk quickly to my room. Luckily everything is packed. Before I change my mind, I slip the ring off my finger and set it on the dresser. It looks lonely and elegant all at the same time. It’s then I notice those two red roses I had brought in here the first day. They lay on the dresser top, dried, faded.
The brittle petals mirror my heart. One by one I pick them off the rose, leaving their crushed brokenness next to the ring.
Might as well be my heart.
Finding my phone in my purse, I call the cab company.
As I open the bedroom door Stephen is standing there. “Don’t,” I say.
“But Jenny…”
“Oh, it’s Jenny now? What happened to Cheetah? Or did you call Leah Cheetah, too? Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
He blocks the door, just like he did the day I arrived. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Excuse me.” I sweep past him. The two of us have come so far, yet we’re further apart than when we didn’t know each other.
I walk into the midst of the awkward silence that is his family. Katherine doesn’t even have anything to say. Of course she’s probably reliving inviting Stephen’s ex to his house.
Bad move.
Phoebe, holding her mother’s hand, meets me at the door.
“Are you leaving, Miss Jenny? We haven’t had our Christmas dinner.”
I bend down and hug her. “Yes, I have to go. I left a present for you under the tree. Don’t forget to take it home so you can open it tomorrow morning.”
She wraps her arms around me, and I hold back my tears not wanting to upset her.
“Okay,” she says.
“And I’ll stay in touch. I have your phone number. We’ll get together soon, okay?”
She nods her head.
The doorbell rings. My cab is here. “I have to go now. Merry Christmas, Phoebe.”
“Merry Christmas, Miss Jenny.”
I straighten up and open the door. The familiar face of Malcolm greets me, and I think I see a hint of a smile on his face. He’s still wearing his Santa hat.
“Could you grab my bags, please?” I ask before blowing past him.
As I walk down the driveway I hear footsteps behind me. I know they aren’t Malcolm’s. They’re Stephen’s.
“Jenny,” he calls.
I stop and turn around. “It’s okay, Stephen. Really. I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t understand why you’re leaving,” he says.
“I know. That’s why I’m leaving. Merry Christmas, Stephen.”
Malcolm has caught up to me, and I follow him to the cab. I know Stephen isn’t following me, which is okay.
This isn’t the first time I’ve picked up the broken pieces of my heart and started over.
But it will be the last.
BETROTHED
IT’S EIGHT O’CLOCK in the morning.
Christmas morning.
I can’t say I awoke early because I never went to sleep.
Oh, and my eyes are puffy, too. Crying will do that to a girl. And I’m not one of those pretty criers.
I spent part of the night trying to figure out why I didn’t see through Stephen. Even though I kept thinking he was too good to be true, I just turned my mind off where that was concerned and continued to believe he really loved me and wanted to marry me.
That he needed to absolve himself from his past hadn’t entered my mind.
I spent another part of the night immersed in the Bible kept in the drawer of the hotel nightstand. This is when I cried the most. I keep remembering what Roger said Sunday morning. God had sent us a gift.
Jesus.
Any hope I have at this moment comes through the strength of Jesus.
The Son of God.
My room phone rings. “Hello?”
“Merry Christmas, Ms. Harris. We have a package here at the front desk for you.”
Package?
My heart immediately thinks of Stephen. He probably bought me a Christmas present, feels guilty, and still wants me to have it. One way to find out. “I thought the delivery services would have Christmas Day off.”
“Maybe they do. A gentleman brought this package.”
Just as I thought. I know it’s not good for me, but I can’t help being on edge, in a good way, thinking Stephen might be downstairs. “Is the gentleman still here?”
“No. He left after he dropped the package off. I’ll have it sent right up.”
My resolve steels. “Actually I was almost asleep. I’ll call you later when I wake up.”
“As you wish, Ms. Harris.”
I haul myself out of the bed, place the “do not disturb” sign on the door and climb back into the bed that the hotel swears is sent from heaven.
AT FOUR O’CLOCK I head downstairs, slightly refreshed.
And starving.
I missed Christmas Eve dinner last night and slept the day away today. I need nourishment.
Exiting the elevator I don’t look left toward the front desk. Where the package is. I don’t want to think about the package right now.
I don’t want to think about Stephen right now.
But as I walk toward the restaurant I see him sitting on one of the couches in the atrium of the hotel. Has he been here sin
ce this morning? My heart races, but I turn around and head back toward the elevator, praying he doesn’t see me.
After I take a couple of steps, several people come from that direction, laughing and making a lot of noise.
Knowing they will attract attention, and not close enough to slip into their crowd, I dart out the door that leads to a large veranda. The fresh air actually feels good, and I’m glad I have a moment to try and determine Stephen’s agenda.
I was somewhat settled with the way everything had turned out. Or I thought I was. Seeing Stephen sitting in the lobby brought my mind and heart to a place I don’t want them to inhabit.
Walking to the railing I let the wind blow my hair, caress my skin. The ocean waves rush to the shore, only to quickly retreat, taking bits of sand with them.
I shake my head realizing the parallel between the sand and my heart. Stephen was my ocean, and he has taken bits of me with him.
Bits I’m not sure I’ll ever retrieve.
Even with my back turned, I know he’s on the veranda. His presence is as strong as the wind. Knowing he’s there causes me to want to fall back into his arms, to the safe place he’d become for me.
But I’d never been his safe place. I was his redemption. His cure. His Leah remedy.
“I had to come.” His voice cuts through the breeze. “I know what you think. And I’m sorry.”
I can tell things are different. His apology settles into my heart. But the facts are still the same. Christmas music plays above us, the music a festive addition to this otherwise somber occasion.
He places his hands on the railing, his left pinky almost touching my right. I’m glad it isn’t. His touch is hard to resist. I need all the help I can get.
Preparing my heart, I look to my right. Sighing inwardly at his deep blue eyes, I can’t help but feel the connection between us. Like my eyes were meant to meet his and form a bond that can’t be broken.
But it has been.
I won’t be pitied anymore.
“So you admit I was right?” I ask.
His pinky brushes mine.
I feel it in my knees.
“I will only admit to one thing. Loving you. Nothing else.”
Deciding against abruptly pulling my pinky away, I settle mine against his. “You couldn’t protect Leah, and you can’t protect me. I can’t be the person who can absolve your past. I can’t.”
Rich in Hope (Richness in Faith Trilogy Book 2) Page 23