by Laura Burns
“Tell me that wasn’t real,” Sarah breathed.
“He was completely safe. He had an air tank,” Nate reassured her. “We give each other missions, challenges, to push us to grow and evolve. Luke needed to face his deepest fear, and last night we gave him that opportunity.” Nate turned and handed the bowl to the next closest person. David! Her piano tutor, she realized as he threw back his hood to drink. The stubble on his cheeks and chin—so many shades, mahogany, tan, black, even a little rust—were illuminated by the torchlight.
“Welcome, Sarah,” he said, then passed the ceramic bowl along, the folds of his maroon cloak rustling with the motion. A droplet of the murky liquid remained on the side of his mouth, and Sarah wanted to wipe it away with her thumb. She wanted to touch everything, taste everything, smell everything, experience everything. Her senses were insanely sensitive. The world was new and wondrous, and she couldn’t wait to explore it. Not just the world, she thought. Me. She felt reborn.
Sarah’s attention was caught by the motion of a hood being pulled back, the folds of the maroon cloth lovely as flower petals. She didn’t know the girl, but she knew of her. Grayson Chandler, a swimmer who everyone predicted would make the Olympic team after graduation. Sanctuary Bay had a coach who was a former Olympian himself. “Welcome to the pack,” she told Sarah, her eyes warm. Sarah’s gaze ran over the cords in Grayson’s neck, the hollow of her clavicle. She could stare at that little bit of smooth skin for hours, especially the way she could see Grayson’s pulse beating there, a rhythmic, dancing beat. But Grayson was already passing the bowl on, and Sarah’s gaze went with it. A huge grin broke across her face when the next member of the Wolfpack was revealed.
“Karina!” she cried out, so happy to see her friend after thinking such horrible things about her.
Karina grinned back. “It was so hard not to tell you!” she exclaimed. “But you’re here now, Sarah, and we are going to have sooo much fun.”
Sarah could listen to Karina talk forever. Her voice was like music as it ran through different tones with her animated exclamations.
Karina drank, then passed the bowl on. Another girl Sarah recognized, but hadn’t ever spoken to—Hazel Cerff, president of the senior class. Definitely some heavy hitters in this group. So why had they picked her? Sarah swallowed, enjoying the slick, slippery slide in her throat. Well, why not? She had to stop letting her past make her question everything good that happened to her at Sanctuary Bay—wasn’t that basically what Nate had told her on the first day?
Hazel held the bowl up toward Sarah, offering her a toast, then drank. Sarah knew the next person—Logan from English and chem. And the next—Izzy! She was so relieved to know her friends were really as great as she’d thought. Looking at their faces, she could tell how happy they were to have her there. The pink in Izzy’s cheeks was lovely against her perfect skin. “You’re so pretty, Iz!” she exclaimed, then felt herself flush, the warmth in her face as pleasurable as sinking into a warm tub.
“You too, gorgeous,” Izzy said, with a knowing smile. She drank and passed the bowl on. And it turned out Kayla Austin was under the next hood. Kayla was in English with Sarah and Logan. She was an amazing poet, and her dad was the creator of Snip-It, a new social media site that had swiftly put all others in the distant past. Her mom had founded a charity to eradicate hunger in the U.S. Sarah hadn’t been able to resist Googling people in her classes once she found out that Ethan was one of those Steeres. The results had been mind-boggling and intimidating.
But now she was being treated like an equal. Invited into the group.
It got harder and harder to pay attention. She was on sensory overload, the textures, colors, the scents and sounds. Just being in her body was almost overwhelming, her hair brushing against the back of her neck, the way her ribs expanded with each breath, the way her muscles contracted and released when she turned her head. She tried to force herself to at least remember every person there. They were her family now. An amazing family. They were all so accomplished. All the connections to the rich and powerful and brilliant she’d ever need could be found right here.
After the last person drank, the group burst into a chorus of wolflike howls. Sarah threw back her head and joined in. It seemed as if blending their voices blended their spirits. She could almost feel all their heartbeats along with her own, the air they breathed out entering her own body. Seriously, what was in that Blutgrog stuff?
Who cares, she decided, and howled again, the vibrations inside her throat thrilling her.
Nate held up his hands again, and the room went silent. “There’s one thing left for Sarah to do before she’s a full member of our pack,” he announced. “She needs to complete a mission. Any ideas?”
Izzy’s voice rang out before anyone else’s could. “I say she goes up to Ethan Steere in the hall, grabs his ass, and kisses him—with tongue,” she shouted. That got a round of hoots and laughter. “And she can’t give any explanation. At all,” Izzy added with a glint in her eye. “You have to walk away without a word, Sarah.”
Sarah glanced over at Karina. Her face was pale and her lips were pressed together. Not a happy wolf. Things were still tense between Karina and Izzy, apparently. Was this just a way for Izzy to give Karina a screw-you?
“We need a second,” Nate said. He didn’t look especially happy either. Maybe he was interested after all.
“I second!” Logan called out.
“Complete the mission to complete your initiation,” Nate told Sarah, a slight frown on his face. “Of course, we’ll need some witnesses.”
Sarah shot another look at Karina. Her worry must have shown on her face, because Karina smiled, a smile that seemed forced, but still a smile. “It’s okay,” she mouthed.
“You all know how to find Ethan. I’ll do it right before first period.” Sarah wanted to get it over with. “Be in the hall if you want to see it.”
“We can’t all be there,” Nate said. “That would look suspicious.”
“I’ll get the evidence on my cell,” Logan volunteered.
“Perfect,” Izzy said.
Sarah didn’t like being used as a pawn in some game Izzy was playing with Karina. But she couldn’t refuse the mission. She’d just been given lifelong membership in a group with all the coolest, most popular, most connected kids in school. She couldn’t turn her back on that.
Besides, it was just a kiss, right?
* * *
Sarah headed straight for the bathroom the second she got back to the dorm room. She definitely needed a shower before she kissed anyone. Nate had made them leave the subbasement a few at a time, and she’d been in the first group. Neither Izzy nor Karina had left with her, so she had the suite to herself.
She chose a creamy scrub made with finely ground peach kernels and olive seeds from the unbelievable selection of bath products in Karina’s collection, trying to ignore the guilt over using Karina’s stuff to prep for kissing Karina’s boyfriend. It’s not really for Ethan, she told herself. Her night in the POW cell hadn’t left her smelling all that great. After all, she didn’t want him to pull away before she even had the chance to fulfill her mission. Because that’s what it was. Not a kiss. A mission. And Karina understood that.
If Karina had a problem, it would be Izzy. She was the one who’d thought of the stupid mission. Sarah pushed the friction between her roommates out of her head and let her heightened awareness of the shower absorb her. Of all the great things about Sanctuary Bay—and her very generous roommates—shampoo was near the top of the list. Having shampoo and conditioner had made wrangling her hair so much easier. There’d been one foster home where she’d had to wash her hair with a bar of soap. Disaster. But now she could get thick Magic Marker–sized ringlets going without much hassle.
How long will the Blutgrog effects last? she wondered. It was hard to keep her mind on serious things. Toweling off turned out to be an experience close to ecstasy. She wasn’t going to be much good in classes if sh
e kept getting lost in random sensations.
When she walked into the bedroom, she saw that both roommates had returned. Karina’s eyes were locked on her cell in a way that made Sarah sure she was trying to avoid talking to Izzy. And Izzy watched with an amused expression on her face, like she was aware she’d gotten to Karina and was enjoying it.
Sarah grabbed her favorite jeans—from Goodwill, but they fit perfectly. Why was she even thinking about what she was wearing? Her stomach tightened as she imagined grabbing Ethan and kissing him. How would he react? Probably with some kind of snarky comment that would make her feel like an idiot, but that wasn’t too much to ask in payment for belonging to the Wolfpack.
“You look good,” Izzy told Sarah coyly after she’d pulled on a snug long-sleeved tee. “Don’t you think, Kars?”
“Absolutely. As always.” Karina tossed her cell aside. “I’m taking a shower.” She stripped, threw on her robe, and stalked out of the room without another word. Was she only mad at Izzy? Or at Sarah too?
She couldn’t worry about it. Sarah pulled on her sneakers and grabbed her backpack. “I guess I’ll go kiss Ethan.”
“With tongue. And don’t forget you have to grab his ass,” Izzy reminded her in a playful tone.
“Yeah, and thanks for that,” Sarah told her.
“I did you a favor!” Izzy protested. “Compared to some of the other initiation missions people have been given, you got off easy. Kissing a jerk isn’t so bad—we’ve all done it. Karina does it routinely.”
Sarah sighed. This mission was clearly Izzy’s screw-you to Karina, and Sarah had to figure out how to keep herself out of it. Laying low was the best way to handle the situation, most situations, in fact. All she had to do was get through it quickly and not say too much.
“Later,” she said, heading for the door.
“Have fun,” Izzy called after her. “He’s a jerk, but I bet he’s a decent kisser.”
Sarah waved in response. There was no good answer that let her walk the line between Karina and Izzy without taking sides. As soon as she was out in the hall, she checked her cell for Ethan’s location. He was down in the Humanities wing. She noted that Logan was nearby, already in place to record the encounter. “Okay. Good to go,” she muttered.
She hurried down both flights of stairs, popping a cinnamon Life Saver as she went even though she’d just brushed her teeth, then strode purposefully to the west wing. Get it over with and move on, she thought.
She spotted Logan first, then Ethan a second later. He was by himself. Good. She didn’t allow her pace to slow. She ignored Logan, who gave her a thumbs-up as she passed. She walked directly up to Ethan. He said “Hi.” She didn’t say anything. She reached around, grabbed his butt in both hands, and went up on tiptoe—he was so tall—for the kiss.
He pulled his head back before she reached his lips, and stared down at her, his face expressionless. She noticed he had a ring of gray around his blue eyes and his butt was nicely muscular in her hands and that he smelled like freshly sharpened pencils and oranges. Sarah inhaled deeply, then shook her head. She couldn’t just keep standing there noticing. If he pulled away completely and walked off, it was going to be a hundred times harder to make a second attempt.
Sarah slid her hands up his back and knotted her hands in his hair—so thick and silky—then pulled his head down to meet hers. This time he didn’t move back, letting her capture his lips with hers. She didn’t have to worry about getting him to open his mouth. His tongue was already brushing against the seam of her lips, urging her mouth open, then his tongue was inside, tangling with hers, his hands on her waist, pulling her body flush against his.
New sensations flooded her. The hard muscles of his chest. His heart beating against her chest. One of her hands slid from his head to the back of his neck, the skin there so smooth. Her tongue was in his mouth now, his teeth slick and hard, the inside of his cheeks warm and soft.
She heard a small sound, almost a gasp, and realized it had come from her. That realization broke the spell the sensations—that’s all it was, over-the-top sensations created by the Blutgrog—had cast over her. She released him and backed away, her fingers pressed against her lips.
“Sarah—” he began.
She turned and ran before he could say more. The second she rounded the corner, hands grabbed her. David and Kayla. They pulled her into the nearest stairwell, and she was immediately engulfed in a group hug by at least half the Wolfpack. Someone gave a low howl in her ear, his breath hot.
“We are going to party so hard to celebrate. Friday night,” Nate promised, tightening his arms around her. “You haven’t partied until you’ve partied with the pack.”
“Great,” Sarah managed to say, her lips still burning from the kiss, her legs trembling. The Blutgrog, she told herself. It’s that drink. It makes everything more intense.
I’d be feeling this way no matter who I kissed.
7
The effects of the drink had worn off a little before she headed to chem, so that was something. She wouldn’t be completely distracted by breathing in the sharp-pencils-and-oranges smell of Ethan while they listened to Dr. Diaz lecture. Make that sharp-pencils-and-oranges-and-delicious-boy smell. During the kiss, she’d been close enough to Ethan to smell his skin, soapy clean and a little musky.
She stared at the door to the classroom apprehensively. Hopefully he’d be a no-show. Or late. Late would mean no time for talking. Would he ask her about the kiss? What was she supposed to say? She couldn’t tell him the truth. Maybe she could say she’d been lusting after him since the day they met, and she had to see what it was like to kiss him. He’d believe that. His ego was big enough.
Steeling herself, she walked in and took in a sharp breath of relief at the sight of Ethan’s empty seat.
“How’s it going, Sarah?” Logan asked as she sat down. He gave her a we’ve-got-a-secret smile. After only one night, her circle of friends had expanded exponentially.
“Great. All great. I feel great,” Sarah babbled. Maybe the Blutgrog hadn’t worn off quite as much as she thought. The feel of her tongue forming those words—too many words—made her want to giggle, but she managed to restrain herself. She couldn’t go around giggling like a fool.
“Greetings,” Dr. Diaz said, coming in just as the blue light flashed. “It’s time for … Chemistry Visionary of the Week! Up today—Carl Wilhelm Scheele. This guy, he was apprenticed to an apothecary when he was younger than you. He spent his spare time and his nights studying chemistry. A few of you look like you might have been following his example last night.” He gave Sarah a pointed look. “After all, I can’t think of any other reason my students would be staying up ’til all hours.”
That got a few laughs. Dr. Diaz continued. “Scheele had only rudimentary equipment, we’re talking mid-seventeen hundreds here, the knowledge of chemistry and science he was working with didn’t give him much. But, he discovered oxygen!” Dr. Diaz did a little jump and fist pump. Sarah snorted. He was such a dork, but she loved how he got so into his lectures. “It came out of his observation that…”
Just then Ethan opened the door. Sarah focused all her attention on Dr. Diaz, but couldn’t help but be hyperaware of the exact moment Ethan sat beside her. Heat crept up the back of her neck as the scent of him invaded her nostrils, every odor distinct. Pencils. Oranges. Soap.
At least he can’t talk to me, she thought, and after a few moments she was able to drag her attention back to chemistry. She typed in every word Dr. Diaz said, even though they were locked in her perfect memory. The activity calmed her. She caught Ethan glancing at her several times. But she studiously ignored him.
The flash of pink light came way too soon. Her heart felt heavy in her chest, each beat an effort. She turned to Ethan hesitantly.
“Going to lunch?” was all he said.
“Yeah.”
And they walked out together, like always.
The silence stretched out between them.
Ethan yawned loudly.
What is he thinking?
“Sorry I’m boring you,” Sarah muttered.
He shrugged. “It’s not you. I just suffer from terminal ennui. I have everything, so I want nothing. Oh, wait—that’s your line.”
Sarah shook her head. “You’re not going to drag me into this argument again.”
“But I’m so spoiled and unappreciative,” Ethan sounded half amused and half pissed off. “Whereas having nothing until now makes you appreciate everything.” He flung his arms wide. “All the wonderful stuff.”
“It’s not about stuff, it’s about a chance to have a decent life,” Sarah snapped.
“Bullshit,” he said. “You want the house, the car, the clothes with the right labels. You’re just too self-righteous to admit it.”
“Sure, I want the stuff. Like hair conditioner,” she snapped. “Like clothes somebody else hasn’t worn first. Like a door with a lock in a place that’s mine. But mostly what I want is to be treated like a human being, not a piece of trash.”
Oh god, why had she said that to him of all people.
“Thank you for another stimulating debate, Sarah. See, this is why it’s good that the school has a mix of students from all backgrounds.” Sarah recognized that last part from the Sanctuary Bay intranet. Ethan pulled a half-open roll of cinnamon Life Savers out of his pocket. “Want one?” he held it out to her.
She took one without thinking, relieved he hadn’t glommed on to what she’d just said. And suddenly, she was in.
Tasting cinnamon Life Saver. Feeling the slickness of Ethan’s teeth under her tongue. Smelling soap, oranges, pencils, and him, Ethan. Feeling his muscles, her legs beginning to tremble, her mouth opening in a gasp.
And she was out. Praying she hadn’t actually let out that gasp. She shot a glance at Ethan. He was looking back at her, a half smile quirking his lips. He’d given her that Life Saver just to mock her, she realized. Just to remind her of what she’d done. Sarah bit down and cracked it in half, then ground it between her teeth and swallowed.