by Laura Burns
“Don’t you mean what am I going to do with you?” Sarah untied the leather that bound her. “Uh-uh,” she impulsively told Nate as he started to unfasten his. He looked surprised, but intrigued. She added an extra knot to the leather secured around his wrist, then used the loose end to lead him over to an unoccupied pile of pillows. She hesitated a fraction of a second, then put her hands on Nate’s shoulders, turned him around, and tied his hands together behind his back. He wasn’t the Jager right now. Or the class president. Or the most popular guy in school. He was hers.
Again, Sarah moved her hands up to his shoulders, letting her thumbs caress the sides of his neck, running over cords of muscle, fine little hairs. She almost became lost in the intensity of her perceptions, but she caught herself and pushed down gently with her palms. Nate obediently dropped to his knees. Sarah knelt behind him, spreading her legs so that she held his body between them. His neck … she still hadn’t finished exploring it. She lowered her mouth and ran her tongue across the edge of his hairline, loving the faint taste of his sweat, a tiny bit salty, a tiny bit sweet, but mostly just clean, like water. Nate let out a long, shuddery breath. Sarah smiled against his warm skin, then gave him a little nip, enjoying the give of his flesh under her teeth.
She wanted more, more of him. She slipped her hands around him, running her palms under his shirt and over his bare stomach, tracing the muscles that defined it. His body jerked when her pinky dipped into his belly button. It jerked again when she slid one hand higher and let her fingernail flick across one of his nipples. She could experiment like this all night, feeling his textures, tasting him, discovering his most sensitive spots.
But Nate had managed to work his hands free. He swiftly turned around to face her, grabbed her by the waist, and let himself fall back on the cushions, taking her with him, giving her hundreds of new impressions to absorb now that her body was stretched out against the length of him—his fingers sliding under the waistband of her jeans, his heart thundering against her chest, her own heart pounding on the other side, his mouth on hers.
It was almost too much, too intense, too powerful. Sarah shuddered underneath Nate, her world narrowed to the sensations he was creating in her. Who cared about the rest of the world when she had this?
8
The lights came up in the theater and Izzy and Sarah started sidestepping their way out of the row of seats. “Karina would have loved that movie,” Izzy said. “All fate and destiny and true love.”
“I texted her to meet us, but I didn’t hear back,” Sarah said.
“I guess this is one of the rare nights she and Ethan have managed not to piss each other off. Did you see that card she made him? She’s the absolute perfect girlfriend, always doing romantic things. I think that’s partly why I hate that she’s with Ethan. He takes it all for granted,” Izzy commented.
Sarah was glad to hear Izzy say something nice about Karina for a change. They’d been sniping at each other for weeks. “Maybe he…” She trailed off as she spotted Nate walking up the aisle. “Hi, Sarah,” he said.
“Hi.” Hi. That was all she’d come up with.
“Hi, Izzy,” Izzy said.
“You didn’t give me a chance,” Nate protested. “Bye, Izzy.” He waved as he passed. “And Sarah.”
Hard to believe I spent hours making out with him, Sarah thought. When she saw him in the halls or the dining hall, it was like they barely knew each other.
That’s how the Wolfpack parties work, she reminded herself. Like with Karina. She’d spent hours on that homemade card for Ethan. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have a good time with whoever she wanted to down in the den.
“So you didn’t like the movie?” Sarah asked. She didn’t want to think about Nate anymore. It made her kind of crazy.
“Not enough explosions.” They pushed through the double doors and out into the corridor. “Huh. Guess I was wrong about Ethan and Karina being together,” she commented.
Sarah followed her gaze, and saw Ethan coming out of the coffee shop. Alone. As if he felt her looking at him, his head snapped up and his eyes met hers. He finished the coffee, crumpled the paper cup, tossed it in the trash, and headed straight for her.
His long strides covered the distance between them quickly. His expression was intense, almost angry. He didn’t say a word when he reached her. He just grabbed her butt and jerked her tight against him, then bent his head and kissed her.
Even without the Blutgrog, Sarah felt the kiss in every part of her body, heat radiating through her. She knew she should pull away. This was Karina’s boyfriend, and she wasn’t on a mission. But before she could make her feet move, Ethan broke the kiss, then turned and walked away. Sarah stared after him, brain spinning. What was— Why—
“How do you like it?” he called, not even bothering to look back.
“Well,” Izzy said after a moment. “Your mission was, what, two weeks ago? Doesn’t seem like Ethan’s been able to get it out of his head.”
“He’s a jackass,” Sarah snapped. “That was just his idea of payback.”
Izzy looked at her doubtfully, her eyes curious.
“I haven’t had another mission since then,” Sarah blurted out, desperate for any way to change the subject. “What happens if you screw up on a mission or can’t take it or something?”
Izzy waited until they were outside to answer. “I don’t know. It hasn’t happened since I’ve been in the pack. We’re good at getting one another through missions. Now,” Izzy raised an eyebrow, “let’s talk about Ethan.”
“What do you think Karina tells him about the nights we’re in the den?” Sarah asked.
“We both know that’s not what I meant,” Izzy said.
Sarah picked up her pace. It was cold walking back to the dorm. “Seriously though, he has to wonder why there are so many nights she can’t be with him. She must always have to make up excuses.”
“Haven’t you noticed? Karina’s good at making stuff up,” Izzy replied.
Sarah wasn’t sure what Izzy meant, but she left the comment alone. She didn’t want to side with either roommate against the other. “I can see why people in the pack end up together. It would be a lot less complicated,” she said as they reached the main building.
Izzy smiled, pulling off her knit hat as they stepped inside. “Is there someone you’d like to get less complicated with? Someone named Nate perhaps? Or else…”
“Or else what?”
“I thought, and was suitably horrified, that I saw a spark between you and Ethan back there,” Izzy said. “Something more than payback.”
“No,” Sarah said quickly. “And not just because he’s Karina’s boyfriend. I called him an inbred overprivileged ass once, and my opinion hasn’t changed.” Even though the overprivileged ass had almost turned her body liquid with that kiss.
“And Nate?” Izzy asked. They started up the curved staircase. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you two ended up together at both the parties we’ve had since you joined.”
“But that’s random. We never know who we’re going to end up with,” Sarah protested.
“Oh, I don’t think you’re giving our Jager enough credit. He comes up with those little games we play. You really think he can’t rig the outcome if he feels like it?” Izzy asked.
“But he doesn’t really talk to me outside of the pack,” Sarah said. “You saw him at the theater. I got two whole words from him.”
“Perils of being class president. Got to always be making the rounds, not letting anyone feel ignored. Or favored. But the pack is more important to him than anything. So if he spends time with you there, that means something.”
The pack was more important than anything to Sarah too, and she knew it was probably for the same reason as Nate. The Wolfpack was their ticket to a far better future than either of them would ever have had on their own. “It is pretty incredible. It hasn’t even been a month since my initiation, but I feel like I’ve known you all forev
er. And for me, that’s…” She grew quiet, realizing she’d been about to reveal more than she planned. “It’s great.” She busied herself pressing her fingertip against the door pad and opening the door.
Izzy took off her coat as she headed into the bedroom. She got a bottled water from the mini-fridge and offered one to Sarah. Sarah shook her head. She was still too cold from the walk home. “That’s not what you were going to say.” Izzy stretched out on her bed. “You feel like you’ve know us forever and for you that’s … what?”
Sarah smiled, amused in spite of herself. She could never get anything past Izzy. The girl noticed everything. Well, why shouldn’t I tell her? she thought, sitting on her bed. I already made my big confession to the pack. I’m not supposed to have secrets from them; I’m supposed to trust them with my life.
“I was going to say that for me, feeling so close to everybody in the pack, it’s … new. I got moved around so much as a foster kid. And neither of my parents had any family, at least none that ever showed up after they died.”
Izzy nodded. “I’m sorry about your parents, Sarah. I can’t imagine what that would be like. I should have said something before. It was just hard to figure out what the right thing to say would be.”
“Thanks.” Sarah switched the conversation away from her parents, afraid she might get teary. “In the foster system, it wasn’t just that I never had a real family. I never got to make real friends, either. Even when I was little, parents didn’t want their kids hanging out with someone like me.” She tried to laugh but it came out strangled. “I can’t blame them. I wasn’t always exactly clean. My clothes smelled. I looked like a girl who might give your kid lice. Hell, I probably did to at least a few.”
“I can blame them. Assholes,” Izzy said, outraged.
A real laugh escaped Sarah. “Thanks. So being part of the Wolfpack … it’d be cool for anyone, but for me it hardly feels real. I still can’t even accept that I’m actually one of you.”
“One of us.” Izzy kicked off her sneakers, letting them fall on the floor at the foot of her bed. “You idealize us too much. Not that we aren’t fabulous.” She gave her wavy blond hair an exaggerated flip, but then her expression turned serious. “But you’re not the only one with a fucked-up past, you know. There’s me, for one.”
Sarah didn’t reply. As nice as Izzy was being, she still didn’t get it. Nothing she’d experienced as a privileged Boston girl could ever compare.
“I’m not talking about only getting to invite fifty people to my thirteenth birthday party or whatever it is you’re thinking,” Izzy said.
“I wasn’t—”
“Yeah, you were,” Izzy cut her off. “You know why I’m at Sanctuary Bay? I killed someone. Killed. And how did my parents deal with it? They shipped me here and pretended it didn’t happen. Wrote a big check. Covered it all up. Even though it wasn’t my fault. It was an accident.”
Sarah was stunned. “What happened?” she asked tentatively.
“It’s such a cliché. I was date-raped.” Izzy’s words came out flat and clipped. “Or I would have been date-raped, anyway. It was this guy Gavin, I knew him from school. My parents were out and we were hanging at my house. It was the first time we were ever alone together. I was fifteen. He was seventeen. And I was so thrilled he wanted to be with me, even though I was younger. We started kissing, and it was great.” Her voice started to get higher as the words tumbled out. “I want to say I knew right away he was scum, but I didn’t. I was really into it. He was such a good kisser. Then he started unbuttoning my jeans, and I put my hand down to stop him. It was going too fast for me. But he wouldn’t stop.” She paused and looked at Sarah, but her thoughts were somewhere else, back in that room with Gavin. “I just wanted him to get off me. So I shoved him. We were on the couch, and he fell off, hitting his head on the coffee table. It was a Gilbert Poillerat with a pink marble top and wrought-iron base.” She laughed. “I can’t believe I’m telling you that like it’s important, but the table was just so hard, that’s the point. There was blood everywhere, and I couldn’t stop it. It happened so fast. Suddenly he was … dead. He was still warm and everything, but his eyes were empty. He was gone.”
Izzy had started to hyperventilate. It was almost like she’d fallen into one of Sarah’s memory surges. “You’re okay,” Sarah said. “You’re okay, Iz. Sit up. It’ll be easier for you to breathe.”
Izzy kept panting, her hands curled into tight fists. Sarah got up and hurried over, reaching for Izzy’s arms to help her. But the second Sarah touched her, Izzy lashed out, viciously knocking her away. Sarah stumbled backward, unable to catch her balance and fell to ground. Izzy let out a shriek. “I didn’t mean it!” she cried. “I didn’t mean it, I swear! Are you okay, Sarah? Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to shove you.” She scrambled onto the floor next to Sarah.
“I’m fine,” Sarah assured her. Izzy pressed her hands over her face. “Everything’s fine,” Sarah crooned over and over, until Izzy’s breathing began to slow down. Sarah reached over to Izzy’s nightstand and picked up her water. “Take a sip.”
Izzy pulled her hands away and took a long drink. “Sorry,” she said, sounding more like her usual self. “I have a little case of PTSD. I thought I had it under control. I have a therapist here who’s been working with me—that’s where I go those early mornings. Sanctuary Bay is known for its excellent psychiatric department. Cutting-edge treatments, all that. It’s another reason my parents sent me here. Not that I tell anyone that, and miraculously it’s not one of the things everyone finds out at this place. They managed to handle that too. My parents excel at making ugliness go away. That’s as much what Sanctuary Bay was about as the psychiatry success rates. They were furious with me.”
“Even when they knew what happened? That you were defending yourself?” That seemed impossible to Sarah. These were Izzy’s real parents, her flesh and blood, not some strangers making extra cash by giving her a place to sleep. “Assholes.”
“They were embarrassed. Humiliated. I wasn’t the perfect daughter they could show off and brag about anymore. There was no trial, none of that. Just a nice settlement for Gavin’s family and a nice school for me.” She took another swig of water. “Fucked-up past. I told you.”
“We could form a club,” Sarah said. She kept her voice light, but she was staggered. Nothing ever seemed to bother Izzy. She was all about maximum pleasure and minimum drama. And now it turned out there was all that horror and pain underneath her smooth and beautiful exterior.
“You’d be in a club with an accidental murderer?” Izzy asked, using the backs of her pinkies to wipe mascara streaks from under her eyes.
“If you’ll be in a club with the kid who smells,” Sarah told her.
Izzy smiled. “It’ll be all the best people.”
* * *
Karina pulled her cell out of her pocket and checked it, then set it down on the coffee table in the living room.
“If you do that again, I’ll be forced to diagnose OCD,” Izzy commented. She glanced at Sarah. “Second opinion?”
“You have been looking at it a lot,” Sarah said. “Even though we both did test texts and calls.”
“Why are you two always ganging up on me lately?” Karina complained.
“We’re not,” Sarah told her. At least she hoped not. Sarah still loved Karina, but it was true she and Izzy had gotten closer since their talk. And they hung out together more often, since Karina was off with Ethan a lot of nights.
“No judging.” Karina pointed at Izzy, then Sarah, then she checked her cell again. And they all laughed together. “If that boy doesn’t call or text in the next ten minutes, he can forget about getting any for a long time.”
“And you won’t have to suffer, because you’ll still have the pack parties,” Izzy said. “Lots of yummy boys to scratch any itches.”
Karina wrinkled her nose. “Don’t be gross.”
“You don’t look like you think it’s gr
oss when you’re sprawled out on the pillows in the den,” Izzy teased.
“But no judging,” Sarah added quickly. Karina obviously enjoyed herself with whatever wolf boy she ended up making out with, despite her claims to be madly in love with Ethan, but now wasn’t the time to say so. Not when Karina already felt ganged up on.
“No judging from me,” Izzy agreed. “I’m an advocate of taking advantage of whatever goodies are available. I just wonder how it goes with all that true love between you and E.”
Me too, Sarah thought.
“The Wolfpack is the Wolfpack,” Karina said. “And why do you care, Iz? You hate Ethan anyway.” She checked her cell again.
“I don’t,” Izzy shot back. “Just curious, that’s all. You know I have trouble understanding all this love stuff with my heart of stone.”
Karina shot her a glare, right before her cell buzzed—along with Sarah’s and Izzy’s. Karina opened her text fastest. “‘Now,’” she read aloud, her eyebrows drawing together. “‘Bone Man room.’”
“What do you think’s going on?” Sarah asked. Usually the Wolfpack texts just said a time, nothing else. Sarah had never seen one that said “now” before. And they only used the Bone Man room for ceremonies, always scheduled days in advance.
“Probably just one of Nate’s moves to keep us off balance,” Izzy suggested.
“Ethan is now officially out of luck,” Karina said as she stood up and started for the door, Sarah and Izzy right behind her. It was earlier than meetings were usually called—and before curfew—so they had to be careful going through the door that led to the first basement. No one outside the pack could see that door being opened or there would be questions.
They lingered in the hallway until the coast was clear, then hurried through the door and down to the subbasement, quickly putting on their ceremonial robes, which were stored in one of the old cells. Throwing up their hoods, they joined the lines of pack members on either side of the room.