by Candy Crum
“Goodbye Jacques. I hope you find peace wherever it is that you go.”
He smiled softly and Aeric used that as his cue to move. He carried me down to the Charger. Since there wasn’t enough room in the vehicle for seven of us, Aeric and Amanda sat in the back with me sprawled out over them both. Brett was driving and Rachel sat in the passenger side. Khanae and Sayen decided to stay behind and make sure that Khia didn’t try anything.
They also figured that they would be okay to call a cab. I hated to say it, but since I was back in my body I didn’t care about much except getting some sleep. I was exhausted. I let them talk it out, and I went with whatever they thought was best. I was completely content in the back of the car, resting with Aeric and my sister.
I was completely grateful to her for what she did for me. She did everything in her power, and as far as I can tell, it worked. I loved my messed up and dysfunctional family. So what if it’s filled with Immortals and Vampires? No family is perfect, but this one sure seemed like it when things got tough.
I snuggled into the comfort of Aeric’s warm body as unconsciousness took me over. I didn’t care how embarrassing they would be, I hoped for something happy in my dreams. And if I didn’t dream at all, well I guess that would be okay, too.
Chapter Nine
It was nearly a week before I really woke up. I got up long enough for someone, usually Sayen or Amanda, to help me to the bathroom, help me shower, or force feed me something and sips of nutritional drinks, but that was pretty much it.
I was lucky that I was such an awesome student. Because of my punctuality and regular attendance to school all semester and all the semesters before, I was able to miss the one day of clinical I had that week, and my instructor planned to let me make up the test that I missed in one of the lectures. The aftermath was moving smoothly, and I was grateful that I didn’t lose my livelihood in school because of this nasty mess.
Most of all, I was just grateful to be alive. There is nothing in the world like dying and being forced into accepting your death while watching those around you struggle just to be brought back at the last moment. It’s terrifying. I must admit, dying wasn’t nearly as bad as seeing everyone else watch me die. That was the worst of it.
Especially poor Amanda.
Death doesn’t bother her much. She was a CNA, like me, and had been for three years. She’s damn good at what she does, the best even. Everyone looks up to and admires her for how strong she is both in her job and in spirit. We’ve been to too many funerals together, and I’ve never seen her shed more than a couple of tears and never in a “crying” fashion. They’ve only been silent tears or watery eyes as she wiped them away before they fell.
But for me, she cried. She was broken with my death, and it shattered my world. I know how much that girl means to me, but I guess that I never knew how much I meant to her until then. She really was amazing, and I was so lucky to have her there for me.
“How are you feeling?” Aeric asked.
He walked in with a plate full of pancakes smothered in strawberries, strawberry syrup, and whipped cream. God, did it smell good. I had no doubt that he made it himself.
“I thought you may be hungry since you haven’t really eaten anything all week.”
“Thank you,” I said as I fought myself to sit. He was quick in setting the plate down and helping me up. I felt ridiculous at how weak I’d become. “You must think I’m pretty pathetic huh?”
“I could never think that about you,” he said. “Why would you think that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you warned me not to go, I had a bad feeling about it, I was nearly killed on the way to getting ready to go, and then I went anyway. Possibly because I gave in, and let Jacques try to turn me. Maybe because I ended up being too weak to handle it and died. Or maybe because I still haven’t recovered, and I’m still not even able to sit on my own yet. There are tons of reasons. I know that if I were in your shoes, I would certainly think that.”
He shook his head as he scooted closer. “You’re stubborn and naturally get a kick out of spiting me. That’s why you went. It’s not because you’re pathetic. Wendy told us what you did in the fight against that Rogue. That was pretty incredible, and you did that alone. You saved your life and Rachel’s life, and all alone. Wendy got there during the final stages. As for Jacques—I’m not exactly sure that I trust him or his word, but I know what Amanda told me, and I believe that. I also trust Khanae’s judgment when looking into the eyes of one of her… children. And yes, I use that word lightly because she raised me and turned me herself. However, Amanda said that you agreed to being turned only to save her life. And Jacques seemed—to Amanda—like he didn’t want to do it anyway. Besides, weakness is not nearly the same as being pathetic. You died, Kailah. Give yourself some time to get used to the world of the living again.”
I nodded absentmindedly. “Jacques stuck up for me. He was a good person lost inside of a dark shell. He’d been wronged during his life, I’m sure. But even though he believed in Jeff’s reasoning for having me there, one thing he never allowed for was any mistreatment of me. He stuck up for me and defended me even when he still sided with them. He wouldn’t even allow Jeff to call me names,” I said with a laugh. Now that I was no longer in that situation, it was kinda cute.
“You liked him, didn’t you?” he asked. It wasn’t accusing, more inquisitive or curious.
My eyes darted to his. It was the first time that I’d actually looked at him in a week. There was a hint of a sad smile on his face. I wasn’t sure if he was jealous or just upset that I could bond with someone in that situation.
“Part of me did,” I said. I figured honesty was probably best since he’d know if I was lying anyway.
“Would you mind if I asked why?” he asked.
I sighed as I tried to decide what to say. “When he walked into the room, it was obvious that he didn’t fit in with the others. He was different all the way down to soul level. He was very gentle and was even concerned for my wounds. He sort of reminded me of you. When he came in, he untied me and discussed things as he tried to make me understand the choice that was being laid out. He didn’t want to see me suffer, even if it meant an end to the war for Vampires.”
“That explains why you saved his life, but you liked more than his spirit.” Aeric’s voice was soft as he spoke. He didn’t seem angry, only inquisitive and slightly sad. “I could sense the relationship that had formed between the two of you as you spoke to one another. You wanted him. Maybe not at that moment, but at some point during the night, I know that you wanted him.”
I lowered my head as the guilt returned. I felt guilty for wanting Jacques because of my feelings for Aeric. I felt as though I’d betrayed him, even though we weren’t together and this happened after he told me that we could never even be together. Though, technically, I had nothing to feel bad about, I still did because I knew that somewhere in Aeric’s heart, there is a place for me—even if he won’t allow himself to show me that part.
“I can feel the guilt radiating from you, Kailah. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I was only curious. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty for any way that you feel—ever. You especially have no reason to feel guilty about any feelings that you have toward a Vampire like Jacques. He’s very powerful, and I’m sure overwhelming to the senses. I suppose, though I shouldn’t be, that I was worried what you thought about him in comparison to me.” Aeric’s eyes lowered slightly, and I saw sadness cross his delicate, yet masculine features and it broke my heart.
“The truth is that I’m twenty years old, Aeric. I’m twenty years old, and the first time that I was ever really kissed was when you kissed me in this room. Directly after that amazing kiss, I was told that it would be the last one we would ever share—that we could never be together. It broke my heart, but I understand why you can’t be with me. With Jacques, it was different. He wasn’t at all shy about letting me know what he thought about me.
Though he didn’t appeal to my heart, in more than a friendly way, he appealed to other parts of me that have been ignored for far too long and not by choice. He was that dark, seductive Vampire that I’d always pictured in my mind. He knew all the right things to say, and he made me feel wanted, no matter the reason why. He simply made me feel desired. I was terrified of him at first, but part of me needed him all at the same time. And, though we aren’t together, and I owe no explanation, I still want to tell you that he kissed me.”
His eyes lifted to mine again and he seemed worried. “Did you kiss him back?” The question was simple enough, but it was sadness that made him ask, not necessarily jealousy.
I nodded. “I did. In my mind, though I was mostly gone because of being drained; I was about to die. I was about to die, and I believed that I deserved the last few moments of my life to be pleasurable. He never hurt me, Aeric. I know that you want to believe that he did so you can hate him, but he didn’t.” He nodded and smiled. “What?” I asked.
“So, you find him to be the dark, sexy Vampire do you?” he asked, slightly amused. “What am I? The Vampire puppy version?” He smiled and I laughed.
It was the first time in a week that I’d laughed and it felt good. I just felt bad that it was related to this topic.
I shook my head. “No, Aeric. I don’t see you as the Vampire puppy version. With you, it’s different. You don’t blatantly flaunt your Vampiric gifts, so I wasn’t used to seeing that. Jacques kind of took me by surprise. I find you both very sexy, but let’s face it, unless you’re starving, you don’t really flirt with me at all.”
I smiled and he followed suit, though his was slightly darker. In a flash, his hand was lightly wrapped around my throat, his mouth at my ear. “That’s because I’ve taken it easy on you, mistakenly thinking that you were delicate due to never truly having been with anyone. When I’m starving, as I was at the waterfall, it’s hard for me to hold back the dark charm. I really felt guilty later—after I’d eaten—for using it against you. It never occurred to me that you had a dark side, waiting to be touched, though I should have because of the effect that it was having on you then. If this is the way that you want me to be, then I can easily let go and be more myself.”
My breath caught as his lips lightly grazed the sensitive skin on my neck. In my weakened state, there was no chance of me fighting off Aeric’s dark power, wrapping around me and pulling me in.
“Aeric,” I said, breathlessly.
“Yes,” he lightly growled against my neck.
“I didn’t want Jacques because he was a Vampire, just as I don’t love you because you’re a Vampire. I wanted Jacques because he was himself. He didn’t hide from me. He was open and honest. My feelings grew for you the moment you showed me who you really were. You were no longer a Vampire trying to be human around me. I finally knew you, the real you. That feeling that you were hiding something from me finally went away, and it crumbled what was left of the wall that I’d built to protect myself from you. If this is who you are, then don’t hide it from me. That’s what I want.”
Aeric smiled against my throat. “That was a far better answer than I expected.” His lips gently moved against my throat in an open-mouthed kiss as he groaned. “Damn, I really don’t want to, but I need to leave before I accidentally take advantage of you.”
I smiled. “Too bad you don’t want to be with me then, huh?”
He laughed lightly as he reluctantly pulled away. “Oh, dear Kailah. It’s not that I don’t want you.”
I nodded. “I know. It’s because of Analynn.” As soon as her name left my lips, I froze.
He’d never told me her name. I only learned it after she showed up the last time Aeric and I were alone in here. Realization crossed his face and his brows furrowed.
“Analynn? I never told you her name. How did you know that?” he asked. “Did Sayen or Khanae tell you?”
I sighed as I debated on telling him the truth or lying. I wasn’t sure what to do. Would I completely lose him if I told him that I was able to speak to her? That she didn’t want us to be together? Would he understand and let it go?
“Kailah,” he said.
“Tell him or I will,” Analynn said. She was now standing at the foot of the bed, behind Aeric. “Tell him, or I will use your power to tell him, and believe me, that isn’t the only thing I’ll say. I warned you to stay away from him, so anything that I say is really your fault and not mine.”
I sighed again, uncertain of what Analynn had up her sleeve and sure as hell not wanting to find out.
“After we spoke the last time, Analynn showed up. She told me that Khia was the one that killed her the night before you were supposed to turn her.”
“Analynn? You’ve spoken to her? How is she? Is she angry?”
I could see his concern for me melt away as his concern for Analynn replaced it.
Fantastic.
I sighed again. “Oh, she was angry alright, but not with you.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“She threatened me to stay away from you, or she would destroy me,” I said.
“No, that isn’t Analynn. She was sweet and gentle. She would never have harmed anything at all. That’s not who you were speaking to, trust me,” he said.
“No, trust me. It was. We had quite a lengthy conversation about it.” I heard a soft giggle.
“Should I tell you something—personal—to convince him that it’s me?” Analynn asked snidely.
“No, I’d really rather you didn’t,” I said.
Her comment was like hot needles in my heart. I didn’t want to think of her with him. She was a terrible person. She never belonged with him—no matter what she was like when she was alive.
“Who are you talking to?” Aeric asked.
“No one,” I said softly. I couldn’t bear speaking her name again and seeing his reaction to it; especially if he knew that she was in the room.
“Oh, c’mon Kay! Tell him! It’ll be fun! We can make a game out of it. It’ll be about the dumb, Immortal whore who actually thinks someone other than Immortal Grammy and Vampire Grammy gives a damn about her. Especially an unbelievably, smoking hot Vampire. Do you know who that is? It’s okay sweetie, you can raise your hand. It’ll be cute, and I bet you’ll win.”
“God, I hate you,” I whispered as I looked down at my hands.
“So we’re back to that?” Aeric asked.
I immediately looked up to see he wore a subtle smile but underneath was still that bit of sadness. I sighed again as I decided to tell him the truth.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” I said. A look of confusion spread across his delicate features.
“Analynn?” He almost choked on her name as he spoke it softly.
It made me want to puke.
I nodded. “Yes. She’s in the room now, and I’m sorry, but she is not a very kind person.”
“If it truly is her, then death must have hardened her. She was beautiful and elegant. She was the most vibrant woman I’ve ever met,” he said.
I realized that he didn’t even remember I was in the room at that point, even though he was talking to me. He was simply remembering her out loud to himself, reminiscing about their life together. Also, though, I shouldn’t have thought about it like I did, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that he said that she was the most vibrant woman he’d ever met. Maybe it only bothered me because she was such a terrible person.
“How wonderful,” I said.
I meant for it to sound heartfelt, but I realized that it came out as nothing more than a sarcastic slur. I was being petty, and it wasn’t fair to him.
“Forgive me, Kailah, but I’ve spent the last few decades believing that Analynn hated me for what happened to her. I’ve barely even thought her name, let alone speak it out loud because of the guilt that I hold inside. To know that she’s here, right now, and that she holds no ill will towards me is an amazing feeling. I would give anything to have your gift ri
ght now. I would give anything to speak to her now,” he said.
A tear slid down each of my cheeks without my meaning to let them. I didn’t have the energy yet to hold them back. I looked down and fidgeted with my blanket to hide my watering eyes. I realized now that I would do anything at all to make him happy. I cared deeply for him, and I wasn’t going to try to deny it any longer. Even though we would never be able to be together, I wanted to give him anything and everything that I could. As long as I could see him happy, my heart could never possibly grow dark.
“Would you?” I asked. “Would you really give anything to speak to her?”
I felt a shift in the bed as he moved closer to me. “Yes,” he said softly.
My body wasn’t anywhere near recovered, and this was going to take a lot of energy. With Analynn, I assumed that I was risking my life to do this because I doubted that she would stop, even when feeling my life force failing under her touch. But, just as Aeric said that he would give anything to speak to her, I was willing to give anything to see him happy, and I had faith in myself and Aeric that I would be okay. I was willing to give anything to see him get the closure that he so desperately needed to move on, even if that something was my health.
Aeric was wrong. I was pathetic. I felt a chill down my right shoulder, and I looked off to the side of the bed and saw Analynn there.
“Analynn, I don’t know what you have to do to speak, but I know that you do. So, do it,” I told her.
“Well I should warn you, as weak as you are, this could weaken you even more and knock you out. Hell, it might be able to kill you, I dunno,” she said.
“I gathered that may happen. Why the warning anyway? You were more than willing to do it earlier without that little bit of info.”
She laughed and shrugged her shoulders. “Well, before, I was angry and didn’t care, but I figured since you are volunteering that I would go ahead and pass that tidbit along.”
“Dear God, I hate you,” I said again. I waved my hand. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter the consequences just do it.”