Illumination

  When she was a child, her father would take her tantrums and remove some of her rage as his form of discipline. Elspeth did it so she didn’t have to deal with her. Her brother only did it once, when her grief over the dual loss of her aunt Isabelle and their elder brother Calev threatened to undo her.

  It was wrong. Emotions were there as a gift and curse. Without them one turned into…a monster. Who was she to interfere?

  But he’d been so angry, and she wanted him to smile. She screwed it up again. Why was it that with Xander her mistakes hurt more? His disappointment in her skewered her heart.

  Funny, she didn’t know it was possible, but tears welled up, and she found herself making a small noise. She began to cry.

  The odd sensation of magic working—the tingling and stretching of muscle and sinew—found her back to her body. Tears flowed hotly down her cheeks, and strong arms wrapped around her body as she sat in his lap on the bed.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, but he heard. One hand stroked her hair as he rested his cheek on the top of her head. “I just wanted to—”

  He hushed her by kissing her silent. His lips firm on hers.

  For a moment, Mina forgot to breathe. Spots danced in her eyes, and when he pulled away, she almost jerked him back. He’d kissed her before, on the forehead, cheek, her hand, even once on the mouth, but they’d been impersonal, quick. This one had been different—softer, more intense.

  She laid her head on his shoulder, trying to get her bearings, to calm her initial reaction of excitement to a level where she could pick up what he was feeling. He didn’t try kissing her again.

  She wasn’t sure how long she sat in his lap. She became conscious of her heartbeat, thumping faster than his.

  “I’m sorry too.” Xander’s voice was gentle with an odd intensity. “I am not my best around you lately.”

  It wasn’t an accusation, but Mina shifted a bit, uncomfortable thinking she was the cause.

  “No, let me speak,” he insisted as he tightened his hold. She relaxed. His emotions were a jumble of tastes: hot, spicy, sweet, and bitter. “You track my emotions, but not my thoughts,” he added, as if reading her mind. “I think it’s time we talk.”

  Uneasiness drifted over Mina. When people on television said We need to talk, it usually meant something bad. But this time, she’d let him have his say.

  “You are the most infuriating person I know…” Xander’s low voice began.

  This isn’t going well.

  “…but you are one of the few who can make me laugh.”

  I’m not sure I like where this is heading. She pressed her lips together to keep herself from speaking.

  “I find, no matter what I do, the more I tell myself you’re just a child…”

  Oh, now this is too much. Mina raised her head to look into his eyes as he continued.

  “…I discover a woman, a strange mix of seduction and immaturity. Your unending belief in me has always surprised me.”

  This is better. She shifted in his lap and felt something grow harder. Whoa.

  “But you’re a Dark; I’m a Mage. We’d never be permitted to…”

  Now she was done. “You are so silly,” Mina blurted. She couldn’t read his mind, but, oh, his emotions and his body said something else. He yearned. It tasted like the memory of musk and flowers—sweet and seductive.

  She raised her hands and grasped the side of his head and did what she’d wanted to do for years: She placed her lips on his and kissed him with all the pent up longing she’d hid from him.

  This was wrong.

  But why the hell did it feel so damn right?

  Xander’s body responded even as his mind castigated him for doing so. He softened his lips, opening them, and she followed his lead. Her lips were rich and luscious, and when he tangled his tongue with hers, he wasn’t sure who moaned.

  Mina shift again in his lap, and her delicious little derriere rubbed on him, arousing him further.

  He was a hedonistic bastard.

  Xander tried to pull away, to put some distance between them, but when Mina used her sharp teeth, nipping his bottom lip and drawing a minute amount of blood, he deepened the kiss. A bit of pain and blood added spice to the moment.

  One hand trailed down the curve of her back, while the other ran along the length of her lusciously long legs, the one thing he’d wanted to do since she walked into the room.

  He was taking advantage of her. His imprisonment and suffering had screwed up his head. He should wait. This wasn’t right. He’d probably screw any woman who walked into this room.

  Forcing to break the kiss, he leaned his forehead on hers even as he slid one hand under her dress, reveling in the smooth muscle of her thigh. Heat unwound inside of him, making him hard. His instinct was to throw her on the bed and take her.

  “We can’t do this,” he whispered, trying to give her one last chance to leave. To give him a chance to redeem himself.

  “I want this,” Mina answered in a fierce whisper, shifting herself until she straddled him, her hands caressing his face. “There will be no regrets.”

  He slipped his hands under her thighs, squeezing the muscle as he moved them up to cup her rounded buttocks, and found she wore no underwear. With a quick move, he stood and turned so she was on her back, and he covered her, pressing his body into hers.

  To hell with control.

  “Remember, I gave you a choice,” Xander whispered into her skin as he trailed his lips across her cheek and down her throat, nipping her and reveling in her little gasps. He stopped to look at her again, her black eyes slumberous with desire. “I won’t stop now.”

  “Then don’t,” she whispered back.

  Drawing back, he hooked his hands under the green dress and dragged it up over her body. She arched, assisting him. Her skin was smooth and pale, covering a lithe body, with a delicate tapered waist and small round breasts topped with bright pink nipples.

  How did he ever think she was anything but a woman? Xander told himself all sorts of lies over the years to keep his interest in her checked. But no matter what he did, there was something in Mina that drew him as if she was his north star, the one place he always oriented to. He’d managed to keep his distance, but what made it possible for him to step over his self-imposed line and grasp the one thing he should not have?

  With a groan he ran his hands from her ankles and up her legs, noting with pleasure that she’d shaved between her legs. He continued over her hips, up her rib cage to cup her breasts, running a thumb over those pearls of flesh. She gasped, writhing underneath his hands. He wanted to taste all of her.

  Starting at her ankle, his lips followed his hands, nipping, licking, kissing. Her skin was smooth, and he fought the urges to suck on it. Not now. As he tasted his way up her body, he knew what made him cross the line.

  Death.

  He’d been close to the forever darkness. The only light had been Mina’s voice, but even he knew it wouldn’t be able to keep him in this world. Not the way he’d been drained. He feared he’d walk on to the other side. Regret is normal for those facing the final end, but his biggest one hadn’t been about power or money. It had been Mina. How could he have died without ever allowing himself to touch her, be with her? To show her how much he did love her.

  For once, damn the consequences, he’d never regret again.

  Gasping, Mina arched. She didn’t know a tongue could do that to her down there.

  His hands grasped her hips, and she helped him as she grabbed the bedspread in her hands, pulling at it, ripping the linen. She didn’t care.

  Hot, wet, soft and hard, the movement in and out of her made her muscles clench as if they were being wound up tighter and tighter.

  “More.” She didn’t know what she wanted more of, but she was close…so very close.

  He looked up at her, his blue eyes filled with knowledge, and he thrust his tongue. She exploded in waves, her vision blurring, her mind freezing. She rode it, gasping.


  It took a moment for her to catch her breath. Breathing was overrated anyway.

  Xander pulled back, and she frowned at him.

  “Where are you going?” Mina wasn’t all that experienced, but she knew there was more to this, and she wanted it all. Besides…it was his turn.

  “Greedy, aren’t you?” he teased, pulling off his T-shirt, wiping his face with it, and letting it drop to the floor.

  She didn’t see his scars. They were there, but to her, he had a beautiful body, all lean sinew and corded power. In her world, marks such as these were a sign of strength.

  “Yes, for all of you,” she told him and sat up, helping him unbuckle his belt and sliding the pants over his hips, revealing all of him.

  Oh. My.

  She must’ve said it out loud, because she heard the rumble of a laugh from Xander. She didn’t blush, but she licked her lips as she looked up at him.

  “Glad you approve.” His wonderful mouth twitched into a smile. But he stopped her when she leaned forward to give him a taste of what he’d given her. “No, today I am selfish. I want inside of you.” The rasp in his voice made her skin tingle with anticipation.

  He drew her up and kissed her, his lips tasting salty and sweet. His hands slid down her back before he pressed her once again to the bed. She wrapped her legs around his hips and bit his shoulder as he pressed into her. Slowly.

  Blood poured into her mouth as he filled her, and she stretched. As she tasted him, tingles of power made her tongue numb even as she made a sound of pleasure.

  Xander moved, nibbling her shoulder.

  “Harder. Bite me harder,” she cried as his teeth released her.

  He moved again, stronger. As he filled her, she turned her neck and urged him to use his teeth. She felt the rumble of his amusement this time, and his tongue skated along the line of her shoulder to her throat.

  His teeth gripped her just at the juncture of neck and shoulder as he moved harder and faster.

  “Please…” Mina clutched Xander, her sharp nails digging into his flesh as he moved in her. He picked up the pace, and she matched it with her hips. The coiling tightness in her loins returned; this time it wound far tighter.

  Skin slapped on skin, the sensations growing. Still, he only suckled where his mouth was at her neck.

  “Now!” She cried it, maybe she shouted it. She didn’t care.

  Harder. Faster.

  Mina couldn’t hold back as the sharp bite of his teeth sunk into her, deep, breaking the skin, and blood flooded his mouth. Her release was sudden and violent, followed by his. It rolled over both of them, leaving them gasping.

  Mina felt her body quiver with aftershocks as Xander repositioned them to the side, keeping one leg over his hip. She blinked as he smoothed the hair out of her face. For the first time since before he went to college, his face was relaxed, expression unguarded. When he smiled, it wasn’t filled with his usual sarcasm.

  Contentment radiated off of him and filled her mouth like the taste of freshly baked bread. Addicting.

  “Did I hurt you?” He ran a hand where he’d bit her. The area was sore, but not painful. He moved his hand down her shoulder and flank to her hip bone and paused.

  “Were you supposed to?” It was her turn to laugh a little.

  “No.” He kissed her nose, pulling her close.

  “There is only one thing,” she murmured into his neck, letting his arms encircle her.

  “Hmm?”

  One of his hands was rubbing the small of her back in small steady circles. She wanted to purr.

  “I have a sudden urge to go chew some clover.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  THE TEMPTATION TO FORGET EVERYTHING and stay next to Mina almost won. Xander had taken one look at her curled on her side, long dark lashes shadowing her cheeks, innocent and sexy—a lethal combination to him—and told himself he didn’t have to go. He’d done his best to make sure she was good and tired, hoping it would keep her out of trouble.

  Xander was growing adept at lying to himself. He’d wanted this between them as much, if not more, than Mina. He should be exhausted. The day had faded into night as they explored each other again and again. He’d been a fool to wait so long. Why had he? Because she was a Dark, but it was beginning to not matter to him so much.

  He eased out of the bed, dressing silently, putting on another of the never-ending packaged white T-shirts, and forgoing shoes to prevent waking Mina as he dug around looking for them. He remembered kicking them off earlier, but where they landed was a mystery. His prior declaration about having the Russian come to him made him realize he wasn’t going to wait. No matter his circumstance, he wasn’t going to act the victim. Taking advantage of his unlocked door was only logical. He figured there would be wards to warn him not to go further. His magic was almost at full strength; he probably could get around almost anything if given enough time.

  As he passed a darkened living room, the clink of ice in a glass made him pause. Xander found Thomas Voda sitting in a recliner, staring at a flat screen of some news channel, holding a glass filled with amber liquid.

  He sure as hell hoped it was scotch. He wouldn’t mind depleting Petrov’s cache if he could. As he entered, he spied a small bar off to the side.

  “There you are.” Thomas turned to look at him. “Come in, my boy, join me for a drink. Petrov always has the good stuff.” His voice was a bit loud and slurred. Xander frowned.

  Was the man drunk?

  Neither Mages nor Elementals got drunk easily. He wasn’t sure about Darks. It had to do with the magic they used. Their systems would burn through alcohol as quickly as it did sugar. There was only one way Thomas could be inebriated—he’d been drained. The thought made Xander’s temper spike. After his brutal draining at the hands of Cazacul, his feelings toward the practice were decidedly negative. Forget the fact he used this technique himself a time or two.

  “I’ll be glad to.” He moved to the bar, glad to see Petrov had some eighteen-year-old Macallan. Not bad. But he’d expected better. It had been a while, though, so he wasn’t going to complain. Pouring a generous glass, he picked it and the bottle up to take a seat near the man.

  “Since when did you like sitting in the dark?” Xander murmured. The lamps on the sideboard were glowing a soft yellow. There was a part of him he didn’t want to examine that didn’t appreciate the night as much as he used to.

  “Since it seems that’s where I’m headed.” Thomas chuckled wetly, sloshing some scotch as he took a drink. “The talks with Cazacul are tomorrow. I was hoping I’d get a chance to see you before this. I’d like you to be there as back-up since that shit Petrov drained me.” He said the last in a loud voice, as if the man in question was in earshot.

  “Why’d he drain you?” Tipping the glass, Xander enjoyed the smooth burn of the scotch, appreciating the smoky taste of it. He could guess. Petrov didn’t take kindly to young Elementals being abused.

  “Oh, it’s because I drained that collared Tri to get here.” He set his glass unsteadily on the table. “Hell, if I’d known he’d be so pissed off, I’d have found a different way to get here, but I didn’t have much time. It’s not like the boy died. He’ll recover.” He pointed a finger at Xander like he used to when he was a boy. Xander didn’t like it then, and he sure as hell didn’t like it now. “When these damn Elementals get uppity, things are very wrong. In my day, it wouldn’t have happened. We’d have executed the lot of them.” He made a sweeping gesture. “But it’s not going to work this time. Oh, no. There is more at stake here.”

  Damn straight there was.

  “If you don’t like Elementals, why come here?”

  In this state, Thomas would be more than happy to reveal what he thought.

  “Because the Chairman can’t break the Boundary. I’m safe here from his assassination attempts. We can’t afford this war with the Darks. No, it will break us. We’re not growing like we should. Hell, even that Cogent Laurie is pregnant. Ma
ybe we could get those children and find a way to help renew the Mage race.” Thomas nodded sagely, his face reddened.

  Something icy slipped down Xander’s back, a dark realization he’d managed to ignore for years. Experimentation, outlawed for the last century—was this what he was getting at? God, he hoped not.

  “What do you mean when you say these children will help our race?” He kept his tone politely interested, even as a violent fury stirred deep within him, buried in the darkness of memories he couldn’t even call up.

  Thomas blinked, reminding Xander strongly of a tortoise. “You don’t know?”

  “I’ve forgotten.” The knuckles on his hand whitened as he gripped the glass. Why did he have this extreme visceral response? He didn’t want to upset the sloshed Mage before him by wanting to know more.

  “Experimentations.” Thomas picked up his glass again and drained the rest of the contents, part of it dribbling down his chin. He wiped the back of his hand unsteadily across his face. “We usually get the subjects from Regional Mages.” He tried to set the glass on the table and missed. Cursing as the crystal hit the carpeted floor, he then simply waved his hand. “Let the servants get it.”

  “I thought experimenting was outlawed.” Carefully, Xander tried to sound bored, unaffected. How the hell did this bypass him? He’d been a Regional Mage long enough to know most of the protocols, but this wasn’t one of them.

  “It’s what we tell the lower-level Mages and Elementals. No sense getting them upset.” Thomas shook his head. “Hell, my boy, you’re the result of experimenting. Look at you, one of the strongest and a third-generation Mage! Unheard of! By this time, most third generations are lucky enough if they can conjure a bit of an illusion, but you!” Here he grinned, swaying in his seat. “You outshine even a first generation. Not that we have them anymore, because we’re not allowed to change Elementals.” He put his finger to his lips. “I have a secret. We still do this for the right price.”