Come Closer

by Brenda Rothert

  “Not so much love as . . . I don’t know. Just wondering.”

  “Daniel, I have no positive feelings for Dax, and I never will again. My only goal in life is to see him in prison until the day he dies.”

  He nods. Given what happened to Leonard, I know Daniel shares my goal.

  We’ve been on the road for three hours now. Daniel stopped at a small gun shop in Greenville and bought a couple handguns, ammunition, and a clean T-shirt for me. It’s a dark brown men’s extra-large that’s really big on me, has a giant deer head on it, and says “Nice Rack,” but at least it’s clean. The shirt I was wearing was soaked with Leonard’s blood.

  “We’ll drive through the night and stop to sleep outside Chicago in the morning,” Daniel says. “Joanne may have reported us to the police, so we have to stay off the radar.”

  “The police?”

  He shrugs. “Technically, I’m probably abducting you right now.”

  “But how? I went willingly.”

  “Consent is different when you’re in a mental hospital.”

  My stomach clenches with worry. “Wait . . . you’re really going to be in trouble over this, aren’t you? Will you lose your job?”

  “I’ll be okay.”

  “Daniel. We can turn around and go back right now if it will save you.”

  He shakes his head. “We can’t do that. You’re not safe there. And frankly, the other patients aren’t safe with you there, either. We need to bring this to Dax’s front step, not the other way around.”

  “But they need you there. I don’t want you to get fired over this.”

  “One thing at a time, okay? Don’t worry about that.” He reaches over and takes my hand, and I study the dark ink on his forearm and wrist. “Can we get the book without tipping off Dax? Is it hidden near him?”

  “No. He’d never find it where I left it.”

  “And where is that?”

  I’ve never told anyone where the book is, and my heart pounds as I take a deep breath and say the words. “I asked my business partner Madeline to lock it in her safe.”

  “You think she still has it?”

  “Yes. I trust her completely. We were friends for years before we started Brighton Cole. She didn’t even blink when I asked her. She has my will and life insurance policies in her safe, too. I had hers in mine. We figured it was good to have each other keep them since we were co-owners in the business.”

  The rusty pickup truck Daniel borrowed from Pike lurches a little, and Daniel furrows his brow, shifting the gears until it’s driving smoothly again. His Expedition is hidden in Pike’s garage because Daniel didn’t want to risk taking it. Now I know why—he’s concerned the police could be after us.

  “I think it’s best if I go see her alone tomorrow to get it,” Daniel says. “I’ll have to tell her it’s for Allison since she thinks . . . you know.”

  “She thinks I’m dead,” I say softly.

  He gives me an apologetic look. “You should lie low for now. We don’t want to risk anyone seeing you or her telling anyone she saw you.”

  I sigh heavily and nod. I want to see Madeline, but I know he’s right.

  “When it’s time for the police to arrest Dax, I want to be there,” I say. “I have to see that.”

  “I understand. I’ll make sure you’re there.”

  We drive all day, only stopping to use the bathroom and get fast food. It’s strange being with Daniel outside of Hawthorne, but in a good way. When we’re in line at a gas station, he puts his arm around me and pulls me against him. I close my eyes, wrap my arms around his waist and hold on tight.

  In Nebraska, we stop at a Target store about half an hour before closing time. We quickly cruise the aisles for essentials like toiletries. As we’re piling clothes into a shopping cart, it hits me that I don’t really exist anymore. I have absolutely nothing in this world right now—not even my own identity.

  “I’ll pay you back for all of this,” I tell Daniel.

  He shakes his head. “I don’t want your money.”

  “I’ve got plenty, though.”

  “I do, too. Doctors aren’t broke, you know.”

  I smile at his wry look. “I know. But I’ve got . . . I mean, I had . . . a fortune. I don’t know how all that works now, though.”

  “Who did you leave everything to?”

  “Allison,” I say softly.

  He takes my hand and squeezes it. “There’s time to sort all that out later. I’ve got plenty of cash for everything we’ll need.”

  I nod, but I don’t like this feeling of dependence. My mother raised my sister and me to be independent in every way. I’ve come to rely on Daniel, but I don’t like that he doesn’t need me the way I need him.

  I absently grab a nude bra in my size and toss it into the cart. I add in a pair of nude panties, blinking when I see Daniel putting a lacy black thong in the cart. He adds a white one, then picks up a sheer white camisole, nods with appreciation, and puts it in the cart, too.

  “You like to cross-dress?” I tease.

  He lowers his brows in a scowl. “Just making sure you’ve got plenty to choose from.”

  “Oh, yeah? Do I get to choose some underwear for you?”

  “Sure.” He smirks. “But I don’t wear them to bed, just so you know.”

  “You don’t wear . . . ?”

  “Anything. I sleep in the raw, gorgeous. How about you?”

  The moment of levity in our horrible day makes me laugh. “Guess that camisole will work.”

  He’s reaching for a red camisole when an announcement about the store closing comes over the loudspeaker. Daniel pushes our cart to the checkout and pays for our stuff. As the cashier puts his underwear and mine in the same bag, I smile, because I like this.

  As terrible as this day has been, Daniel came to the rescue. He’s risking his job to keep me safe, help me find the book, and bring Dax down. The last time I had faith in a man, it ended in catastrophe. But I can feel Daniel’s goodness down to my core.

  Allison would love him. I wish she could have met him. And I wish he could have known her, too, because I was different when she was alive. I was tenacious and full of hope. Nothing felt impossible.

  But since I lost her, I haven’t cared what was possible. Even now, I can’t imagine what I’ll do when I get discharged from Hawthorne. Part of me doesn’t want that. The people there only know what’s left of me—the damaged, incomplete woman who sometimes hides within herself now. And they like me anyway.

  When we leave Target, Daniel turns down my offer to drive. He’s listening to talk radio news as we get farther from Hawthorne and closer to my hometown. At some point after midnight, I drift off to sleep.

  I dream I’m covered in blood, and I’m trying to scream but no sound will come out of my mouth. When I jolt awake, Daniel puts his hand on my thigh.

  “You okay?”

  I slump back against the seat. “Yeah.”

  The clock on the dash says it’s 4:05 a.m. I glance over at Daniel.

  “I’m not tired,” he says, reading my mind. “I’ve got my coffee and some BBC news on. This talk about international economies has me on the edge of my seat.”

  I smile, still looking at him. Everything about Daniel is big and muscular, from his neck to his broad shoulders and chest. He’s kind of stuffed into this truck, which is smaller than the Expedition.

  A sudden, deep yearning for him takes hold of me. I want him to pull the truck over so I can climb on to his lap. Being right next to him isn’t close enough. I want to taste him and touch him and smell the coffee on his breath. As I look at his hand resting lightly on the steering wheel, I wish it were on me. His big, inked arms and hands turn me on like nothing else.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asks me.

  He’s on my mind, but I don’t have words to explain how I’m feeling, so I say, “Nothing, really.”

  “Try to go back to sleep.”

  He pats my thigh again, and I swal
low hard, wishing he’d move his hand higher. Slide it between my legs. This hard, sudden ache for him is overwhelming.

  “I’m feeling . . . strange,” I murmur.

  Daniel furrows his brow with concern. “Are you feeling sick? We can stop if you need to.”

  “No.” I blush just from my thoughts. “I’ve been attracted to you, since . . . well, you know, for a while.”

  He turns to look at me. “A while?”

  “Yeah. I mean, it wasn’t the moment I saw you, but soon after.”

  “And that has you feeling strange?”

  “It’s not that, exactly . . .”

  “Ava, just tell me.”

  I take a deep breath. “I want you. Even though I know I can’t have you. But God . . . I’m just craving you right now, Daniel. I want you on me and inside me. I want to feel you, and I want you to feel me. It’s horrible because our friend was murdered today, but I want to have the hardest sex I’ve ever had in my life. With you. Right now.”

  “Fuck,” he mumbles.

  “I’m sorry. I know, it’s—”

  “It’s really fucking hot. And I want you, too.”

  The air in the car thickens. My heart is racing, and I’m hot all over.

  “Daniel,” I say softly. “If we did, I wouldn’t tell a soul. Not ever.”

  He licks his lips, and heat gathers between my legs. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted a man before. It’s not just because of this moment, but all the moments that led us here.

  “I don’t want you to lie for me, Ava.” He shifts in his seat and focuses on the traffic in front of us. “If we get involved on this trip, I’ll accept the consequences.”

  “I don’t want you losing your job over me.”

  He shrugs. “I don’t want to lose you over the job, though.”

  I take his hand and hold it in both of my own. “You won’t lose me just because we can’t sleep together yet. Maybe it’s just too soon. I’ll get discharged at some point, and then—”

  “Then you’ll leave Hawthorne.”

  “I guess I’ll have to.”

  “This trip, however long it ends up being . . . this may be the only time we get together like this,” he says, a note of sadness in his tone. “And it’s normal to want crazy good sex at a time like this. You’re sad and angry, and you need a place to put those feelings. I feel the same way. And Ava, you’re not having crazy good sex with anyone but me.”

  I smile, his words sending a warm tingle down my spine. “You’re sure?”

  “I’m so sure that we’re stopping early.” He glances over at an exit sign. “Here looks good.”

  “Leonard saved my life today,” I say, my voice so soft it’s nearly a whisper. “I’m alive. Do you know how many days out of the past few months I’ve spent feeling dead inside? I don’t want to feel that way anymore. Allison wanted me to live . . .” I stop to take a breath, my throat tight with emotion. “And Leonard wanted me to live. I’m going to live.”

  Daniel brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. There’s a neon sign for a rundown motel right off the interstate. He doesn’t even ask me if it looks good because he knows I don’t care. I’m exhausted in every way right now, but I need him.

  I stay in the car while he goes inside to rent a room. He gets back in the car when he’s done, and we pull around the back to park.

  When we walk into the room, I’m pleasantly surprised. It’s clean and has a nice king-size bed. It hits me all at once how grimy I feel. I wiped Leonard’s blood from my arms in a gas station bathroom on the way here, but I need a shower badly.

  Daniel takes the bag of toiletries into the bathroom, and I hear him turn on the shower. I click on the TV, deciding to find something to watch so I can stay awake and shower when he’s done.

  “You coming?” he asks, sticking his head out from the bathroom doorway. He’s shirtless.

  I’m halfway to the bathroom before his words even register. He had me at bare, muscled chest with dark hair and even more tattoos.

  When I step into the small bathroom, it’s filled with steam. It feels heavenly. Daniel takes hold of the bottom of my T-shirt and pulls it up and over my head.

  “I really hate to see this go,” he quips as he tosses my “Nice Rack” shirt to the floor.

  He unfastens my pants next and pushes them down past my hips, bending down to reach. As they hit the floor, I reach for the fly of his khakis and unfasten them. His erection is every bit as huge as I expected, given his size. It springs out of his pants as I pull them down, taking his boxer briefs with them.

  Daniel smells faintly of pine trees and coffee, with a hint of cedar mixed in. Steam swirls in the air around us as I breathe him in, my fingertips trailing down the lines of his chest to his hips. As soon as I get to his upper thighs, he inhales sharply and reaches for the back of my bra. It’s stuck to my breasts, and he gently works the bloodstained fabric away from my skin.

  I shimmy out of my panties and he drinks me in, his gaze that of a caged animal about to be set free. I used to get bikini waxes faithfully, but I’m not self-conscious about the dark curls between my thighs.

  This is me. I’m alive. And Daniel and I need each other on a level that runs deeper than waxed bikini lines.

  He opens the shower door, and a cloud of steam floats out. I take the hand he offers and step inside, the hot water feeling so good I moan with satisfaction.

  Daniel steps in behind me and closes the door. He’s got the soap and shampoo we bought, waiting on a ledge, caps open. I let the water run over my hair and down my face, washing away not just blood and sweat, but also my inhibition.

  His hands wrap around mine and he turns me away from him, raises my hands in the air, and places them against the wall. My body tenses with anticipation as I wonder if he’s going to take me right here and now. I hope so.

  I can only see the white shower wall in front of me, but I hear him grab the bottle of liquid soap. He squirts some into his hands and lathers it, then puts his hands on my back.

  An “ah” sound unconsciously rolls from my mouth at the feel of his hands on my bare skin. I shiver with pleasure as he slowly runs his hands up and down my back, to my neck, and then around to my front.

  He washes my breasts, which seem small in his massive hands, and then rolls my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers as he lowers his face to the side of my neck and kisses it.

  Tears of gratitude well in my eyes as he kisses me and massages my nipples. The hot water and his tenderness are the salve I needed so badly. He takes his time, washing me everywhere. He even washes my hair, his erection brushing against my bare ass several times as he does it.

  When I’m rinsed, I turn around, hoping to wash him. But he squirts some more soap into his palms and speed washes himself, finishing in thirty seconds and never taking his eyes off me.

  When he turns off the shower and wraps me in a white bath towel, I feel more cared for than I ever have. Daniel knows what I need without words, because that’s how he got to know me. He cared enough to learn my signals and read me.

  His erection is sticking out in front of him like a foot-long steel pole. This whole time, he was putting me first, but now it’s his turn.

  I drop my towel to the floor and take his from him as soon as he’s done drying his hair with it. Then I grab the box of condoms from the Target bag on the sink and lead him into the bedroom.

  “I’ve wanted this for so long,” I say, tearing open the box and handing him the roll of condoms.

  “Me too.” His expression is a mix of hunger and tenderness as he rips a package open and rolls a condom on.

  I lie down on the bed and he follows, bending to kiss his way up one of my legs. I run my hands over his biceps, chest, and back, leaning up to meet him halfway. His mouth meets mine in a kiss that starts soft but soon turns deep and hard.

  My body is wound tight with need for him, every part of me flushed with desire. I hope he can feel how much he means to me.

&
nbsp; He enters me slowly, his eyes finding mine to make sure I’m good. I part my legs wider and moan as he fills me. His lips are parted, and he exhales deeply as he goes farther and farther inside me.

  He’s bigger than any man I’ve been with before, but he isn’t hurting me. He goes slowly, letting my body adjust to him.

  “Ava.” He breathes out my name and buries his face in my neck as he thrusts into me.

  “Yes,” I whisper in his ear, wrapping my legs around his waist. “You always give me what I need, Daniel.”

  “Yes.” His voice is full of emotion.

  “Need me,” I say softly. “Take me hard. Please. Need me, Daniel.”

  He groans and lifts his face to look at me, fucking me harder and faster now. “I do need you. I need you so much.”

  The physical pleasure mingles with the emotional gratification of his words, and I feel myself getting close to the edge.

  “Oh, Ava.” He grinds the words out, his expression twisted with pleasure and restraint.

  I cry out his name, coming with the force of a hurricane. He’s right behind me, groaning loudly and fucking me for another few seconds as we both ride out the last of our orgasms.

  He moves off of me and tosses the condom to the ground, breathless. I immediately climb on top of him and pull the covers over us. Even now, I still need his closeness. I need to feel his warmth and tenderness.

  “I’m gonna need more of that,” I say, kissing his chest.

  He laughs lightly and strokes my wet hair. “Yeah, me too. Give me fifteen minutes.”

  This sense of fullness and contentment can’t last. But in this moment, I feel better than I have in a very long time.

  I WAKE UP FEELING RELAXED and well-rested. The room is dark, and Ava is curled up against my side, her leg thrown over mine.

  She’s warm and soft and so damn tempting. I lift my head to look at the clock, wondering if I’ve got time to make love to her again before we leave.

  It’s 12:20 p.m. Guess not. I let my head drop down to the pillow.

  We were up until almost nine this morning, exploring not just each other’s bodies, but our first opportunity to be completely open with each other. Once I discovered her sleepy, sated post-orgasmic smile, I wanted to see it as many times as possible.