“You’re a fashion designer, though.”
“Not anymore. I was always a business owner first and foremost, anyway. And I’m damn good at that. Maybe I could do remote business consulting. Or get a counseling license. I just want to do something brand new, with no ties to fashion. This is my fresh start.”
She shifts in my lap, straddling me, and I kiss her.
“It’s a fresh start for me, too,” I say against her lips. “A chance I never thought I’d have again.”
“I admire what you do at Hawthorne. They need you.”
I slide my hands around her ass, gripping it in my palms. “And I like my work there. But what I need is you, so if it ever stops working for you, we’ll move on.”
“I love the country there. It’s like its own world, full of blue skies and new possibilities.”
“Possibilities like you having my last name?”
She smiles. “Yes, that’s a definite possibility.”
I brush a lock of dark hair back from her face. “I’m sorry about Madeline. I know it hurt you.”
She sighs softly. “It did. But we did what we came here to do. Dax is in jail, and Madeline will get hers for what she did. I’m fighting to get my share of Brighton Cole back. I’ll sell it when I do, because I want nothing to do with that company. But she’ll lose; I know that. And I get you. I’m ready to let go of the bitterness and live again. Allison would want that.” She blinks and a tear slides down her cheek. “You’ll think this is crazy, but—”
“No, I won’t.”
She smiles through her tears. “My eyes locked with Allison’s as she was dying. I saw so much in her eyes that was too painful to confront at the time. From the moment she held up her hand with the engagement ring on it, I felt what she was telling me. She willingly took my place. She died for me, and she knew I would have done the same for her. She loved me.” Ava wipes her cheeks and takes a breath before continuing. “And she knew how much I loved her. She wanted me to live for both of us. I can’t bear the thought of her dying so I could live a miserable life. I want to be happy every day and live to be a hundred years old and tell my grandchildren about my beautiful, brave sister. That’s my new dream.”
“Then let’s make it come true.”
She smiles, grabs my face, and leans in to kiss me. “What about you? What’s your dream?”
“You.”
“You really know how to melt a girl, Dr. Lumberjack.”
I squeeze her ass, pulling her against me. “I want to make love to you in front of the fireplace in my cabin, Ava. I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of my life. I want you to know Caleb. I want to deliver our babies. I want to teach our children how to hunt and fish and ride horses. I want us to keep healing each other until the hurt doesn’t define either of us anymore.”
She nods slightly and puts her arms around my neck, running her fingers up into my hair. “Yes.”
“I love the sound of you saying yes.” I dip my face into her neck to kiss her. She moans softly and grinds against me.
“You’re good at making me say it,” she says in a sultry tone.
I trace the tip of my tongue over her collarbone. “Was Dax your type before, baby? Did you like your men lean with long hair? The type who hire others to do their dirty work?”
She edges back and looks at me. “Tell me you’re not jealous of him, Daniel.”
“No. You’re mine now. Nothing to be jealous of. I’m just wondering. Have you been with a man like me before?”
Her sexy smile makes my balls ache. “If I’d ever been with an inked-up lumberjack doctor who fucked me into next week and said sweet things in my ear after, I wouldn’t be here, would I? That’s not the kind of man a girl lets get away.”
She tries to push me onto the bed, but I hold her in place. My cock is throbbing, desperate to be inside her.
“You’ve shown me how assertive you can be in bed, Miss Cole.” I pull her hips against me, letting her feel how worked up she’s got me. “And I like it. But this time, it’s my turn.”
She licks her lips, her eyes glazed with lust. “Yes.”
“There’s my favorite word. Now take your shirt off for me.”
She pulls her shirt up over her head, her tits perfect in a pretty white bra. I reach back and pull my own shirt off, tossing it to the floor before I wind a hand around her ponytail and tug it back, opening her neck up to my mouth.
I kiss and nip and lick her skin as she moans for more. Now that we’ve got everything on the table, I’m feeling possessive of the woman who’s not just mine for today, but for all the days to come.
“Get on your knees,” I tell her, breathing hard as she scrambles off my lap and gets to her knees in front of me.
She’s eager, reaching for my fly before I even say anything. I smile and wrap my hand around her ponytail again, leaning my face down to hers.
“Is there something in my pants you want?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it belongs to you, so take it out, baby.”
She exhales in a rush, her cheeks flushed as she unbuttons and unzips my pants and takes out my very hard cock. She kisses and licks and sucks until I’m a groaning, frenzied mess of pent-up wanting.
When I can’t take it anymore, I tear off the rest of our clothes, tell her to get on her back, and watch her chest rise and fall as I slide a condom on. The orgasm at the end of fucking her always feels amazing, but this moment is a close second. Seeing her desperate and hungry for me gets me going like nothing else.
Her groan is as loud as mine when I slide inside her. I have to get as deep as her tight little body will allow me, but I start slow to make up for it. I spend several blissful minutes pumping in and out of her, the only sounds in the room her moans, my groans, and the slapping together of our bodies.
“Oh, Daniel,” she says in a breathy tone. “Just like that. Please don’t stop.”
Not only don’t I stop, I thrust deeper and faster, fueled by her cries of pleasure. Her whole body tenses as she comes with a scream, and I can’t hold back any longer. I let myself go, coming harder than I ever have with a hard groan and a shudder.
Ava hums with satisfaction as I lie down. “That was amazing.”
“Yeah, it was.”
She curls into my side. “Are we leaving tomorrow?”
I sigh heavily. “I could spend a week in this room with you, but . . . we should leave tomorrow. Joanne said Tillman’s ready for me to be back.”
“We’ll leave tomorrow, then. I miss Morgan. I’m looking forward to talking to her for the first time.”
“Good luck with that. She tends to dominate conversations.”
She laughs, her breath tickling my chest. “That’s home, though. I’m ready to leave Chicago behind forever.”
“Yeah, I get that.” I kiss the top of her head.
“There’s somewhere I want to stop on our way out of town, though.”
“Where’s that?” I ask.
“I’ll tell you in the morning. Tonight, I just want . . . this.”
“I’ll give you as much this as your body can handle, baby.”
AS THE CHICAGO SKYLINE GETS smaller, I feel freer. If I ever return to my hometown, it won’t be anytime soon.
I wish I could only take the good memories with me, but I have to take them all. I hope the bad ones will fade with time. When I think of Allison, I want to remember us giving each other matching haircuts at age five. The photo Mom took after she stopped crying makes me smile every time I see it. Then there was the time we switched classrooms for a full week in fifth grade because our teachers couldn’t tell us apart. Her standing in for me on a date in high school when I had the flu, and the many texts she sent about how it was going.
AVA! You didn’t tell me he’s nineteen.
He’s in college, that’s pretty hot.
Am I allowed to make out with him??
“What’s funny?” Daniel asks from the driver’s seat.
; “Just thinking about Allison.”
He takes my hand and holds it loosely in his own. It’s exactly what I need. I don’t want to share the memory, but it’s good to have him close and know he cares.
It’s late morning, and we’re planning to get to Hawthorne early tomorrow. If I know Daniel, he’ll still want to round on patients, even after being up all night.
“Do you think Joanne Hawthorne will mind me staying?” I ask. “It’s kind of a weird transition to make—patient to . . . whatever I decide to do.”
“We’re a package deal. And no, she won’t mind. She has to pay high salaries to get people to relocate there, so if you decide to get a counseling license, she’ll hire you.”
I laugh at the image. “Once I clear a psych evaluation. Wouldn’t it be weird for the patients to have a former patient as their counselor?”
“I don’t think so. You’re proof that recovery is possible. And like you said, you get them.”
I sigh softly. “I’m not sure I’d be a good counselor. And if I had to work with someone like Dr. Heaton—”
“She was fired,” Daniel says. “Her medical license is suspended pending an investigation.”
“She admitted what she did?”
“Under police questioning. That’s what Joanne told me.”
I shake my head and look out the passenger side window as the cemetery sign comes into view.
“People like her shouldn’t become doctors,” I say sadly. “Why would she do something so awful? Trying to make me break when I was still grieving?”
“Apparently, her son has heavy gambling debts, and she took the money to help him. Not that it justifies what she did.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. “I’ll do the recruiting for the next psychiatrist. I’ll make sure we get someone great.”
As he drives through the open wrought-iron gates at the cemetery’s entrance, Daniel looks up at the oak trees that tower over the property.
“This place is beautiful,” he says. “Those trees have to be more than a century old.”
“It’s a hidden gem. My grandparents bought several plots here many years ago. They’re all sold now.”
“Are they still around? Your grandparents?”
I shake my head. “It’s just me and my aunt Maggie. I need to call her when we get back to Hawthorne and explain everything.”
“What happened to your parents?”
“My dad died in a car accident when Allison and I were young. And Mom died of ovarian cancer three years ago.”
“I’m sorry.”
I squeeze his hand. “What about your parents?”
“They have a place in Spain where they’re living now. I’d like to take you there to meet them sometime soon.”
I half smile and half cringe. “I don’t have Allison’s passport, and I’m not sure I should try to use my own.”
“Sam said he’ll help us get things straightened out.” He lowers his brows with concern. “But you should know . . . the authorities may want to exhume Allison’s body.”
My stomach rolls at the thought. “I really hope they don’t.”
“I know. Me too. We’ll just have to see.”
I point at the fork in the road ahead of us. “Turn right up there.”
It’s been a while since I was here. It’s comforting to know I can come visit my parents’ graves anytime I want to. Just knowing they have a place that will always belong to them means everything, whether I come here often or not.
The hydrangeas next to my mom’s headstone are in full bloom. As soon as Daniel parks the truck, I get out and walk over to the soft, pale pink flowers.
“These were her favorite,” I say to Daniel as he approaches. “Allison and I planted them.”
I look at my mom’s headstone and then at my dad’s, hoping it’ll give me strength. It doesn’t help much, though. I’m still filled with cold dread as I walk over to the headstone next to my dad’s.
Daniel stands behind me, his hands on my shoulders as I take in a deep breath and raise my eyes to look at it.
Ava Eleanor Cole
Beloved daughter, sister, and friend
It’s surreal seeing my name on a headstone. It sends a chill down my spine, despite the humid August air.
“I’m going to have one made for her,” I murmur. “She doesn’t even have something with her own name on it to tell the world she was here.”
My throat constricts and tears brim in my eyes. Daniel is silent behind me. I put my hand over one of his on my shoulder.
“I don’t feel close to her because the stone is wrong,” I say.
I move to the fresh, bright green patch of grass in front of the headstone and get on my knees, putting my palms on the ground. Closing my eyes, I let the unshed tears slide down my cheeks.
“I love you so much. You’re the other half of me, Allie. I never thought I’d have to do anything without you, and now . . . I have to do everything without you.”
A soft breeze ruffles the leaves on the oak tree towering above us. Daniel’s boots crunch in the gravel as he walks away to give me time alone with my sister.
Despite all the times I’ve wished I could talk to her since she died, I like these moments of quiet. The breeze keeps blowing, and the scent of Mom’s hydrangeas floats through the air. With my hands on this grass, I have a sense of closeness to Allison that I never thought I’d feel again.
I’d give the breath from my own lungs to bring her back. If I could only trade places with her right now so she could be the one with a beautiful life still in front of her, I would.
But this is all I can do. I can cherish her in my heart every day and live a life that honors her sacrifice. I silently vow to her that I’ll laugh as often as possible. I’ll be daring. I’ll be strong and brave. All the things that she was, I’ll be, too.
I press my cheek to the grass, my eyes still closed. After a few seconds, I get back on my knees and press a kiss to my palm, then put my hand on the grass.
“I’ll be back,” I whisper. “I’ll plant roses here for you. Pink ones, like that corsage you got before prom and saved forever.”
Then I wipe my cheeks, stand up, and take a deep breath. Daniel is walking down the gravel path, and I catch up to him.
“You can stay as long as you like,” he says, looking down at me.
“I’m good.”
He wraps his arms around me, and I sink against him, his solid strength reassuring me.
“I love you, Ava Eleanor Cole.”
“And I love you, Daniel . . . what’s your middle name?”
He hums with amusement. “Joseph.”
“Daniel Joseph Delgado.”
“Are you ready to go home?”
I look up at him and smile. “I’m ready.”
Three years later
GRACIE BURIES HER CHUBBY LITTLE fingers in the soil next to mine. She likes the cool, fresh feel of earth as much as I do.
“Dig, Mommy,” she says with a grin.
I kiss the top of her cute little nose. “I am, sweets. I’m pulling weeds.”
No matter how much things grow and change, weeding the garden is still one of my favorite things to do. Pulling weeds is therapeutic, and I like seeing the thriving gardens neat and clean.
Leonard left a substantial sum of money to Hawthorne, and Joanne Hawthorne used it to create the Leonard Harris Memorial Garden. His tomato garden was expanded, and other vegetables were planted. I often look out over the rows of plants and neat, raised wood beds and smile, thinking about how much Leonard would love this.
There’s a colorful flower garden with brick paths, benches, and a gazebo, but I spend most of my time in the vegetable gardens. I helped plan and plant them, and while I was pregnant with Gracie, I harvested vegetables and worked with the Hawthorne chef to perfect a spaghetti sauce recipe using the tomatoes we grow.
The chef, Mario, is Italian, so that project was a labor of love
. We developed a recipe, and he started using it for meals at Hawthorne Hill. When we began canning it for winter, Hawthorne staffers started asking to buy it. That was when I asked Caleb during a Skype session if he would color a label for me. He did, and I added the name Leonard’s Garden Sauce to it, then printed the labels and added them to the jars so they’d have some flair.
Leonard’s Garden Sauce took off like I never could have imagined. Word spread, and soon I was filling orders for the hardware store in Greenville to sell to their customers. When I couldn’t keep up on my own anymore, I set up shop in an empty staff cabin, and Daniel convinced Joanne to let me hire some Level One patients to help with the business. We’ve kept growing since.
“’Mato,” Gracie says, pulling a plump, red fruit from a vine and holding it up proudly.
She’ll be two in a couple months, and Daniel and I adore her. So does Caleb. He started spending more time with us after we got married almost three years ago. The older he gets, the more he looks like Daniel.
We were married right here, on the bluff that overlooks the lush green valley below. I never would have imagined a wedding on the grounds of a mental hospital could be perfect, but it was. Hawthorne is no average hospital, and Daniel is most certainly no average man. He promised me everything he is and ever will be.
I don’t believe all things happen for a reason. I don’t think Allison was murdered and Daniel delved down a destructive path of alcoholism so we could both end up at Hawthorne and meet. But as I looked up into his dark, beautiful eyes that day, I knew the woman who once accepted a marriage proposal from Dax Caldwell had no idea there was a man like Daniel out there. A strong man whose shoulders are broad in every way. I fall more in love with him every day, and though tragedy brought us together, we move forward together. He picks me up when I fall.
No amount of money or connections could save Dax from prison. Once I knew he was behind bars for at least the next couple of decades, I put him out of my mind. He doesn’t deserve a place in my memory.
My family has helped me find peace, and though the hole in my heart will never be gone, it gets smaller with time. My love for Gracie reminds me of my love for Allison—pure and unconditional. As she grows, I’m reminded that life continues.
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