I’d had an agonising time with Roz. She had decided yesterday that she was going to give me the green light re coming on to her but I didn’t want to. Not that that put her off. As soon as we’d left the safety of her mates after supper last night, she was all over me. I feigned exhaustion but she wasn’t having it. In the end, I told her about my ‘girlfriend’ back in Cornwall. That put her off for a while and at least I was able to get a good night’s sleep but she’d clearly rethought the plan overnight. She was very friendly over breakfast, then when she walked me to the Tube to come and see Dad, she’d suddenly pounced on me and given me a huge snog.
‘Just in case you ever change your mind,’ she’d said when she let me go. ‘I wanted to let you know what you’re missing.’
If she’d done it twenty-four hours earlier, I might have responded but now I felt nothing. My whole life had changed since then and I knew that there was only one girl for me. And that was Emily.
‘So what happened, Dad?’ I asked as I placed a mug of tea in front of him.
‘Oh. You know. Complicated. She wants commitment. I can’t give it to her.’
‘Commitment? But how much more committed could you be? She’s moved in with you. I would have thought that was pretty permanent.’
Dad didn’t say anything. He just gave me a look. At first I didn’t get it, then the penny dropped.
‘Commitment as in marriage?’
Dad nodded.
‘So what did you say?’
Dad looked really uncomfortable and kept moving the mug around the table, as if where he put it was going to make some kind of difference. ‘Well, first of all, I wouldn’t ever do anything like that without talking to you and Jade.’
Bit late for that, I thought. He didn’t consult us when he had the affair.
‘But . . . I told her I couldn’t do it,’ he continued. ‘I already have one failed marriage behind me. I don’t want another. She said that if that was my attitude then we had no future.’
He looked so sad. I knew he really liked Sonia. And so did I. It took me a while to get my head round him being with her in the beginning and I do still get the occasional twang of jealousy about Tamara being there but she’s a kid. She’s as mixed up in all this as Jade and I are.
‘So what now?’ I asked as I wondered if I should give him the ‘there are other fish in the sea’ line, though it never worked for me. In fact, I always wanted to punch anyone who said it.
‘Ball’s in her court. I don’t want to break up.’
‘But you don’t want to get married either?’
Dad shook his head, then made an effort to look more cheerful. ‘Look, never mind about me. I’m sorry. You just caught me at a bad time. How did the cartoon interview go? What’s happening with you?’
I couldn’t help but wonder if this might be a good time to broach the subject of me coming back up to London. If Sonia was gone, Tamara was gone, the spare room would be free. Then I felt bad, thinking about myself when he was so obviously distraught.
I began to tell him all about Kudos and my interview but I could see that he wasn’t really concentrating. I hated seeing him like this. It reminded me of when he and Mum first split up. He looked terrible then. I decided that he needed distracting so I began to talk about a subject I knew would get him going. Our football team (Arsenal). It seemed to do the trick and he shook off his mood to fill me in on the games I’d missed, being down in Cornwall. By the time I had to leave to meet Squidge and Lia, he’d livened up a bit but as I left, I couldn’t help but feel that we should have talked more, about what was really going on in both our lives.
‘So did you ask your dad about coming back up here?’ asked Squidge once we’d settled into our seats for the train journey back.
I shook my head. ‘A bit. But it was bad timing. He’d just had a row with Sonia.’
‘Oh. Bummer,’ said Squidge.
‘Looks like they might have split up.’
Lia glanced at Squidge. ‘I know this may be an awful thing to say, but . . . maybe you could take Tamara’s room.’
‘I did think that. Couldn’t help it. And as I was leaving, I asked if he’d had time to think about me coming back but, as usual, he gave me a vague answer. The future’s unsure, etc., etc.’
‘Oh, tough, man,’ said Squidge. ‘But maybe it will work out.’
‘Yeah. But I didn’t like seeing him so down. I’ll try him another time when things have blown over a bit. But since this visit, I want to get back up here more than ever.’
I was longing to fill Squidge in on the real reason I wanted to live back in London. Emily. But I was afraid that if I told him when Lia was there, she’d tell Cat and Becca and I wasn’t sure how Becca would react to me having found the love of my life in less than a week after having broken up with her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. We started to do homework to pass the time and in between chatted generally about the weekend and what we’d done and I filled them in on my afternoon at the magazine. At last, Lia got up to go to the toilet.
As soon as she’d left the carriage, I leaned over. ‘I couldn’t tell you before, but it’s happened,’ I said.
Squidge looked up from his books. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Love! I’ve fallen in love. The real thing.’
‘In love? Ohmigod. She got you.’
‘Who got me?’
‘Roz.’
‘No. Not Roz.’
‘Then who? Oh no, not Star? I know you’ve always fancied her but she has a boyfriend and . . .’
‘No, not Star. Not Roz. Emily.’ Just saying her name made me feel good.
‘Who’s Emily?’ asked Squidge.
‘I told you. One of the new faces featuring in the magazine supplement.’
‘Oh yeah. The writer?’
‘Yeah. I knew the moment I saw her that there was something special about her. She’s really beautiful. I’ve never felt like this about a girl, ever. And I think she liked me too. We really connected, but she needs some time to get over this jerk who dumped her. Only last week, so she’s still a bit raw. Perfect timing, I thought. Anyway . . . now you understand. I need to go back to London to do my A-levels but being with her is pretty high on the agenda too . . .’
Squidge rolled his eyes. ‘Talk about fast work.’
‘No. Not fast work. It’s taken all of my sixteen years to get here. Like I’ve been waiting all my life for the moment she walked through that door.’
Squidge laughed. ‘The Macster in love? You old romantic, you. Told you it would happen one day. Just didn’t reckon on it being so soon.’
‘Me neither. I feel like all the romantic clichés rolled into one. Love at first sight. Time stood still. Can’t stop thinking about her. I felt like I was walking on air when I was with her . . .’
As Lia came back to sit down, I quickly changed the subject and started talking about my dad again.
‘It’s such a shame your parents split up,’ said Lia. ‘I couldn’t bear it if mine did. And it sounds like your dad isn’t very happy.’
‘And neither’s Mum. In fact . . .’ brilliant idea was beginning to form in my brain.
‘What?’ asked Squidge.
‘No. It’s mad, really . . . but . . . I was just thinking something. Mum hasn’t moved on. Hasn’t met anyone. Not one date even. And Dad’s single again and not coping too well by the look of it. When they first broke up, he begged Mum to forgive him. Nah. Forget it. Sorry. Temporary blip of insanity.’
Squidge shrugged and went back to his books and I tried to concentrate on mine as well. But the idea kept popping back into my head.
‘Maybe it’s not a bad idea . . .’
‘What idea?’ asked Squidge. ‘What are you on about, Mac?’
‘Mum and Dad. It’s been over a year since they split up. Time heals, so they say. Maybe she’s had time to reflect. Maybe she regrets it. In fact, last month I caught her looking at an old album of photos from when we were all together. She looke
d really sad. And she’s always a bit weird when he’s phoned or I’ve been to see him. Like she wants to know all about it and how he is but is shy to ask outright. Do you think . . .? No. Stupid. Although maybe not. No. Yeah. Why didn’t I see it before? She might have been acting like that because she wants him back.’
Squidge looked doubtful. ‘But your dad? How does he feel about your mum now? He’s been with Sonia for a while.’
‘Only because Mum wouldn’t have anything to do with him. And he did ask about her. And they were together for so long. You can’t throw that away, can you?’
Squidge and Lia exchanged anxious looks.
‘That’s what I’ll do,’ I said as the plan began to hatch in my head. ‘I’ll ask Dad to come down to Cornwall. He hasn’t been since the break-up and we used to have such great times there when we were kids, staying with Gran. Get him back on the Cornish turf. It’s bound to jog his memory about the good times.’
‘Hey, Mac,’ said Squidge, ‘don’t get your hopes up. You don’t really know what went on.’
‘Yes, I do. They had seventeen years of happy marriage. One blip because of that stupid affair and now both of them are unhappy.’
The way was clear. I’d been a fool not to think of it before. I was going to get my parents back together. We could go back and live in London. I’d start dating Emily. And we’d live happily every after.
Sorted.
‘I AM NOT HAVING that man in this house,’ said Mum at supper when I asked if Dad could come to stay.
‘I’ve already asked him,’ I said. ‘And . . . well, he seemed kind of sad. And he asked after you. And anyway, I phoned him from the train and he said he would try.’
‘Try,’ said Mum with a sarcastic snort. ‘That was his favourite word. You know what it means, don’t you? It means maybe, if, might, never. Which is my reply. Never.’
Hmm, I thought, my ploy wasn’t working. Need a more ‘softly softly’ approach. I decided to rethink the plan. Drop things into the conversation over the next week or so to remind her of when things were good between them: memories of Christmases, birthdays, things Dad had done to make her happy. I remembered he used to make her laugh. I’d remind her of those times and she’d be bound to give in. She used to look nice when she laughed. I hadn’t seen her like that for a very long time. She’s lost a lot of weight since she split up with Dad and most of the time she looks strained. Partly because she puts such long hours in at work, even when she doesn’t need to. Maybe she keeps busy so she doesn’t have to think about stuff too much.
‘Did you get all your homework done?’
‘Yes. Did it on the train with Squidge and Lia. We got through loads.’
‘Everything ready for school tomorrow?’
‘Yes. No. Almost.’
‘Right. As soon as supper is finished, up those stairs, lay out what needs ironing then give your room a tidy. It’s a tip in there.’
I got up and trudged up the stairs. Welcome home, I thought.
Next on my list was to call Emily and remind her that I existed. We’d swapped numbers before I’d left and promised to get in touch.
‘Mac,’ she said sounding surprised when I called after supper.
‘Hi. Yes. Just wanted to er . . . touch base. See how you were.’
‘Oh . . . fine.’
She didn’t sound fine and she didn’t sound as pleased to hear from me as I’d hoped.
‘Right. Good. I just wanted to say how much . . .’
‘Mac, before you say anything . . . don’t . . .’
‘Don’t? Oh. OK . . .’
‘Look, sorry. It was great to meet you on Saturday and . . . well, I talked to Michael yesterday after I’d left you and . . . sorry, I don’t want to talk about it. I . . . sorry . . . I did think about you after we’d met but . . .’
But . . . I thought. I hate those buts. I’ve been thinking about you too, I wanted to say. You’ve been on my mind every second since we met but I got the feeling that what she wanted to say next was not necessarily what I wanted to hear.
‘But . . . do you mind calling back another time? Michael said he’d call this evening and I don’t want to miss his call and we still have stuff to talk about.’
‘Oh. OK.’
‘Thanks. I knew you’d understand, just having broken up with someone as well.’
‘What time did he say he’d call? Maybe I could call later.’
‘Oh. He just said he’d call Sunday. He might be trying to get through now. So I don’t want to stay on the phone too long. So . . . sorry. Catch you another time? Sorry. Bad timing, you know what I mean?’
I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Bad timing. It was starting to be the story of my life.
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘That’s cool. Bad timing. It happens. Er . . . take care of yourself. OK?’
‘Thanks, Mac. I knew you’d understand.’
I don’t understand at all, I thought after I’d put the phone down, but I knew I had no choice but to go along with what she wanted. In the meantime, I just hoped that this Michael guy had moved on and wasn’t going to make a reappearance in her life. Whatever was happening up there, from the sound of her voice I could tell he was making her unhappy.
‘And does Becca know about Roz?’ asked Jade when I went down to make a hot chocolate to take to bed with me.
‘Know what about Roz? Nothing’s going on there, believe me. And anyway, what’s it to Becca? We’re not an item any more.’
‘Just asking,’ Jade said with a shrug. ‘No need to be defensive.’
‘Well, for your information, Miss Nosey Parker, Becca and I are still mates so I did tell her that I was staying with Roz.’
‘Whatever,’ said Jade. ‘I’ve been talking to Dad. He told me what you said about Roz when you went to see him.’
‘What?’ I said. I’d hardly said anything to Dad, only that Roz was a force to be reckoned with and that I didn’t fancy her. ‘Anyway, it’s none of your business. Why are you taking such an interest?’
‘No reason,’ she said.
But she was up to something. She had that dangerous look in her eye that she gets when she’s hatching a plot.
Roz called my mobile just as I was getting into bed. Luckily, it was on voicemail.
‘Just to say what a fabulous weekend I had,’ she gushed into the phone, ‘and I’m so glad we hooked up again. I can’t wait to see you again. And Jade, Jade just phoned actually. She’s invited me down and I’d love to come. I’ve never been to Cornwall and it would be great to see your mum again too. And . . . I . . . I just wanted to say that you don’t have to get your sister to invite me, Mac. I know that there’s something special between us and – you can invite me yourself. You don’t have to be shy and get your sister to do it.’
Arghhhh. Shy! I thought. Shy? I’ll kill Jade.
On Monday morning, as I checked my e-mails before school, there was an e-card from Roz. Thinking of you, it said.
At break, there was a text message: DAD RLY LIKD U. GD LUK WITH UR DRWNGS.
At lunch, another text message: I RLY LKD U2.
‘You’ve got to text her back,’ said Squidge when I showed him. ‘She’s acting like you’re having a relationship.’
‘And say what?’ I asked. ‘If I respond, she’s going to think I care. If I don’t, she’s not going to like it.’
‘Tell her you want to be friends,’ said Squidge. ‘And nothing else.’
I knew he was right but somehow I got the feeling that Roz wouldn’t be up for doing ‘friends’.
God only knows what is going on in Becca’s mind. At lunchtime on Monday, she came over to find out how the London trip went. At first she came on all caring-shmaring. Still concerned about having broken my heart (only she hasn’t).
She’d heard about Roz on the grapevine (Lia) and what a disaster it had been staying with her, and she tried to be sympathetic. But I could see that she was as smug as anything. Like she believed I couldn’t get involved with
anyone because I was so devastated about her. It was the perfect time to ask.
‘Becca,’ I said, ‘I need your help.’
‘Sure,’ she said, ‘I’ll do anything.’
‘OK. You know this girl – Roz?’
‘Yeah. She sounds really pushy.’
‘Well, that’s just it. She wants to come down here. I’m doing everything I can to put her off. But, I have to go along with her to a certain extent as her dad is the magazine editor.’
‘Right.’
‘So I was wondering if you’d mind if I told her that you’re my girlfriend. Just for the time being. Until she gets off my case.’
Becca’s look of concern faded fast. ‘Say I’m your girlfriend? No way. I thought I’d made it clear that I just wanted to be friends from now on.’
‘Exactly. I’m asking you as a friend.’
‘We have to move on, Mac. Both of us. You don’t get it, do you?’
Get what? I asked myself as she flounced off. Why was she acting so upset? What had I said? She couldn’t possibly think I was making up the excuse of needing her to play my girlfriend a bit longer because I didn’t want to let go of our relationship. Could she? Could she?
I really, really, really don’t get girls.
On Tuesday morning, a box came in the post with a card and a small cute toy monkey. This reminded me of you, said the card and it was signed from Roz with loads of kisses.
On Tuesday night, I went up to the View café for my cappuccino and to sort out my head and enjoy the sun we’d been having lately. I pulled out my drawing pad and the photos that Mr Williams had given me and did some work on the caricatures. I’d had a few attempts last night but was finding it difficult. Somehow I couldn’t let go and draw freely as I knew that Otis, Amanda and Alistair would be insulted if I did. And as for Emily, I couldn’t imagine drawing her in any way that didn’t flatter her. I stared at her photo and felt angry. Life just wasn’t fair. Why did she have to be still involved? Waiting in for some schmuck to call her when he’d obviously moved on? And why did the women who were in my life have to be such a pain in the bum?
I began to sketch a monster with four heads: Mum’s, Jade’s, Roz’s and Becca’s, all snarling, ready to eat me up.
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