Sabrina looked none too happy, but she nodded in agreement.
“Miss . . . Miss Harris?” Petula pointed. “Look.”
Emily’s gaze dropped to her skirt, the pale blue wool now stained yellow. “Don’t worry, Pet. It will clean.” She wasn’t sure that was true, but she couldn’t bear it if Petula started to cry again.
She turned and walked to Dru’s bedroom. As she paused before the door, memories of last night’s dreams came rushing back — and with them, the guilt. If only she could take her dreams and thoughts into captivity as the Bible commanded her to do.
She leveled her shoulders, drew a deep breath, and pushed open the door. “Dru?” The room was shrouded in shadows.
“Is everything all right out there?” The woman’s voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Yes.” Emily crossed the room. “Just a little tiff between sisters.” She stopped beside the bed. “But I’m afraid there won’t be any eggs for breakfast. Pet dropped them.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Dru released a sigh. “I doubt I could have eaten more than a bite.”
“I saw Mr. Blake ride out. Will he be back for breakfast?”
“No. He’ll be gone the better part of the day.”
Emily frowned. “Should he have left you alone?”
“I told him to go. I knew you would be in soon. I was hoping we could talk, you and I, and sometimes men are just underfoot.”
“We can talk as much as you like.” It seemed to Emily that the woman in the bed had withered away to nothing. “But you should try to eat something first.”
“Perhaps later. Come back after the girls have their breakfast. There are things I need to say.”
“Of course, Dru. Whatever you’d like.”
“I’ll just close my eyes and rest until you return. I’m so tired today.”
After preparing the children’s breakfast, Emily went to her cabin to change out of her soiled gown. Upon her return, she found Dru fast asleep. Since Dru usually read to the children from the Bible on Sunday mornings, Emily sat with them near the fireplace and read parables from the Gospel of John, then led them in prayer.
Several times throughout the morning, she returned to the bedroom to check on Dru, but the woman never stirred, her breathing so shallow it barely existed. Worry began to gnaw in Emily’s chest, and she prayed for God’s guidance, unsure what to do. She also prayed for Gavin to return.
It was shortly after one o’clock when a knock sounded on the door. When Emily opened it, she found Patrick waiting on the stoop, hat in hand.
“Good day, Miss Harris. I hope I’ve not come at an inopportune time.”
“Not at all, Mr. O’Donnell. Please come in out of the cold.”
With a nod, he stepped past her.
Emily held out a hand to take his hat. “Gavin isn’t here, but he should return at any time.”
“It’s not Gavin I’ve come to see.”
“I’m afraid Dru is resting.”
“It’s not her I’ve come to see either.”
Perhaps it was the schoolboy look of hope on his face that gave his intentions away. Emily wasn’t sure how to react, not when her heart was already in a tug of war over her feelings for Gavin.
“Won’t you sit down?” she said softly, motioning toward the chairs near the fireplace.
The time she had spent with Patrick the previous day at his brother’s wedding had been pleasant. Although a large man, he had an air of gentleness about him that appealed to her, as did the merry twinkle in his eyes and his infectious grin. She thought she could like him a great deal — if not for Gavin Blake.
Then again, perhaps she could use Patrick’s interest in her to her advantage. Perhaps he could become a shield between her and Gavin. Maybe his interest would protect her from herself and the feelings she shouldn’t entertain. And perhaps she might learn to return his affections. It would be better for everyone if she could.
“I’m glad you came for a visit, Mr. O’Donnell. I enjoyed my time at your home yesterday. It was a beautiful wedding.”
“It was at that. My brother is a lucky man to have found himself the perfect wife.” A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “I’d be happy indeed if the same could be true for me.”
Dru could see Charlie. He waited for her, smiling, arms open wide. A warm, comforting light surrounded him. Once she reached him, her pain would cease, her weariness would dissipate. She would be able to laugh again and run through the woods and fall down with Charlie in the grass. Once she joined him, she could be free of concerns.
He beckoned for her to hurry.
I’m coming.
But something held her back. Something unfinished.
Soon, Charlie. I’ ll join you soon.
She struggled up through the darkness, an arduous, tiring journey.
Relief rushed through Emily when she saw Dru’s eyes flutter open. “Hello there.” She forced a smile onto her lips. “You’ve been asleep all day. Are you hungry?”
“No, I’m not hungry.” Dru lifted her hand.
Emily took hold of it, cupping it between both of hers. “Mr. O’Donnell came for a visit and was sorry not to give you his regards in person. He said he’ll come again soon.” She paused as she leaned closer. “Let me get you some broth. You should eat, even if you aren’t hungry.”
“No.” Dru shook her head. “Don’t go.”
She sank onto the edge of the bed. “What is it you need?”
“I have little time left and too much yet to say.”
Emily opened her mouth to protest but was stopped by the look in her friend’s eyes.
“There’s so much I wanted to do before I joined Charlie.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat and tightened her hold on the frail hand within hers.
“Gavin’s a good man, Emily. We’ve loved each other in our own way. But he wasn’t meant to marry me. I’ve been unfair to him.” Dru closed her eyes. “I need you to understand how things are between us.”
“I do understand. There’s no need to explain.”
“No, you don’t understand.”
Emily stroked the back of Dru’s hand, certain that whatever the other woman wanted to tell her, she didn’t want to hear.
“Gavin has never loved me as a man loves a woman. I never expected him to.”
“Oh, Dru. You shouldn’t — ”
“Listen to me, please. I’ve told you that he married me because I was dying and my daughters will need someone when I’m gone. He was my husband’s friend. He was my friend. And so he did the only thing he could to help. He married me.”
Emily nodded, even though Dru wasn’t looking at her.
“Gavin is the kind of man who gives his word and never goes back on it. He’s like a rock that way. He’s true to his friends, through and through. He’s tenderhearted, although he tries not to show it. He’s got a lot of love bottled up inside him, just waiting to be poured out on others. He can be stubborn and gruff, but it’s just a cover for the tenderness inside him that he doesn’t want others to see.”
Tears trickled from the corners of Dru’s eyes and splashed onto the sheets. “You care for him. I know you do. He needs that. He needs you to care. He will need you even more when I am gone.”
Tears blurred Emily’s vision, but she stubbornly blinked them back.
“Emily . . .” Dru opened her eyes once more. “Don’t forget your promise. You’ll stay through spring.” She smiled sadly. “Unexpected things bloom in the spring. Perhaps I’ll be able to see it from heaven.”
“Don’t talk that way, Dru. Maybe the doctors are wrong. Maybe you’ll live for years and years.”
“Promise me you’ll stay, Emily. Give me your word.”
“I promise. I won’t leave. I give you my word, but — ”
“Ask Stubs about Gavin. Make him . . . make him tell you everything he can.”
Emily wasn’t well acquainted with death, but she could see its shadow slipping over D
ru’s face.
“I’d like to see Brina and Pet now. Will you help me sit up? Will you comb my hair?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll help you. I’ll do whatever you need.”
“You’re a special young woman, Emily. I’m so glad God brought you into our lives.”
Gavin tossed a flake of hay into the gelding’s stall, then made his way toward the house. His mood was as heavy now as when he’d ridden out of the barn that morning. Nothing had changed in the hours he was gone. Everything that he’d wanted to escape was with him still.
When he entered the kitchen, he felt the strangeness, the heavy silence of the house. Then he saw Emily standing in the doorway of the bedroom he shared with Dru.
“Gavin.”
Cold tentacles of dread reached around his heart.
“It’s Dru.”
Quick strides carried him out of the kitchen and across the parlor. He brushed past Emily and into the dimly lit bedroom, stopping before he reached the bed.
Dru’s arms were around Petula’s shoulders as she kissed the child’s forehead. Then she lay back against the pillows, obviously exhausted by the effort. Her eyes met Gavin’s, and she offered a tiny smile. “Here’s your pa. It’s time I talked to him. And then I must rest. Good night, my dear daughters. I . . . I love you so very much.”
“Ma,” Sabrina said in a choked voice, “can’t we stay a little while longer?”
“Not now, Brina.” She sighed as she closed her eyes. “I need to speak to your pa.”
Gavin watched as Sabrina took hold of Petula’s hand and led her little sister away from the bed. When Sabrina looked at him with eyes so like her mother’s, he felt immobilized by the pain written in them. She understood what was happening.
“Come along, girls,” Emily said. A moment later, the door closed with a soft click.
Dru opened her eyes once more. “I waited for you.”
He moved forward on stiff legs.
“Hold my hand, Gavin.”
He knelt on the hard floor and did as she’d asked.
“You’ve been a good friend. To me and to Charlie.”
“Dru — ”
“No, let me do the talking. There’s so little time.” Her gaze, although weary, was tender. “From the moment I first laid eyes on Charlie, I knew there was something special between us. Nothing in this world would’ve kept me from being his bride. Not anything. I loved him that much.”
He nodded, his throat tight.
“You know I’m not afraid to die, Gavin. I know where I’m going, and it’s a better place. And I’ll be with Charlie. My only regret is leaving my girls, but they’ve got you and Emily now. They’ll be fine. Just fine.”
Her eyes closed again, and she was silent for a long time. Gavin tightened his grip on her hand, as if to keep her bound to this earth.
“Don’t be afraid to love someone like I loved Charlie. It makes everything in life worthwhile.”
“You two had something special.”
“You could have it too.”
Gavin shook his head. “I’m not as good a person as you are.”
“I think you could love Emily.”
He stiffened. “Dru, I — ”
“You were wrong about her, Gavin. She belongs in this place. She’s young and strong and loves Brina and Pet so much. She could love you too if you let her.”
Gavin stood and walked across the room, brushed aside the curtains to look outside, then turned toward the bed again. “I don’t need her to love me. I just need her to look after the girls.”
“You’re a stubborn man, Gavin Blake.” Dru pushed herself up on the pillows. “As bullheaded as any cattle you’ve got on the range.”
“Maybe so, but it’s just the way I am.”
With a long sigh, Dru sank back on the bed, the energy she’d expended draining her. Eyes closed again, she said, “You deserve love, Gavin. I wish it for you. So does God.”
Silence fell across the room, and Gavin realized she’d fallen asleep. He returned to sit beside her, watching the shallow rise and fall of her chest. He shouldn’t have said what he did. He shouldn’t have upset her. She was weak enough already without using what little strength she had to call him stubborn and bullheaded. And it wasn’t right that she had to die. She was the kindest woman he’d ever known. It wasn’t right for her to be stricken with cancer and taken from this world at her age.
The wind rose outside, whistling under the eaves of the house. A lonely, mournful sound. And Gavin could no more silence it than he could stop Dru’s life from ebbing away.
Emily sat on the sofa, Sabrina on one side, Petula on the other. They’d long since given up any pretense of play. Instead they sat in silence, the girls clutching favorite dolls, staring into the fire.
Emily prayed some, tried to pray more, fought back tears.
It was well past the children’s bedtime when the bedroom door opened and Gavin looked out. His face was drawn, his eyes filled with defeat. “Girls, your mother would like to see you again.”
Sabrina slid to the floor first, then reached for Petula’s hand. Together they entered their mother’s bedroom. Emily rose and followed them as far as the doorway, where she leaned her left shoulder against the jamb.
“Let me hold you,” Dru said, her words barely carrying to Emily. “One on each side.”
Gavin helped drape her arms around the children, his wife too weak to do it on her own. The gesture was the last straw for Emily. She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They streaked down her cheeks and fell onto the floor.
Plop . . . plop . . . plop.
No one spoke for thirty minutes or more. The girls sniffled now and then, and Dru kissed their heads, first one, then the other, then again and again and again. Sorrow pressed hard upon everyone in the house while death waited at the door.
At long last, Dru said, “I love you, Brina. I love you, Pet. Don’t ever forget how much I love you.”
Sabrina said, “We won’t forget, Ma.”
Gavin reached out to brush strands of hair from Dru’s forehead.
She gave him a little smile. “What happened in the past . . . can’t be changed . . . but the future can.” Her eyes fluttered closed. “Gavin . . . I wish you love.”
Emily pressed her right hand against her heart, as if to stop it from breaking.
“My Lord . . .” Dru whispered the words on an exhaled breath. Then all was still except for the sound of the wind in the eaves.
Somehow Emily fought back another wave of tears, enough so she could enter the room and do what she had been hired to do. “Come along, girls,” she said with quiet authority. “It’s time you were in bed.”
Did the children know their mother was gone? Gavin couldn’t tell. They weren’t crying now. Their tears had been spent some time ago. He watched as Emily helped each of them from the bed, holding them close against her sides.
“She’s with her God,” he said softly.
Emily answered, “I know.” Then she led the children away.
He looked at Dru’s face and was struck by the change in it. Earlier it had been drawn with pain, but now there was no sign of it. She looked younger, lighter, more like the woman she’d been before Charlie died.
He lifted Dru’s hand and kissed it, then laid it across her chest.
Gavin . . . I wish you love.
As he heard her parting words repeating in his mind, a chink appeared in the carefully constructed wall around his heart.
Eighteen
Emily stood on the knoll, her right hand on Sabrina’s shoulder, her left on Petula’s as the children pressed close against her. Gavin stood on the other side of the grave, his face a controlled mask.
The minister’s voice droned on, dispensing words of consolation and hope. Overhead, gray clouds rolled across the heavens, driven by a frigid wind. The weather seemed in keeping with the sorrow that blanketed the friends and neighbors who had gathered to bid Drucilla Blake farewell. As Reverend Keating’s
final prayer was carried to the mourners on the wind, the snow began to fall.
People departed quickly after that, hurrying toward their buggies, horses, and wagons.
Gavin made no move to leave, not even after the last person had offered his condolences and gone. Emily’s heart ached for him. What words could she offer that would lessen his sorrow? How could she be of help? She longed to make a difference but didn’t know how.
“Come along, girls,” she said softly. “We must get inside.”
As the three of them turned, Emily saw Patrick O’Donnell waiting at the bottom of the slope. A lump formed in her throat. She longed for someone to comfort her the way she was trying to comfort her two charges, and she knew Patrick would willingly become that person to her if she would let him.
Slowly, Emily guided Sabrina and Petula toward the house. When they reached Patrick, he fell into step beside them, not saying a word. They walked until they reached the front door, and then Emily stopped and looked back toward the knoll. The snow was falling in large gentle flakes, but she could still see Gavin’s silhouette against the hillside.
“Miss Harris?”
She turned toward Patrick.
“You’ll take cold if you stand out there much longer. Come inside and warm yourself by the hearth. You’ll do no one any good should you take a fever.”
She nodded, cast one final glance over her shoulder, and entered the house.
“Give Gavin time,” Patrick said.
That’s what Dru had said too. Give him time. But there was so much more she longed to give him. She wanted to give him her heart. She wanted to share his grief, help him carry the burden of sorrow. Didn’t he understand —
“Come here, lass.” Patrick drew her toward the fireplace with a hand beneath her elbow. Once there, he helped her out of her cloak before urging her to sit in a nearby chair. “I’ll be of whatever help I can be.” He sat in the other chair before taking her hand. “Please let me be of help, Miss Harris.”
A strong shoulder to lean on would be a wonderful thing. It was clear that Gavin had no intention of offering his shoulder — or anything else — to her. And why should he? He’d just lost his wife. She felt as if she could shatter into pieces. How was she to keep her promise to Dru with things as they were?
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