Maybe they’re just hungry. I know I’ve got a vague ache turning in my stomach, half hunger, half guilt. That’s my job, to keep everyone fed. I should’ve done that, but I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread and don’t have any spare bits of me to parcel out right now.
“Have you heard anything?” she says carefully, sitting down next to me.
I shake my head. “Not since he got to ICU. They said it’s a wait and see situation.”
I feel drained, exhaustion licking at me from deep inside, and my tone remains flat even after sipping on whatever high-octane coffee she got. It’s better than the hospital swill, that’s for sure.
“Okay, well, don’t worry. You all stay here in case anything changes. We’ve got the farm covered, and I’ll bring your clothes back with dinner.”
Brody looks up at that, confusion written on his face. “Got the farm covered?”
He glances up at the clock and we all follow his sightline. It takes me a second to decipher the time with my bleary eyes. It’s almost seven in the morning. “Shit, I’ve got to check on the cows. They’ve been in that pasture all night.”
He stands up, reaching to adjust the hat that’s usually on his head, but it’s not there. He must’ve left in too much of a hurry to grab it. His hand falls uselessly to his side.
Sophie smiles softly and waves Brody back down. “We’ve got it, Brody. James, Luke, and I went over this morning, did checks on all the animals, and got everyone fed and watered. It’s all taken care of for now. Tell me where you want your cows, and we’ll get them over there tonight, keep it all running smoothly.”
His jaw drops the smallest bit and then he licks his lips. I can see the tense set of his shoulders and know he’s not happy about Luke being anywhere near his animals. Or me. It’s a tangled web of possessiveness and dislike. Even so, it’s a sweet gesture, neighborly and friendly.
Brody collapses to the chair, sullen and spent. “Uh, thanks, I guess.” He’s doing his best to be polite despite his current state. “But I’ll head out there tonight. We’ll need to grab a shower and a change of clothes.”
Sophie looks at me, less sure in her words. “About that, I extended the hotel reservation for another couple of days.” Something about the way she says it makes me think she had less to do with it than Luke did. “That way, you can stay in town and take showers or get some sleep. I went ahead and left some toiletries and clean T-shirts in the room too. I could bring them here if you want, though?”
Brody’s jaw ticks. “No, that’s very kind. Thank you,” he grits out like it’s painful to thank her for doing something nice.
“Okay, well, I’m going to get to work,” Sophie says with a crisp nod. “Please call me if you need anything. And I’ll go by tonight for evening rounds unless Shayanne texts me otherwise. We’ll take care of everything. You just do what you need to here.”
She points at the brown bag. “There are big water bottles and some snacks in there. A few magazines, a deck of cards, and a phone charger too.”
Looking at each of us, her eyes are sad but determined. She stands in front of me, and I rise to hug her. Or more accurately, to be hugged by her. She wraps her arms around me, pulling my head to her shoulder and petting my greasy hair without judgement. I sigh into her, not realizing how much I needed this until she offered.
She kisses my cheek and whispers quietly, “Hang in there, Shayanne. You can do this. You’re the fiercest bitch I know.”
I can’t laugh, but my breath is the slightest bit easier at the crude pep talk.
Unflinchingly, Sophie moves to Bruce and opens her arms. He hesitates but stands and hugs her. It’s awkward, but I know he feels better too. She does the same to Bobby, who still looks like the rug has been swept out from beneath his feet. When she stands in front of Brody, he shakes his head grumpily.
Undeterred, she kicks at his booted foot with her own. “Stand up and give me a hug or I’m taking that coffee back. And it’s the best thing you’re gonna drink today unless you hit the mini-bar at the hotel.” She’s slick, reminding him of what she’s done in a light, joking way and not giving him the option to skip the hug. He’s on full alert and needs to be forced to let his guard down even the barest bit right now.
Grudgingly, he stands up and wraps his big arms around her. She hugs him tight, not letting him go for a second longer than he prefers. I know Sophie. She’s not trying to establish dominance but is trying to give him a little more comfort, knowing he could use it but would never say as much.
And like the whirlwind she is, she’s gone.
* * *
By early afternoon, we’re all going stir-crazy. We are not indoor people. We are not ‘sit in a chair on our asses’ sorts. Lack of action, lack of information, and lack of surety are leading us to madness.
Brody stands for the first time in hours. I think he did finally sleep a bit, though, after the doctor peeked out to let us know that things looked as stable as we could hope.
“I’m gonna hit the shower and that mini-bar. Grab some lunch.” He picks up the white keycard from the stack of stuff Sophie left and heads down the hall.
Bruce lifts his chin at me. “Good luck, Shay. Best follow him and face the music.”
I sigh, forcing my stiff body to follow after Brody. These chairs are torture devices, numbing you so you don’t realize how painful they truly are.
I trail behind his broad back, working to keep up with his fast strides only to hop in his truck and find country music blaring from the radio, letting me know he doesn’t want to talk. He maintains his silence until we get into the hotel room, where he stops on a dime so fast, I run into his back. I look to see what made him freeze up, but the room is neat and tidy, freshly put back together the way it was when Sophie and I arrived yesterday.
“Oh, shit. Is this . . . did you . . . ?” He turns and looks at me, his eyes wide with some undercurrent running through their dark depths. “Did you fuck Luke Bennett in this room?”
If he’d said it mean-spiritedly, more sneer than shock, I’d be sure-fired to snap back at him. I’m on edge too, damn it. But his tone isn’t cruel or disgusted, more stunned that the thought had just occurred to him.
He runs his fingers through his thick hair, waves fluffing up from the repeated movement, and I know he’s missing his hat again.
We don’t do this. We don’t talk about sex, we don’t accuse each other of perfectly normal things like they’re somehow wrong, and most importantly, we don’t turn on each other. Especially not when the shit’s hitting the fan.
Brody is my brother, but of the four kids, it’s always been him and me leading this bus. Truth be told, Bruce and Bobby spend hours together in the fields, and Brody and I work together with the smaller animals and keeping the house running. We’re a family of four, in teams of two. But we all pull together, having each other’s back no matter what.
I think that’s part of the reason I wanted to keep quiet about Luke, I realize. I knew it was going to get ugly, and I didn’t want this to affect the way I see Brody or the way he sees me. I don’t know that I ever truly cared what Daddy thought about Luke, but I care what Brody thinks.
My voice is quiet but steady and strong. “Yes, Brody. I fucked him here, and it was my first time, so don’t ruin it for me. And I made love with him here, first time for that too. Because I do . . . I love him. And he loves me. So you need to get onboard with that because it’s happening.”
“How long?” he snaps. He’s mad, but I know him, and underneath his brutish behavior, he’s hurt. Hurt that I hid this from him.
“It seemed necessary. It was my idea. I was hiding him, not him hiding me,” I reply, skipping to the heart of the matter. I know that’s an important distinction, and though I was never ashamed of being with Luke, keeping him a secret felt exciting and risky, like an adventure for the country girl who’s never had one. The risks haven’t paid off because I’ve hurt the people I care about with my sneaking around.
; “How. Long. Shay?” Brody’s eyes are hard as they stare holes in my soul.
“A little over two months. I see him almost every day when you’re in the fields or at night when everyone’s asleep. We talk and text and leave each other notes at the tree.” I hold my head high, no longer hiding anything and ready to face his judgement. “I love him, Brody,” I repeat, hoping he’ll see reason.
He growls, deep and low, but I hear the muttered “Motherfucker.” He turns away from me, beelining for the bathroom, and the door closes with a click that cuts through the air with harsh finality. An incongruously small sound for such a bullet to the gut.
The shower starts, and I take my phone from my back pocket.
Thank you.
I’m not even sure what I’m thanking him for. All of it, I guess.
Anything, anytime, honey. What do you need?
He doesn’t ask how Daddy is like everyone else has, but I feel like that’s intentional. His focus is on me. For the first time in longer than I can contemplate, I’m someone’s first priority.
I didn’t even know, but you did.
There’s so much to it that I can’t even begin to explain. He knew I’d need him and went into the lion’s den of that hospital willingly, though he’d be exposed. He knew Brody needed to let off steam, and he took that hit so my brother wouldn’t self-destruct in the middle of a maelstrom. He knew we’d need the farm taken care of, that I’d need Sophie, that we’d need a place to crash, even if just for a minute.
This is what he does. Luke is a caregiver, a lot like me. But different. He’s taken care of his family and his ranch silently and in the background for years, and he’s gone out and helped take care of other people’s animals, their ranches’ futures too. And now he’s taking care of me and my family.
Luke’s list of people he truly lets in might be small, but the list of people he cares for is long. Still, it feels like a gift to be at the top of that list, knowing that he’ll do anything for me.
It’s what family is supposed to be. It’s what neighbors and small towns are supposed to be. And it lives inside him, everywhere he goes.
My phone dings in my hand and a picture pops up.
It’s Luke, a goofy smile on his face because Troll, my favorite goat, is licking his scruffy cheek.
Don’t be jealous, but this one is a helluva kisser.
The bark of laughter feels good and wrong at the same time, but it’s perfect. The slightest balm against another painful moment.
Thank you. I needed that.
I’ve got you, honey. I love you.
I love you too.
Chapter 19
Luke
“Thanks for sitting down with me. I called this family meeting for something important,” I say, mindful of the five pairs of eyes staring back at me unblinkingly.
“Well, then, quit your hemming and hawing and get on with it then. I’ve got shit to do,” Mark barks. He doesn’t mean to. It’s just his normal tone of voice, so I ignore him. Especially when Katelyn swats at his chest scoldingly. He looks at her, the ‘what?’ apparent in his eyes, though his frowning expression doesn’t change.
Mama’s eyes are laser beams locked on me, but she says out of the side of her mouth to Mark, “Language.”
There’s a whirling swirl of noise as everyone starts talking over each other. I try to let it be, but eventually, I’m unable to take it a second longer, and I whistle loudly. Mark winces, which gives me a small amount of joy. He literally won the county fair with his whistle and can do it so loudly, we can hear him pastures away. But in this little room, my attempt at getting their attention is a pretty good challenge to his little trophy.
“Good one,” he deadpans, then waves his hands for me to get on with it.
“Look, I’ve got something to tell you that might come as a shock, but it’s serious.” I take a deep breath, fortifying myself and expecting an explosion.
Maybe it’ll be a small one, just a single stick of dynamite’s worth, I think hopefully. Or maybe like one of those demo deals where the whole building collapses in on itself.
Fuck, I hope it’s not that one.
Though if it is, if our families won’t stand beside us, worst-case scenario is that Shay and I will just leave. I haven’t talked to her about it, but I’ll take her anywhere she wants to go, across the whole US of A. My work could let us do that if I play my cards right. I’ve got connections, and I’ve gotten offers sometimes from some of the stables I’ve been to, looking to lock down a talented breeder for their own lines. But that’s not what I want, not really. I need this place to come back to, and so does she.
Home. Mine is with her, but together, our home is here on this land.
“I’m seeing Shayanne Tannen.”
I clench my jaw, waiting for yells and anger. I wait for my brothers to flip their lids, or worst of all, for Mama to be disappointed in me.
But instead, nothing happens. Zero response from the peanut gallery.
I look at them, but they’re looking at each other. Brows are pulled down, shoulders shrugged up in confusion. Finally, Mama prompts me, “And . . . ?”
I give her a careful once-over, and I can see fireworks dancing there. But she doesn’t look mad at all. It almost looks like she’s . . . happy? But that doesn’t make any sense, so I try again.
“I love her, Mama. And she loves me,” I say proudly, hoping against hope that it’s enough.
She claps her hands and kicks her booted feet, grinning like a fool. “Hot damn, it’s about time, boy!”
No one calls Mama on the fact that she just cussed, though she’ll damn near yank your ear off for doing it, especially if you say the F-word at her kitchen table. Don’t ask me how I know. Unthinkingly, my hand drifts to my left ear.
Now, I’m the one looking confused, though. All five pairs of eyes are looking at me like they’re barely holding back laughter. “What?” I stutter. “What?”
Mama gets up from her chair, coming over and hugging me. She’s tiny, barely chest-high on me these days, but I still fold into her arms because she’s my mama and that’s what you’re supposed to do.
Realization dawns.
“You all knew?” I ask incredulously.
James breaks first. “Hell, man, you’ve been home for almost two months straight, and how many times have I stopped by the barn? I can tell you it hasn’t been near as many as usual. Figured you needed your, ah, privacy.”
Mama smirks, but she still swats at him. “James Bennett, you watch your mouth.”
He grins like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, shrugging. “Mama, I didn’t say a single cuss word at all. Not my fault if I was being brotherly and not interrupting Luke’s afternoon distractions.”
Even Mama blushes at that. And so do I.
They knew. They know.
I’d even thought about why Mark and James weren’t coming by the barn very often. Hell, on one hand, I’d thought it was a damn good thing, giving me some privacy just like James said. But on the other hand, it’d felt like a dismissal. Like even though I’ve been here for a longer stretch than usual, they just didn’t care as long as my work got done, which it always does.
It hadn’t occurred to me that they were doing it on purpose, knowing that whatever was going on, it was mine to share when I was ready. I mean, I figured that Sophie’d talked to James . . . but probably not until the last day or two.
What an idiot I’ve been. For all the shit we give each other and all the times I feel a bit invisible around here, maybe they’re better brothers than I sometimes give them credit for.
Katelyn laughs, looking at Mark. “Afternoon delights? I didn’t know about that. We just knew about your midnight treks out to the pasture. For what it’s worth, that dim little flashlight you use to avoid cow paddies might as well be a blazing shooting star when you’re walking through a pitch-black field.”
“Thought you were coming over for an uninvited, ill-timed visit the first time we saw you stalk
ing around. Damn near broke my leg shoving Katelyn off the back porch and into the house.” He growls out the story, and I realize just how close to death I came. If I’d seen what was surely a naked Katelyn, my body probably would’ve never been found.
I glance to Mama, who just spreads her hands. “A mother knows things.” She’s never been one to divulge her near-magical methods of knowing what her boys are up to. I’ve always sworn she has spies all over town and probably implanted us with microchips when we were babies. “Did she like the Fall Festival?”
I glare at Sophie, wondering how much she’s told. “Thought you said you could keep a secret, Sis?”
She smirks, shaking her head and holding out both palms in a ‘don’t blame me’ motion. “I didn’t tell that part.”
James wraps his arms around her, teasing, “You told me that part.”
Her voice is quiet and she blushes. “That was different. I had to.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, looking up and praying for some fucking patience. “Why did you have to tell him? You promised me when we whipped that plan together that it’d be top-secret, remember?”
“I had to do the reservation so I could check us in, which means that I got an email confirmation,” Sophie explains, “and James saw it and got all excited thinking I booked us for a babymoon getaway. I tried telling him it was for Shayanne and me, but it’s not like he wouldn’t question it when I came home Friday night.”
“That . . . makes sense.”
She glares at James, punching her husband lightly in the shoulder. “So I swore him to secrecy, which apparently means jack squat.” Back to me, she says, “Sorry, but not sorry. This should’ve happened ages ago.” She gestures to the room, getting nods all around.
“She didn’t tell me,” Mama says, corroborating Sophie’s story. “I just figured it out. The Festival is so lovely. Did Shayanne like it?” she asks again.
Racing Hearts: Bennett Boys Ranch Page 20