She slumped forward, laying her head against his chest. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him in a tight hug.
“What you were feeling is natural,” he said softly, trying to assuage her anguish. “Believe me. I put myself through the same mental gymnastics, blaming myself. Blaming Kristine. Sounds like you left that traumatic experience and jumped into another one, coming home to deal with Rey’s cancer.”
He pulled back to grasp her upper arms, waiting until she looked up at him and he was sure he had her attention. “Keeping all of that inside isn’t helping you deal with it. I’ll say this, though, don’t give that prick Victor the satisfaction of beating you down. You’re better than that.”
“What if I’m not? What if I’ve been wrong all these years? But then I—I guess it doesn’t matter because Papi won’t be around for me to disappoint.” A tear slid down her cheek, leaving a silvery trail of hurt that shone in the glow from the hallway nightlight.
“Ay, querida, don’t do this to yourself,” Tomás said, his voice gruff with a well of agony he hadn’t known he was capable of until he’d met her.
He cupped her face with both hands, swiping her tears away with his thumbs. “Forget about your ex. Don’t think about your dad for a minute. I know you have it within you to do great things. I’ve seen you in action, remember? But you have to believe it. ¿Entiendes?”
He held her gaze with his, willing her to see the woman he saw when he looked at her.
After a few tense seconds, she finally offered him a watery smile. “Yeah, I understand.”
“That’s my girl.”
The moment was ripe for him to lower his head, steal the kiss that his mind, his body, his heart craved. Damn, there were few things in his life he’d wanted more than to taste her sweet lips again. Only, she wasn’t really his girl, and stealing a kiss would break the fragile trust they’d begun to rebuild. That wasn’t a risk he was willing to take.
“You’ll know what to do when the time is right. Like I said, don’t be so hard on yourself. Okay?”
She nodded, but didn’t say anything in response.
“Good. Now come on, let’s rejoin the party.” Rather than pull her in for a kiss, he slid his hands down her arms to link their fingers together. He tugged her toward the stairs, pausing for her to slip on her heels. “They’re playing my song, and I think you owe me a dance.”
“Oh really? Since when?”
“Since I talked your butt off the ledge a minute ago. Look, I learned early on that if there’s something you want, you make a plan and keep taking steps in that direction. Eventually you’ll get there.”
They reached the bottom of the stairs, but before they were sucked back into the crowd of revelers, Yaz pulled him to a stop.
“Gracias,” she whispered, stepping near so only he could hear. “I hadn’t shared all that with anyone. Ashamed to say most of it out loud. You’re right though, talking to you helped. I appreciate it.”
“That’s what friends are for, right?”
She nodded.
“Now quit stalling. I’m ready to put Lilí’s dance moves to shame.” He did a quick little salsa step, then spun full circle, coming to a stop with his hands pointing gun-style right at her. Yaz rewarded him by throwing her head back with a gusty laugh. The low, throaty sound wrapped around him like a lover’s embrace. As close to the real thing as he’d ever get with her.
He’d have to learn to deal with that.
Yaz looped her arm with his to drag him through the throng of partygoers. For the first time all evening he felt a spring in his step. They were finally back in a good groove.
Maybe the time they had left together would be spent trying to foster a friendship, but he’d take whatever he could get.
Chapter Sixteen
The signal for an incoming phone call trilled through Yaz’s laptop speakers, drawing a smile to her lips. She minimized the audition website she’d been reading and clicked the icon to enlarge her Skype program. Several clicks later Maria’s inquisitive face appeared on Yaz’s computer screen.
“¡Hola!” Maria’s dark brown eyes lit up and she clapped her hands with a grin. “¡Feliz Navidad!”
“Merry Christmas, mamita! It’s great to see you.” Yaz hadn’t realized how much she’d miss her little companion until Maria and Tomás had left for Texas a few days after the parranda.
His pep talk that night had really opened her eyes. He was going after what he wanted—a stable family life for himself and his daughter—in what she’d thought of as a methodical way, but he was happy. More importantly, he was succeeding. If she applied that same focus in New York, the rest would fall into place for her, too.
“Look!” Maria leaned closer to the computer screen, opened her mouth wide, and pointed to where her top right front tooth had been before they’d left. “Ih-feww-ou.”
“It fell out?”
“Uh-huh.” Maria’s curls bobbed at her energetic nod. “And the tooth fairy bringed me three whole dollars!”
“Wow, you got visits from Santa and the tooth fairy. Lucky girl. Are you having fun with your cousins and all your new toys?” Yaz figured the atmosphere in Tomás’s crowded family home, with his three siblings and all their kids, had been much rowdier than the Christmas morning she’d spent with Papi, Lilí, and Rosa.
“You should see what Santa bringed me!” Maria’s enthusiasm could have convinced Scrooge to change his ways, forget the three ghosts. “I got a new baby doll, with her own cradle and bottle and diapers. I can take care of her like my very own real live baby! You can teach me when we get home. Will you?”
“I’m sure I can figure it out. But you know who will be a much bigger help when it comes to babies? Mrs. Buckley. She’ll be home soon, too.”
“Sí, pero . . .” Maria frowned, her earlier excitement dimming. Yaz tried not to show her own disappointment that their time together would soon end.
“But,” Maria repeated, “that doesn’t mean I won’t get to see you. Does it?”
“Of course not. Maybe not as often, but we’ll still hang out together as much as we can.”
Maria still didn’t look convinced.
“You know what I really wanna know?” Yaz asked, hoping to change the somber mood. “What did you name your beautiful baby doll?”
Maria perked up again. “Flor! But I call her Flower, too, so she knows her name in English and Spanish.”
“Smart girl.”
“My doll family’s gonna be like yours, all flowers—Yazmine, Rosa, and Lilí. I asked Papá if I could change my name to Daisy so I could be a pretty flower like you. But he said no.”
Yaz laughed so hard she had to wipe a tear from her eye. Ay, she missed Maria’s childlike imagination.
“Here, I’m gonna get Flor so she can meet you!” Maria hopped out of the desk chair and raced out of view, her little-girl voice calling out to Tomás. “Papá, I’m on the ’puter with Ms. Yazmine!”
Yaz grinned. Wait until she shared this flower story with Papi. He always got a kick out of the funny things Maria came up with.
Now that the little girl wasn’t filling the computer screen, Yaz noticed the camera’s view of the room. A poster of a football team was tacked up on the wall next to a bookshelf. Trophies, a scuffed football, and a collection of books filled the scarred wooden shelves. A framed picture caught her attention.
She leaned closer to her laptop, straining to get a better view. Squinting, she made out what looked like a younger Tomás in a graduation cap and gown, flanked by a tall gentleman with dark good looks and a short, plump-figured woman with a welcoming smile.
A guilty thrill trickled through her. This was obviously Tomás’s childhood bedroom. If only she could manipulate the computer camera to scan the entire area and sneak a peek. See a bit of what a young Tomás had treasured.
Had he been as focused, as goal-oriented as he was now? He’d certainly been a cute young man, though age and maturity had molded thos
e round boyish looks into the chiseled hunk he was today. She wondered whether, if she could zoom in on that photograph, she would find the same intensity, the same charisma she saw when he gazed at her now.
A dark shadow passed across the screen, momentarily blocking her view.
“You know, the camera usually works best if you don’t partially cover it with your hand.”
Tomás’s teasing voice made her jump back in her desk chair.
“That’s better.” He chuckled. “You look more attractive with two eyes rather than one.”
He winked, his dimple flashing her a hello.
Why did he have to be so adorable?
She stuck out her tongue at him. “I knew there was something missing around here this morning. Your smart mouth.”
It’d been missing in the days after the parranda, too. He’d worked like a dog trying to get ahead with the Linton campaign before his trip. They’d barely seen each other, Maria mostly hanging out at Yazmine’s house because of his late hours. He’d even stayed overnight at his office a couple nights, sleeping on his couch, showering in the building’s gym.
He’d left for Texas tired and worn down, though determined to win that account. Three days into his visit and he looked refreshed already. His posture relaxed, his voice and face radiating happiness. Spending time with his family obviously agreed with him. Like hers did, too.
“Before Maria gets back, how are things at home?” He sobered, his expression serious.
Yaz sighed, wishing harder than she’d ever wished for anything else on Christmas morning that this subject could be avoided, simply ignored until it went away. “Papi’s doing so-so. More tired than normal, but Dr. Lopez said that’s to be expected. He’s taking a nap now.”
“And your sisters?”
“Rosa is reading a new book she got in her stocking, go figure. Lilí headed out to the sled hill in the park where she can act like the crazy kid she still is.”
A corner of Tomás’s mouth curved. “I know another Fernandez sister who can get a little crazy in the snow.”
“Yeah, Rosa makes a mean snow angel if you can get her to put her book down and join you outside.” Pleasure bloomed in Yazmine’s chest at his lazy chuckle.
“Seriously, you holding up okay?” Even through the video display she felt the heat of his gaze honing in directly on her.
“I’m fine.” She tossed her ponytail back over her shoulder, trying hard to be nonchalant about the fact that Papi was fading, faster than any of them were ready for. “I’m either at the studio practicing or hanging out at home with Papi.”
“I want you to know—Hey, there you are!” Tomás glanced to his left. Probably toward the bedroom door because Maria had run off in that same general direction.
“I’m ba-ack!” Yaz heard Maria’s sing-song tone before the child appeared in the computer screen.
“And you brought almost all your gifts.” Tomás winced, shooting Yaz a sorry-about-this look. “Great idea, m’ija.”
Maria scrambled up onto his lap holding a life-sized baby doll and its bottle, a Barbie wearing a blue and pink tutu, a child-sized matching tutu Yaz had given her, and a red envelope Yaz recognized as her gift to Tomás.
“I see you got my presents. I hope you like them.”
Shopping for Maria had been easy. Choosing something for Tomás had been about as mind-boggling as one of Rosa’s crossword puzzles. Yaz had struggled with what to get a man who made you want to be a better, stronger person, without revealing how much you’d come to care about him.
“Oh, I looooooove my presents!” Maria answered. “My costume fits perfect! I look like a real dancer! Abuela even said so!”
Yaz grinned. “I totally agree!”
“And, and, and I showed them part of our dance,” Maria continued, bouncing with enthusiasm. “Abuelo said I did awesome!”
“Of course you did.” Dios, it was unthinkable to even imagine someone not loving this little girl. Not wanting to share these special moments with her. It boggled Yaz’s mind how Tomás’s ex didn’t even want to be in contact with Maria over the holidays. Yaz yearned to hug her right now. “You are super talented. And if you work hard, you’ll keep getting better. Look, even your dad did okay at the Christmas recital once he started practicing.”
“Wait a minute!” Tomás leaned to the side so he could see around Maria and her armfuls of gifts. “I did better than okay. I rocked it! Plenty of the moms even said so.”
Yaz snorted at his self-satisfied smirk. Yeah, quite a few of the single moms had, especially those few who’d slipped him their numbers. With Cheryl in the picture now, he wouldn’t have to worry about that.
Though come to think of it, Cheryl had seemed out of sorts when she’d come back from her friend’s wedding, and their second-date plans had been nixed because of Tomás’s late work hours before he’d left.
“Pues, I’m glad you liked my gift, mamita,” Yaz told Maria. “I can’t wait to see you wear your tutu on free-for-all day at the studio.”
“Me too! I hafta go now. ’buela said I could help mash the beans for dinner.” With a wiggle of her fingers and a flounce of dark curls, Maria hopped off Tomás’s lap and out of view. “¡Te quiero!”
Yaz couldn’t have replied even if she’d been given a chance. Maria’s off-the-cuff “I love you” had snatched away her voice, ensnared her heart in a grip that was far stronger than a child’s hastily spoken declaration should warrant.
Yaz fell back against her seat and closed her eyes, imprinting Maria’s words on her heart to treasure when she returned to New York.
“What’s wrong?” Tomás asked.
She smoothed a trembling hand over her hair, tucking a few loose strands behind her ear. “Nothing. In the midst of everything, it’s uplifting to be around her.”
“I hear you.” He picked up the red envelope Maria had left behind. “Now it’s my turn to say thanks. A monthly bottle of wine for three months? Nice idea.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
He leaned forward, resting his forearm on the edge of his laptop. She could see the dark springy hair on his arm, the muscles flexing as he tapped his screen with the envelope.
“I love it.”
She slid her gaze down to her keyboard, not wanting him to see how much his words meant to her.
“Did you get my gift?” he asked.
She picked up the autographed collector’s edition of a Harry Connick Jr. Greatest Hits CD and concert DVD she’d opened earlier. “Already uploaded on my iTunes. The autograph earned jealous ‘ooohs’ from both my sisters. Thanks.”
“‘You can never get too much of Harry,’ isn’t that what you said the other night?”
Her chest tightened at the memory of their quiet talk on the second-floor landing. “I’m surprised you remembered.”
“That’s the kind of guy I am.” He laid a hand over his heart, a saccharine-sweet, Eddie Haskell expression on his face. “Maybe you can bring your CD over and we’ll listen to Harry croon a few tunes while we open the first bottle of wine.”
“You’re going to share with me?”
She edged forward in her seat, his magnetism reeling her in despite the thousand-plus miles separating them. Dios, she must be going a little insane because she would swear she smelled his musky cologne, felt the heat of his touch as if he held her hand instead of the gift certificate she’d given him.
“Of course I’ll share, why wouldn’t I?” A tiny V furrowed between his brows.
She voiced the one reason that was easier, safer. “I guess I figured Cheryl would get that honor. I know you guys had a hard time connecting before you left.”
“If things work out, she’ll get to taste a bottle, don’t worry. I was thinking that with Mrs. B heading back on the first, maybe you could come over for dinner. She’ll want to see you, do her mother hen act to say thanks herself.”
Yaz bit the inside of her lip, focusing on that discomfort rather than another. His suggestion of
them sharing a bottle of wine and a little Harry had nothing to do with romance, more like a friendly good-bye.
“Speaking of getting back, Maria and I land midmorning on the thirty-first. Are you sure you don’t mind watching her that evening?”
“Of course not.” Yaz waved off the question. “We’re planning dinner at seven followed by an early Happy New Year celebration before Papi and Maria get too tired. You’re welcome to stay and eat if you have time before you pick up Cheryl.”
Yaz tried to think happy thoughts when the picture of him and Cheryl kissing at midnight flashed in her head. She and Tomás would be starting off the new year as they should—him in the arms of a woman who offered the family life he wanted, she practicing at the barre in her basement, preparing for New York.
“I’ll have to let you know. Cheryl and I have been playing phone tag.”
“Sure.”
He cut another quick glance toward the doorway. “I better let you go. But Yaz, if you need anything, if Rey or your sisters need anything, don’t hesitate to call me.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat, at the same time tamping down her desire to keep him on the video chat longer. It was only borrowed time.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got you on speed dial,” she answered, but she knew she’d only call him as a last resort. It was better that way.
Mrs. B arrived back on the first. Tomás wouldn’t need Yaz’s help anymore. It was time she stopped relying on him to bolster her confidence. Time for her to stand on her own.
* * *
Two weeks into the new year, Yazmine stood at the kitchen sink watching the snow fall outside the window, while Rosa finished clearing the dining room table.
“I’m glad Lilí’s friends made her join them,” Yaz said. “I didn’t think she’d put up such a fuss about catching a movie.”
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