by Martha Woods
“What? Are you…” The quickest of thoughts raced through my mind, instantly coloring my cheeks and my entire thought process grind to a shuddering halt. “Ugh, that’s so gross!”
I could hear their laughter coming through clearly as I disconnected the call, a clear enough sign that I was right in my suspicions. I suppose that I should be happy for them, god knows how many years and they’re still very much in love, even if it took them a long time to admit that it was anything other than long-lasting lust. At this point I’m convinced that being a vampire doesn’t actually get rid of your emotions, it just makes you so desperate to deny that you have them so that you can fully get into the mindset of someone who has to do anything to survive. I don’t know about you, but it would be a lot harder for me to tear someone apart using only my teeth if I was constantly thinking about how bad I felt about the whole thing. It would be so much easier to kill and feed if the only thing going through my mind was ‘I’m evil and irredeemable, there’s no point in trying to be better because I’m just going to end up in hell at the end anyway’.
Though Mika and Ivanka were certainly capable of stunning ruthlessness even after they’d started to make peace with their newly rediscovered emotions, I guess at some point the mask just becomes your face more or less. Not that I could blame them, it was a pretty brutal world that we were living in, you had to do some very dark things sometimes if you wanted to survive.
I wonder how it is that they came to accept who they are now? Vincent had his friends to help him through everything, but it still took a number of decades for him to find peace, how long did it take the three of them? I know that Joseph had a brother who was also like him, but he’s been dead for a very long time now, I can’t imagine what it’s like to be turned and then to have to walk the earth alone again. Mika and Ivanka, were they always like this to an extent? All hedonism and ill will, chasing after the next excitement whether it be blood or sex? Or were they completely different women who were turned into something so different once they saw how… fleeting morals could be when you didn’t have a time limit? Everyone changes out of necessity as they get older, paranormal and human alike, but I don’t imagine that turning into a vampire can change you into something you could never be before. Some part of that, all that chaos, it’s got to be inside of you before, even if you never realize it.
Maybe that could help Damon come to terms with everything, if he had some evidence that he wouldn’t just turn into a monster against his will, he’ll always be what he was truly meant to be no matter what. There’s something nice about that, becoming the most complete version of yourself after something seems so tragic, I can’t think of many things more… romantic? Maybe that’s being too optimistic about the whole thing, a lot of vampires think it’s a curse for a reason after all, but I can’t see any harm in trying to see the good side of things for a change. Everyone is so cynical now, it’s a little heart breaking.
But these were all thoughts for another time, right now I had at least one boyfriend up there who was probably desperate to see me, and even if they weren’t I was sure as hell desperate to see them. We’ve been through too much to not enjoy the time that we can get together, and you better believe that I’m going to get as much as I can before I’m inevitably called away to handle some problem or another. I was getting more work than when I was an investigator, this is ridiculous. To think that paranormals were such disasters… it’s like being in college again.
Actually with the amount of sex and drinking that pretty much everyone is doing I’m not sure that’s a wholly inaccurate comparison.
Walking up the stairs gave me some time to prepare myself for whoever it was that I found waiting for me, if it was Vincent then I would tell him everything that I’d learned today, maybe tell him some of the ways that we could help Damon and ask him for any tips on what I could do especially. After that I think it would be nice to just fall asleep on his lap and enjoy the closeness that is so fleeting now, though hopefully not for too much longer.
But if it’s Damon… God, I don’t know what I’ll do, what will I even say to him in that case? ‘Hi Damon, glad you’re back, by the way I’ve been looking into ways that I can help you with your existential dread and also I found out that you’ve got history with that hunter that’s trying to kill the people we’re supposed to protect’? I can’t really see that going down well no matter how it is that I keep my tone.
But I would have to tell him eventually, and though it was time and space that he needed that doesn’t mean that I should just clamp my mouth shut around him and give him a pass on everything, that’s not how we were supposed to work. We’re lovers, partners, if one of us has a problem or has something to say then it’s our duty to listen, regardless of how easy or hard it is to do so.
My hands were shaky around my keys, turning the lock slowly but with purpose, every second ticking by another that I was just putting off, and with a small sigh to myself I turned the key all the way. The door swung open, like I was a gust of wind blowing through the hallway, and when I saw the two of them standing there in the middle of the living room, clearly having been caught in the middle of their own conversation I could hardly keep my legs underneath me. I’d been prepared for one of them, and to be honest I didn’t really think that the one would be Damon with how things have gone, but for both of them to be here was more than I could have asked for. It was definitely more than I’d been ready for.
“H-hi,” I stammered, stepping inside a closing the door behind me, “I hope I’m not interrupting, it looks like you two were talking.”
“We were,” Vincent said, nodding his head towards the couch, “But it can wait, especially since Damon has some things that he’s wanted to tell you for a little while now.”
From the look on Damon’s face that hadn’t been what he’d wanted at all, but he was taking it in pretty good stride all things considered. Just a pinch of annoyance between his brows before he nodded as well, walking over to the couch and sitting himself down on the far side.
“Come on Amy,” He said, smiling warmly and genuinely, “Come and sit next to me. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of things lately.”
“Really?” I asked, taking a few steps forward, “What kind of things?”
“Things… about us, and the way that I’ve been acting lately. It’s not a normal way to act, I know, and I had a lot of issues to sort through that I haven’t really been sorting out lately, I’ve just been letting everything fester and that’s just… that’s not fair on you. Either of you.”
“Maybe not, but…” I sighed, looking to Vincent for some support and getting a nod in return. I guess I was going fine so far. “We’ve been trying to understand you, it’s not just your fault that things have been strange lately. Everyone said that you probably just needed space and time, but honestly I don’t even know if that’s the case. Is it?”
“It is, kind of. I don’t know.” Damon ran a hand through his hair, scratching idly at the back of his neck and relaxing into the couch. He looked so much more tired than I was used to. “Truth be told I haven’t had any idea what I’ve wanted for years, everything’s just been such a mess ever since I became a hunter. Always hopping from one town to another, one bed to another, always trying to find some kind of warmth with someone without actually thinking about what I’d already lost. Makes sense that all of it would come crashing down on me sooner or later.”
“Is that what this is Damon?” I asked, swallowing around the lump in my throat. With how hard it was hammering I could swear that my heart had risen about ten inches higher. “Is this a distraction from what you’ve been running from?”
“No!” He almost yelled, turning and taking my hands into his. Eyes wide and filled with honest to god panic, there wasn’t much room left for lying if he wanted there to be. “Never, you’re never a distraction. You’re both the first real thing that I’ve felt in so long, even if everything else is going to complete shit then I need both of you to k
now how much I care about you. That’s why I’m so disappointed with myself, I’ve been spending so much time inside my own head that… I think I was close to losing you, wasn’t I?”
“I… no, I don’t think so.” I wanted to believe that at least, but honestly? Who knows when it comes to something like this? I’ve never felt so strongly for anyone before, and every minute that we were apart honestly felt like hell, like I was an addict and I’d been forced to go cold turkey. Sure we were fine to be apart for the time being, and were prepared to do so for the foreseeable future if need be, everyone has issues that they need to work through from time to time… but how long would it have taken for serious issues to come up? How long would it have taken before we realized that he wasn’t coming back and our trio was going to turn into a regular duo? I don’t want to think about that, but in the back of my mind I knew that everything eventually had an end, if you let it push to that point. I don’t think I can accurately state how glad I am that things didn’t go that direction.
In any case, Damon wasn’t exactly believing me when I said there was no issue, and who could blame him? He was obviously neck deep in some kind of hurt or grief that he’d never let out before, it was only natural to assume that the worst was going to happen when you were already in the headspace of dealing with feelings like that. He wasn’t far off either, which just hurt all the more.
“If I’m not too late,” He said, “I want to make it up to the two of you, for still being here for me when I need you to be. I… can’t promise that I’m always going to be sticking around right now, I’ve got some things that I need to sort through on my own but… I want to try and explain some of what I’ve been feeling, if you still want to listen.”
“Of course,” I said, nodding up at Vincent, “Whatever you need, however long you need us to listen, we’re always going to be here.”
“Good.” He smiled. “That’s good. I suppose I should start at the beginning then…”
CHAPTER 4
“Before I became a hunter… Amy I think I told you this a long time ago, but did I ever tell you that I worked on a farm?”
“Yes,” I said, squeezing his hand. I knew exactly where this was going. “You worked there with your family right?”
“I did, yeah. Most of my life was just stacking hay, feeding animals, breaking in horses. It was a nice life, not as glamorous as some of the things that I experience now but it was… it was simple. I liked it.” Damon squeezed his eyes shut briefly, making Vincent tilt his head in curiosity. As far as I know he hasn’t heard this story. “My sister was basically my best friend, I had the guys from high school, the occasional girlfriend, but her… through all the teenage bullshit, she was there. Even when everyone else wasn’t, she never gave up on me, no matter what stupid things I was into.”
“She sounds loyal,” Vincent said, “Like family should be. It sounds like you were very lucky.”
“I was.” When he smiled it wasn’t with sadness, or to cover anything up. The way that he was smiling was genuine pride, like he was so grateful for having known her that it couldn’t be put into words. “Claire… she was really… she was something else alright.”
He lapsed into silence, neither Vincent nor I daring to say a word to break him out of it. If he was deep in memory, if he wanted to spend whatever time he could remembering her, then I was not going to be the one to deny him that. In many ways, I suppose I would have rather him staying in my memory.
“When I came home one night and she wasn’t there to greet me it was… it was strange, you know? She was always there, morning, noon, night, no matter what the time was or where I had gone she was there, always wanting to make sure that I was ok no matter what.” He sniffed, squeezing his trembling hand into a fist. “When I saw that the barn lights were on, I figured that it was just her working late, I should go and check up on her. See if she needed my help…”
In an instant Vincent understood, and in a single instant I’ve never seen someone’s face fill with so much sympathy and dread all at once.
“Claire had this boyfriend, this on-off type thing. It was the country, no one really ever broke up for good unless a gun got pulled. They would get together, they would fight, then they’d break up, then sooner or later they would get back together to repeat the whole thing all over again. I guess that night he’d decided to come over to make things right.” Staring up and out the window, his eyes were awash with the pale moonlight drifting over us. “It was a full moon that night…”
Part of me wanted to stop him from saying what he had to say next, it wasn’t going to be a pleasant memory to relive for sure. But really… he needed this, he needed to have this out in the open, not just for his good, but for our good as well. I think I’m just now realizing that, he’s not just putting himself through this because he wants to be more at ease with himself, he’s doing this because he thinks that we deserve to know this about him. In that case all I could do was place my hand in his, and not complain as he almost squeezed it into dust.
“They hadn’t been in there long, the door was still swinging open and closed. I should have seen that something was up then but… I was tired, and I wasn’t in the right space to do any sort of thinking.” He shifted on the couch, old, phantom scars stretching across his shoulders. “A full day of hunting had wiped me out, tracking deer all through the mountains was a hell of a thing back then. I guess that’s the only reason that I’m here to begin with, the fact that I still had my rifle slung over my shoulder.”
“Damon?” I asked, “Are you ok?”
“Yeah,” He replied, “Yeah I’m fine, don’t worry. If it gets to be too much I’ll… I’ll stop. He was… when I pushed the door open Claire was on her back, it was easy to see that she was hurt bad, all that blood… and standing above her was this massive… thing. I’d never seen anything like it in my life, I thought it might be a bear but it was too thin to be a bear, too much like a human and too much not, you know what I mean?”
“A werewolf.” Vincent nodded, expression solemn. “I’m very familiar with them, and I’ve seen what they can do in the past.”
“Then you know that she wasn’t hurt, not like I was hoping. She was gone long before I’d gotten there, she’d probably not even felt a thing, right?” Damon let his head fall against my shoulder, pure exhaustion seeping out of his body like a mist. “When I put my rifle to my shoulder and pulled the trigger I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared of anything in my life. The way that bullet sank in, the way that it did nothing to him… you can’t even imagine the look in his eyes when he looked at me. I thought that was it, I thought that I was about to join the deer that was tied to the back of my truck and get mounted to the wall. But I wasn’t.”
“The scars that you had across your chest?”
“A little parting gift from him, swiped me aside like I was a fly. Ribs broken, skin torn open, about two inches from slicing my stomach all to pieces, I was lucky not to die right then and there. But I didn’t, I stayed conscious long enough to see him grab my sister and drag her lifeless body into the forest behind him, the last thing I remembered was my neighbors’ lights passing over me and then I was out.”
“They heard the shot?”
“Better, they saw everything from their house, saw the werewolf swat me aside and watched it leave, which meant that when I woke up I didn’t have to spend a few weeks wondering if I’d gone completely insane or not. They didn’t have that luxury though, they had to wait until I was awake to make sure that they hadn’t been seeing things, because they sure as hell couldn’t have told the cops about what had attacked us.”
“So there were no leads on where she could have gone?”
“None, not that it would have mattered. When I thought back to it… it was obvious that she was dead, I just had to stop doubting myself and hoping that things would actually work out. Which was why after a few weeks to get myself together, I packed up some clothes, my rifle and my truck and headed out on the
road, looking for someone that might have some answers for me. God knows, for better or worse, I found them.”
Holding my tongue was hard, I knew who he had gone to, even if he had never even thought about telling anyone about it. It was something so big and so damning… there was no way that I could take it from him, the responsibility of its telling.
“When you’re going looking for game, in the woods that aren’t your usual grounds, what do you do?” He looked between the two of us, but the question was rhetorical. “When the game is big, when your surroundings are unfamiliar and your resources are limited, the best place to go is… other hunters.”
“You made contact with a cell?”
“I didn’t think I had when it happened, I’d just started talking to the bartender at the local bar, some dive in the ass end of nowhere and suddenly I had someone’s arms around my own, threatening to take my teeth if I made any wrong moves. Not a pleasant proposition, I like my teeth, even now.”
“But you did find someone, didn’t you?” I leaned closer, running my thumb along his knuckles. “Who did you find Damon?”
“There was… a man in that bar, who just seemed to know why I was there in the first place. He didn’t yell, didn’t command me or anything, he just looked at the boys who were holding me and told them to step away. Then he sat down next to me and ordered himself a drink.” Damon ran his tongue along his fangs, a nervous tic that I’d noticed him picking up over the last few months. “He told me that there was someone he’d heard about out in the forest, who’d been taking werewolves in the night and making them disappear. He thought that maybe they were a group of hunters coming through to meet up with them, but after three months with no answer the odds of that were incredibly low. If I went out there, if I made it clear that I didn’t want to hurt them and that the werewolves were my enemy… maybe I could get some help with finding what it was I needed to find. So that’s what I did.”