by Layla Hagen
“Do you want me to order from your favorite Chinese restaurant? I can have them deliver it when you get home,” Debbie said.
“I’ll order for myself,” I told Debbie and then left the office. My headache didn’t subside on the drive home, but I was sure it would once I’d cooled down in my loft.
Fresh, clean air greeted me when I stepped inside. Debbie must have had the place cleaned while I was away. I could still smell a hint of lemon in the air from the cleaning products. Wheeling my bag inside the living room, I dropped on the couch, leaning my head on the headrest, closing my eyes. It had been a day from hell. I couldn’t help thinking how the end of the day would have been if I were still in LA. Maddie and I would probably be in her bungalow, or on Val’s porch, laughing at something my sister said. Or I’d be training Milo.
The urge to hear Maddie’s voice was so strong that I barely stopped myself from calling her. She wasn’t mine to call. This morning it hadn’t seemed like she wanted me to call her again. She’d offered to book me a plane ticket, as if my leaving was no big deal. I’d been such a fool, letting myself hope, envisioning our life together.
Blinking my eyes open, I intended to head to the kitchen and order something from one of the takeout menus pinned to the fridge door. Instead, I took a long look around the living room. It felt like a stranger’s house, even though I’d lived here for four years. A specialized company took care of decorating this place, and it had felt like home. It was still a home, but it didn’t feel like my home anymore.
One hour later, after I’d eaten and showered, I still felt out of place. I went to bed convinced I’d see things differently in the morning, but after three hours of relentless tossing and turning, I booked myself into a hotel, packed a bag, and left. I needed my mind clear to deal with the crisis, and I couldn’t afford a sleepless night, or channeling my energy into discovering why I felt out of place in my own condo, even though deep down I knew the answer.
I was missing Maddie.
***
Maddie
Why, oh why, did the fair have to be this week?
I was in no mood to be around people. But I’d put my kicking-ass pants on and come to the House & Garden Remodeling Fair after finishing my workday at the school. I’d hoped to pick up some contacts, maybe even some new clients.
“Ms. Jennings, this looks very promising,” an older man said, tucking my business card in his pocket. “My wife’s been talking about letting a professional handle our garden for a while now.”
“Tell her to give me a call. I’ll give her all the details.” I shook his hand and nodded. I’d been doing a lot of nodding and shaking hands for the past few hours, and this day was a long way from over. I had to drop by some potted flowers for Val’s porch after the fair ended.
I felt like I was on autopilot, and I didn’t like it one bit. But I couldn’t help the way I felt, which was as if a piece of me was missing. Since Wednesday morning, I’d been going through the motions. Grace had slept at my house on Wednesday and Thursday nights, and she promised to drop by tonight too.
I needed girl time and lots and lots of love to nurse my heartbreak, which meant my sister had her hands full with me. Luckily she didn’t mind. On the contrary, she enabled my craving for girly activities, such as painting nails. So far I’d painted them red, pink, light pink, dark pink, and neon green before deciding on a French manicure.
I didn’t think changing the color of my nails another fifty times would stop me from missing Landon like crazy, but I persevered. My heart grew heavy every time I thought about how fast he’d cut me out of his life. Meanwhile, here I was, wondering what was wrong with me that made it so easy for the people I loved to walk out on me.
I sighed, knowing I couldn’t dwell on any of that now. I was here to make contacts and kick ass. So ass I kicked. I still had a lot of fairgoers to plow through, so I went to the restroom to freshen up a bit. I’d chewed my lipstick off, and my concealer wasn’t concealing much anymore. I smeared on some more of the latter and dabbed with my finger to even it out. Yeah... that wasn’t a lost cause or anything. My lack of sleep was showing.
I’d never been a troubled sleeper, but that had been before Landon. Problem number one: My bed was empty. I’d gotten used to that mountain of a man sprawled on it, and using his hard chest as my pillow. Or his arm. Or his abs. I didn’t mind any part of him, really.
Just feeling the heat of his skin and the rhythm of his pulse had filled me with a peaceful happiness. He’d made me feel so loved and cherished. Sometimes he’d decided sleep was overrated and had his wicked way with me in the middle of the night. That had filled me with giddy happiness.
Everything Landon did made me happy. Except leaving, of course.
Since he’d left, I’d discovered my trusty old pillow just didn’t cut the mustard anymore. I even missed the sound of his breathing filling my room. I’d woken up several times each night, convinced he was next to me. When I’d realized he wasn’t, taking the next breath physically ached, squarely in my chest. I hoped it would dull in time.
I took another look in the mirror and gave up on the whole concealer business. I could kick ass without it too.
One hour later, I had the pleasant surprise of running into Elise from the flower shop.
“Fancy seeing you here,” I said, kissing her cheek. Like me, she had a stack of papers and brochures.
“Thought I’d try and nab a few customers.”
“Great minds think alike.”
“Not easy, though. Most people don’t think about their garden until they’re halfway through remodeling their house.”
“Depends how you sell them the idea.” I glanced at her brochures, then at mine, which had pictures of some of my best work, all of which contained plants I’d procured from her. “Let’s stick together. I use your stuff all the time anyway.”
She smiled. “I won’t say no to that.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon together, chatting up customers. We were more efficient together, that was clear.
“Elise, are you still interested in a partnership?” I asked.
“Hell yes.”
“Okay. I’ve given this a lot of thought. Let’s meet next week and talk about the details.”
“I’d love that.”
When she’d suggested a partnership months ago, I couldn’t even wrap my mind around it, too weary after the fiasco with Eden Designs. Now I was seeing things in a different light. I wanted to take the risk. Landon’s influence, no doubt. The man had changed me in more ways than one.
Despite everything, I smiled to myself.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Landon
Over the next few days, I chose to work from the hotel’s executive lounge. Going into the office would have meant spending half my time fielding questions from the employees about the future of the company, the security of their jobs. Word about the potential buyout had spread like wildfire.
On Thursday, I descended to the hotel’s restaurant, and over breakfast mentally brainstormed the best way to handle this.
Scrolling through my e-mails, I noticed that each board member had sent me an e-mail, stating their case—meaning, why selling was the better option. Regardless of my current beef with them, I had chosen them based on their intelligence and business acumen, so I decided I’d assess their cases fairly, then build my argument.
Grudgingly, I started reading through my board members’ correspondence, jotting down notes. It was clear by the repetitiveness of their wording that they’d discussed this at length. After plowing through them, I took one of the hotel’s notepads and a pen. I always worked better with a pen and paper in hand.
The board was right in one aspect: I had envisioned letting go of DBC Payment Solutions when I drew up the original business plan, but work had been my refuge for the past years. Had I clung to it for all the wrong reasons? Was it time to let it go? I spent the entire day making notes.
On Friday, I began to bu
ild a compelling presentation. Aside from the geographical expansion, the company could also grow by moving vertically into other close industries. Both options were equally complex. Expansion was work so grueling that I still had scars from the years when we were just starting out in Europe.
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, looking at the ten pages of notes and the presentation slides. It was dark outside already. Between six coffees and zero food, the day had gone by. For the past four years, I’d relished challenges, and the chance to have even more work to throw myself in. But now my heart wasn’t in it anymore.
Hell, I didn’t want to continue living the way I had. Holed up in my office, working every waking moment. There was more to life than that. The time I spent in LA with my family and Maddie had made me realize what I was missing out on.
God, I missed Maddie. Bits and moments of our time together flashed in my mind. There was no way I had imagined our connection. She’d trusted me more every day, given more of herself to me every day. What Maddie and I had was beautiful and real. She meant everything to me. But why had she acted that way before I left?
Sure, my news had caught her by surprise. I replayed our conversation in my mind. I had spoken in detail about the problem here, but not about us. I’d been expecting a signal from her before approaching the subject, but what if she’d been waiting for one from me too? Was I overanalyzing this?
I had no idea, but I did know one thing. If there was a chance that Maddie wanted a future for us, I was going to grab it with both hands. Was I grasping at straws? Maybe, but the ache in my chest eased at the mere possibility that I could still keep Maddie in my life.
My phone buzzed, and I kept my fingers crossed that it wouldn’t be Adam. I had no answers for him. It was Will. I looked around the business lounge before answering. I was alone.
“Hey! How is it going?” he asked.
“Not good.”
I heard the chatter in his background and realized it was the first Friday dinner I wasn’t attending in almost two months. I’d seen everyone at Maddie’s birthday party, but my gut still twisted.
“We’re having beef stroganoff. Adam told Val you’re working from home, so she ordered the same for you from some restaurant near you. But the delivery guy just called her to say you’re not home. Where are you?”
I smiled. Of course Val would try to dote on me even from a distance. I imagined Adam’s chagrin at being questioned by Val about my whereabouts.
“I booked into a hotel. I can concentrate better.”
“That makes no sense,” Val said, which clued me in that Will had me on loudspeaker.
Hailey chimed in next. “By the way, my pep talk about not letting Maddie go was worth jack shit, huh?”
I cleared my throat. “Lori, this would be a good time for you to note all this language is bad for Milo.”
“No, Milo is watching his favorite show on the iPad. With earbuds, so we don’t have to censor the conversation,” Lori said.
The clan was as thorough as always.
“So?” Hailey pressed.
“What makes you say that?” I countered.
One of my sisters sighed dramatically. I thought it sounded like Lori.
“She came to bring by some flowers for my porch just now, and she looked like she couldn’t wait to grab hold of sweatpants and ice cream,” Val continued.
“Sweatpants and ice cream?” I repeated, more confused than before.
“Girl code for nursing a heartbreak,” Lori explained.
Fuck! I’d hurt her? That was the last thing I’d wanted.
“That’s a giant leap of judgment,” Jace said, speaking for the first time.
“No it’s not,” Lori said.
“She looked like she hadn’t slept much,” Val continued.
“I swear she seemed thinner too,” Lori added. “Or maybe that’s just because she was pale.”
“Those are signs she’s missing you. You two are so good for each other, Landon,” Hailey said. “You belong together.”
“I know. You’re right,” I agreed.
“Yes!” Hailey exclaimed. “Can you please say the words ‘you’re right’ loud and clear? Just this once. They’re music to my ears.”
“You’ve just given them ammunition to hold over our heads for years,” Will informed me.
“A lifetime,” Hailey corrected. “And you’re wearing a badass badge, Will. How can you be afraid of us?”
“Simple. Badge doesn’t work on you,” Will replied.
“Landon, do you want me to send the delivery guy to the hotel with the stroganoff?” Val asked.
“Yeah, do that. I’m texting you the address right now.”
After I finished typing and sending, I brought the phone to my ear again. “Listen, everyone. Thanks for calling me, but I have to—”
“Yeah, yeah, we’re letting you go back in your cave and brood,” Lori said. “But your brooding period has an expiration date, just so you know.”
After I clicked off the phone, I tried scribbling on my notebook again, but ended up pushing it away and shutting off my laptop. I knew I had to schedule that board meeting soon, but I wouldn’t be reaching any conclusions tonight, that much was clear. Energy rushed through me as I contemplated my future with Maddie instead. I didn’t have all the answers to how I could make things work, but I loved her. I loved her, and I wanted to fight for our future.
***
Maddie
I was exhausted when I got home. I’d given out close to one hundred business cards and brochures, and fifteen of the receivers seemed serious about redoing their gardens.
I was happy that I was finally home, even though my house was full of memories. I saw Landon everywhere: in my kitchen, my living room, my bedroom. But I still had some wound licking to do, and my home was the place for that. All that ass kicking had taken a toll on me, sapping all my energy. And dropping off the potted flowers at Val’s had been a sad affair. I was ready to try out a new nail polish.
I’d promised Grace I’d wait for her before I tested a new color, so I decided to take a bath first. I lay in the tub, covered in bubbles, and massaged my feet, which were protesting after a day of wearing heels. I even lit up a few candles and set them on the edge of the tub. Plugging in my earbuds, I carefully set my phone on the tiled floor next to the tub and sat back to relax.
Midway through my bathtub extravaganza, I thought I heard my doorbell ring but decided I must have imagined it. Grace had a key. Only when the water cooled did I leave the tub. Since my sister hadn’t arrived yet, I decided to hunt down some goodies at the store and make us dinner.
When I opened my front door, I nearly knocked over the beautiful flower arrangement. My heart stilled. I bent at the waist, picking it up. There was no card, but I only knew one person who could have sent this.
Days of silence and now he was sending me flowers? What did this mean? I set the arrangement on the coffee table in my living room, trying to calm my racing pulse. I lost that battle when a text message popped up on my phone.
Landon: I miss your voice. I miss you like crazy. Is this a good time to talk?
There was a real risk that I’d start rambling again if I heard his voice. Sure, he wasn’t in front of me to distract me with those sinful eyes or lips of his, but even so, who knew what I might spew out. But I’d missed his voice too. I missed all the ways in which he made my life better. I missed making him happy, and I wanted to hear what he had to say, so I typed back Yes.
My screen flashed right away with an incoming call from him. I plopped my ass on the floor, crossed my legs in front of me, and took the call.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Hi, Landon. I got your flowers. You did send them, right?”
“I don’t know. You think anyone else is missing you like crazy?”
“I have to check my long list of suitors,” I said dryly. “How are things with the takeover?”
“I’m making plans now. They’ll be on
the right track soon.”
“That’s great.”
“How are you, Maddie? I’ve been hearing some worrying reports.”
I gulped. “What?”
“Val called me after you dropped by her house. She insists you look as if you don’t sleep much. Lori swears you’re thinner. Hailey insists those are signs you miss me.”
I loved that the Connor sisters were worrying for me, but I was still going to murder them for breaking girl code and telling him. Then again, what did I expect? He was their brother, and the Connor clan was tight. If this had been about Grace, I’d spy for her like it was my job.
“Maddie, I don’t like how I handled things when I left. I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You did,” I said quietly. “But I didn’t do any better either. I was so awkward.... I didn’t know what to say.”
“What we have is real and beautiful, and I feel so connected to you that I can’t stop thinking about you every moment. About us. You’re part of me.”
“Really?” I whispered.
“Yes, really.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said the first thing that popped into my mind. “I miss you so much that I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“I’m coming to LA next week,” he announced, and I swear my entire body responded to his statement. Energy coiled through me. I felt like a live wire.
“For how long?”
“I’m thinking Thursday to Sunday. Do you have time for dinner on Thursday?”
“Sure. I can do dinner.”
“It’s a date.”
My heart tripled in size. I was so thrilled that I’d be seeing him, and so hopeful that it didn’t even occur to me to ask what the dinner was about. Only after hanging up the phone did I wonder if it was about our future or getting closure. I wasn’t sure my poor heart could handle the latter.
I admired the flowers on my coffee table some more. He wouldn’t have sent flowers if he wanted closure, or called and said all those sweet things. I smiled, deciding to allow myself to feel hopeful.
Chapter Thirty