by W. J. May
“Despite what happened, I’d like to see you again.”
Her eyes popped opened. Her heart leaped into her throat urging her to say yes. Her head continued to warn her otherwise. She promised herself she would not get involved with another guy for a long time. “I don’t think it’s a good time right now. I’m about to head home for the week.”
Ryan hesitated for a second. “Natalie, I know I will have regrets if I don’t tell you that... I can’t stop thinking about you. I know I felt something between us. Something I have never felt before and I think you felt it too.”
OMG, he felt it too. “I... I don’t know.”
Lise motioned to her with praying hands, mouthing the words, “Please.”
Natalie ignored her.
“Don’t deny what you’re feeling. I know you’re scared of getting hurt again. But you know what...so am I,” Ryan said with vigor.
The more she tried to discount her emotions, the need to be with him intensified. She took a deep breath and held it for a second. She wanted to say yes, but was afraid.
“Please go out with me. We can do something laid-back, like dinner and a movie. I really want to see you again. I... can’t stop thinking about you.”
She couldn’t resist the plea in his voice and all the emotions he stirred up in her. The words slid out of her mouth effortlessly. “Okay. How about when I get back?”
“You will?” His voice raised about five octaves. “Alright.” He chuckled slightly, apparently pleased with his tactics of persuading her.
Natalie smiled. “I’ll give you a call when I get back.”
“Sounds good. Be careful. Talk to ya soon.”
“Bye.” Natalie hung up the phone and let out a long and drawn out sigh. What did she just agree to do? Why wasn’t she following her own rules? She knew she was setting herself up for another broken heart.
“OMG, Nat. You have to be the most difficult date ever. Poor guy. He must really like you if he’s willing to work that hard.”
Natalie rolled her eyes at Lise. “I’m not difficult.”
Lise broke out in laughter and threw her arms up in the air. “Whatever.”
“I don’t like to jump into things without thinking through them first.” Natalie lashed back.
“Ouch.” Lise put her hand over her heart.
“Sorry, but it’s the truth.” Natalie got up and gathered her things.
“I really wish you would stay so we could double date. You can always leave tomorrow. Please?” Lise begged.
“No, I already told my parents I’m coming home today. I need to get going so I can get home by dinner time. I’m dying for a good home cooked meal.”
“You and me both.” Lise pouted and then picked up her laundry bag. “Come on, I’ll help you take your stuff to your car.”
***
“Mom... Dad, I’m home.” Natalie came in through the back door from the garage. She sat down her bags down and walked into the kitchen area.
Her mom, Gloria, leaned over the stove cooking. “Mi hija. I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you.” Her mom rushed to her side and hugged her.
“It feels good to be home.” Natalie embraced her mom and returned a kiss on her cheek.
“So you’re doing okay? I’ve been worried about you.” Her mom stroked her hair. “I hate that you’re over there by yourself, trying to get over Tony. Maybe you should come home and go to school here.”
Natalie pulled back from her mom’s thin, bony arms. She didn’t feel like hearing her mom’s persistent nagging. Growing up in a typical middle-class Hispanic home meant close family ties. She loved her family but she also liked not living in the same town. At first, her parents didn’t want her to leave for college. Since her aunt lived in Austin and Tony and his dad were moving there, they agreed to let her leave.
“I’m fine, Mom. Did you highlight your hair?” She wanted to change the subject quickly.
“Yes. Do you like the blonde color they used? Does it make me look younger?” Her mom ran her fingers through her shoulder length hair.
“Now you sound like Aunt Sharon.”
Her mom gave her one of those stares.
“Sorry.” She had to think of how to take back what she said. “It does make you look younger and the blonde makes your brown eyes lighter too.” She knew her mom hated being compared to her sister. Even though her mom was only a few years younger than Sharon, she felt like Sharon was always competing with her.
“How is your Aunt Sharon? I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks.”
“She’s doing fine. In fact, she’s headed to Europe for the summer and asked me to stay at her place when I can.”
“Oh really, that will be good. It gives you a chance to get out of that small dorm room. Do you think she’s staying with one of her boyfriends?”
Natalie shrugged her shoulders. “When it comes to her, no telling.”
“Please be careful and take care of her place. She has really expensive furniture. So that means no parties!”
“I know, Mom. Besides, when have you known me to throw a party?”
Her mom smiled. “Never.”
“Exactly. So where’s everyone at?”
“Your dad isn’t home from work yet and your grandmother’s taking a nap—”
“Nat, you’re home.” Laura, Natalie’s little sister, came up from behind, hugging her. Natalie turned around and greeted her with open arms.
“Hi Laura. Wow, you’ve really grown.” She placed her hand on top of her sister’s head, measuring her height against her chest.
“Yep, I’m wearing a size eight now.”
“Before long, you’ll be wearing my clothes.” Natalie sang out. “Which reminds me, I’ve got something for you.” She pointed to her bag.
Laura scurried over to one of Natalie’s bags and pulled out a package of gummy bears. “Oh, my favorite. Thanks, Nat.”
“You’re welcome.”
A door slammed shut and a tall and lean guy walked into the kitchen. “Man, I can smell the food all the way outside. I’m starving.”
“Ummm... a hello would be nice.” Natalie watched her brother lean over the stove, stealing a piece of chicken out of the pan.
Gabriel popped the chicken in his mouth and turned around. “Hey sis,” he said with a mouth full, “I didn’t even see you.”
“I see you haven’t forgotten how to ignore me.” Natalie put her hands on her hips.
He walked over to her and picked her up in a tight bear hug. He spun her around a few times.
Natalie squealed. “Put me down.”
“Dang, girl. What are you eating or should I say lifting?” He let her go and she took a step back to gain her balance. She gave him a brotherly punch on the forearm. “I’m not fat.”
He rubbed his arm. “Owww. I don’t mean you’re fat. I’m talkin’ about your muscles. How much are you lifting? You’ve got some power behind that fist of yours.”
Natalie snickered. “I don’t know. Maybe five to ten pounds more than I used to. I think it’s the vitamins and protein I’ve been taking.”
He reached over and squeezed her right bicep. “Just keep it up and you’ll have arms like mine.” He flexed his arms, showing off his lean muscles. “I’ve been working out too, ya know.”
Natalie rolled her eyes and shook her head. Although only fifteen, he was maturing fast and would pass her up before long.
“What vitamins are you taking?” Her mom turned around and looked her up and down thoroughly.
“The ones I volunteered to test out. They are from the pharmaceutical company I’m going to be interning at.”
“Oh. You didn’t tell me you volunteered to test out anything. When did you start taking them?”
“Back in January. I told you and you even asked me when we were in Chicago during spring break for Alicia’s wedding. Remember?”
Her mom’s brow furrowed. “I barely remember. I don’t know if I like you being a test patient for any drugs. Th
ere’s always some sort of side effects. You’ve heard the commercials that list all the possible dangers.”
“Mom, I’m not testing out any drugs. It’s only vitamins and protein drinks. You know me... I’m very cautious and I do my homework. I checked them out and they are perfectly safe. Not only do I get them for free but I get paid to take them too, which makes it even better.”
“Oh, all right. Just be careful. And your brother’s right. You will start looking like him if you keep lifting so much weight. Your shoulders are already getting broad. It can ruin your figure and you don’t want to look like those weightlifting women, do you?”
Natalie sighed. “Oh mom, please. Lifting weights is good for the body. You should try it.”
Her mom shook her head. “No thank you. I’ll just stick to power walking.”
“You’re lucky that you’re naturally thin.” Natalie saw her grandmother making her way slowly into the kitchen with her walker. For the past five years, her grandmother had been living with her family. Her father refused to put his mother in a nursing home when her health started to deteriorate and her memory began to fade.
“Abuelita, it’s so good to see you. Como estas?” Natalie spoke in half English and Spanish. Carefully, she embraced her grandmother’s frail body.
Her grandmother’s bony hands embraced Natalie’s face. Her lower lip quivered when she tried to speak. “Bien mi hija. Escuela esta acabado?”
“Si abuelita. I’m home for a week. I have to go back for summer school and work.”
Her grandmother smiled. “Es mi hija. Nunca cese con sus ambiciones.” Her grandmother had been an inspiration and a role model for her since she was little. She taught Natalie to not be satisfied with the ordinary things in life. She encouraged her to reach for the stars and keep on reaching until you were living and watching your dreams unfold right in front of you.
Natalie smiled back. “Don’t worry Grandma, I won’t let you down.”
“Adonde esta su novio, Tony?”
Natalie’s heart dropped to her stomach. Why did she have to bring him up? Didn’t her mother tell her that they broke up? Her head dropped down to her chest. A lump formed in the back of her throat and tears filled her eyes.
Natalie’s mom quickly interjected. “Don’t you remember, Rosa? I told you they weren’t together anymore?”
Her grandmother squinted through her heavy lensed glasses as though trying to remember that conversation. “Ay, si. Lo siento mi hija.” She leaned forward and kissed the tears rolling down her cheek. “You will find love again. Don’t let your heart go cold.”
Natalie wiped the tears away. “I know Grandma, but it hurts.”
Her grandmother nodded. “Yo sabe.” She reached up and tucked the strands of hair that hung in front of Natalie’s face behind her ear. “Have faith. God will send you the right boy.”
Natalie smiled. “I hope so.”
***
Later that week, Natalie sat in her bedroom browsing through all of her high school yearbooks. They brought back so many memories, some good and some bad, thanks to Tony. She opened up her yearbook from her sophomore year and turned to the seniors. Her hand wavered for a second and then she thumbed through the pages until she found Ryan’s picture.
He looked almost the same except his face had matured. When she came across a full length picture of him she saw how his body had definitely filled out even more. She figured he had to be at least twenty or twenty-one; maybe twenty since he wasn’t drinking that night at the bar. However, they didn’t card anyone that night so she couldn’t be certain. She continued to flip through the pages until she came to Jennifer Shaw.
Jen, or that’s what everyone called her, was voted the ‘most’ everything. She was a gorgeous blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl with curves in all the right places. Natalie couldn’t compete with Jen. How was Ryan even interested in her?
Skimming through the book, she saw Ryan and Jen were in most of the pictures. Natalie wondered what she did to him that caused him so much pain. Besides leaving him when he got hurt, there had to be something more to the story. Natalie remembered seeing Jen constantly flirt with all the guys at school so her guess was easy. Jen had cheated on him. Just like Tony had cheated on her. It gave her a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Natalie got up and walked to the mirror hanging on her closet door. She stared at herself, combing through her long dark hair with her fingers. Her straight and limp hair clung to her head. She twirled the ends around her fingers. She liked the way Lise fixed her hair the other day and thought that maybe she should start curling her hair more often.
She removed her glasses and stared at herself. She liked the way she looked without them and Ryan had even made a comment too. Maybe she would wear her contacts instead of her glasses. She leaned forward to study her face. She was grateful she had a good complexion, hence the reason why she never bothered to wear much makeup. She didn’t need to. However, she also liked the way Lise did her makeup. It made her pale blue eyes stand out and it did make her feel pretty.
She straightened out her old UT t-shirt and cotton shorts. She couldn’t remember the last time she bought something new. Maybe she would go shopping and buy some new clothes, a curling iron, and new makeup. She had some money saved up and her mom did ask her earlier if she wanted to go shopping tomorrow. Shopping with her mom would be fun since her mom loved to buy clothes and accessorize. She didn’t take after her mom or her Aunt Sharon and her mom’s opinion would be helpful.
She gathered up her yearbooks and put them back on the bookshelf. Even though it was only 9:00 p.m., she wanted to catch up on her sleep. Going to summer school and working would be tough and she needed to start fresh. She flipped off the bedroom light and the second she crawled into bed, her cell phone chimed. Before she could get to the phone on her dresser, it chimed again. She saw that she had two messages; one from Lise and the other one from Ryan.
Instantly her heart began to race. Why did she get so excited and nervous every time she heard from him? She decided to read Lise’s message first:
Guess what? Ryan went home today. Call him.
Natalie shook her head. Why was Lise so persistent?
She texted back:
I’ll think about it.
She waited for a second and then went to Ryan’s message:
Just wanted to say hi.
She texted back:
Hey, how’s it going?
Immediately he responded:
Good. I’m actually home. I had to come help my brother w/the ranch.
She anxiously typed back:
Really?
He replied:
Yes. Would you like to come over tomorrow?
Her heart beat wildly. She wanted to see him but didn’t want to seem desperate. She hesitated and then texted the following:
I don’t think I can. I’m going shopping tomorrow with my mom.
A minute later he responded:
How about a horse ride on Saturday?
A horse ride? She hadn’t ridden a horse in several years. In middle school, she rode all the time. More than likely, it would be at his ranch which meant his family would be there and that made her feel more relaxed.
She replied:
Let me think about it. Won’t it be hot?
He texted back:
Not if you get here around 10.
He had a point and she wanted to see him. Then her head warned her again. The more she thought about it, she could hear her grandmother’s voice from the other day. “Have faith. God will send the right guy.” What if Ryan was that right guy? She had to take that leap of faith if she was ever going to find love again.
She sighed, praying she was making the right decision. She texted him:
Okay, see you at 10.
Δ
* * *
Chapter 4: Feelings Unleashed
“Good morning, mi hija. You’re up early for a Saturday. Are you going somewhere?” Natalie’s dad, Richard
, leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.
Natalie swallowed a mouthful of cereal. “Morning dad. Yes, I’m... ummm... going horseback riding.”
“Oh, you are? Where at?” Her dad walked over and poured himself a cup of coffee.
Using her spoon, she pushed the squares of cereal down to the bottom of the bowl. She had nothing to hide from her dad and she respected their request of honoring the rules while being home. However, she didn’t feel like being asked a thousand questions. It wouldn’t help the apprehensiveness lurking in the back of her mind about her decision.
“She’s going to a boy’s house.” Her sister giggled as milk seeped out the sides of her mouth. “Oops.” She grabbed a napkin and cleaned her mouth.
“Thanks, Laura.” She gave her sister a less than friendly smile. “I’m headed over to Ryan Garrett’s house to go horseback riding.”
Natalie’s mom walked into the kitchen, catching the tail end of the conversation. “Garrett. That’s not the Garrett’s on FM 1886 is it?” She wore a robe and her hair wrapped up in a towel. She had that fresh fruity smell of apples and freesia that told Natalie she had just finished her morning beauty routine.
“Yes, Mom, it is.” She prepared herself for the integration.
“So how do you know their son? Isn’t he a few years older than you?” Her mother started the slew of questions.
“Yeah, he graduated two years before me.”
Her mom took a coffee cup out of the cabinet and poured herself a cup of the morning brew. “Doesn’t he go to college here? Oh wait a minute, I think I remember one of the neighbors telling me that he got hurt and lost his scholarship.” Her mom stirred her coffee slowly, squinting her eyes, as though trying to recall the gossip she heard.
Natalie waited for her mom to put the pieces together or continue asking her more questions. She looked over at her dad. His eyes narrowed and he rustled the newspaper in his hands. He had no problem tuning his wife out. She didn’t blame him because she wanted to do the same.
He snapped the newspaper closed. “Aside from school, how do you know Ryan?” He sipped on his coffee, blowing the steam away in between swallows. His blue-green eyes stayed fixed on her, waiting for her answer.